AN: This is an epilogue but I refuse to call it that.
~Couple of Years Later~
I anxiously wring my hands in my lap because my nerves won't let me just sit here patiently.
My husband is looking at my surprise in confusion and I'm not sure how much longer I can take his silence.
Should I get up and get something from the kitchen? Maybe a drink of water? Or, maybe a bite to eat? I know he hasn't eaten all day so I could start on dinner and begin eating in the hope that he'll join me.
But that wouldn't work since I can never seem to hold anything down these days, an occurrence I know was really starting to worry him. It worried me too, which is why I went to my doctor to figure out what was wrong with me.
I thought it would be cute, ya know? I was taking a long walk after leaving the doctor's office and the idea just popped into my head.
Now I honestly regret ever searching for and then buying the stupid bib that says, "Daddy's Napping Partner." This may be my dumbest idea to date.
I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly in order to keep my calm. This silence is really starting to rattle me. I can even hear our clock in the kitchen ticking away!
Which is a lie, but I feel like I can hear each second tick by. Slowly. An eternity of clicks goes by before he moves.
He startles and looks up at me with big glassy eyes.
"Phoebe...." He starts but can't seem to finish because something catches in his throat.
"Gareth...?" I respond nervously.
We lock eyes for a moment before he tosses the bib onto the ebony coffee table and flattens me against the couch. One arm around my middle and the other goes above me as he places his head right against the curve of my neck. I wrap my legs around him and hug what I can.
"Phoebe!" He sobs. His entire body is shuddering with emotion.
I let him weep into my neck but I can't decipher if he's happy or not. I knew he'd have a strong reaction but I didn't think he'd cry. It's not even his full body weight that crushes me, it's the fact that this has never happened before.
Oh hell this is bad, really bad.
He was supposed to scream out in happiness or yell in disbelief. Not cry. I don't have a plan for crying.
Tears suck because I never know how to make them go away.
But maybe that's the problem?
Instead of trying to get rid of them, maybe I should accept the situation? Let everything progress naturally?
I rub my husbands back for what seems like forever. Tears escape my eyes every once in a while at the pain I can practically feel coming off of my Gareth.
It took him forever to come clean about what happened between him and Nash. Once I found out I called the woman crying and now we've come to an understand of sorts. Losing a child isn't uncommon but it's no surprise that it's what split them.
Now I'm pregnant and scared that the past will repeat itself.
Maybe he is too?
I bought an app that tells me the baby's size in food comparisons but I haven't looked because I know I'd let the information slip out without meaning to. Who wouldn't want to know that you currently have a baby the size of a plum/ avocado/ grapefruit in your uterus?
But now I don't want to even glance at it because I'm terrified of carrying something so small.
His lips on my neck make me flinch for the first time ever.
"Are you okay?" He asks unsteadily while pulling us up to sitting position. He keeps his arms around me in support because he knows I'd lose it if he left, even if it was to go to the bathroom.
His voice is rough from the crying and I can't help but sob a little at his pain. I feel him rubbing my back and I know that this shouldn't be about me right now.
"I should be asking you that." A weak smile crosses my face in attempt to pacify him.
Gareth shakes his head at me and I know that my attempt was a failure.
"What's wrong love?" He pulls me so close that now I'm cuddled in his lap.
"Are you happy? About the baby? Are you okay with the prospect of another child?" None of my questions seem to properly relay what I want to know but Gareth stops me before I can continue.
"Of course I'm happy Phoebe. I can't wait to meet our child." His hand covers the fat of my belly thinking its the baby bump. I'm not going to tell him any different.
"It's just- I know you and Nash were pregnant and I was worried that you'd never want to go through it again. It's not even guaranteed that I can keep this baby. What will happen then? I don't think I'd survive if we split again, everything we have is combined." My breathing becomes labored and my mind goes dark with pessimistic outcomes.
He doesn't cut me off but I do feel Gareth tightening his grip around my body. We've learned that a tight hug releases chemicals through the brain to calm down panic attacks. Before getting married we went through intense therapy to work on our communication. Through our therapy sessions, Gareth has learned to let me finish my thoughts and I've learned to not spiral out of control.
When I calm down again, Gareth kisses me and this time I don't flinch.
"What happened to Junior broke us. But what split Nash and I was the fact that we never tried to fix the damage done properly. I went back to work and she spent all the money I made, that was how we decided to cope. Our vices soon cocooned our broken selves and shielded us from the other. When we did speak, our masks were so perfected that we thought the other felt nothing while we still hurt, most of our conversations ended up with us lasing out like wounded animals. The very air was toxic and I saw no way to restore us back to who we once were."
The look on his face is haunting. I give him some time to relive the past in his memories before I kiss him back to his future.
My kiss is soft but Gareth soon dominates the kiss. I open myself willingly to his passion.
By the time I break away, Gareth has my skirt around my hips with my pelvis grinding on his.
Even with our heavy breathing, I can hear every single one of his words.
"The divorce was something she and I both needed. It was like a cancer but not one you treat with radiation. We knew where the problem was so we efficiently cut each other out of our lives. Radiation kills the problem slowly and by that time it just wasn't the option that would save us. With Nash gone, I actually did go to therapy and started forgiving myself. My rock bottom was when I visited my Junior's grave."
His tears this time don't scare me since I know what he's feeling. I simply kiss them away and let him go at his own pace. When our eyes meet, mine are blurry with unshod tears but I can still see his small smile.
"I want to take this journey with you Phoebe. I love you with all of my heart and I vow to never walk away from you when life gets tough. We can and will figure out any and every obstacle that comes our way."
A genuine smile stretches across my face and a peace like none other settles into my body. With a sigh, I lean into my husband as he settles into our dark leather couch. I place my head into the side of his neck and sigh in content.
"What do you think of the name Joey, if its a boy?" He asks out of the blue.
"Joey Marceles?" I question.
"Yeah, we can nick name him Joe for short." Gareth prompts.
"I was kind of thinking about the name Chandler." I admit.
"Chandler Macreles? That doesn't roll off the tongue."
"It kind of does. And let's not skimp out on the girl names, I was thinking about Monica."
"I think she'd hate it but I love the name."
Gareth start yelling out random names and we start laughing at the most absurd ones.
Whatever comes our way, I know that I'd want nothing more than the man with the sharp blue eagle eyes to stand by my side.
He's my confidant.
He's my lover.
He's my Mr. M.
AN: The end is a little 'Friends' humor btw. It's the names of the remaining main characters that didn't already get used in the book. I'm going to start updating the new edited chapters soon, so you've been warned. I don't know if it'll actually alert you but yeah....