"Are you close, baby?" Adam groaned, his movements becoming jerkier and faster.
My mind was elsewhere and I couldn't bring myself to enjoy what was happening. "Mhm, soon there," I mumbled and let out a fake moan. I didn't even feel bad about it.
Two minutes later, Adam stilled and his mouth formed an O when he found his release. I played along, squeezing my legs around his back and letting small whimpers fall from my lips.
When he was done, he rolled off me and grinned. "That—" He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "—was amazing."
I forced a smile and got out off bed, in desperate need of a cold shower. Ever since that make out session with Harry last night, feelings of guilt had consumed me. Thinking I could make it up by spending a whole day with Adam and only focus on him, I quickly learned it only made it worse. And now I just had faked an orgasm for the first time since starting having sex with him.
Stepping into the shower I let the stream hit my face and relaxed a bit. I was glad this day from hell was over and I hoped I would wake up in the morning feeling a little less torn.
Harry's obscure words and abrupt departure made my heart crack. I felt used and dirty. There was something going on I didn't know of and I was now certain he wasn't eager to tell me. His promise of not trying to kiss me again had clearly been forgotten and I was mad with myself for not caring.
I wanted him to kiss me, touch me. The way he made me feel was out of this world and I was afraid it wouldn't change in the near future. My mind was a mess and I had no idea what to do.
Despite Adam's recent behaviour, I felt like the worst girlfriend on the planet.
Turning the shower off I stepped out and got dressed for bed. While brushing my teeth, I met my stare in the mirror. Who are you? A few weeks ago, infidelity barely even existed in my vocabulary. Spitting the toothpaste out, I made a face at myself and left the bathroom.
Adam was sprawled across the bed, sleeping with his mouth widely open. I rolled my eyes and started to push on his warm body to make room, when his phone lit up on the nightstand. Curious by nature, my hand had picked it up before my mind could register the motion.
H: Busy? Call me.
Frowning, I read the text over and over again. What was going on, who the hell was H? Could it be Harry? But why would he text my Adam? I almost cried from frustration, feeling like I would lose my mind any second because of all the secrecy that had been going on lately.
I tossed his phone beside him on the bed and yanked my pillow from under his head, having decided to spend the night on the sofa.
.
.
Once again I found myself at work. Sometimes it felt like I did nothing else besides work and drive myself mad with all the thoughts running around in my mind. I let out a huff and leaned my elbows on the counter. A glance at the clock on my wrist told me I had fours hours left before I could leave.
Madeline had called in sick this morning and I was forced to work with my obnoxious boss since he couldn't get anyone else to cover.
"Ella, don't slouch like that, it looks bad for the customers." His creaky voice made me shiver and clenched my jaw, pushing down a rude answer that wanted to slip past my lips.
"Sorry," I muttered and straightened up. There were currently as much as three people inside the café and I highly doubted they had time to care about me.
My boss shot me a stolid look and went out back, probably to smoke his filthy cigarettes. With a shake of my head, I turned to face the next customer, trying to push the unnerving thoughts and feelings aside.
After a hectic and pressured day, I was happy when my shift finally ended. Muttering goodbye to my boss, I started walking home. Sometimes I preferred leaving the car — it was just a twenty minute walk to work.
Adam had texted me to say he was waiting for me at my house and I couldn't help feeling ambivalent. As much as I did want to fix whatever had happened between us, I was afraid things wouldn't go back to normal that easily. I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about what I had done to him but still contemplated whether or not to tell him. I wanted to tell him because the guilt was eating me alive but while confessing might make me feel relieved it also meant hurting him. At least with not mentioning it, I would be the only one suffering.
Turning down the street, I spotted my house and Adam sitting on the porch steps. He rose with a smile when he saw me coming, holding his arms out for me.
Hugging him tightly, I felt tears well up in my eyes. How did we end up here? I wished I could turn back time to a week ago, when I knew nothing about Harry's whereabouts. I sniffed a little but smiled as I felt Adam's hands caress my back. "I'm so happy you're here. I can't wait to just have a night in with food and cuddling," I said.
Adam jerked slightly, taking a breath and separating himself from me. "Um, about that, babe. I have to go out of town, again. I'm really sorry," he said and winced.
I blinked, confusion probably written all over my face. "Again?"
"Yeah, work is crazy right now," he said and shrugged.
What could I say? Not like I was about to stop him from doing his job. But hell, it hurt. I needed him, no matter how selfish that made me feel. A voice in the back of my mind told me this was far too similar to the last time he went away and it made me uneasy.
Nodding slowly, I started to make my way up the steps. "Okay. How long will you be gone?"
"Just for the night, should be back tomorrow afternoon. See you then?"
"Sure." I opened the door to step inside but Adam stopped me with a hand on my arm.
"What's wrong?" He sounded genuinely concerned, which made me frown.
"Nothing, it's just that I had been looking forward to spend the night with you."
"Aw, you're so cute, baby. Don't pout. I won't be gone for long," he smirked, seeming to think I wasn't being upset for real.
"Have a safe trip, Adam. Call me if you like." I kissed him quickly on the lips and this time he let me go inside.
As soon as the door closed behind me, I leaned against it and inhaled deeply. A stupid idea started to form in my mind and before I knew it, I was out of the door again. Running to my car, I got in and turned the ignition. When I pulled out of the driveway, I could just make out the tail lights on Adam's car disappearing around the corner.
Feeling like a complete psycho, I started to drive after him at a safe distance. I didn't know why I was stalking him but something told me he was lying. I guess it takes a lier to know another.
Creeping behind him for a good ten minutes, I prayed he wouldn't recognise my vehicle. When he took a left and parked his car outside a huge block of flats, I slowed down.
Turning the engine off, I slid down my seat and watched as he got out. He looked around a couple of times before locking the door and heading to the entrance. I saw him pick up his phone and write something, then he just stood there for a while. What the hell was he doing? What was this place? Certainly not his office, that I knew.
Pulling out his phone again, he read what I suspected was a text, before he smirked and pushed a few buttons on the tiny device sitting on the wall beside the door. It opened and he got in.
Stunned, I didn't move for several seconds. Then I picked up my phone and practically punched the keys.
Me: Hi babe. Just wanted to tell you good luck with work. Where did you say you were going? x
A moment passed and then the phone buzzed in my hand. I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw his reply.
Adam: thx hun, i'll need it. birmingham, so i have a good hour on the road ahead of me. just got on the highway so won't be able to text u. call tmrw. love u x
A huge ball of ice formed in my stomach and I found it hard to breathe. He was straight out lying to me. Even though I had my suspicions from before, it still shocked me. What was he hiding? Was he up to something illegal? Or even worse; was he cheating on me?
Not even bothering to get out of the car and check the names on the door, I ripped out from the parking lot and drove away. Never had I felt more betrayed. This was even worse than when Harry left. At least he didn't string me along.
Tears streamed down my face, because I knew this wasn't about me. Adam didn't sneak around trying to set up a surprise for me because I would know. He was the worst when it came to arrange surprises.
I found myself outside HES suddenly, not even caring about how Harry had left the day before. I just needed someone to be there with me.
Quickly getting out of my car, I threw the doors open and bursted inside. I didn't even care about the people giving me curious looks. My face was still wet from tears and when I saw Harry behind the bar, they started to flow again.
He looked up and a shocked expression took over his countenance when he took in my appearance. I couldn't bring myself to go over to him, so I just stood there, hyperventilating.
Freeing himself from his frozen state, he ran up to me and threw his arms around my waist. Picking me up like I weighed nothing at all, he carried me down a dark hall and I heard a door click open.
When he turned the lights on, I could make out a desk with a computer and a few chairs scattered around it. We were in some sort of an office, probably Harry's.
Carefully, he sat down in a black leather sofa standing against the far wall, holding me close in his lap. He said nothing, only stroked me over the back and slid his fingers through my hair.
I nestled in close, burying my face in the crook of his neck. My arms were placed loosely around his waist and soon I started to calm down. His scent and gentle touches made me feel safe and comforted. My racking sobs subsided, exceeding to small whimpers.
When I hiccuped once, his chest shook with a chuckle. I leaned my head back just the slightest, not ready to move away completely yet.
He looked down at me and smiled softly. "Hi, baby."
I giggled and despite everything, I felt my cheeks blush with the pet name. "Hi."
"I would ask how you were doing but I can tell it's not good. Want to talk about it?" he softly asked and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Not really. Can we just stay like this for a while longer, please?" I said and closed my eyes.
"Of course," he mumbled and let his fingers graze my cheek.
I hummed quietly and took a shaky breath, reopening my eyes to find Harry staring down at me. "What? Do I have snot on my face or something?" I said embarrassed.
"Uh, no." He laughed lowly before getting serious again. "You are just looking so fucking beautiful right now."
His words made me gasp and warmth spread to all different places in my body. Without thinking about it, I raised my hand and skimmed my fingers over his strong jaw. Harry closed his eyes and sat completely still as my hands explored his face. I let my fingers wander up to his cheekbones, feeling the sharp edges before I carefully traced the outlines of his lips.
He parted them a little and I noticed his breathing increase. They were so soft and I remembered what they had felt like against my own. When he let his tongue dart out to make contact with the pad of my middle finger, there came a deep tug in the pit of my stomach.
His eyes flew open at the sound of my tiny moan and before I had time to register his movements, I was on my back in the sofa. Harry hovered over me, breathing as heavily as I did.
The look in his eyes were partly lustful, partly insecure. "Harry—" I started, about to beg him to kiss me but didn't make it any further since he pressed his lips against mine.
The kiss was gentle but no less heated. Our lips and tongues moving together as if they were made for one another, making me feel light headed.
My hands found the curls at the base of his neck and I was mesmerised by their softness. I pressed myself closer to him, making him groan quietly against my mouth.
I realised then that there was no way I would be able to stop this. Not just the kiss happening in this moment, I could lie all I wanted to myself but there was something developing inside me, in my heart. It felt split in two; Adam owned one part and the other was slowly became consumed with feelings for Harry.
His hand gripped the side of my thigh, just below my bum, and he brought my leg up. I clamped it around his back and moaned when he thrusted his hips forward. He snickered quietly and placed a hand over my mouth.
"Shh, someone might hear us," he said as he separated his mouth from mine, lips looking red and swollen.
"Maybe this isn't the best place to make out in." My words were muffled from under his big hand.
Harry froze suddenly, his eyes widening and head raising to listen for something I couldn't hear.
"What?" I strained my ears, but still heard nothing.
"Quiet!" he whispered and pressed his hand tighter over my lips.
Suddenly he was up from the sofa and pulled me with him. He dragged me over to a closet standing in one corner, opening the door. I gave him an amazed look as he pushed me inside. "What the hell are you—"
"Stay here and don't make a sound," he quickly said and then darkness enveloped me.
I heard the door to the office open and held my breath. What if it was that waitress Heather wanting to hook up with Harry? I had no idea of where they usually. . . met.
"Styles, why are you looking so flushed?" I heard a strangely familiar voice utter.
"Cole, what a pleasure." The sarcasm in Harry's tone was evident but Cole only chuckled.
So they did know each other after all, just like I thought. Why would Harry lie about that?
"Too bad I can't say the same. I'm only here to remind you of what we spoke of yesterday. How's the snow coming? I surely hope you got at least half of it sold last night," Cole said.
"It's all good, boss," Harry sneered, emphasising the last word.
"Brilliant. Then I suggest you get out of here and start working. I don't see you doing any good locked inside the office." Cole sounded calm, too calm and his voice made me shudder.
The door banged shut again and I heard Harry let out a stream of curses under his breath. I tentatively climbed out from the closet and shot him a dirty look. "You're dealing drugs?"
He shrugged and bored his eyes into mine, not showing any emotion on his face. "Yeah, what's it to you?"
I gaped and fought to find something to say. "How did this happen?" I whispered.
"I told you, I failed. Can't do anything about it now."
"Do you use?" I had to know. I could never be with anyone who was mixed up with that stuff.
"No. I mean, I smoke from time to time, but nothing else. I would never," he said, looking me straight in the eyes.
"Okay, that's good, I guess." This was all too much. "I think I have to go home."
"Ella—" he started but I interrupted him by holding my hand up.
"Not now, Harry. I need to think about all that's happened today."
"You haven't even told me why you were rushing in here crying your eyes out! And now you want to leave because, what? Because Cole came here?"
"Yes! That's exactly why I want to leave! You told me you didn't know him and now he's here talking about you selling cocaine! You lied, Harry. And it's not the first time," I said, my words growing quieter in the end.
He let out a frustrated sound and pulled a hand through his hair. "Fine! Then leave. No one's stopping you."
I fought the urge to punch him in the face as I stormed past, slamming the door shut behind me. When I ran down the hall, I passed Heather who gave me a surprised look. I ignored it and flung myself outside.
No matter how hard I tried to hold it together, my life was slowly falling apart.