!!!WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS MEANT TO BE VERY DARK, EMOTIONAL AND SERIOUS. IF YOU GET EMOTIONAL OR HAVE SUDDEN THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, PLEASE REVERT TO OUR NEWLY POSTED JOKE BOOK THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY MADE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND NOTIFIED.
~(Y/N)'s P.O.V.~
"Okay! We have several options and very little time to do it all. (Y/N), I'm going to need you to prepare empty soda bottles and please find two long mailing tubes if you can. Logan, you're going to help me prepare several batches of chemicals so we can hit those jackasses in the lungs."
"Got it!" I say before running off to do what Jordan had asked me to do. I just got done fighting off all kinds of chaotic men with guns and now I'm stuck with two helicopters and a few tanks. What else could make today even more exciting?
When I reached the snack bar, there was nothing to be seen. I couldn't even spot one piece of food rotting somewhere! This place was really empty. With no luck, I decided to try and find some old vending machines and see what I could find.
My only problem?
The vending machines were outside.
But hey, I'm stupid, so I have enough guts to go get them.
As I ran over to the vending machines, I heard the tanks smashing and running over buildings. At first, I thought the tanks didn't see me but I was proved wrong just as a large THWOOMP filled my ears and then a large explosion erupted in front of me. I screamed, covering my face as I was thrown back several feet.
~~~~~
I woke up to horrible pain and my name being called several times, but all around me there was nothing but darkness. Was I blind? Who turned out the lights?
"(Y/N)!" I heard Logan call.
I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out.
I felt helpless, weak, and most of all, forgotten. It was shocking as I suddenly felt like everything was my fault. This wasn't right.
You aren't right.
I needed to get out of here, but where is here? Where am I?
There's no escape for you.
I looked down and realized that a large pole came out of my body, right below my chest and just above my stomach. I was bleeding but I couldn't see where the blood was going. Did I have a body? If so, where is it?
No one is going to save you. You're helpless, you're weak and most of all, you're forgotten.
I began to cry as thoughts of death consumed me. What am I doing? This isn't right! No! Someone will help me! Logan will find me! Jordan will find me!
You're alone. They think you're dead. Don't you wish to be dead? You're helpless and can't move, nor can your talk. Why would you want to live a life when you can't even complete the daily functions? You're so useless and worthless. Who would ever want to love you? Jordan wouldn't be able to even care for your wounds and neither would your healing factor. You're so pathetic.
I am pathetic. I'm a dead weight. Maybe I'll finally be able to stop being a burden to Logan and Jordan if I just...go.
Of course, their lives would be so much better. Logan would be able to go on and not have to worry about anyone else. Jordan would be able to live her life peacefully, maybe even makeup with her parents. After all, you're the reason she left them. It's all you're fault.
All your fault.
All your fault.
All your fault.
ALL YOUR FAULT!
'Its all my fault!' I mentally cried. The collective voices swirled around me, dragging me into their dark embrace and whispering verities that my scattered brain could not deny. Why was I here, on Earth? I only made a mess of things, only caused others pain. I wasn't needed. So why did I continue to exist?
(Y/N)!
That voice. It wasn't like the others. It was full of concern and light, it made me want to smile. Yet I was too far down into the darkness to respond.
Not like you should, you'd only cause more trouble. You aren't worth the work of saving.
This was true. Whoever's voice it was, they should give up. Hey, that sounds like a nice thought. Giving up. I'd be free if I gave up.
(Y/N)! Listen to me! Not the voices! You are loved! You are needed! You are not allowed to die-I refuse to let you!
Why was that so familiar? It sounded like...Jordan. It sounded like Jordan!
'JORDAN?' I tried to shout.
Quiet! The voice hissed. No one likes a loudmouth! You should just shut up and die already!
Okay, that was rude. A sharp pain racked through my consciousness, but it wasn't directed at me. Jordan's presence had attacked the voice.
'Jordan?! What's going on?' Now, with my best friend here, sort of, I didn't feel those depressing thoughts as much anymore. I wanted to LIVE.
Quiet. You're in the worst part of your mindscape, and you have some pretty nasty inner demons. Logan moves your body off the pole, but you need to WAKE UP. If you give up now you will really die!
And what's so bad about that? She doesn't deserve to live.
Fuck you, mysterious voice. Come on, (Y/N), you can do it. Just focus on breaking free of those bad thoughts. That's all they are, bad thoughts. They aren't meant to stay. Just sweep them aside with your mind and breathe.
I tried to do what she said. It didn't work.
Try harder.
I focused in the sound of her voice-which was weird since she said we were in my head-and just thought happy things.
When I was three, my birth father let me take care of a small wolf puppy we found on the side of the path. It's parents had been killed by another pack, so I got to take it home and name it. Turns out, the puppy had internal bleeding and died two days later, but I really enjoyed those two days. It's one of the only remaining good memories of father.
Something cracked around me.
I was 102 when I had my first kiss, with a boy named Ethan. He turned out to be a complete jackass but it was the thought that counts.
At age 168, I met Jordan. My best friend.
And just a short time ago...there was Logan.
Logan was like me, he was a mutant who shouldn't be alive. His healing factor, immortality, and claws set him apart from others, except me. I was lucky enough to find him stark naked in the barn, and he was lucky enough we didn't call the police. These last few days were the best I've probably ever had-besides walking for the big movement for women's rights-and I could never thank him enough.
Why don't you thank him in person.
With a quick snap, I broke free from the restraints that bonded me, opening my eyes and taking a deep, gasping breath.
The first thing I saw was the brilliant night sky. It looked like a third grader sprinkled silver glitter all over the atmosphere, not bothering to clean it up. The stars twinkled and laughed and danced, causing me to smile just for the simple fact that I was alive.
I think.
"(Y/N)!" Logan's worried face appeared above me, taking my chin in his rough hands. "Are you alright?"
Yeah, I was alive. But alright?
"W-ater." I croaked, mouth and throat incredibly dry.
A bottle was pressed to my lips, cool liquid sliding down my throat. It wasn't water, probably soda, but I don't mind.
"(Y/N)," when I was done drinking-for now, I'm parched-Logan sit me up and hugged my shoulders. He whispered, "You are an idiot, but you're MY idiot. Please don't leave me again."
A dry chuckle escaped my lips. "I'll try not to." Over Logan's shoulder, I spotted Jordan kneeling quietly, eyes downcast and tears sliding down her face. One fell off the tip of her nose, splashing to the dry and brittle grass below.
"Jordan? What's wrong?"
She looked up, sniffling. When she saw me staring at her-since she NEVER cried-Jordan just smile weakly and wiped at her face.
"Nothing. I'm just really glad you're alive."