Chapter Ten
When I awake it's still dark, I reach over to the other side of the bed, its cold. Where's Peeta? I realise I'm still fully clothed and I can hear voices downstairs, maybe it's not as late or early as I thought. Glancing at the clock on the wall I see it's half midnight, I untangle myself from the many layers of sheets and make my way across the bedroom to the door, I open it and listen, the voices are coming from downstairs so I slip out and go and sit on the bottom of the stairs to listen, I don't really feel like socialising but I don't want to miss out. I can hear them all laughing and joking, apparently Haymitch if centre of attention as most of the remarks and jokes seem to be related to him in one way or another. Suddenly the conversation takes a very serious note.
"I hope she is OK. I wonder where she is. If she's not back in the next fifteen minutes I'm going to go find her." Says a concerned Peeta and there's a couple of groans from others he must have been going on about me for a while, well he didn't look very hard if he couldn't find me.
"How is she doing? Do you think she will be able to cope with another games?" Asks Gale.
"I don't know to be honest, I fear for her at nights. She has night terrors most nights and every night when I am not there. She could attract unwanted attention from nearby tributes. I will have it easy compared to her, she will be competing at the Cornucopia with 23 criminals, some of whom will have killed before like her, most of which will not run, will stay and fight, she will be a main target for them." Peeta replies.
"We will all help as much as we can. We will all teach you as much as we know." Johanna's voice rings confidently.
"I was a career, I know many disciplines, I will help train you both." My thoughts drift to more unpleasant things, and I begin to think about what my life would have been like if my father hadn't died. What if he was still alive? Would Prim's name still have been called, would I have still volunteered for her? Yes I tell myself there isn't a situation I can think of where I wouldn't have given my life for her. Now I know there is only one other person I would give my life for, I am just terrified with the games coming up I may lose him. If I don't physically lose him in the arena i may mentally lose him. What if he has one of his turns and tries to kill me? I replay the conversation I heard between Gale and him in my head and I feel my eyes sting as they want to cry, not because I'm upset but because I am so angry and hurt that he would give me up to Gale, he spent over five years trying to fully win my heart, he had even said that he loved me since we were five and he would give me up just like that?
"Katniss?" A voice asks snapping me out of my revere and I know without looking up exactly who it is, Peeta. I don't acknowledge him, I just remain unmoving focusing on my hands, I have no idea what I must look like. I think I'm finally having that long awaited breakdown. "Katniss?" He asks again and i let out an audible sigh letting him know i'm listening. He crouches down in front of me and takes my hands in his. "Where have you been?" I can tell he is trying to keep his voice calm, trying to mask his panic. I look up into his perfect blue eyes and frown.
"Sleeping." I answer.
"What? Where?" He asks and I deepen my frown.
"In our bed." I answer simply standing up, I'm still angry at him for what he said to Gale earlier.
"No you haven't. I checked, I've looked everywhere for you. You have no idea how worried I've been, I figured you had gone hunting or something but you're usually back by now. I was just on my way out to find you. I thought you were hurt." He babbled. I take my hands back from his grasp and turn to go back upstairs but he catches my arm before I can get anywhere. I pointedly look at the door to the lounge and then back up the stairs hoping he will understand that I want to have this conversation in private. I know that even though I can hear voices protruding from the lounge that they will all be straining to hear our little exchange. He sighs and begins to climb the stairs refusing to let go of my hand he leads us into our room closing the door behind us.
"Where have you been?" He asks again.
"I have been up here sleeping in our bed." I reply not bothering to hide how irritated I am getting.
"For how long? Since when?" How did he not see me?
"Since you and Gale were talking outside. How could you say those things?" I snap and instantly regret it, I didn't want him to know that I was eavesdropping.
"You were there? How much did you hear?" I walk over to the window ashamed for the first time with myself for listening to their conversation.
"I don't ever want you to give up on me. I don't ever want you to stop fighting for me. If I ever have a moment of weakness, don't you dare give up on me." I finish closing my eyes and allowing a single tear to roll down my face. I hear him sigh and feel his arms wind round my waist as he buries his face in my hair.
"I would never give up on you. Never you hear? I love you too much." This takes me aback, did I not hear their conversation right?
"But you told Gale..." I drift off as he spins me round to face him, locking my eyes with his.
"What exactly did you hear? From when?" He presses.
"I heard from when Gale said he still had feelings for me up till when you finished and came inside."
"So you would have heard me say that if it is truly what you want, but I knew then and you have just reinforced that now that that is never what you will truly want am I right? Even if you have a moment of weakness you will never truly want to be with him?" I nod.
"Peeta, I won't have a moment of weakness, he is my friend that is all. I will never want anyone else, i want you, it's always been you." I have never seen him smile as wide as he does now. Even in the darkness I can easily make out his bright white perfect smile that even now after ten years makes my heart melt.
"That's the first time I've ever heard you say that you know." I can't help but return his smile at this, trust him to pick up on something like that at a time like this and suddenly all my anger disappears. I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a quick kiss and I feel him smile behind it as I pull away making him pout. "I'm sorry but I need to know, if you had no intention on giving up on me why did you say those things to Gale?" he leans back trying to read my face before answering.
"I didn't want it to turn into a fight. I had to tell him what he wanted to hear. You missed the beginning of the conversation."
"Well then tell me please?" I beg, needing to know. He leads me to the bed and pulls me onto his lap as he sits down.
"I don't want you to be angry at Gale, please? I saw how happy you were to finally forgive him."
"I promise Peeta." This seems to satisfy him and he begins to replay the event.
"When you took the kids inside I was right behind you when Gale grabbed hold of me and pinned me against the side of the house. He began saying that if I ever did anything to hurt you he would kill me. I tried to calm him telling him I would never hurt you, that you were my world and I would do anything for you. But this just seemed to make him angrier and my begun to press his arm into my throat. He kept saying it should have been him and began to say that it was my fault for the bombings in the Capitol, saying that if I hadn't been rescued you and Prim wouldn't have been there in the first place. I said he was delusional and managed to push him off me and I asked why he should care? I mean forgive me but it's not as if he has been around. He's been in two for the past ten years. That's when you came back."
"I can't believe he did that. What gives him the right?" I begin to rant.
"Katniss." Peeta sighs pulling me down to the bed. Right, I said I wouldn't get mad. I wriggle so I am lying on top of him and slide up to kiss him passionately and I feel him once again smile under it as he eagerly pulls me closer. I'm the one to break the science after a good half hour.
"Peeta, I love you." I say though the kiss stifling a yawn, how am I so tired?
"I love you too." He says breaking away to look at me. "But I think this needs to wait for another night. For now you need to sleep." I sigh knowing he's right. He reluctantly slides me off of him, keeping me tight at his side as he pulled us to the pillows. I happily cuddled into him tucking my head into his collarbone. A thought springs to the front of my mind, something which has been bothering me for a while.
"Peeta?" I ask unsure how to phrase this.
"What is it love? Are you ok?" he then asks taking in my expression.
"Yeah, I think so. It's just I mean. I know it hasn't happened in years but what if I lose you in the arena?" I ask but by his confused expression I don't think he fully understands me. "I mean, what if you have one of your turns in there? What if something sets you off?" I finish my voice full of worry. He sighs and pulls me close.
"That won't happen and if it does I should be able to give you enough warning to tie me to a tree or something to prevent me from hurting you. You know how to calm me. Don't get all worried about it please? I trust you and I will always try my best to give you as much warning as I possibly can. I love you." He finishes and I relax a little, I knew all this already it just made me feel better to hear it.
"I love you too." I snuggle up into his chest as he places a protective arm over me. I fold my body around his wanting to be as close to him as i can possibly be. Tomorrow we begin our training but for now I enjoy this last night of calm and rest soon I drift off into blackness and a peaceful sleep.
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Sorry for not uploading for ages, I've been on holiday and not had any Internet anyways I hope you enjoy!! Comment and let me know what you think.