"Shadow!" I hear the bat gasp suddenly from across the room, and I jump slightly, surprised by the name. We all look at the door, in which stands a heavily exhausted hedgehog with patchy fur and pale skin. He is standing tall, but I can easily see how he favors each of his legs in succession, surreptitiously switching his weight between them. Even his crimson irides cannot hide how bloodshot they are from me, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
What in Chaos are you doing out of bed, Shadow?
"Hi, Rouge," he greets, raising a hand slightly in acknowledgement to everyone else.
"Shadow! You're supposed to be using a wheelchair!" She exclaims, flying over to him. "What if you reinjure yourself? Didn't the doctors tell you to be on bed rest?" Shadow tries to get a word in edgewise, but she barrels onwards, not giving him the chance. "I know for a fact Dr. Caraber said that! You can't rely on your powers, not for something like this!"
As I hear her concern towards him, I cannot help but feel reminded of how I felt when Shadow would do similarly overbearing and repetitive things to me. He may have been doing it because he cared, but it is annoying at best and infuriating at worst for the recipient of such behaviour.
Keeping this and my resolution to amend my relationship with my half-brother in mind, I stride over as Shadow tries again to get a word in.
"I needed to make an appearance and show that I'm still here to defend G.U.N.," he argues, as exasperated and irked as I knew he would be. Rouge takes a deep breath to continue her tirade, but I interrupt, addressing her and not the hedgehog I still have issues with.
"If he wants to be here, it is best not to argue over it, no? He is not going to leave, and you are not going to back down, so why not relent and let him be here as an observer? Nothing but frustration is going to come from this argument, even if you are just trying to help him," I say, dropping back into my heavier accent. I do not want Shadow to know just yet how much I have changed, not until I have a chance to talk to him. On that note, leaving Rouge with a taken aback expression, I turn to Shadow.
"Can I talk to you? Perhaps, outside?" I ask, gesturing to the door. Shadow's face is even more shocked than Rouge's, though he nods.
"Of--of course," he replies, seeming uncertain. Taking a preparatory breath, I lead the way across the room and step out the door, Shadow following close behind.
Nearly five feet apart, we both stand in silence, neither looking directly at the other. This lasts for several minutes, in which I attempt at least five times to start speaking, only to fail as I realize I have no idea how to talk to Shadow when I am not angry at him. He keeps fidgeting, which is distracting, and I finally look at him as he switches his weight to his other leg for the enth time.
"For Chaos' sake, sit down," I snap before I can help it, my temper's habits taking over in my nervousness and starting the conversation for me. "You could hurt yourself if you keep standing," I add belatedly, feeling sheepish about ruining this already.
To my surprise, he does, then looks up at me.
"Has your voice changed?" He asks, sounding cautious, and I start as I realize I had used my less-accented, improved English on the second sentence. Sighing, I sink to the ground a few feet from him. None of this is going as I had planned.
"Yes," I reply, holding his gaze. He seems surprised and curious, though I see worry and confusion in his body language. Typical Shadow, feeling far too many emotions at once. It makes him hard to converse with, not knowing quite how I am affecting him. "I've changed, these past weeks. I avoided letting you onto it because I thought you would interpret it as permission to insert yourself into my life even more, and I didn't want that, then."
"Then?" He asks, picking up on my time marker.
"Yes," I say, letting the word hang. "I have been unfair to you, and I have made this harder than it needed to be." Looking him right in the eye, I shrug slightly, leaning forward on my crossed legs and feeling uncomfortable. "Life is hard enough, you know? I shouldn't have been so angry with you for trying to help me. That was childish of me.
"I felt that I'd be betraying myself, my family, if I let myself care about you. When you were nice to me, it made me long to set my past aside, which made me feel angry at myself. I didn't actually realize it until Agatha pointed it out to me, but the disappointment and unsurety I was experiencing came out as anger whenever I spoke to you."
"Agatha? You mean Topaz?" Shadow asks, sounding impressed that I know her first name.
"Her and Professor Ayers. They were the ones to tell me I was ignoring my own feelings. I'd spent so long doing it, I did not even know how I truly felt anymore. Apparently, their time around you had led them to seeing many of the same problems before."
"Yeah..." Shadow replies, embarrassed. When he does not continue, I do, feeling this is an important moment.
"Anyways, I'm sorry for always responding so meanly to you. You did not deserve that," I say, and Shadow jumps slightly.
"Don't apologize!" He exclaims, sounding almost alarmed. "I should be the one apologizing, after all these terrible things I've done to you! You really don't have anything to apologize for." He seems animated now, but I cringe at his response.
"Shadow..." I reply, wincing slightly that he has taken this in the wrong direction. "I'm not forgiving you..."
The effect is immediate. Shadow starts, staring at me for a moment but then retreating quickly and casting his eyes to the floor.
"Oh," he says, and I feel a little guilty as I hear the hurt behind his voice.
"...yet..." I add cautiously, not liking how suddenly depressed he seems.
He jumps again, but he does not reply, probably worried that he will misinterpret this again.
"I wanted to say I was sorry for yesterday and for being so contradictory with you, but I haven't forgiven you yet. Though, this could be counted as a first step," I explain, adding a hopeful tone to the last point. He lowers his ears, putting them in an even sadder position.
"I shouldn't have thought you meant that, anyways," he murmurs, leaning away from me. I get the impression he would rather do nothing than leave right now, feeling ashamed for our misunderstanding. "I don't deserve it, either, not for a long while."
"You're right, but I will forgive you one day," I say, shrugging slightly. "When that day will be, I don't know, but it will come." We both sit in silence for a few moments, and I sigh. "I know what I told your friend, but I really think it would be best if you rested in the medical bay today. Best for you, best for me. We can see where things stand tomorrow, yes?"
"Yeah..." He replies, biting his lip as I go to stand up. "Wait," he says, reaching out for an instant but immediately withdrawing his hand. Surprised, I do, still half crouched.
"Yes?" I ask, curious.
"Thank you. You know, for rescuing me..." He says, and I shrug.
"You would have done the same for me," I respond, though I do feel proud of myself for going after him.
"Yes, but... Thank you, also, for taking the time for this. I'm really happy that you're talking things out with me," he adds uncertainly, and I feel my face soften a bit.
"So am I," I agree truthfully, standing up. Shadow does, too, and we stand there for a few seconds in the awkward silence, two related strangers who have only just started towards working out their problems.
"Well, good resting," I hedge, moving back towards the door.
"Oh, uh, you, too," Shadow calls after me, obviously caught off guard and fumbling for a reply. I chuckle, shaking my head with dismay as I walk back into the training room. The door closes, and I feel myself relax. I have just taken the first step of a long journey, and I am glad for it.
"Well?" Andrews asks as I walk up to him again. Agatha Topaz is standing next to him, and I notice they're both tense. They were probably worried I would have an explosive argument with Shadow again.
"Well what? I talked to Shadow, and that's that for now. He's going upstairs to rest again; he was more tired than he let on," I reply, shrugging. More tired than you thought, at least. I could read him like a book from the start. "If you want to know what went on, just go listen to the recording of it." They exchange a look as I stretch my arm, trying to get out some of the strain I caused for myself the day before yesterday.
"You're not mad, are you?" Agatha asks, seeming worried about me and undoubtedly about Shadow, too.
"Nope. I am a little antsy, though. These past few days have been stressful, y'know?" I move on to my other arm.
"He's not going to talk about it," the male captain sighs, talking to Topaz. "I told you." I smirk, finding his frustration amusing.
"Nope!" I chirp, moving away from them and trotting to the other side of the room. I sense their eyes on my back, but, for once, I find I do not mind.
That was stressful, but I feel a lot better for having done it. I wince slightly as I remember how Shadow originally mistook me, but a rueful smile graces my face anyways. No doubt about it. He's a bit of an idiot sometimes, but, then, so am I.
Doesn't mean I'll be easy on him, though. I huff, grinning fiercely. Now that I'm not as mad at you, Shadow, I can focus on showing you up.
After all, while I'm here, I might as well make my own mark.
...
I run a towel down my arms, cleaning myself of sweat. We did not do all that much as a whole today, but I spent a lot of time doing repetitive exercises so Captain Andrews can get an idea of my speed and power--I would humbly say I quite impressed him. Thus, I am a little rank, and I purse my lips at the thought.
How do humans stay clean? They are much more inherently smelly than I am, but they seem not to get too bad. What do they do? I grab a bottle of water, still in my thoughts. Drinking part of it, I consider dumping the rest over myself, but I do not want to make a mess. Maybe I should ask...
"Hey." I jump slightly, having been caught staring into metaphorical space by none other than Shadow's bat friend.
"Yes?" I ask, knowing she would not talk to me without reason. We have not had an argument since the day I got my job, but we have also been mostly avoiding each other, so that does not mean much.
"I want to talk to you," she says, perfectly serious.
"About?" She looks annoyed by my admittedly less-than-tactful answer, but she restrains comment.
"I want to say 'thanks' for saving Shadow. I don't know if he remembered to, so I figured I'd cover it. I appreciate it."
"Ah. You're welcome." I expect her to go away, now that she seems to have said what she came for, but she stays, looking uncomfortable.
Okay, so why is she really here? I ask myself, confused. She obviously has something more on her mind, but I cannot read Mobian thoughts...
"Is there something else?" I question politely, not really wanting to be rude to someone who already has issues with me.
"Um, yeah." I wait, but she only sighs heavily. "This is awkward. But, I just wanted to know...
"When you interrupted me earlier, did you...get that from Shadow's mind or something? I'm not accusing you," she adds hurriedly, and I raise an eye ridge. "I just... Is he...annoyed with me?"
"No," I reply, relieved to hear it is only about something simple. "Well, yes," I amend, "but he didn't ask me to intervene, if that's what you're asking. I recognized that you were doing the same kinds of things that he always did, the same behavior I find overbearing. I thought I should prevent it."
"You did that on your own?"
"Should I not have?" It is a legitimate question. I do not know the social boundaries of this planet very well, and I would not be surprised to hear I crossed one.
"Well, I wouldn't think that's something that you would do. Speak on your own. In defense of Shadow," she says, the unnecessary clarifiers telling me she is at least trying to not offend me. "I was under the impression you really, really don't like him."
"We have some definite issues," I agree. "But, I'm trying to make some rudimentary amends."
"The framework for the bridge?"
"Is that an expression?"
"Kind of. But, I'm surprised that you're doing that." She flutters her wings a little uncomfortably, not liking having a conversation with me, I would guess. "Maybe that's rude. I don't know you that well. But, you don't come across that way, like you'd be all that concerned about others' emotions."
"I imagine. It's not really rude. I understand I'm not the easiest person to...discern." I shrug, feeling a little awkward myself. "I wouldn't worry, though. Shadow is very fond of you, even when frustrated. He wouldn't go behind your back by asking me to say something; if he was annoyed too much, he'd tell you."
"That's good to hear." The bat seems relaxed now, tension melting away. "Thanks." I nod, fully ready to be left alone to my thoughts again. But, Rouge does not leave.
"Would, uh--would you say you know him well?" She asks, and I am uncertain whether this is another planned question or just small talk. Despite her earlier nervousness, this Mobian is hard to read.
"Shadow? Er, somewhat," I reply, not wanting to continue this conversation. "I don't know him so much, more his actions, but I understand how he thinks and feels, and that makes it feel like I do. It's hard to explain," I add, hoping she will lose interest.
"Is that because of the hivemind? Or is just he easy to understand?" She continues, and I sigh audibly. "Look, you don't have to talk to me," she says defensively. "I'm not keeping you here."
"No, it's not you." I wave my hand dismissively, trying to keep my cool and reminding myself that I should try to be nice. "I get frustrated with every long conversation. Having everyone endlessly fascinated with me gets old rather quickly, especially when they're asking about Shadow. But, to answer your question:
"Both. Shadow is easy to read, if unnecessarily complicated. He tends to experience a lot of emotions at once, but his basic thought process is simple. It's especially easy because I know his memories, which he relies on to make decisions. I could predict him without telepathy, but, having it, I can be almost sure how he'll react to most things. The only thing I can't tell is how intensely he's going to feel, and, well," I falter a bit, this being a little personal. "To be honest, I often second guess how he will react to me. But that's complicated."
"Sounds like it." The bat still does not move away, and I have to resist my strengthening urge to growl or stalk off. "So," she begins again, and I grit my teeth, "he makes you nervous?"
"I did not say that!" I snap, exasperation flaring into anger. It is very hard to control my temper when I'm annoyed, and this conversation is trying my patience. I immediately feel a little embarrassed for getting so mad, but the bat replies before I can apologize.
"Alright, geez," she says disgustedly, rolling her eyes. "I don't know why I even asked." She finally goes to move away, but I know I cannot let her off on this note. I'll never make up with Shadow if I alienate his friends.
"Wait, no," I exclaim, almost touching her retreating shoulder but thinking better of it. She turns around half way, glaring. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry," she repeats, unimpressed.
She is not making this easy on me.
"Yes," I force out, clasping my hands behind my back.
"Really?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Yes," I reply in a tone that clearly says 'Don't push it.' "I am easily frustrated, but I shouldn't have raised my voice at you, even when you ask too many questions." I immediately wince internally, seeing how I just gave her the perfect opportunity to feel even more offended.
Surprisingly--thankfully--she does not take it.
"Reluctant apology accepted," she says dryly, turning to face me entirely. "At least you're trying."
I struggle for a reply, eventually just staying silent. The bat looks me in the eye, unreadable.
"See you tomorrow." It's a curt goodbye, but it's more than I have gotten from her before. She glides away, and I sigh in relief.
The things I put up with for the sake of good relationships... I mutter internally, exasperated. But, seriously, that was way too weird. In retrospect, she had valid reason to continue despising me at least several times during that interaction. I frown, thinking about it for a moment. I guess she is trying because of Shadow, too. That's a surprisingly considerate thing to do, trying to be nice to me for his sake. She's a better friend to him than I realized. I watch her back as she leaves the room, finally feeling like I understand her a bit.
I'm glad.
Author's Note: Had to resist naming this chapter some pretty strange titles. "Hedgehog and Back Again" and "Two Tentative Talks" were both strong candidates, but they were a bit weird, even for me. xD I hope you were excited to see the two brothers taking their first steps towards friendship! Eclipse isn't ready to forgive Shadow yet, but he's growing up and is willing to work with the hedgehog. Good to see you maturing, Darkling!