Smile
I hummed happily while stirring the soup I am cooking. I smile when I see the color turning like what's in the cookbook. I think I'm getting it.
"Iyan na po ba ang huling lulutuin nyo, ma'am?" Tanong sa akin ni Wanda.
Nilingon ko sya. "Ito na lang, Wands. Handa na ba ang hapag?" I asked.
"Opo, ma'am. Kung gusto nyo po, ako na muna ang bahala sa niluluto nyo para magising nyo si sir." Aniya.
Tumango ako at ngumiti ulit. "Sige Wan, mahirap pa namang gisingin si Kayden pag nasobrahan sa tulog." Sang-ayon ko, binigay na sa kanya ang sandok.
Ngumiti sya atsaka tumango para ipagpatuloy ang pagbabantay sa sabaw na ginagawa ko. It's a cheesy cream soup.
Umakyat ako sa taas at dumeretso sa aming silid. Agad sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko ng makita ko ang natutulog na si Kayden sa kama.
Nakadapa sya sa gitna ng kama, halos sakupin ito dito dahil sa laki ng bulto nya. matangkad din sya kaya halos lumampas sa paanan ng kama ang paa nya pag umaayos sya ng higa.
Umuga ang kama ng umupo ako sa gilid nito. Nangingiting pinagmamasdan ko ang asawa kong mahimbing na natutulog. He seems tired. Late na kasi syang umuwi kagabi dahil medyo nagka problema ang kompanya kagabi. Hindi naman nya sinabi ang dahilan pero naayos din daw ito kagabi. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa dahil alam ko naman na hindi ako makakatulong. Wala akong alam sa kompanya.
Isa pa, hindi ko alam kung may karapatan pa akong manghimasok sa buhay nya dahil sa gagawin ko. Everytime I see him makes my heart break into pieces. Para akong kinakapos ng hininga tuwing pinagmamasdan sya at ang mga anak namin. I will surely break him and thinking that hurt me so bad.
I don't want to be selfish. I don't want him to suffer for such a long time with me. I don't want him to stop living his life because of me. I don't want to see him crying because of me.
Yes, he loves me so much. And I know he will hate me so much because of my decision. Kahit ako, sobrang namumuhi ako ngayon sa sarili ko. Namumuhi ako dahil wala akong maisip na ibang paraan para wag syang masaktan. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do in this world.
He's the only man who accepted me beside all my flaws. Minahal nya ako ng sobra at higit pa sa inaakala ko. At alam ko na pag sinabi ko 'to sa kanya ay tatanggapin nya ako at gagawin nya lahat para sa akin at sa anak namin.
Pero gaya ng paulit-ulit kong sinasabi, walang kasiguraduhan ang lahat. Walang kasiguraduhan kong mabubuhay ako. And maybe risking my own life won't guarantee my child's life.
Pero ang sigurado ko ay masasaktan ko habang buhay si Kayden kung mananatili ko sa tabi nya. And I can't afford that pain I'll bring him. Mas mabuti ng iwan sya ngayon at isipin nyang niloko ko sya kaysa makita syang nagdudusa sa tabi ko.
Kasi pag iniwan ko sya ngayon, alam ko makakaahon pa sya. Makakahanap pa sya ng rason para mabuhay. He will meet someone that he deserve. Iyong hindi sya iiwan at hindi sya lolokohin, hindi tulad ko.
And if he'll choose to hate me forever, then I will accept that wholeheartedly. Not because it's my fault but because I deserve that and I love him so much. I want him to love someone stronger than how he loved me. He can do that, I know. Dahil wala syang ibang maiisip sa akin kundi ang pagkamuhi at galit. And with that, he will be capable of loving someone better than me.
And I am sorry to disappoint you but this is my decision. I'm leaving my husband. I'm leaving the only man I've ever love so much.
"Hey baby, good morning..." He said sleepily na nagpabalik sa akin sa realidad.
I quickly wiped my tears. Buti nalang at nakapikit pa sya. I'm sure he'll freak out seeing me crying. I don't want to make him worry more about me.
"Good morning, baby. Wake up na..." Pinilit kong pasiglahin ang boses ko.
"Hmm..." He jus answered.
"I cooked breakfast, baby. Come on."
Marahan kong hinimas ang braso nya. I saw how his lips curved.
"Kiss muna." Paos nyang sabi at ngumuso.
Natawa ako sa itsura nya. His hair's a mess and all its over his face kaya halos bibig lang nya ang nakikita ko.
"Baby you look like a shitzu!" I teased him.
He's so cute.
"Kiss na nga." He demanded and pouted more.
Naiiling na pinagbigyan ko na. I kissed him fast that makes him pout more and more.
"I kissed you already, now get up." Utos ko, tumayo na at marahang hinihila ang kanyang kanang braso.
"That wasn't a kiss!" He groaned.
Napanganga ako. "What?! I kissed you!"
Sa halip na sagutin ako mabilis nya akong nahila kaya bumagsak ako sa ibabaw nya. I am now on top of him and my breasts are squeezing on his chest.
"Baby, ano ba?" Pinalo ko sya sa dibdib at marahan syang tinutulak pero mas hinigpitan nya ang yakap sa akin kaya hindi ako makawala.
His left hand traveled on my small back hugging me while his right hand found its way to the side of my cheek.
"That's not a kiss to me, baby." He smirked and winked at me.
Kinurot ko sya sa tagiliran pero tumawa lang sya.
"You're so perv!" I hissed.
"Stop wriggling, misis. May nagigising ka." He chuckled and pressed my body closer to his.
Pulang-pula na ang mukha ko dahil nararamdaman ko iyong bahaging iyon ng katawan nya unti-unting nabubuhay sa bandang tiyan ko.
"Now, let me show you what's real kiss, baby." Anas nya.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Wha—"
Hindi na nya ako pinatapos dahil agad sinakop ng labi nya ang labi ko. He kiss me like there's no tomorrow, as if he knows I'm leaving and this could be our last kiss.
I groan when he took my mouth aggresively. He devoured my lips as if its a food and he's a hungry and thirsty wolf.
I felt his tongue make its way to my mouth. I opened my mouth and gave him all the access. Napakapit akong mabuti sa balikat nya bilang suporta dahil sa lalim at rahas ng halik nya.
I felt him carressing my back while kissing me intently. Patuloy sya sa pag-atake sa labi ko samantalang wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang umungol at magpaubaya sa kanya. Feeling his soft lips on mine is making me lose my mind. I can't even think straight dahil wala akong ibang gustong maramdaman ngayon kung hindi ang labi nyang inaangkin ang labi ko.
God, why does he have to be such a great kisser. Thinking his past girls hurt me. Ganito din ba ang nararamdaman nila pag hinahalikan sila ni Kayden? Nalalasing din ba sila sa mga halik ng asawa ko?
Fuck, Xherry! Stop it! Stop thinking about obvious things!
I want him to kiss me more but I am in need of air.
Humihingal na kumalas ako sa kanya ng halik pero hindi nya pinakawalan ang mukha ko. Sumandal ako sa noo nya.
He's also taking deep and fast breaths.
"That's kiss, baby..." Bulong nya at muling kinantalan ng mababaw na halik ang labi ko.
Nakapikit ako, tila gustong matulog dahil sa ginagawa nya sa akin. And having this moment with him makes me want to ask myself again why I am leaving this man.
He licked his lips while staring at me with intensity. Pumikit ako at hinayaang sumandal sa kanyang noo. I am still drunk and shaking because of his kisses.
"I love you so much, Kayden." I bite my lips for those words that came out from nowhere.
But it's true naman. I love him. So much.
"I love you more and more and more, baby..." He murmured. Hinawakan nya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at marahang inangat ang mukha ko para magtama ang mga mata naming dalawa.
"I can't live without you." Aniya sa boses na puno ng sakit.
His voice triggers my tears and it came instantly. Umiyak ako at niyakap sya ng sobrang higpit, as if my whole life depends on him.
"Kahit alam ko na tears of happiness yan, I still don't wanna see you cry. Lalong-lalo na kung nasa mga bisig kita..." He stated while wiping my tears with his thumbs.
"Thank you for loving me this much, baby. I will always be thankful for your love for me." Buong pusong sabi ko.
"No, baby." Marahas syang umiling. "I should be the one thanking you for coming into my life. Blessing ka para sa akin. Pinakamalaking blessing na natanggap ko. You gave me your heart and you gave me two beautiful children and another one's coming. Thank you, baby. Thank you so much..." Deklara nya sa nanginginig na boses.
Mas napaiyak ako ng makitang namumula ang mga mata nya. Oh no please, baby. I don't wanna see you cry.
"Mahal na mahal ko kayo." Madiing sabi nya pagkatapos ay kinulong ako sa isang napakahigpit na yakap.
Kahit na umiiyak ay nagawa ko paring ngumiti habang niyayakap sya pabalik.
"Ouch." I groaned when his hug became tighter.
"Baby, naiipit si baby." Mahina kong tinapik ang balikat nya.
Agad naman syang kumalas at nag-aalalang tinitigan ako.
"Are you okay, baby? May masakit? Saan? Should I bring you to the hospital? Fuck, I'm sorry! Hindi ko—" I kissed his lips to stop his whims.
"I'm okay."
Humalakhak ako kahit sobrang seryoso ng mukha nya. His jaw clenched pero agad din iyong natunaw ng hinalikan ko sya sa pisngi.
"We're fine, baby. Napaka possessive mo talaga." I said while pinching his cheeks. Ewan ko ba, sobrang pinanggigilan ko sya.
"Aw, baby!" Hiyaw nya ng napalakas ang kurot ko aa pisngi nya.
"I'm sorry baby!" I screamed when I realized that he's hurt.
Damn, namumula ang mga pisngi nya. Halatang dahil sa mga kurot ko!
"I know I'm hot, baby but please be gentle." Aniya habang hinahaplos ang pisngi nya.
Ngumiti ako at marahang hinimas ang pisngi nya.
"Masakit ba?" Maingat na tanong ko.
He pout his lips and nodded.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Napasobra yata ang panggigigil ko.
"Sorry, baby..." I whispered while carressing his reddish cheeks.
"What can I do to make it better?" Tanong ko. Gusto kong pagaanin ang loob nya.
Kitang-kita ko ang pagsilay ng ngisi sa labi nya. Nagsisisi tuloy ako kung bakit ko iyon nasabi.
Damn, this pervert Delafranco!
"Kiss." Tipid nyang sagot.
Hindi makapaniwalang tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. "What?"
"Kiss me to make me feel better." Ulit nya para mas maintindihan ko.
"Baby, kissing maniac ka ba?" Hindi napigilang tanong ko.
He pout his lips instead of answering me.
I gave him a peck on his lips that made his lips curved sexily. I will never forget this soft lips. I always remember how it feels so good to kiss him. To feel his smooth lips on mine. I always fantasize kissing endlessly. Kahit pa mag-asawa na kami, I always got a crush on him.
And it's more painful for me. Kasi wala akong ibang pinangarap kung hindi siya. I never admire any other man but him. It's always him. It's like I am cast by a spell. Everytime he touches me feel so surreal. Dati, pinapangarap ko lang sya, pero ngayon ay abot kamay na. Abot kamay na pero bibitawan ko ulit.
Bibitawan ko kasi kailangan. Bibitawan ko kasi hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang kumapit sa kanya habang nasasaktan sya. Bibitawan ko sya dahil mas gugustuhin ko na ako ang masaktan wag lang sya. He's my savior and my weakness. I'm willing to get drown just to save him.
And no matter how many time you ask me why I am doing this, I will always answer my main reason.
Mahal ko, eh.
"You will always be the love of my life, Kayden... Ikaw lang." Wala sa sariling sabi ko habang hinahaplos ang buhok nya.
Kumunot ang noo nya at hinuli ang kamay kong nasa buhok nya. His eyes were full of admiration but I can also see pain. Para saan ang sakit na iyon?
"Baby, may problema ba?" He asked.
Nasa akin na ngayon ang buong atensyon nya.
"I just want to tell you that. Do not ever forget." Naiiyak na sagot ko.
His jaw clenched at my word. Madiin syang nagmura pagkatapos ay umayos ng upo. Nakatagilid na kandong ako sa kanya habang nakasandal sya sa head board ng kama.
"I always want you pregnat but sometimes I blame that side of me. I hate seeing you cry. Even if that's a pregnancy hormone, I still don't wanna see you cry." He coldly said while wiping my tears.
If you only know, baby... That this is not a pregnancy hormones but a hurtful thinking.
"Your smile is the only thing that matters to me. I would give you my whole world just to see you smile next to me, every day. Every moment, and every second of my whole life, baby..." He whispered.
Sumandal ako sa dibdib nya at pumikit. I want to feel his heart while he's saying all this words for me. I want to keep in my heart, no matter what.
Me too, baby. Me too...