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Chapter 23: Bonding Time

After the disagreement with Sam, you found him later in the day after you had all napped, and most importantly you showered the layers of grime and makeup off. He was reading a book in the library. A beer was wedged between his body and the cushions of the chair. You padded over to him silently, your bare feet growing colder.

"Sam," you said timidly. He looked up to you wordlessly telling you to continue. "I know you think I'm distracting myself from Niki, and you're right. But that doesn't mean I can't handle a hunt. It's not the first time I've buried myself in work to get over a death."

He closed his book and placed it on the floor. "Come here," he patted the arm of the chair and you obeyed, sitting on it hesitantly. "I don't want to go because we've all been through a lot. Especially you. Can you at least talk about it a little before pushing your feelings away?"

"I don't like talking about feelings, Sam," you stated blankly. It was nice of Sam to be concerned for your emotional wellbeing, but he wasn't your therapist and you wouldn't treat him as such. Bottling up emotions and chasing them off with a few beers was how you dealt with things. It was your system that worked. Mostly...

"Listen, I get it. I do. Dean doesn't talk about things hardly ever. Neither do I. But I've seen what it does, bottling up emotions. It tears people apart until they eventually break. I just want to know you're okay." His hazel eyes searched yours earnestly. You could've sworn he was trying to read your mind.

"I'm fine, really." You smiled at him. "So, are you coming on the hunt, or what?" you asked in an attempt to divert the conversation.

"Will it make you happy?" You nodded in response. "Then I'll go."

"Thank you." You got off the armrest and threw your arms awkwardly around him. He laughed deeply and hugged you back.

"I'll do what I can to keep you happy. You're kind of like the little sister I never had. Which reminds me that someday you have to meet Charlie."

You tilted your head to the side. The name sounded vaguely familiar. Was she a hunter you had met in passing before? "Why does she sound familiar? Is she a hunter or something?"

"Well, yes, but that's not why she's familiar. You remind me a lot of her, so I mentioned her to you awhile back."

You nodded your head in remembrance of the conversation you had the first day you were at the bunker. Although that time was barely shy of two weeks, you felt like you had been with the boys for years. Living together forced the three of you to get to know one another, whether you all liked it or not. Despite the differences you shared with the boys, you had to admit you enjoyed living with them. The companionship far outweighed the negative aspects.

"Maybe she could meet us sometime after the hunt," you suggested. Spending time with Niki made you realize how much you had missed having another girl around to talk. It had been so long since you've had the chance to have girl time, and now that Niki's gone...

The familiar feeling of sadness hitched in your throat and you knew you had to leave before Sam could see your wall break. It would give him more reason to dissuade you from the hunt. "I'm going to pack." You turned on your heels and began quickly walking away to your room.

"You okay?" Sam called after you.

"Great." Your voice was higher pitched than it should have been as you choked back emotions. Once you were in the hallway, your eyes were clouded with tears. You wondered how your body was even able to produce more. You avoided blinking so that the tears wouldn't fall. If they fell from your eyes, there was no turning back. You would be crying for hours.

In your haste to make it back to your room with glossy eyes, you ran right into a hard chest that you could immediately place as Dean's. You cursed in frustration.