Guys I forgot to write down who requested this oneshot so please let me know if it was you and I'll dedicate it to you.
Insecure Zayn? as in, Something big happened, something horrible & he wakes up in the middle of the night and relapses (cuts), even tho he tries to surpress the urge. Niall wakes up a few mins later and finds Zayn sobbing with the blade in his hand in the bathroom where he comforts/cuddles him & tells him everything's going to be ok (throws blade in bin). When Zayn finally lets Niall see and bandage his arm up Niall tells him he's not angry or disappointed or hates him. He's proud of him making it this far. Niall persuades Zayn to get back to bed where Zayn snuggles into Nialls chest and Niall promises to always be with him no matter what. Outside of band."
Zayn's Pov:
"Joe please. No Joe don't"
"Look at how fat you are. Look at the flab on your arms and thighs it's disgusting!"
"You make me do this Zayn! I don't wanna do this! If you had the will power I wouldn't have to do this!"
I shot straight up in bed. My heart was pounding. Sweat was pouring down my body yet I was freezing cold. Another nightmare. All the bad stuff it's behind me now, But the nightmares they still get me. Tears slid down my face as I looked at Niall's sleeping body. I wanted to wake him, Feel his arms wrap around my body. I only ever feel safe when I'm in his arms. Slowly I pulled my shaky body from the bed and made my way towards the bathroom. I turned the light on and my eyes winched at the bright light, After a few seconds I closed the door behind me. My feet guided me towards the mirror and I looked at my reflection. My eyes were red and puffy, I had bags underneath my eyes. Dried tear stains were covering my cheeks, And fresh ones were falling. Why can't I forget? Why can't I just move on? I'm away from all that now. Away from the pain. Away from the hurt. The judgmental comments, But still I can't forget. I quickly grabbed my razor blade and guided it to my skin, A sigh of relief fell from my lips when I felt the all to familiar string, Seconds later the rush of blood falling. For so long this was my relief, This was my saviour.
Joe made me like this. I never used to be this way. I was always the strong one. The one who kept his head held high no matter what was happening, But when Joe came into the picture everything changed. He was no good for me, I should have known that. I shouldn't have been so blind. I was young and inlove, So naive and stupid. Joe was controlling. He was so possessive but I always believed it was because he cared, But then he started treating me like I was his property, Like he owned me. Still to this day I don't know why, I don't understand any of it. He made me hate myself in every possible way. He'd make comments about my weight, Really hurtful ones that'd make me drop my fork and push away my plate. Whenever I did eat around him he'd say I was eating to much. He'd say I have flab on my arms, Thighs and belly. Then the abuse became physical. He started getting angry. He'd drag me into the bathroom, Shove my head over the toilet, Force his fingers down my throat to make me throw up. I'd beg him to stop, I'd plead with him, But he'd always say it was my fault. He'd say if I wasn't such a hideous beast he wouldn't have to do this. Tears slid down my face as his harsh words echoed around my mind. Why can't I just forget? I'm not with Joe anymore. I'm safe with Niall. Nialll loves me just the way I am. He dosen't want to change me or make me into something I'm not. So why can't I escape the hold Joe has on me? I closed my eyes as blood trickled down my arm.
"Zayn? You alright?" I heard Niall speak from outside the bathroom door, When he got no reply Niall pushed the bathroom door open. His eyes widened when he saw the blade and blood on my arm. Niall quickly rushed forward and pulled the blade from my hand, I didn't put up a fight. Niall threw away the blade and grabbed a towel.
"Zayn let me see your arm" He exclaimed, I shook my head as Niall crouched down beside me. "Baby please let me see it" He whispered softly, I shakily extended my arm out, I watched as he wrapped the towel around my bleeding arm. "You had another nightmare?" Niall asked, I slowly nodded my head. "Why didn't you wake me up beautiful?" Niall questioned softly.
"Didn't want you feeling like you had to baby me" I mumbled, Niall shook his head.
"Baby you? Zayn I don't stay up with you because I wanna baby you. I stay up because I love you and I want you coming to me when you feel like this" Niall stated as fresh tears fell from my eyes.
"Why won't they go away Niall? Why won't they stop?" I cried out, Niall wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.
"Because when were sleeping all our boundaries go down. Were at our weakest then. That's why our demons choose to attack us at night because we can't fight them off"
"I can't fight back anyway. I'm weak Niall. I'm not the person I used to be. I don't blame you if your disappointed in me, Or if you hate me" I mumbled.
"Zayn don't ever say that ok? You listen to me alright? You are strong, You are not weak! Zayn I'm so proud of you. You went through so much and your still here. I can't change what that asshole did to you but I can make sure nobody ever hurts you like that again. Every single day I can remind you how beautiful you are to me" I looked up at Niall. "I'm so proud of you and I'm even more proud to call you my boyfriend" Niall stated, I felt a weak smile spread across my face. "Everything about you is beautiful Zayn and I wouldn't change one thing about you" Niall pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Come on beautiful, Let's wipe your face and go back to bed ok?" Niall suggested, I nodded allowing Niall to slowly pull me to my feet, He quickly washed away all my dry tears and the blood. He then placed his arm around me and we made our way back to bed. Niall held me close to him as we laid underneath the sheets.
"Niall?" Niall looked down at me. "Don't ever leave me ok? I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you" I exclaimed, Niall ran his fingers through my hair.
"I'm not going anywhere baby" Niall assured me, I smiled as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to my lips.
"I love you" I stated.
"I love you too baby. Come on get some sleep" Niall replied softly, I nodded and placed my head back on Niall's chest. I fell asleep while listening to the sound of his heartbeat. My heart belonged to him now and I knew it'd always be safe and so would I.