A/N: I'm so sorry this is so late. I'll talk to you more at the end of the chapter :)
"So, like, how are you really?" Charlie asked as you walked through a crowded store in the mall trying to find gifts for everyone and decorations for the bunker. The boys were off finding their own gifts and decorations. Apparently, the bunker was lacking on Christmas decorations, not that you were surprised.
"I guess I'm trying not to think too much into it. It's—it's hard knowing Sam did it. Don't get me wrong, I get it. But getting it doesn't make it any easier to let go of the pain."
She gave you a reassuring smile. "You are one tough cookie."
You snorted at her comment. "That's some high praise to someone who just got discharged from the hospital."
"No I'm serious," she said as she picked up a hat with elf ears and placed one on your head before placing one on her own. "Do you realize how many people would have gone completely nuts and never forgive those boys for what they did. But you...you understand it needed to happen and you accept it, hard as it may be."
"Do I have to keep the hat on?"
She frowned at you. "Yes. To everyone else they're elf ears. To me, I'm indirectly supporting Star Trek by wearing Spock ears.
You continued down the aisles and piled garlands and ornaments in the basket that Charlie was carrying. "I can't say I accept it," you said after a few moments of thinking about what she said. "I just don't think about it, because when I do..."
"You don't have to say—"
"No," you cut her off. "It might be nice to talk to someone about what the heck is going on in my head."
"Okay. Continue on, then."
"If I close my eyes and let my mind go back to that night...When I envision Dean holding me in his arms and shielding me from what happened, of him keeping me from doing anything to help Becket, I could beat his face in and still not be satisfied. And then Sam...he killed Becket. And, and sometimes..." You took a long and cautious breath. "I'm horrible." You were on the verge of tears as you thought about saying what you had thought several times out loud.
"I'm not going to judge you. I'm your friend, and I want you to know you can tell me anything."
"I know. Sorry. I guess sometimes I just forget what it's like to have people I can trust and who won't hate me for saying what's on my mind."
By now you were both standing in the crazy long line and waiting to check out your decorations and gifts. Charlie sifted through the items while waiting for you to get back on topic and tell her what had you nearly in tears.
You closed your eyes and said, "Sometimes I wish it had been Sam instead of Becket. And believe me, I know how twisted that is. I love Sam like a brother, it's just..."
"He's not Becket?"
You nodded your head. "I actually feel worse now that I said it out loud."
Charlie gave you a stern look. "Don't feel worse about it. That's a natural reaction."
"Not when he feels almost just as much of family as Becket did." You cringed at having to use his name in the past tense.
"You've been through a lot since meeting those two idiots. Something tells me your life was a whole lot simpler before they showed up. I know my life sure was." She sounded upset, but she was smiling.
Charlie wasn't wrong. You were happy to stick with simple hunts. You could handle the little things easily, but living with the Winchester boys forced you into a life of hunting that was much deeper than you ever really wanted.
But then again, had they not appeared in your life, you would have been dead a long time ago. They saved you from the hellhounds, taught you about the hybrid monster you were going to blindly hunt down on your own, they introduced you to Jody and Charlie. Dean introduced you to feeling something other than emptiness and pity and hatred.
"Are ya still with me?" Charlie snapped her fingers in front of your face.
"Oh, yeah. I was just thinking. My life may have been simpler, but I would've been dead months ago without them."
"Bingo," she said.
You looked at her quizzically. "I didn't realize we were playing BINGO." You tried not to chuckle at your comment as you thought of it being something Castiel would say, but he would be serious and not joking.
"I had to come to that realization too. Sure, those two royally messed with my life, but it was only because of them I still have a life. I wanted to hate them, but deep down I couldn't."
All you said was, "Oh."
The tow of you continued to shop around in various different stores of the mall. You wanted to find the perfect gifts for Sam and for Dean, but nothing was jumping out at you. What were you supposed to get them? They didn't exactly have hobbies...
"Charlie, what the heck am I supposed to get these guys?" you finally asked. You wanted to do it without any assistance, but the time for that had passed. You just wanted to be home and watching It's a Wonderful Life.
"Dean loves few things, but among those few things is his car. And what if you got Sam something he would love. Dean would kill you, but get him a dog."
You laughed loudly at her suggestion. The thought of those boys taking care of a dog while also dealing with hunter stuff was comical. "Could you even imagine how Dean would react? The car stuff was a good idea. The dog is just a good way to ensure Dean hates me."
"But it would be so cute and tiny. Just imagine Sam having a fluffy little companion."
"I think I'll get him a nice blender or something so he can make all his health freak smoothies. But maybe a puppy is an option too," you said developing an idea.
Charlie seemed to be awfully excited about Sam getting a puppy and it made you think that she was the one that wanted the furry companion. It seemed like a good plan. Dean would probably still kill you, but at least Charlie didn't live in the bunker. She would likely be leaving after the holidays, according to her word.
After picking up a blender for Sam and various different car detailing products, you went to pet store. There were so many adorable puppies you couldn't even hide a smile if you wanted to. Charlie immediately spotted a puppy with a long, dark, shaggy coat.
"Okay, he is perfect. He looks like a wookie."
You snorted and grinned. The dog was a small mutt, but you had to admit it was pretty adorable. The price tag on the mutt's glass enclosure said he was half off, which meant they were having a hard time selling him. You didn't want to think of what would happen next to the animal if it didn't get sold.
You asked the worker for the paperwork and several minutes later, the playful ball of fur was yours to take home.
+++
The night was nearly over and you were all exhausted from the day of shopping. Charlie was keeping the puppy to hide from Sam, even though you still planned on surprising her with it. There was no denying how much she fell in love with the miniature wookie.
Dean stood from the couch and stretched his limbs before facing you to take your hands. "Let's head to bed. It's been a long week and I've missed you."
"This soft side of you is nice," you smiled playfully standing with his help. "Good night guys," you called over your shoulder as Dean took you back to his room.
You stood in his doorway feeling like a stranger. You had blocked him out of your life for a week, it seemed strange to pick up like nothing had happened. Especially after so much had happened. Maybe you weren't so depressed that you were going to become a hermit, but there was still an aching hole in your chest and a heavy pit in your stomach.
"You alright?" Dean stood behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. Your body seemed to melt into his. Oh, how you've missed being in his arms. Why were you so foolish?
"Relatively, yeah." Your voice sounded hollow, even to you, and you knew Dean wouldn't believe the words for a second.
He lifted you into his arms and gently put you on the bed, crawling in next to you. "It's okay not to be, you know?" he said.
"Can we maybe try to pretend nothing's happened for tonight? Let's just pretend that the past week never happened. Please."
Dean softly met your lips with his own and you smiled. "Anything for you."
You snuggled yourself into his body, but Dean stood up and left you cold. You stared at him in wait for a response. He didn't give you one, but moved around his room instead. Dean rummaged through a drawer and handed you a t-shirt as he stripped out of his shirt and jeans.
Figured it might be more comfortable," he said with a shrug.
Once you were both comfortable and under the covers, Dean kissed your temples and you sighed contentedly.
"I love you," he murmured, clearly close to sleep.
You nuzzled his neck and whispered into it, "I love you too."
+++
"This is perfect. I've been needing a decent working blender," Sam grinned from ear to ear as he examined the box of the overpriced blender you bought him.
"I only hope it works well," you stated nervously. It was stupid, but every time you gave gifts you were equal parts excited and equal parts terrified the person hated it deep down.
"There's something else for you, too," Charlie grinned. It was obvious that she could barely contain her excitement.
"Wait here. I'll get it."
You ran into your room and grabbed some ribbon and a large cardboard tag that you purchased. After filling out the tag to Charlie you quietly snuck into her room.
The tiny little creature happily wiggled his body over to you, jumping at your legs to be held.
"Hey buddy," you cooed, picking him up. He immediately started licking his tongue all over your face and you giggled. Maybe it would be nice to have a pet in the bunker...
You made a mental note to talk it over with the boys before setting the pup down on the floor and wrestling him to tie the red bow around his neck. When you finally finished you grinned at how adorable the little thing was. The name tag with Charlie's name written on to in large letters was easy to spot.
The excitement bubbled up in your chest and you opened the door to let the puppy run down the halls. He must have heard the voices of the others because he seemed to know exactly where to go. When Charlie saw the dog, her eyes lit up and she gasped.
"You did not..."
Your shoulders shrugged as you smiled. "I thought you would probably enjoy him more than Sam."
"What will you name him?" Sam asked.
"Chewbacca, obviously."
While you were watching Charlie cuddle her new puppy, Dean was watching you intently. Your eyes flitted to his and he smiled softly, nodding his head to the side to motion for you to follow him. The both of you stood in the entryway between the library and the main room.
"Have you had a good Christmas?" Dean asked formally.
"It's certainly a step up from all the crusty motels I've spent Christmas in."
Dean smirked and took one of your hands in his as he slid his hand into his pants pocket.
"These past few months have been a huge adjustment period for all of us. I'll admit that it was especially rough for me for a lot of reasons."
You tilted your head when you looked at him. "What are you doing?"
His hand emerged from his pocket and was holding a blue velvet box. Your breath caught in your throat in both excitement and fear.
"Now this isn't...it's not exactly what you think it is. I'm not ready for marriage, but this is a promise of sorts." He flipped the lid open and revealed a beautiful silver ring. The band wrapped around and split off to form a heart that was decorated with small diamonds.
You gasped. "Dean..." Your hand covered your mouth in shock and Dean took the ring out of it's cushioned box and slid it onto your left ring finger.
"Not a proposal," he reiterated. "But having you around has opened me up to think of more possibilities than just hunting. When I'm with you..." he trailed off as if he were afraid to keep speaking. "Being with you makes me wish I didn't hunt, that we could have a normal life with a white picket fence and kids running around in the backyard."
Your eyes glistened with tears that you refused to shed. Dean was being so open with you and it made you love him even more.
"I promise that I will do everything I can to keep you safe, to keep you in my life. I can't promise that I'll be perfect to you all the time—"
"I don't want perfect. I want you," you whispered.
He smiled his infectious grin and pointed up. You followed his finger and grinned to see the leafy green decoration hanging above your heads.
"Did you have this all planned out, Mr. Winchester?"
"So what if I did." He pulled you tight against his body and kissed you deeply, passionately. "I love Y/N. And I swear it, I will spend the rest of my life with you."
The End.
A/N: ...Let me just sit here in heartbreak for a moment... I can't believe this is over. It's been such a long journey and it's weird to think I won't have this project to work on any more... There's a slight chance I might add random epilogue chapters when I get inspiration, but...yeah. Thank you all for the support and the comments and the friendships and everything else. I hope you will all stick around to read more of what I write, even if it isn't SPN related. Until next time, AKF. (And reading and writing :P)