#GrievingSoulWP
This is the last part of the story. Thank you for giving me another chance to improve by writing Gio and Iarra's story.
Epilogue
I didn't know how long the time had passed since she started crying in my arms. I hoped I could take away the pain that she was feeling with my embrace. Hearing her sobs and seeing the tears falling down her cheeks were all too much for me. Bawat hikbi na naririnig galing sa kanya ay may katumbas na parang punyal na tumatama sa aking puso. Sana ay tumigil na siya sa pag-iyak dahil malapit ko nang hindi kayanin ang bigat na aking nararamdaman.
Kung kaya ko lang maibalik ang buhay ng lalaking minamahal niya ay baka ginawa ko na kahit na panibagong bagyo na naman ng sakit ang sisira sa akin. Wala na akong pakialam kung mawawalan ako ulit ng pag-asa basta ba muli lang siyang sumaya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pagdating sa kanya ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. It feels like the main purpose of my life is to love her unconditionally even if she wouldn't be able to give it back. Kahit ano'ng gawin ko ay hindi ko magawang kalimutan ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. I thought when I left, it would be easy because I was already away from her, but it only made things worse.
"Just one date..."
Geneveive leaned closer to me as she raised her wine glass. I was aware that she was giving me her most enticing look and I admitted to myself that she was beautiful, but I wasn't really interested with her.
"After that one date, if you don't really like me then, fine!" She leaned back again on the chair and crossed her arms. "I'll never bother you again."
I raised my eyebrows while staring at her and sipping on my wine. I couldn't help but to smirk.
The air of this woman amazed me. Her confidence is over the roof, but her pride is even higher than that.
Maybe I could give it a try. Wala namang masama kung susubukan kong lumingon sa iba. The woman I love is probably planning her future now with the man she loves. Hindi puwede manatili akong hindi umuusad sa plano kong pagkalimot. Kasi kahit na lumayo na ako ng distansya sa kanya, ang puso ko ay nanatili pa rin sa kanya. I need to control my heart now and help it find its way back to me so that I can show its way to someone else.
Subukan mo namang sumaya, Gio. Wala namang masama kung susubukan mo.
"Okay..." I lazily drawled and sipped on my wine again.
I saw her almost lost her grip on the wine glass. Her poise and elegance slightly tripped, but she immediately gained it back. She just gave me one smile as a reply to my response and raised her wine glass more.
I just chuckled and clicked my wine glass with hers. Doon lamang lumabas ang kanyang babaeng-babaeng pagtawa. Sa hitsura niya ay parang hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala na pinaunlakan ko siya.
Hindi rin naman nagtagal ay agad ko siyang nabigo. We've been dating for only two weeks, but I was already trying to slip away from her. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o maiinis sa sarili ko. I started to feel uncomfortable being with Geneveive when I saw Iarra changed her profile picture. She was looking so beautiful while wearing a floral dress and a flower crown. It was posted with a caption, "Please don't be in love with someone else."
I know it was a lyric of a song that she usually listens to and it might not be for me, but I couldn't help but to feel affected. Para sa umaasa kong puso at isipan ay para sa akin ang mensahe na 'yon. Pakiramdam ko ay senyales na 'yon para tumigil na ako sa kahibangan kong kalimutan siya dahil alam kong hindi naman iyon mangyayari.
She said I shouldn't fall in love with someone so, I won't.
Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko'y niloloko ko siya at nagtataksil ako sa kanya dahil sumubok ako sa ibang babae. I wanted to punch myself so hard and try to wake me up from my dreams. Isang palaisipan pa rin sa akin kung paano ako naging ganito pagdating sa kanya. Hindi ko alam. Basta na lang.
"Hmm... Let me guess..." Geneveive stared at me like she was trying to figure me out.
Alam kong hindi naman siya mahihirapan dahil kitang-kita na sa aking ekspresyon ang aking gustong iparating sa kanya. I never asked her out when we were dating. Laging siya ang nag-aaya sa akin at ito ang kauna-unahang beses na inaya ko siya... Ito na rin siguro ang huli.
"Well, I don't really even have to guess 'cause it's written all over your face..." she said it so lightly even though she already knew what's going to hit her. "So, you didn't ask me out because you finally like me but instead, you wanted me to end the chasing because you don't find yourself liking me or you found out that I'm not really your type or you already like someone else that's not me."
I didn't want to offend her more, but I couldn't stop myself from smiling because of her attitude. Kahit na ako ang may balak na pumutol sa kung anomang namamagitan sa aming dalawa, pakiramdam ko ay siya na mismo ang gagawa no'n. She really wouldn't let anyone step on her or make her feel less worthy.
Whoever will win her heart in the future, I wish him lots of good luck. I hoped he'll stick to her even though for sure she'll make him feel inferior because that's one of her charms. To be honest, I could say that she didn't even need a man because she could handle herself pretty well. However, despite her strong personality, I was able to see how soft her heart was when I saw her eyes shining because of the tears she was holding back.
"Listen, Geneveive..." I started speaking to her calmly, and her eyebrows just shot up, trying to intimidate me. "I'm not going to do this because you're not likeable. Believe me or not, you are a very charming person but you see... before I went here, my heart already belongs to someone else."
Kumunot naman ang kanyang noo. "So, you two timed us?"
I slightly chuckled before I bit my lower lip. "It's a one-sided love..." I cleared it out to her, and her lips parted like she wasn't expecting that. "The woman that I love is in love with someone else, and they're happily in love with each other."
"If that's the case then, why do keep on jailing yourself to that kind of one-sided love when you could set yourself free and find someone else who could reciprocate the love you're giving?"
I just stared straight into her eyes, and she sighed because she already knew the answer to her very obvious question. Kinagat niya ang kanyang pang-ibabang labi bago tipid na ngumiti at tumango-tango.
"I understand..." She kept on nodding to herself. "You already tried a lot of times and tried again with me this time... but nothing happened, right?"
"I'm sorry, Geneveive..." I sincerely apologized.
"Don't worry about it..." she just said even though her eyes were pooled with suppressed tears. "You're not the only guy in this world."
Instead of comforting and consoling her, I just smiled because I knew she wouldn't like seeing me pitying her. Kahit na hindi ko pa siya ganoong katagal na kilala at nakakasama ay nakuha ko na ang kanyang ugali. She's a very proud woman.
Believe me or not, I was doing a great job living far away from Iarra just by hearing updates from my Mom and her brother about her. I was contented knowing that she's happy and doing great. Unti-unti ko nang natatanggap na lihim ko na lang siyang mamahalin at magiging masaya sa kung ano man ang maging desisyon niya sa buhay. I was already at the point where I accepted my fate that she wouldn't be mine, but the moment I heard she's grieving from the lost of her love, I also lost it.
Binitawan at tinalikuran ko lahat ng mga opurtunidad na naghihintay na lang sa aking kasagutan dito sa ibang bansa para lang umuwi at bumalik sa kanya. Alam kong kailangan niya ako at kahit hindi niya ako kailanganin ay babalik at babalik ako para sa kanya.
When I was told that Silver died, I felt an initial reaction which was happiness because I finally had a chance. But the moment I saw Iarra shedding tears for him, the only thing I could do was to curse myself for being so selfish. Nang makita ko siyang nasasaktan at lumuluha ay hindi ko na magawang maging masaya para sa aking sarili.
"How could you just decide to marry her off to a stranger, Tita?!"
Kahit na pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong pakawalan ang galit na nananaig sa aking sistema magmula nang malaman kong gustong ipakasal ni Tita Arissa si Iarra kay Leo. It's not that I'm being judgemental but I know how Leo's mind works. I wasn't close with him, but I once hanged out with him before with Orion. Kahit mismo ang pinsan niya ay hindi maganda ang sinasabing katangian niya sa akin.
Dianarra deserves the best, and it's certainly not Leo.
"It would benefit her and our business if she would be married to someone like Leo Valiente," Tita Arissa reasoned out, and it only made my rage grew intense.
"Tita, you don't even know Leo," I stated. "He's a complete jerk and a fucker. He doesn't even have plans with his life. He would only make Iarra's life worst."
"I gave my word to Julian and he's already expecting it―"
"Tell Tito Julian that Iarra's bound to marry someone else!" I frustratedly said just to stop the absurd deal they made.
"If he'll ask who, what will I say? Silver's already gone and he knows I'm not up for that man―"
"Tell him I'm marrying her, Tita!" I said without inhibitions.
Tita Arissa stopped and stared at me, and I heard Ate Ariana gasped. They both looked like they have something to say, but they just couldn't voice it out. Only Kuya Diego had the guts to say those unsaid words.
"Sigurado ka ba sa mga binibitawan mong salita, Gio?"
I turned to look at Kuya Diego who was sitting at the couch beside Ate Ariana. I was welcomed by the raging storm in his eyes. Alam kong hindi niya nagustuhan ang aking biglang binitawang mga salita dahil wala siyang alam sa kung anomang nararamdaman ko para sa kanyang bunsong kapatid.
"Simula pa noon ay pinagkatiwala ko na sa'yo ang kapatid ko dahil alam kong kaya mo siyang alagaan habang wala kami ni Ate Ariana rito at abala si Mama sa trabaho. Hindi mo ako binigo dahil nakita ko kung paano ka niya sandalan tuwing kinakailangan ka niya at nakikita kong wala pa ring pagbabago iyon. Pero ngayon..." Isang malalim na hininga ang kanyang hinugot at binuga habang umiiling-iling. "This is a different story, Gio. Hindi lang ako para sa kapatid ko nag-aalala kundi pati na rin sa'yo dahil ang buhay ninyong dalawa ang maaapektuhan dito. Hindi basta-basta ang pagpapakasal. Being married to someone is commiting yourself to your partner for the rest of your life. You can't just turn back when you feel like it. Hindi ito isang laro."
Naiintindihan ko kung saan siya nanggagaling. Paniguradong kapag sinabi ko rin ito sa aking mahal na ina ay hindi rin siya agad sasang-ayon. She'd fire me hundred of questions that I need to answer just to give her an assurance that I'm certain with my decision.
"Mahal ko si Iarra..." pag-amin ko.
Mas lalong napaawang ang labi nina Tita Arissa at Ate Ariana nang madinig ang aking pag-amin habang si Kuya Diego ay tinagilid lamang ang kanyang ulo at inayos ang pagkakatitig sa akin. Para bang hindi pa sapat sa kanya ang mga salitang iyon kaya nagpatuloy ako.
"Simula pa noon ay minamahal ko na siya nang higit pa sa isang matalik na kaibigan," sabi ko. "I left the country not just because of work but also for the reason that I wanted to move on. Tinanggap ko na sa sarili kong masaya na siya kasama ni Silver at wala na akong pag-asa. I went there... hopeful that I'd forget her, but I didn't even move an inch. Hanggang ngayon ay mahal ko pa rin siya..."
Tita Arissa's eyes were pooled with tears while Ate Ariana's already crying silently. Ang matigas na ekspresyon kanina ni Kuya Diego ay unti-unti na ring lumalambot.
"I'd do anything just to make her happy..." I sincerely said. "Lahat kaya kong isugal para lang sa kasiyahan niya. Kahit na alam kong magiging mahirap, hindi ko siya susukuan."
Mabigat na ang talukap ng aking mga mata dahil sa pamumungay nito nang pinasadahan ko ang buong pamilya ng babaeng pinakamamahal ko. Gusto kong makita nila ang aking sinseridad para sa kanilang prinsesa.
"Please... Please let me marry Iarra..." I begged like marrying her would lengthen my lifeline.
I was lucky enough that her family gave me their blessing to marry her. Just like what I expected, it was very hard to calm her mind and heart when she knew that we're gonna be married. Naiintindihan ko dahil kakakumpirma pa lang ng pagkamatay ni Silver. The pain and grief were still fresh to her. Ayaw ko na nga lang maisip pa nina Tito Julian at lalo na ni Leo na puwede pa silang gumawa ng paraan para lamang mabago ang desisyon ni Tita Arissa na sa akin ipakasal ang anak. I didn't want to risk it that's why I just took every shot of pain she aimed at me.
Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan na noong unang araw ng kasal namin ay pinuntahan niya ang lugar kung saan binawian ng buhay ang kanyang minamahal. The pain that it inflicted me was too much to handle. Pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti na rin akong pinapatay at binabawian ng buhay pero nang lumingon siya sa akin at nagtama ang aming mga mata ay tila isang himala na nawala lahat ng sakit at pagod na aking nararamdaman.
She can cure me with just one look in her eyes. Just one stare, every pain suddenly became worth it. Kahit pa na parang daluyong ang sakit na aking nararamdaman ay agad niya itong napapakalma. Masilayan lamang siya ay ayos na para sa akin. Wala na akong hihilingin pa.
Kaya naman nang sumama siya sa akin patungo sa Maynila pagkatapos ng isang gabing hinding-hindi ko malilimutan kasama siya ay mas lalo akong nabuhayan ng loob. She fully gave herself to me without inhibitions. She even agreed to marry me again!
Hindi ko nga lang alam kung bakit noong nakita ko ulit sa aking harapan ang lalaking kanyang tunay na mahal na inakala naming sumakabilang buhay ay tila naglaho lahat ng pag-asa na naramdaman ko. Pakiramdam ko ay muli akong naging isang alikabok na hinding-hindi niya mapapansin dahil nandito na ang tunay na bumubuo ng mundo niya.
"Silver, nakalimutan mo ang cap mo―"
Nalipat ang tingin ko sa babaeng pinapangarap na maging kaibigan ng aking asawa. She was holding on a black ballcap that the man in front of me owns. Her lips parted and eyes widened when she saw me almost out of the elevator. Nalipat ang tingin niya sa lalaking nasa aking harapan bago muling bumalik sa akin. Kita ko ang takot na nagsisimulang mamuo sa kanyang mga mata.
Alam ko kung anong klaseng takot ang kanyang nararamdaman dahil ilang beses ko nang naramdaman ito noon. Natatakot siya na baka mawala sa kanya ang taong minamahal, natatakot siya na baka maiwan, natatakot siya na baka mabaliwala, natatakot siya na baka maipagpalit, natatakot siyang masaktan...
Sa katunayan ay iyon din ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ang pinagkaibahan nga lang namin, hindi ko kayang maging makasarili katulad nang nakikita ko sa kanya ngayon. Handa akong masaktan basta makita ko lang ang taong minamahal na umaapaw ang kasiyahan.
"Nabalitaan kong kasal na kayong dalawa..." Silver casually said when he invited me inside of Jarene's unit for a cup of coffee. "Believe it or not, I'm happy for the both of you. Alam kong aalagaan at mamahalin mo si Iarra higit pa sa nagawa ko noon."
Unti-unti akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawang magmukhang kalmado gayong ako'y pinipigilan lamang ang sarili upang hindi siya mapagbuhatan ng kamay dahil ayaw kong saktan ang mahal ng asawa ko. I know she wouldn't like it if I hit him. Para sa kanya ay magtitimpi ako.
"Hindi ko inaasahan na papa-Maynila kayo―"
"Kaya ba rito ka nagtago dahil hindi mo inaakalang mapapadpad kami rito?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang aking sarili na magbato ng tanong sa kanya. "Dahil alam mong ayaw ni Iarra na manirahan sa Maynila at gustong manatili sa Bela Isla?"
Silver didn't defend himself and just bowed down his head.
My jaw clenched twice while trying to control my temper. Nag-aapoy na ang aking titig sa kanya dahil sa nag-uumapaw na galit.
"Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan mo siyang paniwalain na wala ka na..." mariin kong sabi kahit na pinipilit kong maging marahan. "Bakit kailangan mo siyang saktan ng ganoon, Silver? Saan ba siya nagkulang sa'yo?"
Muli siyang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin at saka umiling. "Wala siyang pagkukulang. Ako ang nagkulang sa aming dalawa..." pag-amin niya.
Mas lalo lamang namuo ang namumundong galit ko nang aminin niyang siya mismo ang nagkulang sa kanilang dalawa ni Iarra. He should've given her everything when he had a chance because that's what I'm going to do if I were in his position... If I was only given a chance like him before, I won't ever let go of her.
Though I believe that every one deserves a second chance. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaroon ng pag-asa kay Iarra at ibabalik ko lamang ang pabor sa kanya kahit na labag pa ito sa aking loob.
"I'm not in the position to ask for an apology from you and make you state your reasons because I'm not Iarra," I told him that made me get his full attention.
I even saw in my peripheral vision that Jarene shifted on her seat while listening to our conversation. Mukhang alam niya na rin ang binabalak kong mangyari na ayaw niya namang mangyari.
"I'll give you a chance to meet and talk to her," I said. "I'll give you the chance to apologize and explain to her your reasons not because you deserve the chance, but because she deserves to hear your apologies. She should know that you're alive and safe. I know it will make her happy."
Napakunot naman ang noo ni Silver sa akin at tila parang hindi naiintindihan ang aking gustong mangyari.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked me in disbelief. "You're letting me speak with your wife knowing that I'm her past?"
"Nangako akong papasayahin ko siya hangga't kaya ko," simpleng sabi ko. "Alam kong mapapasaya mo siya kaya sino ako para ipagdamot ito sa kanya gayong siya ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya ngayon?"
Tumayo ako mula sa aking kinauupuan at saka nilingon si Jarene na hindi naman nalalayo sa amin. Mataman ko siyang tiningnan at kitang-kita ko na mas lalong nanaig ang takot sa kanyang mga mata.
I don't know what's the real score between them, but I know it's something special.
"Sana ay maintindihan mo kung saan ako nanggagaling, Jarene..." sabi ko sa kanya at gulat naman siyang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. "I hope you'd do the same."
Her lips parted before she bit it again and looked away from me.
Nilingon ko namang muli si Silver na nakatingin ngayon kay Jarene. I've seen that look before. Pinagseselosan ko noon ang tingin niyang iyan lalo na't nakikita kong para ito kay Iarra. Pero ngayon ay sa ibang babae niya na ito binibigay.
"Mauuna na ako. Please be ready on Saturday," sabi ko na lang at saka siya tinalikuran upang makaalis hangga't kaya ko pang dalhin ang aking sarili.
My mind was in a chaotic state when I received Iarra's message that she's already on her way to the restaurant. They'll be seeing each other again in any moment. All the positive and negative possibilities were having a war inside my head. I didn't know who to listen to. Gulong-gulo ako at ang gusto ko na lang ay ang patahimikin silang dalawa.
Ayokong pakinggan ang mga magagandang posibilidad dahil ayaw kong umasa. Ayoko ring pakinggan ang masasamang posibilidad dahil ayaw kong masaktan.
Wala ako sa aking sarili habang nagmamaneho. Ang mga imahe ng kanilang pagkikita ay naglalaro sa aking isipan. My beautiful wife meeting her supposed to be husband who was wearing the suit she picked herself. I wonder what she'll feel... I wonder how she'll react...
Bigla naman akong nahila ng aking wisyo mula sa malalim na pag-iisip at nadinig ko ang malalakas at sunod-sunod na pagbusina ng sasakyan na umaarangkada sa aking harapan. My adrenaline rush helped me save myself from a bigger and terrifying collision as I steered the wheel of my car as fast as I can, but still, I crashed on a street lamp in the sidewalk where I lost my consciousness.
I woke up with a terrible headache. Pakiramdam ko ay ang bigat-bigat ng aking ulo at nararamdaman ko rin ang pagkirot ng kung anong sugat doon.
"Gising ka na..." Isang malumanay na boses ang aking nadinig.
Mabilis kong nilingon ang nagbabantay sa aking gilid at nakita si Jarene. Tiningnan ko ang orasan at nakita kong alas-nuebe na ng gabi. Sinubukan kong kapain ang aking ulo at mayroon akong nakapang benda roon.
"What happened?" I absentmindedly asked her.
She deeply sighed. "Your car collided with a street lamp. Hindi ganoon kalakas ang pagkakasalpok mo kaya hindi masyadong malala ang injuries na natamo mo. You've been unconscious for almost three hours, but you're fine."
I unconsciously bit my lower lip and closed my eyes as I tried to settle my thoughts when Jarene spoke to me again.
"But Dianarra..."
Muli kong idinilat ang aking mga mata at saka nilingon si Jarene. She was biting her lower lip like she was hesitating to speak.
"Ano ang nangyari sa asawa ko?" maagap kong tanong sa kanya upang ituloy niya ang kanyang sasabihin.
"She... She fainted earlier when she received a call from the hospital that you've met an accident―"
"Where is she?" Hindi ko na siya pinatapos pa.
Ang gumagapang na kaba sa aking puso ay palala nang palala. I need to make sure that my wife's fine before it gets worse. I need to see her in order to bring peace to my soul.
"Room 413," she simply answered my question.
Mabilis akong umalis sa aking kama na kinalalagyan upang puntahan ang aking asawa. Wala na akong pakialam sa nararamdaman kong kirot sa aking ulo. Ang gusto ko lang mangyari ngayon ay masiguradong nasa maayos siyang kalagayan.
"Gio, huwag ka munang umalis. The doctor will be back to give you a final check up―"
Hindi ko na siya pinakinggan at dire-diretso na ako palabas ng emergency room. Nadinig ko ang pagkausap sa kanya ng kasamahan na nurse tungkol sa akin ngunit ang nadinig ko lang na sinabi niya ay siya na ang bahala. Bago pa niya ako maabutan ay agad na akong nakasakay ng elevator para dalhin ako sa tamang palapag kung nasaan ang aking asawa. Dire-diretso ang aking lakad habang hinahanap ang kanyang kwarto na agad ko namang nadatnan.
I took a deep breath and prayed to the Heavens to make sure that my wife's fine and stable before I slowly opened the door. Agad ko siyang namataan na walang malay habang nakahiga sa kama at napukaw rin naman nina Silver at ng doktor ang aking atensyon na sabay lumingon sa aking pagpasok.
"He is her husband, Doc," Silver informed the doctor he was talking to.
Gusto ko sanang punatahan agad si Iarra ngunit nais ng doktor na ako'y makausap patungkol sa kanyang kalagayan.
"Mr. Buenviaje?"
The doctor stood up in front of me with Iarra's current medical records and assessments.
"How's my wife, Doc?" I straightforwardly asked him.
"She's already stable. We just need to let her rest more," he told me. "Also, I suggest that you go back to her ob in order to check the status of her pregnancy..."
Napaawang ang aking labi at hindi ko na naintindihan pa ang ibang sinasabi ng doktor patungkol sa kanyang kalagayan. Did he just say pregnancy?
"My wife's pregnant?"
Napatigil sa pagsasalita ang doktor dahil sa aking katanungan. Mukha naman siyang nagulat sa aking tanong na binitawan.
"Oh! You don't know yet that your wife's pregnant?" gulat niyang tanong bago ngumiti ng malapad. "Well, congratulations, Mr. Buenviaje! Your wife's pregnant! Mas lalo ninyo pa lang kailangang bumisita sa ob para matingnan siya ng mabuti patungkol sa kanyang pagbubuntis."
And that's what I did...
I contacted the best ob in the hospital and scheduled her check up tomorrow in the afternoon. Mas maganda nang sa hapon ang kanyang check up para mas makapagpahinga pa siya.
Pagkabalik kong muli sa silid ni Iarra ay naabutan kong nakaupo si Silver sa tabi ng kama at natutulog na dahil siguro sa antok sa kakabantay kay Iarra. Nanatili akong nakatayo rito sa likuran habang pinapanood silang dalawa. This was the kind of view that would make me want to leave, but I couldn't just leave my wife, especially now I know that she's pregnant with our child.
Naisip ko tuloy kung ano ang nangyari sa kanilang pag-uusap. Kung ganito ang kanilang ayos ngayon, paniguradong nagkaintindihan at nagkaayos silang dalawa. Maaaring nagkabalikan na rin. Siguro'y kaya ganoon ang ekspresyon ni Jarene kanina at wala siya ngayon dito. Something must've happened.
"No! No! No!"
Nagising na lamang ako nang madinig ko ang pagsigaw ni Iarra. Lalapit na sana ako nang makita kong nagising din si Silver at agad siyang sinubukang gisingin mula sa masamang panaginip. Napaayos na lamang ako muli ng upo at pinanood kung paano siya mag-alala sa aking asawa. Bahagya akong nag-iwas ng tingin dahil hindi ko kinakaya ang pangyayari sa aking harapan.
It's like I was committing suicide while watching Silver holding my wife in his arms and trying to calm her down when I should be the one doing that.
"W-Where's Gio?"
Hearing her soft and worried voice calling out for me was like an antedote that healed my dying heart. Muli akong nabuhayan ng pag-asa. Hinahanap niya ako! Hinahanap niya ako kahit na nasa harapan na niya si Silver. It means something, right? I can be hopeful, right?
Nang magtama ang aming mga mata pagkatapos umalis ni Silver sa aking harapan upang masilayan ako ng aking asawa ay halos lumuhod na ako upang mapanatili siya sa aking tabi pero pinigilan ko ang aking sarili. Pilit kong iniisip at pinapahalagahan ang aking pangako sa kanya. Handa kong ialay sa kanya ang lahat para lamang sumaya siya. I wouldn't mind my grieving soul.
And just like what I have planned, I let her decide. I let her choose. Kung ano man ang maging desisyon niya ay tatanggapin ko. Kung saan siya magiging masaya ay magiging masaya na rin ako. Kaya naman nang ako ang pinili niya ay hindi ko agad ito naproseso sa aking isipan dahil handang-handa na ako sa aking pagkatalo.
"Mahal kita, Emilgio..."
Gusto kong mangiwi sa pagtawag niya sa akin ng Emilgio pero pakiramdam ko ay gustong-gusto ko nang matawag ako sa aking buong pangalan dahil sinabi niyang mahal niya ito.
I'm Emiligio Buenviaje. I'm Emilgio. Mahal niya si Emilgio. Ako si Emilgio. Ibig sabihin no'n ay mahal niya ako.
"Aubree Emilliarra..."
Mahinang pagkakabigkas ng aking asawa sa pangalan ng aming anak na nasa kanyang mga braso at mahimbing na natutulog. She was smiling proudly while showing off our lovely and beautiful daughter that looks a lot like her.
Hawak-hawak ko sa bewang ang aking asawa at nakasalo rin sa ilalim ng kanyang braso para hindi siya gaanong mahirapan sa pagbuhat sa aming anak. Tuwing tinitingnan ko ang aming munting prinsesa ay hindi ko rin mapigilan ang aking sarili na mapangiti. Kamukhang-kamukha niya ang Mama niya at kahit bata pa lang ay kakaiba na ang ganda.
Noong nalaman kong magiging babae ang aming anak ay laking tuwa ko dahil sigurado akong magmamana siya sa kanyang ina, ngunit nang maisip kong paniguradong maraming susubok sa kanya paglaki ay nag-iinit na ang ulo ko. Sinabi ko kay Iarra ang problema ko na 'yon at tinawanan niya lamang ako.
"Napakagandang bata..." nakangiting sabi ng kanilang malayong kamag-anak na galing pang ibang bansa. "For sure, she'll get more beautiful once she grows up."
Iarra chuckled lightly and glanced at me. "Problemadong-problemado na nga po ang tatay niya patungkol diyan."
I bit my lower lip and slightly pinched her waist. She just chuckled more. She's really not taking my concern seriously.
"Anyway, Iarra... I'm sorry for the sudden visit. Natuwa lang ako nang nalaman ko kay Diego na mayroon ka ng anak at ayaw kong palagpasin na hindi makita ang apo ko ngayong umuwi ako," sabi naman nito.
"Wala pong problema, Tita," agap na sabi ni Iarra.
"I'll be flying to Bela Isla tomorrow. Ang bunso naman ng Kuya mo ang bibisitahin ko at aayain ko ang Mommy mo na mamasyal man lang," sabi niya.
"Please, Tita... Drag Mommy out of the mansion," Iarra almost begged. "Ayaw niyang umalis sa tabi ng mga apo. Kung umaalis man siya ay pupunta siya rito sa Manila upang bisitahin naman ang aking anak. I told her she needs to travel but she wouldn't take my advice."
"Ako ang bahala sa Mommy mo. Don't you worry," her auntie assured her.
Well, I can actually relate to her problems related with our mothers. Simula nang nalaman ni Mama na buntis si Iarra ay halos araw-araw siyang dumadalaw upang tumulong sa pag-aalaga. When Aubree finally went out of her mother's womb, dumalang man ang pagbisita ni Mama pero linggo-linggo pa rin siyang nandito. I know they're both excited because of their grand daughter, but I want more alone time with my family.
I slowly hugged Iarra from the back after she carefully placed our daughter inside her crib. I let my chin rested on her shoulder and watched our daughter still peacefully sleeping with her plushies surrounding her.
"Tulog siya nang tulog..." mahinang sabi niya. "I don't want her growing up fast."
"I also don't want her to grow up yet... Guys might ogle at her. Baka makapatay ako," I dangerously said.
She quietly chuckled and lightly tapped my cheek before kissing it. Napangiti na lamang ako at nagnakaw rin ng halik sa kanyang pisngi.
"Kung sa akin siya nagmana, guys wouldn't dare try her..." sabi niya naman at saka muling hinarap ang aming anak.
"The only reason why guys didn't pursue you before is because you always have me around and they're threatened," I told her when a bright idea just came into me. "Should I find her a guy best friend too?"
Muli niya naman akong marahan na sinapak sa braso. Masama na ngayon ang kanyang tingin sa akin.
"Let her live her life the way she wants it, Gio," sabi niya naman sa akin. "We will support her in every decision that she makes. Kung may mga pagkakataon na magkakamali siya ay pagsasabihan natin siya ng maayos. Mamahalin natin siya higit pa sa pagmamahal na binigay natin sa isa't isa dahil iyon ang nararapat para sa kanya."
Hinigpitan ko naman ang aking pagkakayakap sa kanya at humalik sa ibabaw ng kanyang ulo habang nakadungaw pa rin sa aming anak na unti-unti nang nagigising. I could see her blinking her eyelids in a very cute way before she smiled when she saw us watching her. She even raised her arms, wanting to be carried bu her beautiful mother.
Ginawa naman agad ni Iarra ang gustong mangyari ng aming anak. Bahagya ko siyang pinakawalan upang kuhanin si Aubree mula sa crib. She playfully kissed our daughter, and I couldn't stop myself from watching the two of them.
Mula sa pagkakayakap sa bewang ni Iarra ay nilakihan ko ang aking yakap upang masama ang aming anak na kalong-kalong niya sa kanyang braso.
I am now holding my world in my arms. I'd love and protect them as long as I'm living.
"I love you both..." I whispered and hugged them tighter. "Always..."