Leaning tiredly on the wall, I watch Captain Andrews drill his squad, wishing I could jump back into training--just not with them. They're too lively for me to tolerate without effort; several are telling raucous jokes during breaks, and Lodge is bickering with Andrews every moment she can, going on about what kind of weapons they should be drilling with. It's a bit of a circus, really, and I wonder how they can focus enough for the missions they go on.
And, they're not even the most distracted people here.
"A baited trap? Are you crazy?" Rouge says off to my front right, aghast. I try to keep myself from looking over, which I've been stoically not doing for the past ten minutes, but I finally relent and shift my eyes. My bat-friend's face is flushed with frustration, much how mine has often been when I deal with the alien she's struggling with. "That's an awful strategy! We would only use that if it was the last resort!"
"It is a good plan," Eclipse replies, miffed. "And, besides, it wouldn't be you on the line. It would be Shadow or I, with a few soldiers--"
"Exactly!" She cuts in, angry. "Eclipse, we're talking about lives. People--these people"--she gestures with a sweeping motion--"--dying in conflicts to save others. Making decisions in the field has to take into account the people each decision carries. Each choice made is crucial because it holds soldiers' lives in the balance."
"So?" He asks, and Rouge gives him a horrified look. I've seen her use others for her own ends plenty of times, so it's good to know even she balks at the idea of using life itself as a tool. It's less good, however, that a certain half-brother of mine is digging his grave deeper with every word he speaks.
"So?" She demands, so apoplectic that she looks an inch from strangling Eclipse. "If you don't understand this, then I'm not going to try to explain it. I shouldn't have to," she says through gritted teeth. She turns around, angry, winging off to go somewhere else. Eclipse stares after her, not sure what he's done wrong. I watch the whole scene, wincing at it, but I hesitate to go and correct him.
I know we're on better terms now, but I've yet to try to chastise him like I was doing before. I've been worried it would be overstepping my bounds with him. But, seeing this? I have to do something, even if Eclipse finds it overbearing.
I'm not going to let him become like I was. I know how cold I became; I know that it didn't help anything. If I approach him from that angle, I can help him back onto the right path. This time for sure.
Steeling myself, I start walking towards him. I almost lose my nerve when he turns at the sound of my footsteps, but I set my jaw and continue until I'm right up against him, looking directly into his glowing amber eyes.
"Keh, Shadow, that's a little close," he chuckles uncomfortably, leaning back to increase the distance between us. I don't follow him, but I hold my ground as I cross my arms.
"You have to trust them if you want them to trust you," I begin, trying to sound more like I'm giving friendly advice than criticizing him. "You can't expect to function as part of a team if you keep up this charade."
"What charade?" He asks, confused. I try not to become frustrated, knowing he's probably not entirely aware what he's doing is wrong.
"Acting like lives are expendable. They're not. Worth in battle is not everything--if you forget that you're working with people, then you won't appreciate how much they're sacrificing to go into dangerous situations with you. I know you care about the people here, so show them. Don't act like you don't care whether they live or die."
"But, I do," he says, sounding surprised.
"It sure doesn't sound like it," I reply, trying not to slip into an overly stern tone that I know he won't appreciate.
"It doesn't? I didn't mean to sound crass..." He sighs, still edging away from me but trying to be inconspicuous about it. "I guess it's because I've been trying to harden myself. I figured that, if I accepted that death is a definite possibility, it wouldn't strike me so much when it inevitably happens."
"You fear death?" The question is hesitant, as I've never gotten that vibe from him before.
"Not mine, Shadow," he says, exasperated. "I..." He turns away, looking pointedly in another direction. "I'm afraid that everyone around me will die again. I've been trying to prepare myself, so it won't hurt as much this time."
I feel my breath catch in my throat, and I look down, unable to help the guilt.
"I'm sorry." The words leave my mouth involuntarily, and I wish immediately that I could take them back. It stings, apologizing for something I swore I would never regret. But, there's nothing I can do about it now, and I have no idea how Eclipse will--
"Don't apologize."
"What?" I ask, stunned.
"Have confidence in the decisions you made. There's nothing you can do about the past, now. And," he adds, glancing at me over his shoulder, "when you claim it was the right thing, when you stand and say so assuredly that you did exactly what needed to be done..." He shuts the eye that I can see tightly, to prevent the suddenly forming tears from escaping. "Then, for just a moment, I can pretend I never felt my family torn away from me. I can pretend that we were just the monsters everyone thought we were. I can pretend that I wasn't broken." He takes a deep breath that lasts for a ten count, and, when I see his face as he turns towards me again, I can hardly believe my eyes.
"You don't have to look so surprised," he says, smiling, eyes bright but still a little watery. "I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I can't go back, either, you know. I'm focusing on the now, not yesterday." He grins, face spreading even wider. "I find a smile helps. You should try it sometime."
I stare dumbfoundedly as he strides away, looking for all the world like he's just heard a funny joke and wants to share it. I would never, could never guess that he was so recently upset, if I didn't now know how his eyes can glisten with barely-restrained tears.
It almost scares me, seeing such a stark difference between his outer appearance and his emotions, but I realize that it may not be all fake. After all, he said he was focused on the present; is it really possible to change moods that quickly? I've never been able to.
Quietly, I head back over to where I was, listening as Eclipse sheepishly apologizes for his bluntness to a few of Spider Troupe's members, ending with a charismatic, self-deprecating laugh. I don't know how much of it is truly genuine, but I know that it's real, at the very least. He's determined to move on with his life, no matter how much he needs to change.
I feel a small smile tug at my lips as the soldiers start laughing with him, baffled yet pleased that he can elicit such a response. I don't miss the quick, pained glance downward he makes, but I decide not to mention it. If he's found where he wants to be, then I trust he won't suppress himself to get there. That carefree smile is mark of his strength, his conviction to make a better life for himself.
In fact, looking at it, I can almost forget everything that's happened between us. I can almost believe there's a fresh start right around the corner.
And I'm grateful for that.
...
"You need to apologize to Rouge, too, you know," I tell Eclipse quietly, sidling up to him as he finishes his rounds with the humans.
"I know that," he grumbles, giving me a side-eye. "I'm not daft. I've been giving her time to cool off." I startle a bit at his wording, confused until I realize he's still using more common expressions, so as to better communicate with Andrew's troop. His self-awareness impresses me; I never change my speaking style. I briefly wonder if the fact I told him his dialect was confusing inspired the conscientiousness, but I dismiss the thought; even if it did, I don't want him thinking I'm trying to take credit for it.
"Well, she gave me some excuse for going upstairs to do her own training work soon. You should catch her now," I apprise him, bringing myself back on topic.
"Alright, keep your head on," he mutters, slinking away with a slightly hunched posture. As he does, I ask myself when he ever took the time to learn all these expressions. Surely Black Doom didn't care enough to; Eclipse must have asked someone, I decide. After all, to my knowledge, he's never learned to read, as it was something the Black Arms never adapted into the hivemind. I absentmindedly wonder whether he can even recognize writing, as English characters are quite different from Raennep's script.
I'm torn from this thought when I realize Eclipse is going to apologize to Rouge right now, which is something I don't want to miss. Hurrying across the room with as little visible haste as possible, I make my way to where they're talking. I'm just in time to catch Eclipse's first sentence, and I halt a good twenty feet away from them, by another group, so they hopefully won't notice me.
"...to apologize."
"This isn't really something you can say 'sorry' for," Rouge snaps, but Eclipse doesn't waver, instead trying a different approach.
"To explain, then."
"Explain what?" Rouge asks, still angry, but I can tell Eclipse has succeeded in piquing her interest. How he's managed to learn her so well, I don't know--he reads people with the same uncanny skill she does--but Rouge has never been able to resist information about people. Using the opening his words created, Eclipse proceeds to spell out what he realized with me to her. He doesn't give her the charismatic smile; instead, he looks her seriously in the eye and elaborates. He obviously understands that she'll be suspicious of such a carefree expression, so he avoids it. Once again, I feel impressed.
It's an odd speech, but it's so quintessentially Eclipse that, for a moment, I feel I can see him in his entirety. His past, which haunts him as mine does and which he takes steps to prevent from recurring. His awareness of so many things, while he still manages to not know his own thought process. The familiar problems of living with little experience in an adult mind are plain to me.
What surprises me most, though, is how willing Rouge is to listen to him. She's not disregarding everything he's saying, as I might have thought she would. It seems she's not foreign to conversing with him, but I have no idea when she would have communicated with him enough to overcome the hostility she felt months ago. Thus, when she reluctantly forgives him with a warning not to do it again, I'm still left puzzled by their relationship.
I'm so caught up in it, in fact, I fail to notice their change in topic until Eclipse's 'He what?!' shrieks loudly enough to wake the night shift soldiers. Wincing at the ringing in my ears--since when could his voice hit such high registers?--I look up from my crossed arms to see him glaring at me.
I can feel the heat of his gaze from twenty feet.
"Shadow! What the hell!" He barks, obviously deeply offended by something I've done.
"What?" I ask, not liking the fact everyone in the room is staring at our exchange. "What did I do?" Eclipse's glare grows, and I notice that Rouge has a rather smug look on her face.
"You told people I was a mindless soldier!" He shouts, stalking over to me in what would be to anyone else a very intimidating manner. "The whole of G.U.N. thinks of me as some unintelligent puppet!" I manage to keep myself steady under the force of his anger, but, as I do, I notice it's different than before. Eclipse's anger at me always felt so personal; something about this...it's not the same. It's...
It's normal, I realize with a start. He's mad at me, I'm assuming for the cafeteria incident, but it's not a deeply wounded betrayal he's upset about. He's... He's angry because of his pride.
The analysis is so revolutionary, I laugh in reflex. Eclipse's expression changes from anger to confusion, wondering why I'm guffawing in the face of injury.
His confusion grows explosively when I end up dropping to a knee, I'm laughing so hard. The release of tension, even if he doesn't feel it, is intoxicating. I never want to leave this moment, simultaneously thinking he's an idiot and just so happy for it. I find myself laughing until I'm out of breath, silent coughs of amusement shaking my frame.
"Shadow?" The question is hesitant, conveying without meaning to Eclipse's utter bafflement.
"You're upset because I said something," I wheeze happily, so unbelievably pleased by it that I find myself beaming up at him. "Because I said something." Filled with a sudden, inexplicable urge to move, I stand swiftly, taking a step forward and clapping my arms on the shoulders of the paralyzed alien in an affectionate manner.
"...Shadow?" He whispers, petrified.
Realizing he's not appreciating the contact, I release him, and he quickly takes a step back, look changing to curious as he studies me more. I wish I could tell him why I feel so cheered, but it seems too personal for the relationship we have, something that will come out as awkward.
"It's nothing," I say, not thinking for a second that either he or Rouge believes me. I don't know what to say, though, so I content myself with simply thinking it.
You're upset about something that's not me doing an unspeakable thing. You're mad because I insulted you. This is the most domestic interaction I've ever had with you. I smile, feeling like my day's been made, if not my week.
What? Eclipse's voice asks, dumbfounded. For a moment, I freeze, wondering if I accidentally said that out loud, and that's when I realize what's happening. I shocked Eclipse so much a moment ago, his mental defenses crashed down. We came into contact with each other on complete accident, which I hadn't known was possible.
His fiery gold eyes flick to mine, focusing intently. I know he felt it, too, that brief but clear connection that neither of us intended to create. By unspoken agreement, we decide not to mention it until we figure out why it happened, or at least until we have a better opportunity.
"You good, Shadzster?" Rouge asks, clearly amused, pulling my mind back to my body a bit.
"Better than good," I inform her, smiling again and enjoying the rare expression.
"That makes one of us," Eclipse mutters, rolling his eyes, and I feel my grin widen at his internal confusion, well-hidden by his exterior.
Well-well, someone's got a better poker face than I realized, I tease him mentally, still grasping the connection.
"Shadow, you're creeping me out," Eclipse grumbles, and I smirk, nevertheless letting the thread of shared thought dissipate. Rouge laughs again, making some comment along the lines of 'says you!' But, regardless of what she says, Eclipse huffs, pulling an exaggerated face without any genuine anger. His eyes meet mine again, a silent acknowledgement of understanding. He realized why I'm so happy, I think, unsure how I know but quite positive he finally wrapped his head around my unusual excitement. And, with that, this little, seemingly insignificant interaction rapidly becomes extremely important to our small trio.
This is the moment, after all, that something clicks. Some deep, dark grudge that we've all held lifts away, vaporizing into thin air.
It's the moment that we become okay with each other, just a little bit. And it changes our future.
Author's Note: And so the stormcloud lifts! Shadow and Eclipse are making some grudging progress--more on that in the next chapter, so stick around. I hope this was as amusing to you as it was to me; Rouge wanting to strangle Eclipse, Shadow laughing for once, and Eclipse being absolutely petrified at physical contact gave me a good few chuckles. Remember to comment on how you feel the characters are growing, on what you're liking; I love feedback, and it's been great to see the tidbits from you guys. So, tell me what you're thinking! I hope to see you all next Wednesday, when training gets a bit more focus from our favorite wacky alien's POV. Until then!