Thank you to those that read! Your comments are very sweet <3 This chapter is long as balls!
Also, I got to meet Hizashi's voice actor at an anime convention I just went to! He's so nice!
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM AND BLOOD. THERE IS ALSO MENTIONS OF ASSAULT. DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERED.
It's been a full week since you've seen Hizashi, but he's texted you every day. It was so odd, he was talking to you as if you both have known each other for years, but it's just now been a month. 'He's not even my friend...just feels pity for me.' You sighed closing your eyes, your naked body slowly sinking into the sizzling hot water of your bathtub. Your skin was hot, steam rising above the water that encased you in its trap. It should burn, should be making your skin feel raw and sting, but it felt so good, so soothing to your tired body. "So! Anything new in your life buddy? Any special lady friend?" Your eyes quickly flew to the radio placed on your bathroom counter as you listened in on the radio station, your heartbeat beginning to pick up in speed.
"Heh, well, yeah actually." His voice, Hizashi's voice answered the other mans question, his tone uncharacteristically shy. The other guy most have noticed as he laughed out loud. "Oh ho ho! You're turning red Mic! She got you all flustered." He teased the pro hero, your feet pressing onto the end of the tub as you forced yourself under the water more, your nose barely visible as you inhaled deeply. "Well, I haven't known her too long, but I'm working on it! She's a real beauty, hope she's listening tonight!" With your heart in your throat, you dunk your whole head under the burning water, your eyes screwing shut as you felt your (H/C) hair sway around you. 'He's not talking about me.. He's so out of my league it's pathetic.' Releasing an air bubble from your now red lips, your eyes slowly opened ignoring the stinging sensation against them. 'Never, ever, would he notice me like that... Part of me wishes he would... Why? I don't deserve affection let alone love... I'll never be good enough for anyone..'
Releasing more air bubbles from your lips, you had half a mind to just let yourself drown right here and now. However, you slowly lifted your head from the water and greedily breathed in the air around you, eyes landing on the radio as Hizashi's laugh flowed through the small speakers causing painful goose bumps to break out over your body, a sharp tingle shooting down your spine. You promised yourself you wouldn't listen to his show, that it was on too late and you should just force yourself to go to bed. Of course you lied. Anger bubbling in your chest, your quirk activated as your now glowing white eyes forced the radio to break, sizzling as it died giving out a few weak sparks before the room was quiet again.
Staring at the now busted radio, your eyes slowly faded back to normal as your bottled up anger was now trying to resurface. It was so hard for you to understand how you felt; if you were dead you wouldn't have to be dealing with stupid ass boy problems. Gritting your teeth in frustration, you reached over grabbing your razor spinning it around in your hand slowly. The sharp blade glinted in the dim lighting of your bathroom mocking you. 'If only he never saw me on that God damn bridge, or that coffee shop...' Before you even processed what you were doing, you had one of your legs out of the water and was pressing the blade down harshly against your upper thigh. Little beads of red began to ooze from the surface of split skin before it dribbled down the side of your leg and into the water. Repeating the process over again, you pressed the sharp blade even harder against your skin right below the fresh cut, this one bleeding much faster rolling off your wet skin and beading into the water turning the area a faded red.
You weren't sure if you were used to the pain or you just completely lost all of your ability to give a fuck, but you repeated this action seven more times before finally getting out of the bathtub. Wrapping up your cuts was like second nature to you; you could do this with your eyes closed. It was half past midnight and you were anything but tired. Deciding to go and take a walk in the brisk Fall weather, you changed into skinny jeans, a black fitted turtleneck, your black leather jacket and your black combat boots. Brushing your hair out, you grabbed your phone, keys and were out the door. Not having a destination in mind, you shoved your hands in your pockets and put one foot in front of the other wondering where you would end up. 'Whatever girl he likes, she's so lucky...' Shaking your head out of those stupid thoughts, your legs stopped moving as your body was now standing in front of a lighted building, music playing from inside. Looking up you realized you were in front of a bar. 'Huh...Okay, this works I guess.' Pushing open the door and walking inside, you ignored all the rowdy conversation around you over the faint bass of the music as you sat down on a stool at the counter of the bar.
The man instantly smiled as he saw you with a nod, you just gave an awkward nod back. Of course he had to check your I.D, which didn't take any longer than a few minutes. "What can I get you?" You blinked as you looked at the menu behind him. "Uhm, could I please just get some sake?" He nodded still smiling as he grabbed a glass. "Sure! One sec." You nodded and felt your boots lightly kick against the counter as you waited. Your thigh was on fire, but it let you know you could still feel something, even if it's pain. 'Holy shit, I am fucked up..' The bartender slid your drink on the counter to you and you clutched the cool glass with a hand, holding it up to your cold lips and taking a drink. It coated your throat, the taste bitter, but you found yourself downing the whole cup. Before you knew it, you had your third cup in hand, a heavy buzz igniting your system.
Your phone buzzed in your pocket making you jump before you fished it out of your pocket sliding your thumb across the screen. "Hey Pretty Lady! I'm out of the station early, you awake? I know you're a night owl!" Swallowing the lump in your throat re-reading Hizashi's text, you took a long drink of your sake before finding yourself typing back with your thumb. "I'm awake." Why was he still talking to you? You wanted to laugh, but blamed the alcohol on that. Curse you for being a light weight. "Sweet! You home?" Taking another drink, you moved your thumb in a sloppy rhythm. "No. I'm out getting shit faced." You snorted at your response. It was impressive how fast Hizashi texted. 'Probably texts other girls that are actually pretty...' Your mind was making you feel worse, but your eyes landed on the screen again seeing he texted back quickly. "Y/N....that's not good. Where are you? I'll come get you." Going to take a drink of your sake, you realized it was all gone letting the bartender get you another glass before you responded again. "I'm fine dude." Were you? 'I'm never fine.' As if reading your mind, he quickly responded. "Please tell me where you are Y/N, I wanna see you!" Why..?
Taking another gulp larger than necessary, you gave in and told him. "I'm at a bar... Uhh... Moonlit Gardens." Once you sent that text you scolded yourself. Why did you tell him? "Shit really!? I'm like, not even a block from there! On my way Sweets." Sighing you shoved your phone back in your pocket and stared blankly at the counter as you took another drink. It's late, you should be home drowning in your misery alone and not talking to Hizashi. Speak of the devil, you heard the door swing open and quick footsteps approach you feeling your body tense up. "There you are!" Hearing his voice, you nervously looked at him seeing a grin on his face, his green eyes sparkling at you behind his black framed glasses. He was dressed casually again and you found yourself biting your lip. 'He looks...nice....fucking alcohol, shut up. He thinks I'm disgusting..'
He ordered a simple beer from the bartender before taking it and turning back to you with that same damn smile. "I'm a bit surprised you're here, you okay?" You nodded as he took a small drink from his glass, his eyes never leaving yours. "Never better." You replied blankly taking another drink. "How many of those have you had?" He eyed you and your half full glass wearily as you shrugged. "I don't know like, five?" He frowned and gently took the cup from you after you set it down. "I think that's enough now Y/N, you don't look so good." It was true; you were slightly wobbly, the dark shadows under your eyes more prominent, the color from your face was draining and you looked exhausted. You huffed. "Dude, I never look good." This made him frown even more. "You're right." He said causing you to raise a brow at him seeing his grin slowly return. "You always look amazing!"
His shout startled you, but thanks to the music and hyper conversation flowing through the room no one seemed to notice. "Uh huh. Thanks." You mumbled staring at the wall in front of you over the bar and at the brightly lit lights. Tensing up, you felt him scoot closer to you so he could actually have a conversation with you. "So what are you really doing here? Talk to me." What was he? A therapist now? 'Lord knows I fucking need one...' You sighed scratching the side of your head as you shrugged. You could feel the alcohol in your system and your mind was foggy. "Just thinking I guess..." He set his beer aside and looked right down at you fully focused on you. "About what?" Running a hand down your face you shook your head feeling a headache threaten to hit you. "I don't know? Life? How much it fucking sucks? The normal shit people think about?" His frown was back as he watched you. 'I sure disappoint him a lot..' Turning now to fully face you in his seat, his brows furrowed more. "Well, tell me about it?" He asked, but you found your eyes drifting past him and land on some guy at a table in the far corner.
Glaring at the guy, you felt a harsh tingle down your spine and instantly your deepest and darkest memories resurfaced. Hizashi blinked in confusion before turning his head following your eyes at the guy who was laughing loudly with a group of guys who were clearly drunk. "You know him?" He asked oddly looking back at you, you finally ripping your angry eyes away. "No...He just....He looks like my ex.." The blondes brows rose as he took a drink of his beer. "I'm guessing it didn't go so well?" You gritted your teeth glaring down at the counter in front of you. "I mean, if you consider getting beat up and sexually assaulted everyday by your boyfriend going well, sure." Your eyes instantly widened as you shut your mouth instantly. Hizashi's eyes were wide as well, his lips parted and body stiffening. "What did you say?" He asked seriously and you shook your head standing up quickly only to sway and grab at your head. "Fuck..." You whimpered and he was instantly at your side. He quickly slapped some money down on the counter before putting his full attention on you.
His hands were gentle as they softly took your forearms to steady you, his body leaning down so his mouth was near your ear. "Let's get you home, okay?" The gentle tone that flooded from his mouth was so warming that it made you shiver. You let him slide an arm around your waist helping you walk outside and into the fresh air. The chilled breeze felt good on your heated skin as you rested your side against his, though you were incredibly tense. He could feel it, but now he understood why you always tensed at any physical contact. Hizashi felt instant anger and sadness erupt within him just imaging what you actually went through. "Y/N, where do you live?" He gently asked and you slowly looked up with tired eyes as your body was slightly hunched over. "In a house, duh." He wanted to laugh at that, but given the situation he just honestly wanted to find this asshole ex-boyfriend of yours and beat the shit out of him. "My apartment is not even five minutes away, are you okay with coming over? I'm not going to try anything." His voice was gentle still and it reassured you and you hated that you trusted him right now. 'I can't trust anyone...'
You found yourself nodding even though you were screaming at yourself mentally. He gave a small smile and helped you continue to walk. Once you reached his apartment, helping you walk up each step, he unlocked the door and inside you both went. You felt so emotionally exhausted. It was the alcohol helping you feel even more of a disaster, and you just wanted to scream, cry and die, but you had to somehow keep your emotions under control or your quirk would destroy the building. Everything was a blur to you once he led you to his room. Hizashi helped you out of your jacket, took your boots off and even held the cup for you that was full of water to drink. Once you laid down in his bed, he gently ran his fingers through your silky soft hair helping to relax you. "Get some sleep sweetheart, I'm going to take the couch. If you need me, just holler okay?" For a voice hero, he was talking so softly and it lulled you to sleep, his gentle smile and nurturing eyes the last sight you had before you fell asleep. 'Hizashi... I don't deserve this... I've killed people....'
I'M SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG? I LOVE YOU ALL! <3