I clench my muscles, trying to hold still as my body reflexively flinches away from Ayers' hands. Her touch is light, but I feel concern emanating from her. Annoyingly, I know exactly why, and I scowl.
"You're very tense," the human woman notes, finishing the attachment of the monitors. I huff, flexing my claws, filled with aggravation by everything around me. The observant professor sees this, and she looks at me sympathetically as I hop down from the table. "Does this have something to do with your fight with Shadow?"
"Does what?" I snap, all of my anger immediately rushing back. She flinches slightly, obviously taken aback, and I ignore the twinge in my chest at seeing her reaction. It hurts to see one of the few humans who has been comfortable with me recoil, but the pain is dulled by my fiery emotions.
I stalk across the room, away from Ayers, standing in a corner without people in the hope I can cool off. I try to shove my feelings to the side, but it does not seem to be working, my frustration circling back again and again. This is concerning, since I rely on my ability to avoid emotional extremes enough that--now that I am experiencing one--I do not know how to handle it. I refuse to look as Agatha joins Gina on the floor, but I cannot help but hear as she starts to talk to the distraught professor.
"Is he alright? I couldn't get him to talk to me," Agatha worries, using a lowered voice in the hope I will not overhear. It does not work, and I scowl at her question.
"I don't know," Ayers sighs softly, her glance at me clear in the corner of my eye.
"Are you alright?" The concern in Agatha's question makes me cringe. Her immediate worry for her coworker opens a hole in my lower stomach, and a sudden tear springs to my eye.
No one will ever speak that way to me, will they? I ask myself, bitter. Caring for the person, not the body. Caring out of a bond, not a responsibility. The thoughts hurt me, and I feel, suddenly, more alone than I have in the entire time since my father's death. Alone, far from my affectionate minions and isolated from my disowned brother, I am caught in a cold place. Any concern for me is over what I am, not who. And, now, the one person who was trying to treat me normally has been pushed away. By me.
It's my fault. Agatha was the only human who cared about me because she could, not because she was supposed to, and I rejected her. It's my fault that I'm alone.
"Is he crying?" Agatha's quiet voice shocks me slightly, my ears still attuned to her conversation.
"I wouldn't be surprised, the poor dear. He's been through so much lately." Ayers' reply touches something on my soul, something so unexpectedly powerful that my knees buckle. I crash into a sitting position, hands flying to my face as I break down. I have never sobbed before, have never let out any more than a few tears, but I do now, everything seeming to come out at once. Footsteps run towards me, but I do not look up.
"Eclipse," gasps Agatha, hovering next to me. "Eclipse, what's wrong?" She does not touch me, knowing I do not not like it, but, for once, I crave closeness with someone. Anyone.
"W-Why do you care?" I ask, trying to wipe my face but failing miserably as more tears replace the cleared ones. "I pushed you away. Why do you still care?" My words are distorted by the irregular breaths I am taking, but she seems to understand. Her voice softens even more, and she just barely brushes my shoulder.
"Eclipse, don't be foolish. I care about you, and I will no matter how much you snap at me. You don't stop caring for someone just because they hurt you. That's not how the brain works." Her answer takes a moment to sink in, but my eyes widen as it does.
"Can you say that again?" I ask, wiping tears from my cheek.
"That you don't stop caring for people when they hurt you? Well, yeah. Often, it hurts more because you care about them."
"I know," I reply, a slight whimper in my tone. "That's why..." I trail off, eyes stinging as I scrub at them. "That's why it's so hard, hating Shadow. I know how much I used to care, so it's so much worse, now...
"But, nevermind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have overreacted so much. I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Don't worry about that, Eclipse. We know you're hurting."
I look up at her, eyes watering. I don't understand how she and Professor Ayers can tolerate me being so insufferable, but I am inexpressibly grateful for them.
"Besides, I doubt you've completely stopped caring about Shadow, if you don't mind me saying so," Ayers adds gently, and I blink in confusion.
"What do you mean?" I ask, curious as to why she would think that.
"In all of your arguments, you've been so intent on your words. When you truly hate someone, you don't feel the desire to make them understand. But, you do. You want Shadow to know how you feel."
I look down, considering this. It sounds unfortunately correct, though I have not wanted to have anything but negative feelings for my half-brother.
With that thought, a sudden rush of comprehension floods me.
"I guess you're right. All this time, I've been getting mad at myself.
"See, the thing is, I do have affection Shadow, but I feel like I shouldn't. He murdered my father, and he doomed my entire species. How can I let myself care for him? But, when he kept trying to make amends, I couldn't help but want to set aside my grief.
"I was mad at myself, for being so selfish. So, I kept getting angry, and Shadow was the receiver of my turmoil. I've been unfair, to be angry at him for his recent actions. Since I have come here, I have been the reprehensible one, not Shadow." I sigh, letting my head hang. "I know he's been trying to help me, but I found him so infuriating that I was never grateful for it. That's my flaw, not his, isn't it?"
The question is rhetorical, but Agatha answers anyways.
"Well, sometimes it's hard to accept someone's help, especially when you don't like them and definitely so when you've gone through such a terrible event. That's completely understandable. But, you have been a little mean to him. He doesn't have much of an option when he's given orders, and it's become pretty clear that he really didn't want to fight against his own species again." She looks at me, apologetic.
"I know you're probably already aware, but Shadow would face a lot of consequences if he refused to follow an order of that magnitude. First degree insubordination like that? He'd be imprisoned. And if he ever joined the enemy side..." She shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "Well, Commander Tower might take pity on him, if he defected back or didn't hurt anyone. But, if he did, death is the only available penalty. Even for Shadow. It would take a miracle to convince G.U.N. otherwise."
"Even when you've been so lenient with me?" I ask, shocked that the humans would squander their best resource.
"You're pretty clean, aside from the New Black Comet and Master Emerald incidents. Whatever you've done, you haven't caused that much measurable havoc. Shadow, on the other hand, has a record of nearly leading to the world's destruction several times. It's amazing he's been trusted enough to work here. I honestly thought that the Commander would place him in stasis again or euthanize him, after the first fight with your species."
"But, what of the worse villains? Why is Shadow viewed more harshly?" I question, thinking of the few I know from my relative's memories.
"They're not under our jurisdiction. Mobians answer to other forces."
"Isn't Shadow classified as a Mobian?" I ask, confused by this point and oddly concerned.
"He works for G.U.N. So, yes, but anyone who's employed here is subject to the same rules."
"That's rather depressing," I grunt, not liking this. "Villains can get away with everything while Shadow, a hero on this planet, runs the risks of far greater consequences than them because he wants to protect his world. It seems counter-intuitive."
"Well, yes, but there's a reason G.U.N. is considered stable and trusted enough to be the guardian of Mobius. The Freedom Fighters, for example, are prone to things like betrayals because anyone can get in and there are no official consequences for sabotage. When there's no downside, opportunistic villains will happily waltz in and set the heroes back.
"Shadow joined up with us because he needed resources to protect the planet, but I think he also knew he needed regulations. It's too easy to start thinking you always know best when you're far more powerful than everyone around you. Shadow knows what will happen if he defies the Commander. Even in a world-wide crisis, we would prioritize hunting him down if he became a threat.
"It's safest for everyone that he's here, even him. If he had free reign, he could easily be corrupted. A villain with as much power as he has would, at the very least, have their abilities permanently blocked by surgical removal of the organ that processes Chaos Energy. And that's probably worse than death, for Shadow."
"I would agree," I reply softly, shivering at the idea. "Being completely powerless, it would destroy him. I cannot imagine such a fate."
"Well, not completely powerless," says Ayers, miffed. I remember that humans do not have the gift of Chaos, and I grin sheepishly.
"You know what I mean."
"Mmh," she grunts, but she smiles. "As long as you're feeling better, I'll let that one slide."
"Speaking of feeling better... Do you still want to go through with this?" Agatha asks, gesturing towards the lab. I consider it for a moment, then nod, taking a deep breath.
"Yes. I'm not about to let a simple argument prevent me from keeping my obligations," I decide, giving them both an apologetic look for this next part. "If I did, I'd never get anything done..."
They both laugh, and I feel my smile become a little less forced.
Ayers finishes hooking me up, and she runs me through how the test will run. First, I will be rammed with blunt force objects until something either breaks, or I cannot bear it anymore. Surprisingly, as the Professor informs me, Shadow was forced to take the latter option after being utterly exhausted, since his bones refused to break no matter how hard he was hit. After that, my resistance to sharp objects will be tested, which involves lots of small cuts. Lastly, the same will be done with energy, although I am not entirely sure what that will entail.
I am starting to see why Shadow was so upset about me doing this, I mutter internally, but I am not about to back down now. But, then. these sorts of things could happen anytime in battle, I remind myself, trying to take solace in the fact. I might as well know what I can take.
Still, when it comes time for the first round to begin, I regret my choice. I am freestanding, waiting for a large, flat hunk of metal to hit me like a train. I watch nervously as final adjustments are made, then brace myself as the humans leave for safer areas.
Whatever it is that powers the smashing mechanism pulls it back, and I gulp, my vision spinning a bit. I have just enough time to think, I am an utter moron, and the block is upon me.
It hits me like a small moon. I am hurled off to the side, my back slamming into a metal wall and bringing me to an abrupt halt. Dazed, I pull myself from the indent I made and try to keep my mind off of the searing pain I am feeling everywhere.
"Are you good for another round, Eclipse? Anything feeling broken?" Ayers asks over the room's speakers, jolting my consciousness back. I had not even realized it was fading, which concerns me, but I shake it off and force a smile.
"Yeah," I call, mind and vision finally sharpening. I can feel my body straining to heal from the hefty damage, and I memorize the sensation so that I am prepared for it next time.
This is crazy, I think, wondering how this test was ever conceived. Useful, yes, but crazy. I am surprised Shadow held up--his healing is slower than mine. I return to my spot, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm my panicking internal systems.
The block hits again. I manage not to cry out this time, either, but it is a close call. My limp form makes a new dent in the unforgiving wall, and I try not to stagger as I climb to my feet.
Of course, I continue, vision swimming, Shadow is more endurance based. He is made to take hits like these, but I am not. That is why I have a monster form for brute force fighting. Ayers had told me that G.U.N. will not test my monster form until I can maintain it longer, so, thankfully, I do not have to suffer through that today, as well. This test is enough already.
I limp back, feeling my gait straighten as my healing factor screams obscenities at me. I can tell my body is wondering just what in Chaos I am doing, just standing here and letting myself be thrown around like a ragdoll. I wish I could tell it, but I am not entirely sure why I am doing this, myself.
The next time I let my pride get me into something like this, I am telling Agatha to slap me, I grumble, angry at my past self. Idiotic is not a strong enough word.
"Eclipse, we have some good data now," Ayers' voice booms from the ceiling again. "Would you like to go another round?"
"Sure," I reply, ignoring the indulgent swearing I am hearing from every muscle.
I am going to experience this in battle, one day. So, shush, I tell myself, annoyed by the pain. It fades slightly as I wait for the next impact, but my third contact brings it all back explosively.
"Kry!" I hear my throat let out a small, involuntary yelp, and my back arches as it slams into the metal again.
Krykrykrykry, I moan internally, tears springing to my eyes. Chaos, that hurt. That really, really hurt. I slide down the wall, slowly regaining control of my breathing. I can feel my vision darkening, my body wanting to automatically shut down and let me heal, but I resist it. I am on the threshold of its limits; I wonder how much force it took before I got to this point. My Chaos reserves are dangerously low, and I know another hit might do me in.
This is why I do not just stand there in combat, I groan, shakily standing and leaning heavily on the wall. Full-force hits can incapacitate me completely, so I avoid them. But, in case I am ever struck by some brute, at least I know what it is like.
I stumble across the floor, barely standing. Ayers does not ask if I want to do another round, but I suppose it is evident from my reaction that the answer is a resounding 'No.'
Halfway to the door, Agatha rushes out to meet me, and I pause in my arduous journey. For a moment, she hesitates, unsure how much help I need, but something in my face must show my pain because she forgoes merely supporting me and scoops me up instead.
"Eh?" I ask, a little confused, and she hefts me a little higher against her chest.
"Break time," she says casually, but I can tell she is worried about me. I wonder at the strength of her strides as she carries me, surprised that a human can support an extra three-fifths of her weight and not be obviously slowed.
I suppose they are not powerless, I think, noting it. Normally, I would be embarrassed at needing so much assistance, but I simply do not have the energy for that. Instead, I am grateful, and I lean my head against her shoulder in relief.
In fact, when she finally goes to put me down in a chair, I resist the loss of contact, gripping onto her uniform.
"Eclipse, what are you doing? Come on, it's not--ouch!" I flinch back, not having meant to claw her. "Watch those talons, okay? I'll hold you." She sighs, shifting me a bit, and I bask in happiness. I have not been held since I was just a hatchling--I had forgotten how secure it is, a sensation that stays even when I am being carried by a completely different creature, apparently.
It does not matter what she is. She has affection for me, and that is why it is comforting, I realize, smiling. I can feel my Chaos returning to its normal levels, but I do not want to relinquish this, so I do not mention it.
Which, of course, means someone else reveals it for me.
"You can put him down now," Ayers says, walking over. "He's back at sixty-something percent of his normal power. He'll be fine for sitting on his own."
"Oh, really?" Agatha queries, amused. "I figured. No excuses now," she teases, switching her attention to me. "Down you go." She places me in the chair, and I shiver at the cold metal against my skin.
"No..." I complain, pouting for the first time since my earliest days.
"Chaos, you're like a baby," she chuckles, rubbing a hand over my head. I blink at the touch, but it is hardly unenjoyable. "Sometimes I forget how young you are."
"How do you know how old I am?" I ask, curious that humans have figured it out.
"Oh, um, Shadow guessed you were about seven months old about a month or so ago. By human standards, that's really young."
"Well, he was right," I grunt, yawning in an attempt to get my energy levels back up. "If my time at G.U.N. has been a month, then I would place it as about one-seventh or eighth of my life."
"Really? That's interesting," Ayers muses, glancing up from her handheld computer. "You're ninety percent recharged now. Are you about ready for the next test? This one is a lot easier, I promise. That's why we did blunt force resistance first."
"Sharp objects, right?" I ask, gingerly stretching my arms. She nods, gesturing to an array of different materials on a tray that one of the younger researchers is carrying over. I look curiously at some of that gleam like gemstones, and she reads my gaze, smiling.
"Some of those are softer than typical metals. We're going to see how your skin resists different hardnesses, in addition to various levels of sharpness. No deep cuts; just little scratches. And these won't send you flying." I grin a bit at that, nevertheless resisting the urge to wince as I am reminded of the bruises I will inevitably have tomorrow.
As my last few minutes of rest tick by, I find my gaze drawn towards the door which, not so long ago, Shadow had slammed out of. I feel my stomach twist slightly, as if in uncertainty, but I push it away. It is not like I can never apologize to him. I am sure he will be back, at some point; he never knows when to quit.
I stretch again, relaxing. I was a little mean to him, but it is hardly the last time we will interact. I will just say sorry the next time we meet. He will probably be thrilled, anyways, that I am even talking to him.
Ugh, I grunt, shaking my head. He is so hopeless. But, I will try. Agatha obviously wants me to. I ought to, for my own sake.
I just wonder when he will be back.
Author's Note: Hehe. I almost feel guilty for not addressing what happened to Shadow in this chapter, but it was originally planned! This chapter got so long with an (important) added scene that I was forced to divide it. On the bright side, the extra wait to find out about Shadow's fate will give me time to write an important transition chapter that comes behind the one after this that I didn't have in before. So, an extra week for an extra chapter and a much smoother run of events. I think it'll be worth it!
I hope you enjoyed this one. Eclipse is finally figuring out how he feels about Shadz! I'm so proud. xD You two will be brothers yet!