***
Two hours before the recital.
"Stay still Hyun mi or this mascara will smudge on your face," Ji ni scolds as I try to send Jimin a message telling him I'm already on the waiting room.
"He'll come okay? Don't worry, calm your shiz down will you,"
I haven't slept well last night making my voice a bit groggy. I'm now worried that it'll affect my performance later.
As I scan the room, I saw Jimin passing by the hallway through the glass door.
"He's here," I said standing up to go after him.
"Jiminssi!" I called after him running with my damn heels.
He wasn't looking my way so I grabbed his arm once I reached him. Instead of seeing a smile on his face, he looked pissed.
"Is there a problem?" I asked him.
"Nothing," he said turning around to leave.
"Wait, aren't you going to stay for the show?" I asked walking faster to match his strides.
He isn't answering me, instead he's walking faster.
"Are you avoiding me?" I now asked with a different tone.
I just don't get why he's acting like this.
"Will you stop following me? You're being so clingy," he said in a pissed off tone.
I was taken aback by his words and harshly pulled at his hand.
"What is wrong with you?" I asked now pissed at him.
"What is wrong with me? Nothing! You, what's wrong with you?!" he but back.
"Where is this coming from?"
"I'm tired of this," his hand moved back and forth referring to us.
"What do you mean?" I asked still confused.
"Is your skull thick? I'm done playing with you. This is so tiring," he said raking his hand through his dark hair.
I can now feel a large lump on my throat choking me. I let his words sink into me and started to feel tears accumulate in my eyes.
No, no, you shouldn't be crying now. I looked up to prevent the tears from rolling down my cheeks and looked at him.
His eyes were menacing, brows drawn together. He looks at me coldly freezing my entire body.
No, Jimin you're not going to do this. I started chanting in my head.
"I th-thought," I stuttered to search for words.
"You thought what?!" he looked at me sharply.
"You thought I liked you? Come on Jeon Hyun mi, do you think I'd settle for someone like you?" he looked at me from head to toe and back to my head looking dead into my eyes.
He spit those words with venom and I can feel my lips starts to quiver. My knees going weak. It's his first time saying my whole name and I don't know why but it hurts.
I wasn't able to say a single word. I just stared at him with watery eyes. His eyes that were once looking back at me with love now looks at me with disgust.
Did I do something wrong?
I tried to speak out and ask him that but I can't find my voice.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" he asked his lips set on a grim line.
Please tell me this is a dream.
Please tell me you're just joking.
Please tell me this is all a prank.
He stared at me waiting for my answer.
Please take back your words.
Please hug me right now.
Please please please.
"I'm not even here for you Hyun mi," he doesn't even call me Miah anymore.
I feel my chest tighten, making it hard to breath.
I can see Shin hye, my classmate walk near him. She hugged him from behind and I can feel my palm tingle so I just clenched my fist making my knuckles white.
"You came Jiminah," she said her voice flirty.
"Ofcourse my Shin hye," Jimin spoke with sweetness I almost gag.
Jimin seemed to forget about me still standing here. But then he turned to look at me icily.
"You done?"
I love you
Still no voice came out and before my eyes shed these stupid tears, I gathered all my strength to muster words and put a smile on my face.
"Yeah, thanks for your time," I said looking straight into his cold stare and smiled sweetly.
I didn't wait for his answer. I walked away my tears now rolling down my cheeks as I bit my lower lip to stop myself from making any noise.
That went down from 100 to 0. I wasn't expecting this to happen. What happen to the Jimin I knew? Where is he.
What did he do to Jimin?
I ran to the comfort room, went into the farthest cubicle, locked the door and sat on the covered bowl.
This is the first time I cried so bad. I can no longer breath and I start to sweat despite the cold weather.
I sat there for a good 30 mins trying to calm myself down. The recital's about to start.
I wiped my tear stained face with a tissue. Good thing this mascara is water proof. My lips are now pink and swollen from crying.
My feet are still wobbly as I make my way to the waiting room. Ji ni saw me and the shock on her face was so evident as she ran towards me helping me to sit down.
"What the hell Hyun mi?! Are you okay?" she asked fixing my hair.
"Yeah, I just can't breath so I panicked crying the life out of me. I just came from the clinic," I lied.
"You can't breath?" she sounded more worried.
"Yeah, maybe because I'm so nervous," I said adjusting my dress.
"Your voice have gotten worse. I can't barely hear you," she said handing me water. "Do you want to go home?" she asked.
I shake my head. "No, I got this. I just need to talk to my mentor," I said standing up.
"You sure?" she asked helping me stand up. "We can just say you're sick," she suggested.
"No, I'm fine," I reassured busting out my fake smile.
On my way to the office where my mentor is, I heard Shin hye's voice talking to one of her friends so I stopped dead on my tracks to hide.
"Can you believe? Park Jimin from the dance department came to watch me perform," she said giggling.
"I thought him and Hyun mi were dating?" the other asked.
"Me too, but judging at Hyun mi's face just now confirms that they're not," she laughed.
Enough Hyun mi, enough.
I composed myself and fixed my hair. I walked casually pass them.
"Oh, Hyun mi," Shin hye called for my attention.
"Yeah?" I looked back and smiled.
"Good luck," she sweetly smiled and I can literally feel my lips twitch as I tried my best to smile back at her.
"You too," I answered and continued walking.
I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare.
•••
I know you want to slap me for writing this chapter. I'm sorry okay? I just need to do this. What do you think will happen next?
- Haeun ❤
June 2022
Currently editing the book