The next morning Jimin didn't show up to breakfast.
"Hangover," was all Hoseok said, but Jin suspected that it wasn't just that. Jimin must be avoiding him.
Jimin's date with the king aired on The Reveal that morning. Seokjin watched every minute of it, his eyes never turning away from the screen as the two on it talked, laughed, got tipsy and then proceeded to sloppily kiss one another.
Beside him, Taehyung cursed under his breath, stood up and walked away.
The other candidates watching the episode were absolutely shocked. Seokjin understood their stupor perfectly. Jimin was cute. He looked gentle and harmless. No one ever considered him a threat even when the public adored him so much. But in his own way Jimin had an amazing explainable charisma.
Seokjin had noticed it from the beginning of their friendship, Hoseok and Tae caught on later on. Maybe Jimin never noticed it himself, but he was rather manipulative. He would guilt you into having his way or even just catch you off guard with his cuteness. Everyone they knew loved Jimin, even if Jimin always said that it wasn't true. The other candidates themselves would help Jimin carry things, feed him food, and give him small gifts. It was unavoidable. It was the Jimin-effect.
The only one who never really showed Jimin the attention everyone else did had been his own father.
"Hyung."
Seokjin turned his head blankly to the side. Next to him was a very concerned Hoseok. Seokjin didn't even notice when he had sat down. He seemed nervous, he was fidgeting. "Yes, Hobi?"
"I," Hoseok visibly gulped, he lowered his voice, leaning in closer. "Its my day to date the king," he said softly, "Do you...do you want me to say anything to him?"
He glanced around, the other candidates were whispering among themselves, no one paying attention to the two of them. Seokjin just gave Hoseok a soft smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I don't know what you mean, Hoseok-ah."
"Don't play dumb with me, Hyung. You may not have told me anything but I've caught on. I know you and the king had something going on."
"Had something," Seokjin said, laughing a bit, "Apparently not any more."
Hoseok stared at Jin's face for a long time. It was almost as if he was searching for some answers there. As if he was expecting Seokjin to just break down crying and tell him everything. He sighed when nothing happened. "You could've told me, Hyung."
"No point in it now."
"Hyung, come on!" Hoseok whined, straightening up and furrowing his brows in annoyance, "Look, I know you're shocked, but being mad at Jimin won't-"
"I'm not mad at Jimin."
Hoseok blinked.
"I'm not mad at Jimin," Seokjin repeated, "And I'm not mad at Namjoon either. I'm mostly mad at myself, really," he added nonchalantly. He fumbled with the silver chain around his neck, staring at the TV screen and watching a news recap the incident. He felt a sharp pain in his chest, "I actually thought..."
What did he think? This was a competition, wasn't it?
He sighed, "I'll hear Jimin's version when he's ready to talk. As for His Majesty," his lips formed a thin line, "I guess I'll have to be fair and hear what he has to say too."
Knowing Jin for as long as he did, Hoseok knew what this was. He was going to give up. Seokjin had always been so selfless, putting others before himself, never speaking up when somebody hurt him. He had always been the peacemaker.
For once he wished Jin could truly say what was on his mind.
Seokjin watched as his friend sighed and left him to his thoughts. Eventually Seokjin got up and left the waiting room himself and just began strolling around the halls of the palace, collecting his thoughts.
Internally, yes, Seokjin was mad. Perhaps even more than mad. Okay, yeah, he was furious. But for some reason, he felt he didn't have the right to be. Truth be told, he never really spoke to Jimin about him and Namjoon. At some point Jimin just started rooting for him but Seokjin never sat down and told him what was going on. He couldn't really be mad at him nor hate him.
As for Namjoon, that one did hurt a bit more. Seokjin felt like he had given him his all just to be disappointed. Honestly, out of the up and downs of this relationship the downs were the most common. Having to share Namjoon with twenty nine other men hurt. It was exhausting to always worry about things like what happened with Jimin. It was so tiring hearing others talk about their dates and what not.
Their relationship was like a seesaw, maybe Seokjin had to just get off for a bit.
When he thought about it, this whole thing had been weird. He had fallen too quick. Perhaps what he needed was to start anew. To begin things the way he had always wanted them to.
With that in mind he spun on his feet and head towards a different hallway. His destination wasn't too far away. He knocked on the door without any hesitation. He heard laughter inside followed by a familiar voice shouting "coming!" before opening the door. Seokjin beamed when he saw that his stylist Sung-kyung was the one to answer.
She blinked when she saw him. She had every reason to, it was way too early for Seokjin to be knocking at the dressing room. "Seokjin-ssi? Is something wrong."
Despite how meaningless this could seem to other people, Seokjin needed this. Needed something on him to represent what he wanted to become. He wanted to be the person he had been before, someone completely uninterested in the results. Someone completely uninterested in the competition entirely.
"Dye my hair black please."
Sung-kyung blinked as if processing what he was asking. She looked back at the other stylist in the room, they all seemed to be just as confused as she was. "Black?" she asked, "Isn't that a bit too dull? We're almost at the final stage of the first round, Seokjin-ssi, we need you to stand out not-"
"Black is my natural hair color," Seokjin says firmly, "It is not dull. And I no longer see a need to stand out."
The stylist looked confused, pressing her lips together in a fine line, "But you need to attract the attention of the king! Of the public! You need to-"
"Sung-kyung-ssi," the blonde interrupted. He was growing tired of all of this. "I was dragged here to this pointless competition against my will. From day one, people here have been telling how I should act, what I should wear, how I should impress others. I'm tired of it. Tired of all of doing all of this just so one measly person in a group of billions of other people can love me. So with all do respect Sung-kyung-ssi, either you dye my hair black or I'll do it myself."
She didn't seem to believe his small threat. Fine. Seokjin stormed into the room, walked over to one of the dressers where he saw a large pair of scissors. "What are you doing?" Sung-kyung calls after him. Seokjin doesn't answer, instead he grabs the scissors and lifts them up to his bangs that have long passed his eyes.
His stylist lets out a scream, he hears the gasps of the others in the room. Seokjin snips away with the scissors. He was about to finish trimming all of his bangs till Sung-kyung grabbed him by the wrist, a look of absolute horror on her face.
Seokjin looks at her expectantly. She groans but gives in. "Fine," she says, "You win."
Once his hair was back to black again, (and trimmed professionally) Seokjin felt a huge weight off of his shoulders. He heads back to his room, thanking his grumpy stylist on the way out and receives a weird look from Taehyung when he enters their bedroom. Seokjin pays him no attention and just sits down on the bed, grabbing a book at his nightstand, pretending to read as he thought over his new found epiphany.
The thought that he could be so easily broken because he gave another person power over him was frightening. Yes, Seokjin loved Namjoon. Still does. But he was tired of adjusting everything to him, tired of depending on someone else's love and attention to be happy.
He realizes that his whole life he has lived to please. Whether it had been his mother, Taehyung, his friends, professors or Namjoon, Seokjin never complained. He had always let every little thing slide and put others before himself.
Well, fuck that. From now on, he was first.
If one were to pass by the king's study around this time, they would most certainly be frightened by the sound of things being thrown around inside. The frightened look on the royal siblings' faces would also be something that would generate worry.
"Hyung," Jungkook said worriedly as Namjoon threw something made of glass at the wall, shattering it into a bunch of smaller fragments. "Hyung, please calm down."
Namjoon couldn't calm down. The last thing he wanted to do was calm down. He wanted to punch things, throw things, needed nothing more than to vent and the stuff in his study were the only things he could do all of this with without it being considered a crime.
"Leave him," Yoongi said from the couch, "He needs to get rid of his guilt somehow."
Guilt was just one of things Namjoon was feeling at the moment. He felt rage, he felt profound sadness. He felt-fuck he didn't know what he felt at the moment. "Why didn't anyone stop me?!" he exclaimed, slamming his hands down on his desk. The noise causing everyone in the room to jump.
Yoongi gave him a droll stare, "Uh-huh. Someone stopping the king from having a hot make out session with a guy he's considering as a potential spouse. Yeah that makes sense. Let's not forget that the people that filmed it work for a show called The Reveal."
Geong-min smacks him upside the head, "You're not helping," she hissed.
"I'm trying to prove a point here," the general defends poorly. He turns to the king, "Look, I told you not to get ahead of yourself with Kim Seokjin. You making out with Park Jimin on TV just proves that you're not as in love with the other as you thought."
"Shut up," Namjoon orders. He's leaning against his desk, he's rubbing his temples with nothing but pure frustration in him at the moment. "I gave him a promise ring three days ago and then I go off and do this. I'm fucking scum."
The lowest of scum. What on earth had been in those bottles of soju? He had never-no he would never lose control like that so easily. He would never, hell he loves Seokjin. The thought of being with another never crossed his mind, much less kissing another.
He had watched The Reveal, but didn't remember what led up to the kissing. Why would he? Even now the only lips he wanted to claim were Seokjin's, so what the fuck had happened?
"That's why I told you-"
"-Yoongi!" the two younger siblings shouted at him, glaring at him so deeply that it made him shut up instantly.
"This is so stupid," Namjoon mumbles to himself. Suddenly, he straightens as if having a sudden determination rise in him. "I'm going to go talk to Seokjin," he says, heading for the door.
"Uh, no," Yoongi says, pushing the open door next to him and closing it before Namjoon has a chance to get out. "You go out there now and people will start suspecting."
"I don't care," he responds, grabbing the door handle. Yoongi grabs his wrist and narrows his eyes at him.
"I care," the general says, "This whole shit is to make you likable to the public. To give the people a bit of trust in a king that they know absolutely nothing about because he has been kept hidden for years. You going and begging forgiveness to another man won't look good and it'll be worse if Kim Seokjin throws a fit and announces everything that's been going on between the two of you this whole time. You'll be seen as someone the people can't trust." He lets go of Namjoon's wrist, but his eyes never leave his. "You made your decision, Joon-ah, now stick with it."
Even the look of devastation on the King's face was not enough to move the general's heart, but it sure as hell did hurt looking at it. Namjoon lowers his head, placing it on the smaller male's shoulder. Yoongi hears Namjoon let out a soft sob. Yoongi sighs and rubs the king's back gently.
"I'm going to lose him, Hyung," he sobs quietly. From behind him Jungkook and Geong-min are at a complete loss as to what to say. No words can comfort the king in this moment. But Yoongi knew that Namjoon didn't need comfort, he needed to face reality.
"That's life, Joon-ah," the elder says. "You can't always apologize for bad decisions. If you don't learn how to accept the consequences of your actions now with one guy, how are you going to do it with a whole nation?"
Suddenly, Namjoon didn't like his role in this world.