I see cold, blue eyes watching me from the shadows. I relax. I know those eyes, eyes of my first friend in the palace, when I was Mareena. I walk towards the dark, for these eyes will be my light. It will guide me.
But it becomes harder to breathe as I approach. Smoke rise from my skin. I feel like melting, but I continue. Faster, faster, the path never ends, the blue eyes are getting farther and farther. Blood is on my hands, arms, legs- everywhere, sharp metal cutting me out of nowhere. I try to avoid them, but I am getting weak. My lungs are suffocating, and I try to cry, to ask for it to save me.
Kill me, I say instead, my voice hoarse, for I just remembered that blue fire is the deadliest.
I jolt awake, hungry for air, like my lungs can't get enough of it. Warm hands hold my face, dark eyes instructing me to do it steadily. I remembered the blue fire, but this is different. This is Cal, he will not hurt me.
I am alive, but I feel like I should be dead.
Cal gently lies me down on the bed again, and I am confused. When did we have a bed? Where were we? I try to sit, but my arms hurt as I support myself up. The bandages are red.
"You're okay, Mare.. you're okay," Kilorn's voice is soothing, his green eyes home. I see sweat coming down his forehead as he nears.
I am still very tired, but I don't dare close my eyes again in fear of what I might see in the dark. I speak instead. "What happened? Where are we now?" I look around, we must be underground somewhere.
"One of the safe houses the Scarlet Guard used," I turn to Farley, who I just noticed was casually leaning in the doorway. "Good camp for us while we try to compose ourselves. We've got our routines ongoing, you should rest more. You'll need it."
My muscles feel tight, but I manage to hold myself up to drink a glass of water set by the table. Cal looks at me intently, and as the others leave, even Kilorn, I know he must have asked them to, and even before he speaks I know of the question I dread him to ask.
I noticed that his hair has grown brushing past his eyes in an unkempt way. He must not have slept while I was having my nightmares.
"What were you thinking, Mare? What's going on?" Cal doesn't look at me, and his voice is tired.
"On what?" I say, but I know what he means.
Cal's jaw tightens. He knows I am lying. "Maven. Why do you still believe in him? Do you realize you are living in irony, with leading us and still pinning for him?"
I want to correct him- but he has a point. I am the one who brought him here, and now he shares my world of exile. Before I can even doubt myself, I tell Cal of Maven's visits to me- how he finds me and reminds me that he is still the boy we know; my betrothed, his brother.
The room's temperature gets warm along with Cal's mood, but he doesn't interrupt me. I leave out most of the scene from Maven's secret hideaway, fearing he might burst into flames. He doesn't speak even when I finish.
"It is foolish- but he's there, Cal, he let me get away... I thought... but he, he didn't answer me why he was killing them. He said I have to trust him. But I don't know, Cal.. I don't know anymore"
The bedside table breaks in Cal's fist, his hand bleeding silver. It happened so fast, I am momentarily startled. He could have burned, but he chose to feel it instead. He breathes heavily, but it is his words that scar me.
"You spill blood for a person who didn't hesitate to spill yours."
He stomps out the door, and I am left broken inside again. I welcome the silence, though it is deafening. I feel the pain all over my body, and my blood seeps through the bandages. It must be time to change them, but I cannot bring myself to call for anyone. I stare at my hands and think about the power that I have. Who decides to give power to a few Reds and equal them to the Silvers? Is it to give us a fighting chance, to strike back to the gods that have denied us of a good life?
I let Cal's words echo. Cal, a Silver prince born and bred. Now forced to be a fugitive to fight for survival, because he was betrayed by his own.
I am Mare Barrow, with powers equal to a Silver, but my blood is Red. Who am I really fighting for?
****************
Dawn comes, and I no longer wonder. I am Mare Barrow, and I will rise- rise Red as Dawn.