I breathed in deep as I rolled over. I hummed with a smile in response to a gentle touch moving stray strands of hair from my face. I peeled my eyes open and was met with a sight, my beautiful boyfriend perfectly bathed in sunlight. My eyes scanned over his face and my brows scrunched as I thought I saw tear tracks on his cheeks. I reached up to thumb at them and was met with moisture. “Hazza, why are you crying?” I pouted as I ran a hand through his curls and snuggled closer to him.
He huffed out a small laugh as his hand lazily swept over his face then rested on my hip. “It’s silly,” he shook his head in dismissal as his eyes trailed away from my face.
“Nonsense,” I scolded gently as I forced his eyes to mine again. “Tell me…” my voice was pleading instead of demanding.
“I-” he bit his lip. “I’m just happy,” he mumbled and his cheeks flushed.
I let out a small giggle and pecked his lips before he could shy too far away from me. I rubbed my nose on his and whispered, “Tell me…”
“I don’t really know how to describe it,” his voice was soft and his smile still slightly embarrassed. “I can just like… be with you,” he shrugged. “Like hear your breathing while you sleep or feel your heart beating when I hold you or just stare into your eyes in silence and just be…. Satisfied; but more than satisfied, like I feel complete in every possible way. It’s never felt like that before. Not even when….” He trailed off leaving me to fill in the blanks and oh. Oh. My cheeks flushed and a small embarrassed smile crossed my lips. “And with you… that felt real. Like an actual act of love and not just satisfying a need.”
We were silent a moment before he spoke again. “I hate watching you hurt.” His voice had taken on a saddened tone and he sounded like he was in pain. “I hate knowing I can’t do anything about it. I’m here feeling like I’m on top of the world and you’re in pain. I can’t fix it. I can’t-” he swallowed hard “-can’t make you as happy as you make me.”
I shook my head as new tears welled in his eyes and I rubbed over his cheek with the pad of my thumb. “Hazza you do. I… couldn’t have survived these past few months without you. You make the hurt go away, it always goes away.”
He swallowed hard again as he nodded. “You have to promise…. Promise me that you won’t keep it all bottled up. It’s not—good. I can’t lose you again.”
“You never lost me,” I scowled in confusion.
“I did. That first month, after it happened; you weren’t my Natalie. I so badly wanted to believe that you’d wake up the next day and be one hundred percent you again. But I always knew it would take time for you to heal. You can’t drink it away. You have to give it time; I’ll be here. I can help you. You just have to let me.”
I nodded, “Okay Haz. I promise.” We shared a soft sweet kiss before we curled back into each other.