Joslynn's POV
It's been three days since Niall and I hung out and I found out about the whole "Margaux thinking I'm a lesbian" thing.
...Margaux still thinks I'm a lesbian.
Ever since I found out that's what Louis told her, I've felt really uncomfortable around her. Margaux herself is not an awkward person, and in fact, if I hadn't known about her thinking I was a lesbian, I probably wouldn't be feeling nearly as uncomfortable as I am now. Yeah, it was already awkward enough having her being Louis's girlfriend and all, but now, I just can't look at her with a straight face. In fact, I've noticed little things she's said and done, like yesterday, she was looking through Seventeen Magazine and she stopped on a picture of some model. She showed the model to me and she said, "Don't you think this girl is soooo pretty? I'd totally go lesbian for her, wouldn't you?"
Though I could not deny that the model was pretty, I would most definitely not "go lesbian" for her. I think at this point, Margaux is just trying to get me to tell her I'm a lesbian, which is pretty hard to do, considering I'm not one. God damn you, Louis.
I've also made Louis fully aware to the fact that I know he told her. I dropped large hints around him that I knew he told her I was lesbian, and Louis's been quiet as a mouse ever since. He probably thinks I'm going to kill him.
Well, I am. Eventually.
However, until I can get around to killing him, I plan on spending the majority of my day Skyping Jacqueline, Eden, McKenna and Kayla. I haven't had much of a chance to speak with them since the move, so it'll be good for us to be able to catch up.
I walked from the kitchen table where I had been eating breakfast and then proceeded to sit down in the living room with my MacBook Air. I opened up the smooth, silver laptop and opened up Skype, only to see about 50 notifications from Jacqueline. I smirked at this, amused at her excitement.
I then hit the call button on Jacqueline's account and waited a few seconds before four pretty faces appeared on the screen in front of me.
"JOSLYNN!! IT'S REALLY YOU!!" Eden screamed, getting extremely excited.
"Well I'm glad to know it's not fake me," I joked sarcastically.
Eden rolled her eyes and the other girls laughed, then McKenna asked, "How are you? How's Englad? Why does Louis's girlfriend think you're a lesbian? Did you get a hair cut?"
I laughed and said, "Slow down, hun. For one, I'm good, England is nice, but it's a lot cooler here and it rains a lot, she thinks I'm a lesbian because Louis told her that so she wouldn't worry about us living together, and yes, yes I did. I got it trimmed the other day."
"It looks fabulous," Kayla pitched in, referring to my hair.
"You should curl it one day," Jacqueline said.
I laughed and said, "So are we going to sit here on Skype and talk about my hair, or are we actually going to catch up?"
The girls laughed and Jacqueline said, "We're just curious about everything, Jos. We've really been missing you lately, and if talking about your hair is what keeps me from bursting into tears because I miss you, then so be it."
"Awh, Jacq. I love you guys, and I miss y'all more than y'all know. England is great, and the people here are pretty nice from what I can tell, but it doesn't compare to Cali or to you guys. I don't see how I've made it this long without crying myself to sleep. I seriously miss y'all so much," I said truthfully. I really did miss my girls.
They all gave a sad smile and Kayla then said, "Well, it's not like you're alone and friendless. You're living with five of your best friends, who happen to be attractive boys, and you've got girls up there, too. But El, Dani and Perrie can't compare to us, right?"
I laughed and said, "Of course not. Y'all are all so different, though, so there's not much to compare. And, I'm only living with two of my best friends, though the other three tend to come and go as they please."
"So, Louis is still considered a best friend?" Eden asked.
I sighed and said, "Yeah, he is. He's never going to stop being my best friend. It's just that right now we're in a very rough spot and I'm not sure what to do about it, because he's convinced that I hate him, and it makes me feel very awkward, especially with Margaux around all the time."
"Who names their kid Margaux anyway?" Jacqueline groaned.
"I know, and get this, it's not spelled M-a-r-g-o. It's M-a-r-g-a-u-x.," I said.
"This bitch thinks she's all fancy becuase she spells her name like the French," McKenna said.
I laughed and said, "I guess, but Margaux is actually really, really nice. I think she's a very good person with good intentions, but I don't think she's right for Louis. But, I'm 99.9% sure that Niall is taking a liking to her."
"So, get her and Louis to break up and get her to date Niall!" Kayla exclaimed, getting worked up.
I sighed and said, "I wish that would happen. You know, I've been ready to date Louis, and then I told him I was, and he brings another girl into the picture and ruins everything. It's extremely frustrating and I don't know what to do about it."
Kayla sighed and said, "I think you're just going to have to end up letting this little relationship run its course. I know it's not what you want, but there's no way Louis is going to come to terms with himself unless he lets himself make this mistake. He needs this mistake to show him what he wants and what he needs."
"Kayla, you're so philosophical," Jacqueline remarked, making me laugh. But, I heard another laugh from behind me. I turned around to see Harry in sweats and a Ramone's t-shirt grinning like an idiot. Harry then came and sat down by me.
"Jacqueline, I miss you," was the first thing to come out of his mouth. Right on cue, Eden, McKenna, Kayla and I all rolled our eyes, yet smiled at the same time, because we knew these two were truly happy together.
"You sure as hell better miss me," she remarked, rolling her eyes, but in a playful manner. We all laughed and Harry pouted, and Jacqueline just smiled and said, "I miss you too, babe."
Harry smiled and asked, "When are you going to come visit us here in London?"
McKenna then pitched in, "We're thinking about all taking a trip up there soon, because we all miss Joslynn and you boys."
Harry smiled and said, "Airfare is on me--"
Jacqueline cut him off, screaming, "NO, HARRY."
Harry's eyes went wide and he held up his arms in a way to say he was innocent.
"You pay for everything, Harry," Jacqueline groaned.
"You're actually complaining about this?" Eden asked, surprised.
Jacqueline groaned and said, "He spends too much on me, and he did that before we were even dating. He paid for my prom ticket, even though it was my school's prom!"
"Sounds like a real gentleman," I added, patting Harry on the shoulder, earning an eye roll from him.
"What can I say, I treat my lady like a lady should be treated," he said, making Jacqueline blush.
"Shut up," she muttered, still blushing and smiling, which only made Harry's grin grow wider.
"Alright, you two need to take your lovey doveyness out of here; this Skype call is supposed to be about me," I said, making everyone laugh.
But, right on cue, the door to our flat/apartment (I've been in a mental argument with myself over which to call it, because I hear the boys call it a flat all the time) opened, and in walks Margaux and Louis. Well, not really walked--they stumbled through the door in the middle of a make out session.
"Damn, y'all get at it early," I commented, referring to the fact is was 11:00 in the morning.
The girls could see the entire scene from the laptop they were all huddled around.
Margaux and Louis broke apart upon realizing Harry and I were in the apartment. "I-I thought you two were out..." he said.
"I'm not going out until tonight," I simply replied.
"I was going to go out, but I got lazy," Harry said, making all of us girls laugh, even Margaux.
"Joslynn, are these your friends you're talking to?" Margaux asked politely.
"Nah, this is my lesbian support group," I said simply, making Harry nearly choke, the girls try not to burst into laughter, and Louis' face going red.
Margaux's face was red as well, and she simply said, "Oh...um...nice to meet you all," and she quickly scurried off to Louis room, Louis in tow.
Once the door shut behind him, all six of us burst into uncontrollable laughter, some of us nearly crying from laughing so hard.
"Joslynn, you are something else," Kayla said, wiping tears from her eyes.
I just smiled and said, "I know!" in an adorable voice.
All the girls and Harry laughed, and we continued on for a few minutes in random conversation. McKenna was mid sentence, saying, "I swear, his dick was caught in his zipp--" right when Margaux bursts through the door, and leaves the apartment without a word.
Everyone stopped and just looked at each other, very confused. All I could hear was a loud sigh coming from Louis's room.
Harry bit his lip and said, "I'll go check on him."
I just nodded and let Harry go check to make sure that Louis was okay. After a few minutes, Harry came back, and he said, "Everything's fine; they just had a disagreement. Nothing too much to worry about. They'll be happier than they were to begin with in no time."
I slowly nodded my head unsure of myself, but decided to just go with it. All I hope for was that Louis was okay.
---
Louis's POV
Margaux and I just got into our first argument. It seems weird, because we had been in the honeymoon phase for so long, and now having her mad at me...is weird.
However, I kind of deserve it. I confessed that I lied about Josie being a lesbian, and I even confessed saying she and Harry weren't even pretending to date, and that Harry had an open relationship with Jacqueline. Needless to say, Margaux was pretty pissed off, saying that I've made her look like a fool now.
I feel bad, but at the time, it seemed that making up that lie was the only way to earn Margaux's trust...I guess that was a pretty stupid decision.
That's all I seem to be able to do anymore--make stupid decisions that end in everyone being mad at me.
I honestly feel so alone, and I feel like I will never be able to get anyone's trust back again. I've lost Margaux's (though I feel like this won't have as big of an impact on me), I've lost Josie's by dating Margaux and hurting her, and all of the boys, as well as their girlfriends and Josie's friends, are mad at me for hurting her. I feel like I will never be able to put things back into place, and I now feel like I have no one to turn to.
I didn't start dating Margaux because I wanted to get back at Josie for making me wait, and I certainly didn't do it because I was in love with her.
I felt...alone. I just haven't found the courage to admit that to Josie. She's asked me multiple times, as have the others, why I started dating Margaux--a girl of whom they thought I met on the second day back from California.
I actually met Margaux a few months ago in a random Starbucks. She was the cashier, and she recognized me from being in One Direction. I was the only member she knew was in the band, because her little cousin was apparently "obsessed" with me, and all she heard from her was "Louis this and Louis that."
After that encounter, she told me she did think I was quite cute, of which I was extremely flattered by, but I was dating Eleanor at the time. She said she completely understood, and she was happy to meet me. After that, I took a picture with her for her little cousin, got my coffee, and I was on my way. I saw her several more times at Starbucks, several times being with Eleanor. Eleanor mentioned a few days ago that Margaux looked "familiar," though she couldn't put her finger on it.
I didn't say anything to that, because Eleanor would have slapped me. We may be broken up, and we may have gotten into a few huge, blown up arguments here and there, but that does not change the fact that Eleanor will slap me over the head for doing something stupid, just like old times.
But, basically, I eventually got Margaux's number at Starbucks, but not at all in that kind of way, and we both made that very clear we were just mates. She had a boyfriend at the time, and I was dating Eleanor. However, after the breakup with Eleanor, Margaux and I started harmlessly flirting, but it was nothing big. She was still dating her boyfriend at the time, but I didn't question it.
Margaux was never a huge role in my life, and I never cared to mention her to the boys, because I never thought anything would move past flirting and occasional texting. We never even called each other, and we never really hung out. It was just small conversations whenever I saw her in Starbucks or when she randomly texted me hello. It never moved past that.
That was, until I got back from California. The first day back, I was helping Josie unpack and helping her get settled in, when I decided to drop in at Starbucks for a drink. Josie didn't want to go, so I went alone. I saw Margaux there as usual, but she seemed very down. She revealed her boyfriend had dumped her, and she was very lonely. That's when all of this started. I felt bad for her, and I sat down with her until the late hours of the night talking to her. Soon enough, one thing led to another, and by the end of the night, she was in my bed...enough said there.
The next day, we just said we were dating. I'm not sure why we did it, but I went with it. I think we just enjoyed each other's company during our rough times, and we filled in each other's lonlieness. However, I'm starting to think that was a poor decision. Later that night, Josie told me she was ready, but Margaux and I had decided to try a relationship. I only said yes to Margaux because I never thought Josie would tell me she was ready, and I felt lonely. After Josie told me this, I couldn't just say yes, because I made a promise to Margaux to help her out of her rough spot. Josie was devestated, everyone found out we were dating, and soon it became "let's see how mad we can get at Louis" day.
The feelings of lonliess were there before Margaux and I started dating. I just felt alone without Josie, because it was a rough spot for us. But, I've seem to have gotten more and more alone with Margaux, though I never cared to just call things off. I feel like I've lost touch with the boys, because I know they're not happy with me. The other girls don't care to even look at me, because I've hurt one of their best girlfriends, and Josie is just overall pissed because I broke my promise to her. All I want is to make everyone happy, but I've seemed to do the opposite.
I now have no one. Margaux is gone, and she probably won't want to take me back (not that I care), and I felt lonely enough as it is.
I collapsed onto my bed, letting tears build up in my eyes.
I just want Josie.
Eleanor's POV
Tonight is going to be the first time Joslynn and I hang out together alone. It's been a month since the whole incident at her house, and I think this time spent apart has done us well. I still feel absolutely awful about what I did and said to her. It was completely wrong of me, and I regret it more and more every day. But, I'm hoping that tonight will be the start of a rekindled friendship, because I'd hate to move on without us being able to be okay and fix things.
I arrived in my small black car in front of Louis, Harry and Joslynn's flat. I took out the key out of the engine and sat there for a second, taking a deep breath, and then opening the car to do step out into the warm summer night.
I walked up the steps to the flat, and right before I could knock on the door, I paused.
What if things go awfully wrong? What if Joslynn starts hating me again? What if things will never go back to the way they were?
These awful thoughts raced through my mind, but I soon found myself knocking on the door, not really thinking through what I was thinking.
I waited a minute and prepared myself for what lies behind that door. The door finally opened, but it wasn't Joslynn who did.
It was Louis.
He stood there in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair messy and his face that was stained by what seems to have been tears. I wonder if he's okay...
Louis forced a small smile and said, "Hello, Eleanor. Josie went out because she needed something from the drug store, and Harry went out with Liam. I guess you're stuck with me until she arrives, which may be a while, considering she just left in a taxi."
"I...I-uh...Louis, are you okay?" I asked. His head was down and he was trying to hide his face.
He looked up at me and offered a very fake smile and said, "Just fine," right as a tear rolled down his cheek.
I stepped in the flat and I closed the door. I took Louis's hand and I led him to the couch and I sat down with him. "Louis, tell me what's wrong."
Before Louis could lie and say he was fine, more and more tears started rolling down his face and he closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch, having his head face the ceiling.
He couldn't seem to speak, but I had a guess at what it was. "Is it Joslynn?" I asked quietly. Louis just nodded his head.
I sighed and closed my eyes. It's still hard now, knowing that Louis wanted Joslynn all along. It hurt, but I've had to learn to accept the fact that he just can't love me the way he loves Joslynn. Though it still hurts now, I'm slowly learning to accept it. And though Louis, Joslynn and I aren't all on the best of terms, I think we all want to fix things, and we just have to give it a try. Louis is going to be harder to win over, but even if he's still mad at me, I still care for him. I never stopped caring for him, and I never will. I don't love him like I used to. I have Josh now, but, I still care for Louis with all my heart, because I know he never had the intentions to hurt me.
"Do you miss her?" I asked again, in the same tone.
He nodded his head.
"D-Do...Do you love her?" I asked hesitantly.
He turned his head to me, and he nodded once again.
I sighed and said, "Louis...I know that the past few weeks ever since the fight have not been great. Things right now seem really, really messed up between us, and you will never understand how sorry I am for that. I regret every word I said that night, because they not only hurt Joslynn, but they hurt you, Josh and anyone else who cares for Joslynn. It also hurt me, because I've been suffering knowing that some of you still can't look at me the same. But, the point is, even though you probably hate me, I don't hate you. I care for you, Louis. A lot. No, I'm not in love with you. I thought I was, but I'm not. I may have been caught in a bliss at one point, but I'm not in it anymore. Yes, I'm still hurt that you always loved Joslynn, even when you were dating me. But, I'm doing my best at getting over it. All I want now is for the both of you to be happy. I'm working on me right now. I'm trying to focus on making myself happy and fixing my relationships with others. Josh has helped me with a lot of this, and I really like him, and I don't plan on dumping him any time soon. But, I feel like as a friend to both you and Joslynn, I need to give you the okay to date her. Know that I'm okay with it. I want you two to be together and happy. It'll make me happier and it will help me move past this. I know it seems like everything is hopeless right now, but you need to go and get Joslynn. She loves you, Louis. She really does."
Louis sat there in complete shock. A few seconds went by, and soon he was hugging me, tears still rolling down his face.
"Thank you," he whispered to me.
He pulled away for me and I sadly smiled at the poor boy in front of me. All he wants is love.
"Louis, Joslynn loves you. I can't stress that enough," I said, genuinely meaning it.
Louis sighed and said, "It doesn't feel like she loves me."
"Well, it appears to her that you don't love her. But, you're both hiding something underneath the facade. You both love each other, but neither of you will believe it because neither of you show it."
Before Louis could get another word in, the door to the flat opened, and Joslynn walked in. She was looking down at her purse, looking for something. I turned to Louis quickly, and he looked up at me with an unsure face. I mouthed, "It'll be okay," and he nodded his head, getting up and leaving the room.
Joslynn finally looked up and smiled at me. "Sorry, I was in a desperate need of some ibuprofen. I had a headache, but I've taken some now, and I'm feeling a bit better. So, shall we go?"
I smiled and nodded my head, standing up with my purse and following her out the door.
"I'm sorry I left you there with Louis. I hope that wasn't too awkward," she said as we climbed into her car.
I took a shaky breath as I clicked my seat belt. "Nah, we just made some small talk, so nothing too bad," I lied.
Joslynn nodded her head, continuing to drive.
"So, when did you start driving?" I asked, noticing she could now legally drive in Europe.
"I passed the test last week. It's a little hard to get used to because everything is opposite, but I'm adjusting quite nicely. It feels good to be able to drive again," she replied.
I just smiled and said, "I can imagine," not sure of what else to say. I felt very awkward after having that conversation with Louis, because I feel like I'm hiding something from Joslynn.
We continued down the road making small talk and listening to music, and we finally arrived at some restaurant.
Not much happened in the restaurant. We got a little bit more used to talking to each other, though I still felt weird after the conversation with Louis I had just hours before.
We got in the car, stuffed from a hearty meal. But, right before Joslynn could open the door, tears started rushing down my face. I felt guilty. I still felt guilty for everything I said that one night weeks ago, and I felt guilty for not telling Joslynn about the conversation I had with Louis.
The rest of the car ride was silent. I was trapped in my own demeaning thoughts. I felt awful.
When we finally pulled up to the flat, I just started crying right then and there. I couldn't keep going.
"Eleanor?! Are you okay? Hun, what's wrong?" She asked worriedly, turning towards me. She seemed genuinely concerned.
"I-I...I just..." I couldn't get the words out. I was in uncontrollable sobs and I didn't know how to stop it. I haven't cried since the night I said all of those awful things, and I now I just feel awful.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. I didn't know what else to say.
Joslynn seemed worried and concerned, as well as lost for words. "Eleanor, what are you sorry for?"
"F-for everything! I'm sorry I said all of those awful things to you that night! I'm sorry for making you feel like shit! I started to forgive myself a little later, but one night Niall got so mad at me for it again, and he told me about the cuts. Joslynn, you can't go back to being in such a dark place again, and certainly not because of me. I caused those scars on your body, and that's never going to be something I forgive myself for. Never. I'm sorry for everything I've ever said. I'm sorry for fucking entering your life, because I seem to have made things so, so much worse," I said, sobbing. I couldn't contain myself.
Joslynn looked stunned. But, soon she was crying, too. I expected her to tell me to just leave, and to yell at me for ruining her night. But, she didn't. She hugged me. She told me it was okay. She told me not to hate myself.
"Eleanor, I had problems long before you said those things to me, and you can't blame yourself for them. Yes, what you said hurt, but I've forgiven you. I've honestly and truly forgiven you because I know you didn't mean any of it. I was depressed as it was, and I had thoughts about it before that night. You weren't the main cause. But, I haven't gotten bad again. I haven't done anything since. Yes, I'm still depressed because Louis doesn't love me, and--" I cut her off.
"Joslynn, he told me he was in love with you," I said in a quiet voice.
She paused for a moment before asking, "What?"
"H-He's...he's in love with you. He told me tonight. While you were at the drug store. He told me everything he felt for you. Joslynn, that boy is so madly in love with you, words can't even explain."
"But...if he told you that, why's he with Margaux? Why has he let me hurt for so long?" She asked, her voice cracking.
"He didn't do it to hurt you, Joslynn. He did it because he thought it's what you wanted. He thought you didn't want to be together. He wanted to give you what he thought you wanted because he thought that's what would make you happy. He is willing to go to the moon and back to make you happy, even if he's upset in the end, and that's because he loves you. He's so deeply and madly in love with you, and I can't even begin to comprehend it. Joslynn, you need to go get him before it's too late."
Joslynn was at a loss of words. "I-I...I just..."
"Go," I said, tears rolling down my face. And, right after that, Joslynn got out of the car, and she let her feet carry her as fast as they would let her move up the stairs to her flat.
I think they were finally going to get what they wanted.