And the first couple of weeks were good. Not great, at least for Harry, but they were good. Harry's heart still swelled just from hearing Louis's voice through the phone. They talked basically every day for the first week, and then, as Harry got busier with schoolwork and Louis started hanging out more with Eleanor's friends, it dropped down to every other day.
When Eleanor snooped in Louis's phone and found his call history with Harry, it became a couple of times a week. Louis was extremely apologetic, and Harry promised that he understood, although he truly didn't.
Harry remembered that Louis once told him that labels didn't matter. If Louis really cared that much about him, he would be putting Harry first, not Eleanor. Even if she was his girlfriend.
So as the weeks flew by, Louis's calls became few and far between. Harry was left alone with his thoughts much more than he liked. He missed the feeling of being with Louis: safe, easy, and painless. He started doubting himself more and more, and he could feel himself drifting back into the state of mind he was in last year after the incident. And he wanted to scream for help and try to stay afloat, but he just couldn't. Because the only person who could help him didn't want to.
And he refused to beg Louis to love him.
Liam and Niall could see Louis drifting away from them as well, but they were more concerned with Harry. Although they'd known Louis for longer, Liam had shared his knowledge with Niall, and both boys knew how terribly Louis was treating Harry. They weren't taking Harry's side exactly, but they too refused to negotiate with Louis when he was acting this way.
Louis had told them, as well, when Eleanor had ordered that he stop hanging out with Harry. The boys told him that he was an idiot to put a girl over his best friend, but Louis refused to listen. He said that he just told them so that they understood why he wasn't sitting with them at lunch anymore, and that he probably wouldn't be able to hang out this Friday. Or any Friday for the foreseeable future.
So they gave up trying to change his mind, and let him make his bad decisions, saying that he would be the one to face the consequences. Even though in the back of their minds, they knew that they would always be there to help him, even after a major screw up like this.
After a few weeks of Harry moping around, they finally convinced him to go out to a party with them that Friday night. Harry was naturally reluctant at first, especially considering what had happened at the first party he'd gone to with the boys. It brought back unwanted memories, and he'd worked hard to push those feelings as far out of his mind as possible. But after persistent begging from his friends, he eventually agreed.
Niall honked his horn outside of Harry's house (thankfully Harry's mother had already left for her normal weekend business trip), and Harry hurried out of the house. He slid into the backseat and Liam turned around in the passenger seat.
"Are you excited? Because I definitely am," the brown haired boy said, practically bouncing in his seat.
"You know I'm not a big partier, Li," Harry replied quietly, fumbling with his fingers in his lap. There was no one there to tell him to quit it, but Harry immediately thought of Louis grabbing his hands and shooting him a scolding look, and he immediately dropped them to his sides.
"It'll be great," Niall interjected as he pulled onto the road in the direction of the house party.
"I wonder if those cute girls from maths are going," Liam said, glancing back at Harry with a grin. "I think one of them is super into me."
Niall rolled his eyes at Harry in the rearview mirror and Harry stifled a laugh. Liam smacked Niall playfully and Niall protested loudly, saying something about not distracting the driver. And although Louis's unique voice was missing from the group, they still laughed the whole way to the party.
As they made their way up the driveway, Harry took in the pulsing music coming from the house. He could already tell that it was packed. He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself down before following the boys inside.
"I wonder if Louis is here," Niall shouted to Liam, leaning close to the other boy so Liam would hear him. Liam shot him a pointed look and glanced back at Harry, who raised his eyebrows in response. He was tired of the two boys tiptoeing around him. It was as if they thought they couldn't mention Louis's name without Harry breaking down crying.
"If we see him, we should say hello," Harry replied loudly, grasping Liam's shoulder to get his attention and shooting him a subtle glare. Liam looked skeptical, but he nodded in agreement.
While Liam and Niall made their way to the drinks table, Harry found a "quiet" spot in the corner of the room, where he hoped that he could avoid as many drunk people as he could. He leaned carefully against the wall, glancing around as he took in his surroundings.
Harry quickly observed that the room was packed. He didn't need his eyes to tell him that -- there was a tight feeling rising in his chest, as though there wasn't enough air in the room to go around. He looked around, trying to see if anyone else was having trouble breathing, but they all seemed to be having a fine time. Maybe they were too drunk to notice.
Someone slammed into him as they walked past, muttering an angry "watch where you're going" and continuing on their way. Harry started to feel lightheaded as he searched the crowd for Liam and Niall, wanting more than anything to have his friends beside him. He felt unbelievably alone.
He remembered the last time he'd come to a party with his friends: the feeling of security that came with having Louis there with him and then, of course, Louis coming to his rescue. Harry knew he was safe with Louis, and without the older boy, anything could happen.
Without Louis there, he couldn't do it. He had to get out of there.
Little did he know, though, Louis was standing just across the room with Eleanor and her friends. He'd noticed Liam and Niall walk by towards the drinks table, and his thoughts had immediately flicked to Harry. He realized that he hadn't spoken to the boy in a while, and for a moment he was tipsy enough to wonder why. Then the memories hit him like a truck and he downed his drink in one gulp, heading toward the table for another one.
As he did, though, he saw a curly head making its way through the crowd. For a second he thought that it couldn't be Harry, but he would recognize that boy anywhere. He glanced back at his friends -- Eleanor was occupied with her group of girls. So he grabbed a drink off of the table and changed his path. He chugged the drink in one sitting for luck and pushed his way through the crowd, following Harry toward the entryway of the house.
Harry still felt like he couldn't breathe properly. His chest was tight and his heart was pounding and the many bodies pushing against him definitely weren't helping. He shoved his way toward the front door, but when he got there, he saw that there were so many people moving in that there was no way he was getting through. He turned around and surveyed the crowd, feeling more trapped than ever as he searched desperately for his friends.
When Louis got close enough to see Harry's face, his heart skipped a beat -- he'd forgotten how beautiful the green-eyed boy was. Before he could process that thought, though, he noticed the distressed expression on Harry's face; instead of his normal, thoughtful look, Harry had his bottom lip pinned tightly between his teeth and his eyes looked watery. His fingers dug into his forearm as his eyes scanned the crowd, searching for something. Someone.
"Harry?" Louis called, practically shouting to be heard over the noise. He shoved through the crowd, earning a few annoyed glares which he ignored, keeping his eyes locked on Harry. "Are you alright?"
Harry's eyes snapped down at the sound of Louis's voice and his mouth dropped open at the sight of the older boy. He'd seen him in the halls at school, but they hadn't been this close in weeks. He tried to say something, but no words came out of his mouth.
"Harry," Louis said again, finally reaching the boy. His fingers wrapped around Harry's wrist, trying to snap him back to reality. "What's wrong, love?"
"I --" Harry began, sucking in a huge breath. He still couldn't fill his lungs properly, but his body had relaxed a bit with Louis's presence. "I-I'm lost, and I'm alone, and I don't --"
"Okay, breathe, yeah?" Louis interrupted, immediately noticing Harry's distressed state. Harry's arms were practically shaking in Louis's grip, and Louis squeezed a bit tighter, trying to still the nervous boy. "Wanna go somewhere quieter? Just calm down a bit?"
Harry eyed Louis suspiciously, glancing back at the swelling crowd to do one final scan for Liam or Niall. The boys were nowhere to be found, and as much as he willed himself to say no, he felt himself nodding in agreement and letting Louis pull him toward the stairs.
"Just focus on breathing for me, yeah? Don't worry about anything else," Louis ordered as he dragged Harry into an empty bedroom. He sat the boy down on the bed and stood in front of him, studying the boy intently. "Feel any better being out of that crowd?"
Harry nodded, still working hard to fill his lungs completely. His stomach was turning flips but his chest was starting to relax, especially when he focused his attention on the beautiful boy standing in front of him. He focused on Louis's bright blue eyes and he felt himself starting to come back down to Earth.
"Jesus, Haz, you're shaking still," Louis said suddenly, kneeling down beside the bed in front of Harry.
Harry hadn't even noticed his shaking hands, but he looked down and saw them quaking in his lap. He could barely feel them.
Louis wrapped his smaller hands around Harry's, rubbing lightly circles into Harry's thumbs. "Just relax, yeah? You're alright here," Louis soothed, adding in barely a whisper, "You're alright here with me."
"Why are you helping me?" Harry finally managed to choke out, watching in awe as his hands slowly relaxed under Louis's touch. As much as he willed himself to push Louis away, his body had other plans.
Louis kept his hands wrapped around Harry's, even when the boy's hands had stilled.
"I'll always be here for you," Louis replied, keeping his gaze on Harry's lap.
And Harry wanted to say, you haven't been, but he couldn't bear to see the hurt expression on Louis's face, no matter how much he deserved it. So he muttered a quiet, "Thank you, Lou. You really didn't have to do this."
"I wasn't going to leave you alone like that," Louis replied, raising his gaze to meet Harry's.
"Thank you," Harry said again. He tore his eyes away from Louis's, mentally scolding himself for getting pulled back into the blue-eyed boy's beauty. "I think I'm okay now. I'll just sit here for a few more minutes and then head home and get some sleep. You can go back to the party. I don't want to ruin your night more than I already have."
Although Harry didn't see, Louis rolled his eyes. He squeezed Harry's hands lightly before finally letting them go and getting to his feet. "You're really something, Harry Styles," Louis said, shaking his head in disbelief as a small smirk spread across his lips.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, lifting his eyes up to Louis's face and tilting his head to the side in confusion.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not going anywhere, Harry. Not now, not ever."