[[ Reading over this chapter and chapter 46, I realized I basically wrote "fillers".
I am still working on the chapters, writing and publishing as I go along. I don't really plan out what I write ahead of time, it's just whatever I'm feeling at the moment.
That being said I may delete these chapters and just focus on other characters.
For the time being I will leave 46 and 47 Published but I may end up deleting them all together, depending where I let the story end at.
Feel free to skip these 2 fillers, thanks for reading! ]]
"Go home!" Zach yelled at his blond friend while she closed the door of his room behind her.
His door room was quiet, she looked over at the other bed and noticed his roommate was missing.
"Not until you talk to me."
Zach slapped his hands over his forehead. "I don't want to talk to you! Can't you get that through you're thick head!? God..." he slumped onto his bed.
"You're drunk.." Anne shrugged and approached him slowly.
"I am, but drunk or sober I still don't want to.." Zach could feel his head pulsing, the headache of the alcohol was on the brink of rupturing.
"Zach...I-"
He stood up and nearly pushed her away.
"You ruined it Anne! You ruined it all! I can't....I won't forgive you !" his brows were furrowed deep in anger, his nose was scrunched up creating wrinkles on it, his fists clenched at his sides.
She had never seen him like that, although her head was telling her to leave, her heart was determined to stay.
"I'm not leaving!" she stomped, "I am not leaving until we talk and until you hear me out."
"Ugh!!" Zach fell on his bed face down.
"You say I ruined things? You say you can't forgive me? You're a real piece of work Zach!" she began. "Before, you could barely do anything without talking to me, without texting me or calling me! Every weekend you came to see me, yeah I know it was because you wanted to talk about Elizabeth and Juliet and not because you liked spending time with me but-"
Zach grumbled into his pillow words she couldn't make out his words .
"What?"
He rose his head from the pillow so she could hear him, "I did like spending time with you... it was the only thing that got me through my days,"
Her heart felt like capsizing, "you did?" She asked again with a lowered voice, to which he merely nodded and sat up on his bed.
"You ruined it though," he repeated "I thought you were different, not like the rest. Different like Elizabeth.."
Anne felt insulted, "what do you mean I'm like the rest?"
Zach eyed her, "don't act innocent! You took advantage of me because I was depressed, you took advantage of my situation of how much I relied on you !"
Anne stomped closer to him before slapping him across the face. Her slap was hard and echoed across the room,the hit burned his cheek, his fringe fell and covered his eyes, covered his shame.
Slowly he turned back to her, his eyes watered with tears.
"How dare you..." her voice trembled. "You're the last person to tell me that I used you. What the hell have you been doing to me this whole time? You tell me not to act innocent ? Look at yourself in the mirror Zach! Take a good look!"
Zach said nothing as he absorbed her yells, I deserve it every bit of it...
" I never used you, not once. That night I.... I wanted to be with you because all this time, I loved you." She finally confessed, at her words a single tear droplet fell down his burning cheek where she had struck him.
"I loved you even while you were with Elizabeth, I loved you since I was a freshman and I first saw you. But don't think that when she went missing that I saw it as an opportunity to claim you for myself! She was my friend and I loved her too!" It had to come out, the guilt in her heart had to spill out.
Anne couldn't make out the expression in Zach's glittering blue eyes, "that night... I...I just... wanted to feel you. To be with you, just once. It wasn't to use you, it wasn't because of anything. It was... an expression of how I truly felt....all these years. So don't pool me into that group of girls you used to have one night stands with!"
She could feel her knees buckle from her nervousness but continued, "for you to sit there and look me in the eye and pretend you didn't want it when I know for a fact that you did...." she shook her head " own up to it Zach, maybe then you'll get rid of the guilt you feel. I don't deserve this pain, I've decided I'm not gunna continue with this guilt cuz I did nothing wrong! I opened my heart to you and you were there to accept it even if it was for just a night...so take responsibility for yourself and don't pin all the blame on me!"
Anne turned on her heel ready to burst out the door, but the door opened before she got to it.
"T-Tyler ?" She stammered as she saw the handsome guy walk in, his eyes shifted to Zach.
"Sorry... just wanted make sure he didn't puke all over the place." He could feel the tension in the room, a friend of his staggered inside and wrapped an arm around Tyler.
"Hey! Who's the cutie?" His obviously drunk friend asked before making kissy faces at Anne.
"I'll ... come back tomorrow. Give you guys some privacy." Tyler took a backpack and stuffed it with a couple of things then collected his friend to leave. "I'm crashing in your room tonight,"
"At least buy me Taco Bell..." his drunk friend whined as they walked out and down the hall.
"You met Tyler?" Zach asked, Anne still had her back to him but he could see her nod once.
She's right, everything she said about me ... is right.
Zach got up and approached her slowly, his arms wrapped around her shoulder and he hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered by her ear, his breath tickled her skin. With hesitation she turned around and hugged him back.
"I'm truly sorry Anne,"he could feel her shake against him, his hand glided down her back reassuring her with each stroke how sorry he was.
Her hands clung to him tightly, hoping that the embrace would last.
Zach's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, he wasn't sure what to think or what to do. Ever since he shut Anne out of his life, he had been even more miserable. But at the same time, having her around filled his mind with shame.
He loves her friend, not her.
And yet, when their bodies entwine together he feels peace and comfort.
It was obvious that his body easily reacted to her charms, she was a rather beautiful and strong girl.
Would the pain really go away...if I let her go? Would Anne be enough..?
Zach wasn't sure, he wasn't sure of anything but he made a choice.
"Anne," he hummed her name. "Stay with me tonight?"
Her shaking stopped and her hands released his back, she pulled away to look into his face.
"Are you sure?" she asked, seeking in each one of his perfectly blue eyes for honesty.
His hands found the sides of her face and he gently stroked his thumbs on her temples, feeling her soft skin and pushing back some of her thick blond hair.
"I need you," he confirmed, his eyes darted to her lips.
Her heart was racing a million miles per second, hesitantly she pushed off the floor and grew closer to kiss him. Before she met him she asked, "What does this make me?"
He didn't know how to answer her, he didn't even know what he was feeling.
All he knew was that he was tired of being lonely, tired of feeling guilt and despair.
Anne was the only one around that could sooth his broken heart, even if it just meant that he only wanted to be with her physically; there was some traces of emotional want and need.
"It makes you...someone important to me." He spoke slowly making sure she understood. "I meant what I said when I told you that I care for your, that I like being around you. Right now, the pain I feel inside seems to go away when I'm with you...."
He licked his lips, "But Anne...I can't give you...my heart if that's what you seek. I am not ready." he said honestly and put as much emphasis on his words as necessary.
"These moments, however short lived they are...if you permit me, I will give you my attention. I will give you what you seek in a lover, but I can't give you more than that. If that's enough for now, stay with me tonight."
Anne shut her eyes registering his words and what they meant, of course she couldn't expect much out of him. She knew how much Elizabeth meant to him, she was his everything.
He changed so much because of her and in a good way, everyone knew it.
There is no questioning, how much I love this man, she thought, There is no doubting what I want.
She opened her eyes and pressed her forehead to his, "Please just don't toss me away again. No matter what happens Zach. I'll be here for you."
"Thank you Anne..." he whispered before brushing his lips against hers.
His kiss with hers sealed an unspoken understanding of both of their feelings. It was an agreement on both of their parts, that they would be and do for each other what the other wanted without any sort of commitment on their hearts.
During these stolen moments alone, they would be lovers and lovers only.