Anika stood rooted where he had left her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He knew her slightest hesitation. She felt mad at herself. She should have given in. She could clearly see how much he needed her. But her fear had no ends. What if they only ended up settling for this physical relationship? Both of them knew they were craving for each other. Craving for that touch, for that love. But she was so far away so lost. She was afraid of letting him be so close to her. It had hurt those nights when she craved for him and he wasn't there. It hurt the same way today. But what hurt more was her fears, her insecurities were hurting him. She couldn't put an end to this.
She stared away at the night sky visible from the glass door that lead to the pool area. The night was still and stagnant today. No breeze. Still she felt cold. His warmth was missing. He was right there and she pushed him away and now she missed him. She held her head sobbing. "What's wrong with me!" She cried , "Shivaay!" . He was the only one who could help her out of this and she rejected his advances. This was maddening.
Lost in thoughts she changed out of that dress and slipped on a pair of soft cotton shorts and a long sleeveless top. She looked at the huge bed. Should she call him? No. He'd be mad at her. She was afraid her rejection would've hurt him. But she did not know what to do. She was neither here nor there. Slowly she got on the bed, putting out all the lights except the one above the study table. She closed her eyes but his face came before her. Turning to one side she let silent tears, hot and painful, trickle down to the pillow. What was she doing?
* * *
He was frustrated, physically and emotionally. No matter how hard he tried to be with her like before, there was something in her way that landed up like a slap on his face. She was almost normal the entire day. He was loving everything. He loved how they danced after so long. He loved how she had possessively put her hands around his neck while dancing. He loved her smile. He loved those eyes shining with desire for him.
But in that moment of heat he saw doubt in her eyes, and confusion in her manner he was left shocked. She had never been so unsure, never been so much in doubt. Was she simply reacting to what he was doing? Wasn't it two way? Had he simply seduced her to it with no heart from her side? Of course not. He had seen it in her eyes. The same flames in his. But when she had answered his question he was left broken again. He wasn't used to being rejected, and being rejected by her in anyway was his worst nightmare. It had simply come to live.
Rubbing his hand on his forehead he walked to take a nice cold shower. Maybe it would help a little bit. Even in the shower he found himself stuck with that answer she had given him. He had craved for her touch. Her touch that soothed his heart and burned his flesh. He had his needs. He had kept himself away from her. At nights lonely, all he imagined was his wife and her love. Now, that she was so close to him he still couldn't be close to her. Why was she doing this? There must be something very wrong. What? Did something terrible happen when he was away? But if it was so, she would have told him. She told him every damn thing. Even if the smallest toe of her feet hurt he knew it. It was like there was no filter. He liked that. She'd tell him everything, without fear of being judged by him or feeling of hiding herself from him. That's what he loved about her. She appeared on the outside as she was inside. Then why was she holding back, what was she hiding, why was she so disputed around him? Was she keeping a secret?
He was getting restless. Stray thoughts flashing across his mind. Then he was feeling vulnerable, rejected by her. He always wanted to be the number one in her eyes. He wanted to see her proud of him. He did certainly not want her to feel unhappy because of him.
Pinching the bridge of his nose he walked downstairs to get himself a drink. He generally drank when he was too sad or too happy. He had skipped alcohol in the party because he did not want to ruin the warmth his heart felt with intoxic heat of the liquid. But right now, it would help him ease out the pang. Luckily enough, the place was still a mess after the party. Locating a glass and bottle was much easier. He looked at the bottle. Would he get too drunk to walk back into his room, to her? He did not trust himself. He poured some liquid in the glass and took just that. Getting laid up and walking to his sleeping wife was not even an option.
Leaving the bottle behind he walked upstairs. Sitting by the window he sipped the liquid. Memories kept him company. Memories from their outings, honeymoon, marriage, dates before the wedding. A small smile crept up his face. He was so doomed in her love. But he liked it that way. Rather be doomed in her love than not be in love. He looked at the clock after gulping the last bit of the golden liquid in the fancy crystal glass. It was barely a forty-five. Another round wouldn't hurt. He stopped midway in the corridor. Don't get drunk! He followed the advice the good man inside him gave. He walked to his room instead.
He entered slowly. She had slept. Closing the door, he placed the glass he had been carrying on the side table. She looked so vulnerable. He could see the tracks left behind by her dried tears. She had been crying! Oh God ! The room was hot. She was sleeping with the duvet just over her legs. He walked over to switch on the air conditioner she hadn't taken care to turn on. He then switched off the lamp she had left on. He just couldn't sleep in light. Anyway there was plenty of rays coming in through the glass from the poolside.
He walked over to the bed and pulled the duvet properly over her sleeping figure. He placed his knee on the bed, knelt forward and kissed her forehead. Quickly he walked away to the couch. He lay on the couch, looking at her. He sighed, closing his eyes.
* * *
She looked up as she walked in. She could see his back. He was- he was kissing someone. The woman was kissing him back. Her jaw dropped in shock. He moved with the woman to the bed not breaking the contact between their bodies. She couldn't see the woman's face, on the verge of crying she called his name- "Shivaay!"
She sat up panting. Sweat drops on her forehead. She felt movement and looked around. Why was it dark? What was that - a nightmare? Breathing heavily she found the bed empty and suddenly the lights by the bed went on and he rushed to her side. "Anika..Anika are you okay?"
She felt relief cascade down her senses on seeing him there. That was the worse nightmare she'd ever had. Her husband making out with another woman. Who was that woman? Was it her? Or - or someone else? She shuddered looking at him. He offered her a glass of water. She gulped a little. Placing the glass back on the side table, he sat close to her holding her hands. "Anika are you okay?" He could see she was shuddering from the shock. Seems like she had a bad nightmare.
"Shivaay!" She said to make sure it was him.
"I am here!" He said cupping her face.
She placed her hands on his palms, as though to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.
"What happen?"
She looked at him. Into his eyes. It was her Shivaay. She was scared she'd lost him. She hugged him like she'd die if she remained far.
He was taken aback& was too simple a phrase to explain what he felt. Her arms around his back, her face buried in his chest. She held him so tightly. Just like she used too! Not a hug with arms around his neck, a hug with arms around his chest all the way to the back. Her ear so close to the heart, he was sure she could hear his heart beating crazily for her. He wrapped his arms around her, caressing her head. "It's fine, I am here." He said kissing her hair, comforting her. He hayed how she was trembling in his arms. He gently rubbed her arms and then his hands went back to her head, keeping her close.
His warmth, his touch, his presence was soothing at first. The longer she stayed close, the more they tantalized her. He slowly pulled away, looking down at her face. Strands of her hair were stuck to his chest and a few were pasted to the side of her face. He gently sorted those unruly locks and then placed a kiss on her forehead. "You okay?" He asked cupping her face.
She nodded. He moved a little sitting away. She held his hand. "Don't leave, me. " she said quickly staring at him.
He turned back to her, putting his arm around her again."I will never. "
She shifted closer resting her face against his chest once again. He gently stroked her hair resting his chin on her head lightly. "Anika, "
"Hmm."
"It's okay. Sleep. I am here. With you." He tried easing her.
She looked up at him, shifting still closer. Raising her hand she placed it on his face. Her fingers moving on his cheeks. His lips parted as he stared at her. He held her hand and kissed it. She cupped his face moving her lips closer. He did not know what to understand of this. An hour ago she wasn't willing to make love. But now ?
Her lips pressed against his. She sucked at his lower lip. Immediately her hand went around his head pulling him closer. He was lost when her tongue swiped into his mouth. Forgetting to think, he pulled her head closer, letting his fingers disappear in her hair. Their tongues mating like they'd been away for a century. She pushed him back, breathing heavily, not moving her lips away.
They both were taking in shaky, shallow breaths. They stared at each other, his thumb gently rubbing her neck.Unable to contain the distance he pulled her back into a fiery and passionate kiss she more than responded. Their tongues engaged in an intimate dance. She pushed herself more into his arms. His hands moved in her hair kissing her like there was no tomorrow.
Once again when they pulled apart for desperate need of air, they stared at each other. She titled her head, moving her lips to his side neck. He closed his eyes feeling every bit of the sensations she was arousing in every cell of his being. "Love me Shivaay!" She said kissing his neck while her hands moved along his strong arms. His arms massaged her shoulder before slightly pushing her to lie. He stared at her, she looked at him with the same need. Cursing he pressed his lips against hers. Kissing her madly. Her hands made it to his face. His hands moved lower. She moaned. He broke apart. Quickly getting rid of her top she wore he lay her back. Much to his expectation there was nothing beneath. He had got her into a habit of not wearing her inner at night, after he had read the article about Breast Cancer.
Slowly his lips began their journey from her neck downwards. She arched herself weaving her fingers through his hair. Her moans set him on the edge. In next few seconds he had done away with his own vest. With bare upper bodies they lay entangled. She ran his finger over his abs. Oh, she loved the feeling. He couldn't get enough of her to kiss. She had lost all those flabs, he couldn't help but miss pinching them. Suddenly, he felt her feet move his leg. He smirked slightly looking into her eyes. She knew how to get his attention. She pulled his head down kissing him fervently. He kissed her back just the same, his hands conflicts her bosom. "Shivaay!" She moaned as she felt his pinch. His eyes clouded with hunger of the flesh, he gazed deeply into her eyes. He loved how she moaned his name. He had missed it so much. He had missed her so much. The mere presence of her.
Ina jiffy he was sitting up pulling down her shorts, not breaking their gaze. Momentarily he looked at her perfect long legs. His hands on their own caressed her legs all the way up till the waist. She colored up breathing heavily. With every breath her bosom rose and fell. "Anika!" He groaned, kissing her neck. A moment of separation and he got rid of his tracks. She blushed to resemble a beet root. He was astonished but nevertheless was enjoying it.
She closed her eyes, feeling the contact of his skin with hers. His fingers madly moved over her abdomen downwards. She held on to his shoulder as his fingers drove her crazy. She felt his fingers between her legs. She found him looking at her intently. She held on tighter to his shoulders. She let out a sharp gasp feeling that familiar forgotten feeling surge through her body as he slowly slides into her. Slowly he started moving, their gazes not willing to tear. He bent over her shoulder, "I missed you!" His eyes had moisture. A tear escaped her eyes. Hugging him, she whispered black, " I missed you too!" He had been wanting to listen to that.
He kissed her temple. Steadily he increased his pace while nibbling at her shoulder. She dug her fingernails into his bare back as he drove her into a world of ecstasy. Their moans began filling the room. She couldn't make out the difference between his pulse and her heartbeats. She was melting away into him. He began moving faster, she moaned his name into his ears. "Love you!" She heard him say between rattling breaths. She clutched hard feeling him give away himself to her. She herself embraced him pouring out her heart. With broken breaths he collapsed over her. She loved the feeling of his weight over her. "You want me to move?" He asked concerned.
"No stay." She said wrapping her arms around him. Once her breathing went back to normal she started gently stroking his back in a lazy periodic manner. She could hear his settled breath ringing softly in her ear. "I missed you!" He said in a vulnerable voice. She had tears shining in her eyes. "I missed you too!" She said wrapping her arms fully around him. Before he knew she had turned them over. She stared at him as she lay on top of him. Her fingers rubbed the short tear path down his eyes. She then kissed his eyes. Yet, once again she steadily pressed her lips over his. Soon they were kissing passionately again.
After what seemed like a long tiring night, they settled beside each other. He pulled over the duvet and they slept in content. She moved her face closer to his chest. Kissing him there she held on tightly to him. He had her held in his protective hold. She couldn't help but smile to sleep. The feeling was precious to her. The feeling of having him so close to her.
Woosh!
Took longer to write that!
-Anami!