Luca
My hands shaking with fear, my head throbbing, my lip stinging as the skin ripped with the impact of her fist. I throw that to the back of my mind and think about now, right now. Standing and waiting, hoping everything goes to plan. I need it to.
It took me until a few hours ago, to realize that I was being a fool. To think I could ever live without her, I couldn't let her go with her at least knowing I am unconditionally and permanently in love with her.
So, I found Darcy on Facebook and I messaged her, asking her what time they were going to be here, at the airport. She wasn't even hesitant, she told me to be here. I know she doesn't want to get involved but, she also knows how desperate I am.
I bite my bottom lip regretting it instantly, the cut reminding me of what happened today. I went over to see Kiara, I had to tell her the truth.
I apologised and apologised but she still hit me, which I deserved. She knew who Rose was, she wasn't stupid. When I told her the truth, that I needed to see Rose, that I wanted to be with Rose. She flipped, throwing anything she could get a hand on, smashing up vases and a couple of plates.
I feel bad, but I knew at some point in my life, if it wasn't the past couple of days, it might have been in a few years or sooner. I would have figured it out, that I needed to be with her again.
I needed her to let me love her like I should've done from the beginning. I have seriously cocked up everything since meeting Rose, I have been so blind and stupid. How has it taken me so long to come to my senses and really tell her I love her. I should never have left for New York, why didn't I go back to London sooner? Why have I let this run on for too long? I watch as the doors open and more people come walking in with their bags and suitcases.
I can't take it. I need to see her, I need her. I look down as my phone vibrates in my hand.
Messenger [From: Darcy] Getting out of the taxi now, good luck!
My throat closes as I read the message again, putting my phone into my back pocket I look back up to the automatic doors. Which one is she coming through? I scan between the two doors until I see her approaching.
Her blonde hair straight, hanging over her shoulders, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and black leggings with Blue New Balance trainers. She looks so beautiful, I take a deep breath as the doors open. All three of them step inside the busy airport, she looks so tired and conflicted.
Darcy clocks onto me first, her face sad and worried but she gives me a reassuring smile, the smile to tell me its time. I take a couple of steps, trying not to falter as I walk over. She's looking around the airport, her face straight but her eyes holding so much emotion. I want to know what she's feeling. Why she looks so lost.
"Rose." Her head snaps up and her eyes meet mine instantly, her cheeks flush red as she takes me in.
"What are you doing here? What happened to your lip?" She asks, stepping closer. My heart drumming in my chest. Don't fuck this up Luca. Stop being a coward and fucking tell her.
"I'm fine, I had to see you, I need to tell you something." I whisper, taking a few deep breaths. Her face full of surprise, can she see how rough I look. How tired and stressed I have been for days. I'm willing to give this life up for her. Chloe and Darcy are standing a few feet behind her, watching with curious eyes.
"Okay?" She answers me, I can see she's hesitant, maybe even a little scared.
"I'm sorry that I fucked up, I'm sorry that I left you and you had to go through shit with Wayne." I feel sick, I feel faint and I'm ready to pass out. I can't stand the thought of her rejection, but it wouldn't surprise me if she does.
"You told him?" Chloe butts in, I close my eyes, trying so hard not to tell her to shut up, why has she always got to ruin everything?
"Yes, I told him!" She snaps at Chloe before looking back up into my eyes, begging me to go on.
"I'm sorry that I played with you, your brother, I'm sorry for everything that I have done to ruin your holiday." I ball both of my hands into fists, my nerves are going wild. She's only two feet away, her breath warm and minty.
"You haven't ruined my holiday Luca." She smiles, with so much certainty that I almost believe her. I know she's been stressed, I can see it on her face. Her skin soft and pale, her blue eyes bloodshot and deep. Always so beautiful.
"I know I'm probably the last person you wanted to see again, but I'm so glad you did." My body shaking, I have never felt so petrified in my life. I have to do this, so why is it so hard to say the words? I take in a deep breath never taking my eyes off her.
"Rose, I love you!" I burst, with so much confidence, even though on the inside I'm screaming, crying tearing my heart apart. Her face blank but she's now panting, her eyes never leave mine. She doesn't say anything, I'm waiting and watching. I know this must be hard for her, I need her to know that I understand that.
"You don't have to say anything now, I just need you to know that I love you, I have never stopped loving you." I look down at my feet, trying to breathe steadily. Why isn't she saying anything? Love me, please love me.
"I've never been so scared of losing something in my entire life, I am so scared that this is going to be it. Seeing you has awakened something that I tried to forget, I can't lose you Rose, please." I rub my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the tears.
"Luca, you know it's not that easy, I have Jacob and you have Kiara, everything will be fine." She tells me, her voice soft, she's trying to reassure me that I have Kiara and I will be fine? Is she mad? I've just told her I love her.
"Rose, you are not listening to me. I left Kiara, I refuse to let this be it, I cannot let you go home without you knowing that I am so desperately in love with you that I can hardly breathe, I am begging you to love me again. I have been trying to move on for two years and I thought Kiara was the right person for it, but this whole time I've been comparing her to you, wishing she was you.
I know how cruel that sounds but I have been trying every day to move on, I hate myself that I never just got back on a plane to find you. I hate myself." I run my fingers through my hair as the tears appear in my vision, I don't care anymore. She needs to see this, she needs to understand that I'm not bullshitting her.
"I just can't do it, it's been too long." She wipes a single tear that streams down her soft cheek.
"We can fix everything, let me prove to you that I am the man for you, I want to spend the rest of my life showing you who I can be, that I am meant to be with you, you're my soulmate." I let out a sob, my heart breaking with each word.
She's not taking everything in, she's trying to deny everything. I can see her brain ticking away, trying to find any excuse to why this isn't a good idea.
"Please Rose." I whisper, my throat dry and my eyes stinging with tears.
"Luca I'm sorry I can't." She steps closer, she's not crying, her face unreadable. She leans up wrapping her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. I quickly hold her waist close to me. Her scent invading my nose, she smells incredible, sweet and delicious, she always smelt so fucking good.
"I'm so in love with you." I breathes into her ear, I watch as goose bumps raise on her skin. I'm praying she changes her mind, praying so hard. She whimpers into my neck before pulling away from me, her cheeks soaking with tears.
"We have to go." She steps back quickly, bending over and picking up her bags and taking one last look at me. Her stunning face, her absolutely incredible face will be burned into my memory, this girl will haunt me. My heart shattering into a million pieces hurts more than I ever thought, she's leaving, she's actually going to leave. Oh, my fucking god.
"Please Rose." I crouch down pulling at my hair, my cries become more aggressive with each passing second.
"Don't Luca." I hear her whimper, she's holding onto my shoulder giving it a tight squeeze. I can't answer her; I can't even look at her. I'm feeling every ounce of rejection, every piece of splintering pain as is stabs through my body.
"I'm so sorry." I open my eyes, Darcy's crouched down in front of me, her eyes bloodshot, her smile sympathetic. I watch her as she stands up giving me one last look of pure sadness before she starts walking. I stand up quickly turning around, Rose and the girls are walking ahead, the crowds getting busier.
"Rose! Please!" I yell in pain, hoping to god she turns around and changes her mind. Please change your mind. She doesn't turn around, everybody looks at me, except from her, I watch from afar as she walks deeper and deeper into the airport. I collapse to my knees again, begging that she will come back, my body heaving with each cry.
I think I see her turn back, but I not sure. My eyes blurry as the tears carry on falling. Standing up I walk out quickly, the fresh air hitting me as I find an empty seat. Lighting a cigarette, I pull up the hood to my jacket so I can cover my face.
Crying so hard my head feels like it's going to explode, not caring who walks past. Maybe this is how she felt when I left her that day, maybe I truly deserve this. I have done this to myself.