***
As I stand before my parent's marble urns, I look into their loving faces now framed beside the two jars.
This will be the last day I'll be wearing my mourning hanbok. I took a deep breath as I lift my violin under my chin.
They introduced me and my brother to music making me even more grateful than I already am. Without music, I might be a mess right now.
My brother stands on the side wearing his suit as he watches me stand infront of our parent's urns infront holding my violin.
This is the least I can do.
I started playing in sync with my tears falling.
(Please play the video if you have time. I cried the shiz out of me listening to this cover and imagining Hyun mi play this at her parent's last day of mourning, it really gets me. This track is from Scarlet Heart:Ryeo OST part 9 entitled Will be Back. If you have time, search for the lyrics too.)
°°°
"I told you oppa, I'll be fine here," I argued to my brother as he sits down on the sofa.
It's been a week since our parent's last mourning and Jungkook was given a week to accompany me.
This is his last day with me here and I just can't say yes to what he was saying. It just sounded so ridiculous to me.
"You can stay at my apartment in Seoul since I stay in the dorms with my members," he said furrowing his brows.
"Don't worry about me oppa. Besides, I still have my classes to attend to," I said leaning on my door frame.
"I promised mom that I will look after you. Just don't be so stubborn for once please," he said growing impatient with me.
I walked to where he is and sat beside him leaning my head on his shoulder.
"Oppa, music is my life already. What do I have in Seoul? I don't want to start from scratch again. I've worked hard to enter that Performing Arts school. Mom and dad wanted me there too," I said trying my best to make him understand.
By the mention of our parents, he just sighed and faced me.
"Fine. Only if you promise me one thing," he said after tilting his head to the side.
"What?"
"You'll enroll in a university in Seoul for college," he said looking at me seriously.
"I will, I promise," I said as I gave him a small smile.
---
Jungkook already left for Seoul. A three hour train ride from Busan to Seoul won't be that tiring if I wanted to see him.
We agreed that we'll switch visiting each other once a week now prior to their debut in three months. He wanted me to be there and I enthusiastically said yes.
I'm so proud of him, he's been working so hard for this and now his dream is already at arm's reach.
Looking around the house now, with me just here makes it even more empty than it already is. But this house will still be home for me and Jungkook and we'll never feel otherwise.
I plan on going back to school on Monday since I don't wanna spend all my time here alone. It will only bring back memories and I'm still trying to recover.
Jimin on the other hand hasn't texted me even once. He didn't show up at my parent's last mourning.
I expected him to atleast say a word of condolences to me but he never did. Perhaps he really isn't the person I thought I knew.
If he really cared for me, he'll show up no matter the circumstance is but he didn't. Just when I needed him the most he wasn't by my side.
I just hope I could still see him at school. Even though he said he was just playing with me, I still wanted to see him even for short periods of time only.
I wanna feel home again.
I was hoping his presence could atleast comfort me.
---
"Hyun mi!" Ji ni cheerfully meet me at the gate.
"Hi," I smiled at her.
She pulled me in for a hug and pinched my cheeks slightly.
"How are you?" she asked.
"I'm good, you?"
"Same here,"
We walked inside the school and can now feel the winter coming.
"So, do you by chance have any news about him?" I cautiously asked Ji ni.
"You mean Jimin?"
I nodded and she heaved a long sigh.
I told Ji ni everything and she was really mad. So mad that she even yelled at me for being so stupid.
"He haven't entered school since that day," she answered referring to the recitals.
"Oh," was all I said.
"Even his friends doesn't know what he's been up to or where he is, they said he might've already dropped out or transferred,"
"Where could he be?" I asked myself more than her. Does he really hate me that much that he goes to the extent of dropping or transferring.
"Yah! Hyun mi! Will you just stop caring about him. He's a fucking jerk for doing that to you. Who knew he would be a dickhead?!" she threw her arms in the air out if frustration.
"I know,"
"He doesn't deserve any of your concern and to hell if he's dropped or has already transferred? Isn't that good, he'll never pester you again. You'll never see him again," she spit now fuming.
I winced at the word NEVER.
But I still do wanna see him, I know that's so stupid of me but something in me is still craving for his presence.
This is exactly what I was afraid of when I could already feel so at home with him. He did eventually left me, fool me, play me and I just let that happen right before my eyes.
"Take care okay? Call me when you need anything," she said now walking towards their building.
I just waved at her as I continue to walk to our building as well.
I looked around and can still vividly remember where me and Jimin would usually hang out.
Jiminssi!
I smiled at the thought of me calling him that.
"Jiminssi," I whispered and instantly frowned. Ugh!!
I fished out my phone from my pocket and before I know it, I'm already sending him a message.
HM:
Hi
Jimin
Where are you?
They told me you've dropped out of school, I hope it isn't true. I hope you just transferred.
What have I just done? Maybe he's thinking that I really am clingy. Fuck, just fuck. It's too late now, maybe he already have received it. If only I could take all those messages back.
I groaned in frustration as I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Aissshhhh!"
I sounded so clingy and annoying in those messages.
He didn't replied to them so I just decided to turn off my phone. If I have it turned on, I would be tempted to message him again and that would humiliate me even more.
I reached our room and was greeted by everyone with a smile.
The day went so long. It was too ordinary without Jimin.
Fuck! Yah Jeon Hyun mi! Will you stop thinking bout him already? Just stop.
•••
Well, what do you think?
-Haeun ❤