I didn't know how I was going to face him after he just walked in on me naked with a hand between my legs. I wasn't stupid. I knew what he thought I was doing which I totally was not doing.
I looked myself in the mirror one more time after I had fixed myself. I looked myself dead in the bloodshot eye and closed them, taking a huge breath in. Then I opened my eyes again. I could do this. I had seen my Mom giving him head. What could possibly be more worse than that? Mas nakakahiya sila. Mas nakakasuka ang kababuyan nilang dalawa. I could feel anger burning in my throat at the thought pf that.
I walked to the door and quietly pushed it open. The high floor-to-ceiling window was the first thing I ever saw when I opened the door. It had a beautiful view of the city with soft morning light bathing over it. He had a loft pad, three doors on the second floor and you could see the living room below from here when you look over the glass railings.
I slowly walked down the stairs and Vito was there, having breakfast on the dining table. He lifted his eyes up to me and our gaze met. The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled at me.
"Good morning, I thought you'd never get out of bed." He said with a grin before lifting his mug to his lips and taking a sip from it. "Enjoyed yourself?"
I could feel the heat burning from my cheeks to my ears. "I wasn't- you know what I don't even care!"
"It's natural. Men do it, women do it. Besides, I like my women wild."
"Of course, you do." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over to my chest. "Ano ba ang ginagawa mo dito?"
"Well for one, this is my house."
"That's not what I meant! Baka nandito ka ngayon sa Manila? Are you stalking me?"
"Business. I wasn't stalking you. I just happened to see you in a bar, drunk beyond sane comprehension. You don't really seem happy to see me."
"Because I'm not. You're not supposed to be here. Did you... did you touch me? May ginawa ka ba sa akin? Don't lie." I was trying hard not to let my voice squeak.
"Why? Did you want me to?" He said in a mocking tone.
"Just answer me, damn it!" I shouted, my voice shook with so much intensity. I already feel disgusting enough with all the alcohol I had I couldn't clearly recall what had happened last night and how I ended up here, but the fact that I had done something with the man who my mother was cheating on my Dad made me feel even more filthy.
He pushed himself away from the table and got to his feet. He slowly walked up to me, taking his time, before stopping in front of me. Vito was a tall man, I had to slightly tilt my head up to look him in the eye as I swallowed back the lump in my throat.
"Walang nangyari. I did not touch you inappropriately. I wouldn't do that to a drunk woman. But who knows what could've happened if you were taken home by another man? You could've taken advantage of by some man. You can't be careless with yourself like that." He looked at me, his tone between gentle and scolding.
"What do you care? You're not my dad." Yet. I scowled.
"What? Is this some kind of weird hobby of yours? You get drunk and sleep with random men?" He asked in an accusing tone and took another step to me, closing the small gap we had between us. He pulled me to him and kissed me. His lips were as soft as I remembered it to be and it still tasted good.
"How often do you do that?" He asked in a gluttural tone while his lips were still on mine, pressed hard, gnawing, sucking, biting. I felt as thought he wanted to consume me. "How often do you sleep around with random men?"
"As often as I want to..." I moaned. I was a wanton woman in front of him, it was like an alterego I created especially for hi'. He didn't need to know that before him, I was as inexperienced as a curious pre-teen going through puberty.
"Yeah?" He took a step forward to me and I felt intimidated and took a step back. He was looking at me as though I'd done him wrong. I continued to walk back as he tried to get near me and then my back hit the wall. I felt like a gazelle being cornered by a hungry lion. I inhaled and the scent of coffee and aftershave lingered in my nose.
"Is this what you want?" He groaned as he crashed his lips. My arms involuntarily encircled around his neck. I didn't know what it was about him that made it hard for me to resist him. Maybe it was the fact that he was a good kisser. I'd kissed men before but no one had gotten anywhere near how good his kisses were. He was an expert, that I was sure of.
I wanted to hate him. God knew I wanted to. But my hate for him was as strong as the passion between us. And because of that I knew I would end up hating myself later on.
I felt the bulge of his pants growing against my stomach. I gasped inwardly and it emmited a chuckle from his throat. The little relationship we had was pure sexual. Hell! I couldn't even remember a time when we had a proper conversation. How could this feel wrong and right at the same time?
"Feel what you do to me. Fuck! This have been here since last night." He took my hand and placed it on top of his bulge. I rubbed it from outside his cotton sweat pants.
I took a bold move and slipped my hand inside his pants and underwear. He was engorged and hard in hand, my fingers wrapping around his warm length. Vito's kiss deepened as he tilted his head to one side to get more access. I moaned when he probed his tongue even more deeper. When he had enough his lips trailed down to my neck.
"Vito, please..." I moaned his name while he gently nibbled and sucked my sensitive flesh, my fingers raking through his soft, dark hair. He lifted both my legs to his hips. I could now feel his hardness against my crotch. I grinded myself on him, trying to scratch away that sensation between my legs.
"I want you. I want to fuck you. I want that little pussy so bad. You're going to kill me." His voice was tight as he groaned with his mouth now against my chest. He pulled my top down and started sucking on my breast, his teeth grazing my nipple. He gave my other breast the same attention.
I pulled myself away after awhile and then we looked into each other's eyes. And then there was a silent understanding between us. We both knew what we wanted.
He cupped my face and his eyes were gentle on me. "You're beautiful. You've always been beautiful."
I could feel the swell in my chest as he uttered those words. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa pagitan namin. He was as hard as a pole, I could see it through his sweatpants. I slowly knelt down in front of him and he tried to stiffle a gasp but I heard it. I swallowd when my face leveled to his crotch. I kept my hands steady as I untied the black strings in front of his grey sweatpants. I had only seen this in movies. Would he be able to tell? It would just be sucking, right? That's all I had to do. Suck. But what if I suck at this?
"Bryce," He held me by my arm and tried to pull me up but I shrugged his hand away. I took a bolder move and pulled his pants and underwear down.
I came face to face with the elephant's trunk. It jerked as if it had a life of its own when I touched it. It was so fascinating as I had never seen it this close. It was as though the veins on it would pop at any moment. I opened my mouth and took him in. First the head but when I tried to take it further in, I gagged.
"Shit, Val." He whispered under his breath. It was barely inaudible but I caught what he said. He then pushed me off him as if he'd touched something hot. I stood right up and tears stung my eyes as I looked at him.
He'd said my mother's name while I was giving him head. It was disgusting. I felt disgusting. My hand went up and I felt the sting on my palm as it landed on his cheek.
"Bryce." He tried to get near me but I pushed him away. He was bigger and taller than him but the rage and humiliation and disgust that I felt was greater that it sent him toppling a few steps back. "Bryce, I'm sorry."
"Do not fucking touch me! Huwag na huwag mo akong hawakan. I hate you!" I stormed out of his condo. Narinig ko siya nang tawagin niya ako. Sumunod siya palabas pero tumakbo ako papunta sa elevator. I furiously pressed the down the button and the door opened before he could even get to me. Agad akong pumasok sa elevator at nakita ko siya habang lakad takbo ito papunta sa akin. I pressed the close button hard and the door closed, the elevator moved. Napasandal ako sa dingding ng elevator at pilit na pinipigilan ang mga luha ko.
I hailed a taxi outside the condo building and after a few minutes I was already outside the gate of our house. I just had my yaya pay the cab as I hadn't had time to bring my things with me.
"Bryce!" Agad na lumapit sa akin si Dad at Mom pagkapasok ko pa lang.
"Saan ka ba nagpunta? We were so worried about you." Mom cupped my face in her hand. "What happened to you?"
I looked at her in the eye and rolled my eyes. I sucked your lover's cock. That's what happened.
"I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep." I said in an apathetic tone as I pulled her hand away from me. Disgusting. My eyes watered as hot anger welled up in my chest.
"Oh, honey. Ano na ba ang nangyayari sayo?" Mom had a mixture of pain and pity as she looked at me. It was as if she was holding back her tears. "What's happening to my baby girl? Tell us. Does this have anything to do with your Lolo Jaime being gone? I know it's hard but life goes on."
"Bryce, young lady, I already had search teams looking for you. Hindi mo ba naisip na may nagaaalala sayo dito?" Dad reeked of alcohol. He seemed to have been drinking... agaib. Surprise. Surprise.
"The search team! I- I need to call them. Sandali lang!" Mom hurried to where the phone was and dialed a number.
"Nandito si Vito." I told him without a flich, without any emotion. I just felt numb.
For a moment, Dad's face fell. Within just seconds, he had managed to compose himself and his face hardened back up. Nagulat ako nang hawiin niya ang buhok na na nasa balikat ko. His eyes fell to my neck.
"What the hell is this, Bryce?" He asked, holding my neck. "Is this a...? What did you do? Did you...? Oh God!" He massaged his temples.
"I am the least bit of your worry right now." I told him as I looked at Mom who was just a few feet away from us, talking over the phone.
Tatalikod na sana ako nang bigla niyang haklitin ang braso ko. He harshly turned me to face him again, his fingers were like steels digging into my skin.
"I did not raise a whore!" He said through gritted teeth.
"I learned it from my Mom." I mockingly smirked at him.
Tumaas ang kamay ni Dad. I held my chin up to him. "Sige! Sige, sampalin mo ako! Come on! Come on! Hurt me! See if it would do anything."
Dahan-dahan ibinaba ni Dad ang kamay niya. Agad na tumakbo palapit sa amin si Mom at nagpalit-palit ng tingin sa amin dalawa.
"I leave for one minute and you two are yelling at each other! Ano ba ang nagyayari? I don't know what's going on anymore." She brushed her fingers through her hair and then she looked at me. "What is happening? Hindi ko na kayo maintindihan. Mula nang umalis tayo sa hacienda, you've been like this. It's like I don't even know you two anymore."
"I'm going to my room." I looked at them with a stoic expression and then slowly walked away.
"Vito called earlier. Nandito na daw siya." I heard Mom say as I walked into the dining room. There was a sliding door that seperated the dining room from the veranda and it happened to be slightly open. Mom was sitting there having a brunch mimosa with her three bestfriends, Tita Amy, Tita Trina, and Tita Venus.
"Magkikita ba kayo?" Tita Amy asked.
"I'm going to pick up Toffie from school and drop him off his sparring class later. Habang nasa sparring si Toffie, I'm going to sneak out to see him at Manila Penn. I'm so excited to see the boy again. That's all I've been looking forward to this week. I need a break from everything that's happening here in this house. Bryce is acting up and Axel..." She huffed out a heavy breath. "Parang hindi ko na kilala ang mag-aama ko. Toffie is the only one keeping me from going crazy."
"Oh, Val..." Tita Trina's voice was full of pity. "Sometimes that happens. You grow tired of each other and before you know it, you don't know the man lying beside you in bed anymore."
"Trina!" Tita Venus scolded.
"I know whay I'm saying. I've been divorced three times."
"I just want to feel desirable and young again! Masama ba yun? I want to feel wanted again. I feel old and ugly and..." She shook her head in frustration, her voice quivering with tears.
"You still haven't had sex with him, have you?"
She slowly shook her head. "I gave him oral but that's just that."
I swallowed back my own puke. So, they knew all along that my Mom was a cheating whore. What do I expect? They weren't saint themselves. Tita Trina was thrice a divorcee, Tita Amy had four kids with four different fathers, Tita Venus had a lover young enough to be her son. Birds with the same feathers...
"Hindi na ako hinahawakan ng asawa ko. He hardly even sleep beside me anymore. Everytime I attempt to initiate, he blocks me off na para bang diring-diri siya siya sa akin. I just miss the intimacy, the cuddles, the kisses. It just hadn't been the same lately. I miss the way he makes me feel when we were younger. I just want to feel that again..." I could hear the sob in her voice. I wanted to pity him but I couldn't get myself to do so. Hindi iyon excuse para pagtaksilan niya ang daddy ko.
"I understand you, girl. I really do." Tita Venus said.
"You're still beautiful, Val. You didn't let yourself go. You still have that hourglass figure and you don't even look a day older than 30." Then it was Tita Amy.
"Hello! We all spent a fortune for those anti-aging facials, pills and keeping our body fit. If someone tells me I look 40, I would sue our dermatalogist, trainer, and dietitian." Natatawang sabi Tita Trina and everyone laughed along.
"Val, hindi ba the other day we bought a sexy lingerie? Why don't you wear it tonight? See if it would make your night a little better-"
I pushed the sliding door open and came in. "Hello, Titas!"
"Bryce!" Agad na napatayo si Mom sa kinauupuan niya.
"Don't mind me. I'm just going to sit here." I said, grabbing the chair right beside Tita Amy.
Mom slowly sat back down. The three lifted their glass of mimosa to their lips habang nagpapalit-palitan ang tingin ko sa kanila.
"Mga Tita, ano ba ang pinag-uusapan natin? Dumating lang ako parang may dumaan na na anghel sa sobrang tahimik niyo." I chuckled. "So, what's the latest scoop?"
"Nothing. We're just talking about adult stuff." Answered Tita Venus.
"I'm an adult now. Maybe I can join in the conversation."
"No, you can't, Bryce. We're all women with partners and kids. You won't be able to relate, darling." Tita Amy said.
"Okay." I raised both my brows and shrugged sarcastically. "I'm going to get out of here. Baka nakakaistorbo na ako sa inyo."
And I did. I rode my car and drove to Dad's office to tell him that Mom was going to meet up with Vito tonight at a hotel. He'd see with his own eyes his own wife's unfaithfulness.
We'd been sitting here for half an hour now. I looked at the time on my phone. It was already 4:38 PM. Mom had probably already taken Toffie to his sparring class. I was sure Mom would be here any minute now. Dad sat on the driver's side. Ilang beses sa loob ng kalahating oras na nag-aya siyang umuwi na. He thought what we were doing was silly. He didn't believe me. He was still indenial about this whole thing but I knew it was getting to him. He'd been drowning himself with alcohol. Walang gabing I wouldn't come home to the smell of alcohol on him. He'd lock himself in the study after work and just drink. Naaawa na ako sa Dad ko dahil iniiputan na nga siya sa ulo, ginagawa pa siyang tanga ng asawa niya.
I saw Mom's car passing by in front of ours. Alam kong nakita din ni Dad iyon dahil agad siyang napaayos ng upo. He stiffened against his seat and his neck stretched out. Mom parked her car and got out. Vito got out from one of the cars that were parked there and he walked up to her.
They hugged and started walking to the hotel. Tinignan ko ang reaksyon ni Dad. He was as red as a human could possibly be but he remained quiet. Then his breathing became erratic, his chest heaved up and down.
"Dad, a-are you okay?" Nag-aalalang tanong ko.
Without saying anything, he reached over to the glove compartment in front of me and pressed it open.
"D-dad..." My voice squeaked when he took out a gun.
"I'm going to kill them!" He said, looking as though he was in a trance. "I'm going to fucking kill them!"
He reached for the door but I pulled him back in.
"Dad, no... please, don't..." I begged him as tears began to stream down my cheek. "Please, don't do that. Ayaw konh makulong ka. They're not worth it."
He let out an agonized scream as he punched the steering wheel with his fists. "Why would your Mom do this to me? I've given my everything to her since we got married! Why? Why, Valerie? Ikaw lang ang babaeng minahal ko!"
"Dad..." I tried to calm him down. We were both already crying. I had never seen him this helpless before.
After letting his anger out, he let his head fall to the steering wheel and cried some more. The most horrible sound of all was hearing the man you'd looked up to all your life crying in despair.
"Dad, it's going to be okay. You may have lost Mom-"
"No, Bryce. No..." He lifted his head up and shook. With his free hand, he combed his fingers through his hair. "I can't lose your Mom. Hindi pwedeng mawala sa akin si Val. I wouldn't be able to bear it. I'd rather... I'd rather die than lose her." Then he looked down at the gun he had in his right hand. Lalong lumalim ang paghinga niya. Bumilis bigla ang tibok ng puso ko.
"Dad, no..." My lips quivered as I looked at him knowing what he was thinking right now. I tried to get the gun from him pero mabilis niyang inilayo ito sa akin. "Dad, please..."
"Bryce, mahal na mahal kita. Sabihin mo sa Ate Anais at kay Toffie na mahal ko din sila. Tell them I'm sorry." His face was soaked with a mixture of sweat and tears.
He opened his mouth and put the muzzle to his mouth. And then I heard the click of the gun.
"Dad!" I screamed so hard that I thought the sound of my voice would burst my blood vessels.