Joslynn’s POV
“He just let me down, is all. After Joshua attempted what he did, Louis was there for me at first, but now he’s fallen through. I have the other boys, especially Harry, but Louis was the one I truly cared about being there for me the most, and he’s failed to do that. At this point, I’m not even here because of trauma from the prom night; I’m here because my life seems to be so messed up from the aftermath,” I told the woman sitting in front of me.
She nodded her head and said, “Yes, I completely understand what Louis has done to you is not fair at all. Him running off with some other girl isn’t fair when he claimed to be in love with you. Do you have any ideas as to why he would get together with Margaux?”
I sighed. I wasn’t sure how to answer her question, truthfully. “I ask myself that question every day because I can’t find the answer to it myself, and it sucks. I don’t know why he would go with another girl. I suppose he got impatient, but if he claimed to be oh-so-in-love with me, I don’t see why he wasn’t willing to wait.”
Erin nodded and replied, “Have you ever thought that he got with this girl because he so desperately craved you? Maybe he really still does want you, maybe even more than ever. He may be hiding his feelings behind this other girl, or he’s with her simply to make you jealous. I can promise you, this boy loves you. It’s so plainly obvious. He’s just done a really bad job at showing it.”
I sighed, starting to tear up. “I know you’re probably right. But whether or not he loves me, he’s done nothing but hurt me.”
Erin gave me a sad smile, nodded, and started to jot things down in her notepad. After a few brief seconds, she looked back up and said, “You know, Joslynn, you’re a very strong and independent young woman, and you’re very smart. I can’t tell you what you have to do, but what I can tell you is that I think Louis does care for you more than anything or anyone in this world. I personally think he doesn’t know how to show it, so he’s taken a wrong turn and is hurting you because of it. But, I can promise you that Louis is going to regret this, and he will soon realize it and take the steps he needs to fix it.”
I smiled and nodded at her. “Though I’m hurting right now, I really hope you’re right. All I want to be is happy, and I agree with you that it may take some time before Louis and I both can be happy.”
Erin smiled and began to tear out a sheet of paper with writing on it to give to me. “Joslynn, you’re honestly doing great for someone going through what you’ve had to. Though we’re out of time, I can promise you that you can come to me anytime you need, and there’s always next week.”
I took the sheet with the date and time of my next appointment on it and hugged her. “Thank you, Erin.”
“Not a problem, dear,” she replied, then letting go of me so I could walk out of her office.
I’ve been seeing a therapist ever since I moved to London, and it’s been helping me cope through a lot of what Louis has put on me.
I walked out of the small grey building where Erin was located and stepped into the warm summer air.
I walked into the parking lot and looked around for a bit until I spotted the black Range Rover. I went and got in the passenger side, and the curly headed boy asked once I settled in, “How was it?”
“It was pretty good,” I replied, buckling my seat belt as Harry backed out of the parking lot.
Louis picked me up the first time from therapy, but after that, I’ve always preferred Harry pick me up ever since Louis and Margaux started dating.
All of the boys know I’m in therapy, and it was them, my friends from home and my mom who all agreed therapy would be a good thing for me after everything I’ve been through. Louis just doesn’t know he’s the hot topic we talk about. At least, I don’t think he knows.
“That’s good,” Harry nodded, not asking any further questions. After a few more minutes, he spoke once again, “Joslynn, do you want to go get dinner with me tonight?”
I shrugged and said, “Sure, what Jacqueline doesn’t know won’t hurt her, after all.”
Harry playfully punched me in the arm and said, “Shut up, you know I don’t mean it like that.”
I laughed and said, “Yeah, I know. I just still think it’s the most adorable thing you two are together.” Harry started to blush like mad before I started laughing and taunted, “Awwww, Harry’s got a wittle cwush on his wittle gwirlfwiend!”
“Shut upppp,” he groaned, blushing even deeper, which I didn’t even think was possible.
I just laughed, reaching over and pinching one of his cheeks. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that, but I think I can hold off on the sarcastic bitch comments for a few minutes.”
Harry then suddenly reached his hand over to feel my forehead. “You’re going to hold off on being sarcastic and bitchy? Are you feeling okay? Do you have a fever?”
I rolled my eyes, swatting his hand away. “Both hands on the wheel, pretty boy.”
“Aaaaaand she’s back,” he said, retracting his hand from my forehead.
Once we got back to the apartment, or the “flat” as the boys and the rest of England called it, I went and flopped down on the couch next to Niall.
“Hey, Jos,” he smiled at me, then turning his attention back to the soccer, or, excuse me, football, game he was watching.
“Hey, Nialler,” I smiled, cuddling into his side.
“How was therapy?” He asked, turning his attention from the game to me.
I sighed and said, “We had a good talk. It’s of course never fun talking about tough things, but nonetheless, it was a good conversation.”
Niall smiled sadly at me and pecked me on the forehead. “That’s good. I hope you know that I’m always here for you if you ever want to talk.”
I smiled and said, “I know. Thank you, Niall.”
Niall simply smiled at me and turned his attention back to the game.
After a few minutes, I got bored with the game and got up at went to the kitchen to get a snack. I walked in, and of course, Louis was standing at the fridge looking for something to eat.
I walked up next to him, not bothering to say anything, and repeated his actions of looking for something to eat.
After I found some yogurt, I went to the kitchen island and sat down and began to eat. After a few seconds, Louis let out an exasperated sigh and turned around empty handed. He walked up to the other side of the kitchen island, standing right in front of me.
“Hi,” he simply said, resting his head on his hands.
“Hi,” I simply replied, eating my yogurt.
After a few moments of silence, Louis asks, “Do you hate me?”
I immediately stopped eating my strawberry yogurt and looked up at him, a little thrown off by his question. I was caught off guard, so all I was awkwardly able to get out was, “I…uh…no…what?”
Louis sighed and said, “I just got the feeling you hate me.”
I sighed, closing my eyes and putting my hand on my forehead. “I most certainly do not hate you, Louis.”
“Then why do you act like it?” He asked.
I opened my eyes to look at him. There were a million things I wanted to scream in his face, but I thought that would be a little harsh.
I sighed and replied, “Louis, I do not hate you. I’m aggravated with you, and don’t you dare ask me why, because I’ve explained it at least a thousand times.”
Louis replied, “I just feel like I’ve done nothing but disappoint you these past few months and I can’t get the feeling out of my head. I’m surprised you don’t hate me, because you have every reason in the world to hate me—“ I cut him off.
“Louis, I don’t hate you, I have never hated you, nor could I ever hate you, so get that entire idea out of your head. I couldn’t come up with more than a few reasons as to why I’m aggravated with you, so I think every reason in the world is a bit of an exaggeration. Yes, I’m aggravated with you, and this whole thing has disappointed me. But, don’t you dare say that’s all you’ve done these past few months because that’s not true. These past few months, you’ve been such a help and a blessing to me, and you shouldn’t let this whole situation get you thinking you’re a bad person, because I can promise you that you aren’t. I’m very pissed off with you, and I have every right to be. But don’t you dare go around saying I hate you and that you’ve been nothing but a disappointment to me because that makes not only you look bad, but me, also.”
Louis seemed a little started by my reply, but he managed to say, “Josie…you know I’m sorry.”
“But do I, Louis? Do I really? How can I know you’re sorry if you’re still with Margaux? You don’t understand the pain I’ve been through this past month, so don’t you dare say you’re sorry. Those are just words coming out of your mouth. You have yet to prove to me you’re sorry.”
“It’s when you act like this I get the feeling you hate me,” he replied.
“Louis! Oh my God, how many times must I say it? I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you. Do. You. Un-der-stand? I. Do. Not. Hate. You. I’m just beyond pissed off with you. There’s a difference. You would have to kill my entire family and Ryan Gosling for me to hate you, and you’re far from that.”
Louis cracked a small smile at my mention of Ryan Gosling, but it quickly faded. He sighed and said, “I know you’re confused right now, and so am I. I just need some time to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”
I sighed and said, “I’m waiting, Louis. I’ve been waiting. I can only wait for so long.”
“Josie, that’s not fair—“ I cut him off, starting to get genuinely pissed off.
“It’s not fair? Me not being able to wait for as long as you need isn’t fair? That’s really funny, because I’m pretty sure that was you two weeks ago. You told me countless times that I could take my time, yet you go off with another girl after you get tired of waiting. Don’t you dare tell me what’s fair of me to do and what isn’t because you’ve done a shit job at being ‘fair’ yourself.”
I left Louis a little stunned, and I grabbed my cup of yogurt and began to walk away. Before I could fully leave the area, Louis called, “Josie, wait.”
I turned around with a blank expression and gave him expectant eyes, telling him to speak.
“Is…Is therapy going okay for you?”
I was a little caught off guard by the question, but I took a shaky breath before saying, “Y-yeah…I-it’s…it’s fine. It’s going just fine.”
What I said wasn’t a lie; I was just a little surprised by his question.
He gave a small smile and gave a small nod. “Good,” he said. With that, I turned back around and walked away, not wanting to talk to my best friend anymore. I’ve had enough Louis for today.
“After you, milady,” the cheeky boy said as he opened the door to the restaurant. I thanked him and walked in, Harry right behind me.
Harry then led me to a table by a window on the left side of the small café. It was a very simple café; seat yourself, menus already on the table; nothing fancy at all.
Harry and I sat across from each other and we each grabbed a menu and began searching it for something good to order.
“The blueberry muffins look good,” he said, which made me give him a weird look.
“Blueberry muffins for dinner?” I asked with an amused look on my face.
Harry smirked and said, “Don’t judge me for my choice in muffins.”
“I’m not judging you for your choice in muffins; just the fact you want muffins for dinner,” I replied.
“Muffins are good, though…” he pouted.
“Muffins are good. Delicious, even. But not dinner.”
Harry pouted once more before continuing to look for something that was hopefully real dinner food.
After a few more minutes of looking for something to eat, a woman in about her 40s with her brown hair pulled into a tight bun came up to our table to take our order.
After we gave her our drink order, she asked what we would like to eat. Harry looked at me with hopeful eyes, to which I rolled my eyes, sighed and said giving in to the boy, “Go ahead…”
Harry flashed a huge grin and said, “Yes, I’d like the fish and chips, except can you replace the chips with blueberry muffins?”
The waitress gave him an odd look, but continued to write it down without saying anything.
She turned to me and gestured for me to place my order. “Yeah, I’d like a cup of cheddar and broccoli soup with some crackers on the side, please.”
The waitress then finished writing down our orders and left to post them in the kitchen for the chef to cook.
Harry started to “tsk” at me while shaking his head.
“What?” I asked, amused.
“Cheddar and broccoli soup…really?”
“What’s wrong with soup?” I asked.
“It’s just so…simple. So…American,” he replied with another “tsk.”
“Last time I checked, soup didn’t have a nationality.”
“Shut it, Davis,” he joked, thus making me roll my eyes.
After a few minutes of making small talk and sipping on our drinks, Harry finally broke the meaningless talk and brought up the stuff I really had no interest in talking about after being questioned about it the past two weeks.
“So…I heard you and Louis had a bit of a show down today in the kitchen,” he said.
I sighed and said, “Yeah, you could say that.”
“What happened?” He questioned.
“Basically, Louis randomly asked me if I hated him, I kept saying no, explained to him I was simply aggravated with him, and he threw himself a pity party, which I told him to stop doing, and he then told me it wasn’t fair of me for not wanting to ‘give him time’ to decide if he wants to be with me or not,” I said.
Harry gave a somewhat confused expression and questioned, “But isn’t that a little hypocritical of him to ask that of you?”
“Yep,” I replied, popping the “p.”
Harry sighed and said, “Honestly, Jos, Louis loves you a whole freaking lot. I know that you hear this nearly every day, but it’s true. He loves you. He just made a real bad move by getting with Margaux. I think the only reason he did that was because he didn’t feel like waiting any longer. Face it, Margaux and you look alike in some ways. Same eye color, same hair color, and you’re both nearly the same size. He took some of the most basic things about your physical appearance and matched it to this girl because he thought it would be the closest thing he could get to being with you, because after waiting for so long, he felt rejected. Don’t get me wrong, the amount of time you waited was 100% fair. However, he’s now gone into denial and thinks you hate him for doing that because he’s now realized what he has done was completely idiotic, but he doesn’t know how to get out of it and he’s trying to play everything off as if Margaux is who he wants to be with, when in reality, all he wants is you.”
I looked at him shocked. Did that seriously just come out of his mouth? Did Harry Styles just say something…intelligent?
Harry could see my shock and laughed a bit. “Surprised?” he asked.
I nodded my head, still a little flabbergasted. “I just…I never really noticed all of that. Like, about Margaux and I looking alike, and all. This past month, all I’ve heard are you, the boys, the girls from home and Erin say is about how Louis still loves me. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where everything all of you has said has practically blended into one meaningless answer, if that makes any sense. But, you just actually sort of put it into terms I can actually somewhat understand.”
Harry smirked and said, “Yeah, I’m kind of a genius.”
I rolled my eyes and playfully punched him in the arm.
“He loves you, Joslynn. He really does. He just doesn’t know how to show it and he doesn’t understand how badly it’s hurting you.”
I gave Harry a sad smile and said, “Thanks.”
After a few moments of a comfortable silence, I suddenly asked, “Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“…When do you think Louis is going to realize all of the pain he’s caused me?”
Harry thought for a moment before saying, “Louis is a good person. He’s your best friend and you’re his. But, sometimes he doesn’t realize when he’s hurting the ones around him. He will realize it. He and Margaux…they won’t last. They don’t have the bond you and Louis do. He and Margaux’s relationship is like one really long one night stand, except he will probably remember her name afterward. Margaux is a great girl, but she is not for Louis. I can promise you that Louis will one day realize what the bloody hell he’s done and he will come running back to you, and he’ll feel lucky to get your forgiveness—“ I cut him off.
“If I decide to forgive him…”
Harry gave me a knowing look. “Joslynn, you’re going to forgive him, no matter how much doubt you have. Louis means too much to you to let him go. Louis is going to be one of those boys where no matter how many times he messes up, you’re always going to forgive him. Always.”
“How do you know that?” I asked, wondering why on earth he thinks I’ll let that happen.
“Because, Joslynn, no matter how much you deny it, when you don’t have Louis by your side, you’re not yourself. Louis is going to screw up a whole freaking lot, but no matter how many times he does, you’re going to forgive him.”
“You don’t know that,” I said.
“Joslynn, you’re in love. You’re so madly in love to the point you can’t always realize it yourself, but everyone else around you can. You’re so madly in love with Louis, and you don’t even realize how deep in you are. That boy is stupid. He makes way too many mistakes to count. But, to you, he’s always going to be the one. He’s going to be the one who makes everything better, even when he was the one to mess things up. I know these things. I see these things. I know that you know you love Louis, but you don’t see how in love you are.”
“If we are more in love with each other than we think we are, wouldn’t that mean things with our relationship should be easier?” I asked, now doubting Harry’s logic.
“That’s the thing. Relationships are never easy. Relationships are like a rollercoaster; you’ve got your ups, your downs, your loopdieloops—everything. The relationship itself is always going to be everywhere. However, the love part will always be the easiest.”
“How is love easier than the relationship?”
“Because no matter how many ups and downs you have in your relationship, you’re always going to effortlessly love the other person, because though relationships themselves can be tough, love is never going to be something you have to fight for in order to feel it. Love is a natural feeling that you’re never going to get rid of. Though the relationship itself is hard, feeling the love is the easiest part….Now, let’s eat some muffins.”
And just like that, Harry Styles has once again managed to send my mind going in constant circles.