JOY'S POV
Memories. That's all what I 've left from Jungkook. Because the mind replays what the heart can't delete.
Like a powerful storm he came in my life and turned everything upside down, brought the colors in my dull life and painted it with rainbows.
How can I let you go when all the time you are engraved in me?
Your touch, your smell, your smile and your shiny eyes, everything of you is a part of me. How can I let you go Jungkook when you got my heart?
I am just a lifeless body now, a robot just existing.
It hurts so much having you in my mind but not in my arms. You will be my first and last love Jungkook and if there is something I will never regret is giving my heart to you.
Nothing was the same now. Jungkook, the reason of my life is far away and I don't have a text in my phone saying "good morning", I don't have someone to wait me at the park, he isn't here anymore. He isn't here to wait for me after I finish classes , to grab my hand tightly and to kiss me sweetly.
Every day has been a nightmare for me. Everything reminds me of him, how empty my life is without Jungkook.
As I have done this past week , today after school I locked myself in the bedroom and let my tears fall freely, replaying every moment we had together.
I want so much to let you go from my heart and mind. I want to forget you.
I don't know how long I have been crying but I felt a burning sensation and I couldn't breathe.
I can't live like this, I am lost in this chaotic world, I don't want to be alone Jungkook...
I hate myself for being this weak and suffering when I pushed you away.
I can't live without you.
The only place where I am yours again is in my dreams and I don't want to wake up.
For the first time in my life I am not being selfish. I won't think about the pain but just the euphoria that you gave me.
I felt suffocated in my room all the memories and the pain were killing me. I need something to distract me, even though I know it is impossible.
The loud ring of my phone brought me back from my thoughts.
"Hi Tae." Came my low voice.
"Hey Joy, how are you?"
"I am fine." One of the lies I have told so much recently.
"Stop pretending Joy and tell me what happened between you two?" Asked he in a tender tone.
"Tae you knew he would go in Seoul?"
After a moment of silence he found his voice and answered a weak yes.
"How could we have worked when he would go miles away? I was the last one to know that he would leave. It's hard for me to tell him so many lies and push him away but It's better for both."
"Jungkook was was very hurt when he came here Joy. Why didn't you tell him the truth? Why you acted like that and let him think that you played with him?"
"I didn't want to make Jungkook chose between his future and me." I couldn't stop the tears that were blurring my sight.
"We better let go each other than be trapped in a long distance relationship where the feelings will fade with the time. It's better like this Tae." I finished hardly because it hurt so much.
"He left already Joy." That was enough to make me cry my heart out. He is gone.
Ater the phone call with Tae I left my house and decided to call Noelle, I didn't want to be alone because I miss my Kookie more.
Hugging her tightly I cried harder and poured all my hurt and pain.
"Are you all right Joy?"
"No I am not. And I am tired of pretending to be when all I want is to die. I can't live without Jungkook, he is the one who has my heart and will hold it forever. He was the one who gave me love without asking nothing back."
"And now he gave you pain." Said Noelle a bit angrily, she was being protective of me.
"No he didn't. I hurt him Noelle. I was the one who broke his heart and made him think that all we had was a lie."
"Why you did that Joy?"
"Because his family is in Seoul and he will go there too. I didn't want to stop him from continuing his life. He will start his master's degree soon."
"Why didn't you talk to him and tell your thoughts but acted like a bitch in front of him? Maybe he would want to have a distance relationship." Asked she confused.
"I had to hurt him so he will be happy there in Seoul, think that I am the bad one and continue his life there. Maybe find another girl." At the end my voice broke and I couldn't speak anymore. It hurts so much thinking of him with someone else but If he is happy, I am happy for him too.
"A long distance relationship would never work Noelle. When people are away things start to fall apart. The trust breaks slowly and there will always be doubts about the loyalty. It can't work because the jealousy gets stronger and the only thing left are the sweet words. But that's not enough, you need real hugs. kisses, and comfort. If I am not there he will seek it to someone near him.
A relationship is like the flower, you must water it every day in order to flourish."
"You acted right Joy. How is it possible that you always end up convincing me? You wicked girl, you have brainwashed me." Replayed Noelle making me laugh a bit at her last remarks.
JUNGKOOK'S POV
Dman it! The alcohol burned in my stomach but not as much as the pain in my heart. Since I have came here in Seoul, it has been my best friend.
The loud music at the club and all the people dancing, hugging and kissing each other were making me sick. I remember how she danced that night at the club and that was enough to make me hard.
Stop it Jungkook !
It seems like every single thing reminds me of my babygirl. I can't sleep at night because all I think about is her, those lips, her curvy body and her soft moans when we made love.
Fuck it! I am fully aroused now just by thinking about Joy.
My thoughts were interrupted by a hand placed in my thigh.
I pushed her away quickly and send the girl next to me an angry look.
"Come on handsome. Don't stay there alone drinking when we could have fun together." She said in a seductive voice coming closer to me but I avoided her.
She was wearing a skimpy dress that covered nothing, her make up was so exaggerated and her perfume was cheap. A typical girl who goes out for a one night stand.
How different was my Joy. Her conservative outfits, her soft skin without make up and her soft perfume that I adored so much.
Again my thoughts creep to her. Actually she hasn't left my mind for a second, has been there since the day I first laid my eyes on her.
Returning to the present the girl sitting next to me was bringing me a headache.
"Leave me alone."
"Ohh poor you honey. Someone broke your heart and you are grieving about it. But don't be so harsh I can make you forget everything." She whispered at me.
"Don't you get it? Leave me alone you fucking bitch." I shouted at her and left the club immediately. She was getting on my nerves. Nothing could make me forget my babygirl, it was impossible.
It happens every night that I have been here, but none of this girls ignite the fire in me like my baby does. Only her touch makes me go crazy, other girl's touch disgust me .
You really have bewitched me babygirl. I will be celibate for my whole life now.
Getting on my car I sped up toward my house. Thankfully I had my own apartment because I wasn't in mood to hear my mother's lectures.
Opening the door I saw a shadow standing at couch. It was dark and I entered slowly till I turned on the lights. As soon as I did so a deafening scream made all the alcohol vanish from my system.
"What the hell are you doing here Jimin? "
"Man you scared the shit out of me." He said.
"How the fuck did you get in?"
"I asked the doorman to open it for me, I told him I was your roommate and lost my key and so on." He shrugged.
"What if I weren't alone? What if I brought a girl?" I was just teasing him because that will never happen.
"Come on man, on that drunken state of yours you can't get it up." He said laughing and I just gazed at him furiously.
"Relax Kookie. I was joking." He teased again.
That endearment remained me how much I loved it when it came form my girl's lips.
Noticing the sad look on my face he became serious too.
"What? You don't like when I call you like that Kookie?" He said faking a sweet voice.
"Jimin better stop or.." I didn't get to finish because he interrupted me.
"Ok whatever you want Kookie."