بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
*****
Nawal
The corniche was almost deserted at this time, save for a couple or two and some loners spread here and there on the stretch of the beach. It was quite dark and enexpectedly cloudy. Abu Dhabi didn't recieve much rain and usually had clear skies. The sea was calm and peaceful. There was a play ground on the other side of the stretch, where there were many families seated on the benches, watching amusedly as their kids played about.
Rahil and Asmina sat at those benches and watched happily as their daughter, Haya, played with some kids nearby. She was very friendly and so made friends easily. Even now she was enjoying being amidst so many kids. Her navy blue colored frock was swaying slightly as she moved and giggled along with the other kids, filling their hearts with peace.
"She looks so much like Asweera used to when she was of her age. Adorable and cute. Friendly too!" Rahil said and smiled at his wife.
"Yeah Asweera was so talkative, even before some months." Asmina agreed. Rahil narrowed his eyes at his wife, who was watching a dark mass some distance away, sitting on a bench facing the sea directly, all alone.
"What are you trying to say?" Rahil asked her sternly.
"Rahil... Haven't you seen? Didn't you observe her? Last time we saw her, she was so chattery and now just after some weeks, she seems to be carrying the load of the whole world. She seldom laughs! Is always typing away on her phone. Her conversations have turned so... I don't know! She have changed into someone else." Asmina replied. Rahil frowned as he pondered over his wife's words and turned towards Asweera who was watching the sea.
"It maybe because she is kind of scared about the arriving nuptials!" Rahil defended his little sister. Asmina sighed.
"So soon? The date isn't even fixed yet and she is so worried? I don't think so Rahil. You should speak to her privately. You siblings share a close bond after all." Asmina advised good naturedly. Rahil squinted at Asweera, hoping that his sister was fine.
"I will speak to her then, In sha Allah." He promised. Asmina nodded.
"That's all I ask. I just think we need to know if she is happy with her life and her partner or are there some doubts! She has become a different person within some werks and we just need to know if there is something troubling her. Remember Rubdha? The sudden change in her vibrant personality? It all started with small signs. I don't want a repeat of that ever again!" Asmina shuddered as she remembered Rubdha lying on the hospital bed, after her 'accident', which she never believed was true. Her sister in law had been so soulless as she had spoken to them. Something had happened with her and till today, none of their family members could understand what. Alhamdulillahi rabbilaalameen for Umar. Now though, Asweera was displaying small signs too and this time she planned to be aware of her past mistakes.
Asweera had accompanied Rahil's family for the weekend to Abu Dhabi as Haaziq had work related outing, with his colleagues along with all of their families and Asweera wasn't comfortable going with them. Farhan's brother and sister in law were accompanying her brother too and she wanted to stay away from them, because she was shy.
Now as she sat on the bench away from the rest of her present family members and watched the sea, her mind was at war. Fifeen days ago, she had heard a lecture that had ensured the war between her heart and mind continued without a hitch and now it still raged on. She couldn't understand anything at all. The lecture had continued the affects of sins on a person and each and every point she had heard had hit home.
7) Chain of sins. One sin leads to the other. The first sin you do because, you are lured by Shayateen into thinking that it's just for once and then you can offer tauba and erase it. The first time you do it, a pang hit your chest. A deep ache and melancholy surrounds your world. You feel terrible. You feel abhorrent of yourself. Your eyes tear up just by thinking about it. The first time you do it that sin had the power to render you apart by it's blow, but then you repeat it again and again. Soon it become so cheap that you do not even bat an eyelid at it. This sin becomes normal for you. And always remember shaytaan would never leave you alone. He will keep coming back and luring you towards that sin again and again. He will never let it be just once. So understand his trap and do not fall for the 'only once' chant in your mind. Overcome the temptation and let it go. Block the first sin or the sins that follow it soon, because if not, then it will lead to another sin and then another. A chain of sins will follow. Then you forget your Rabb while you do it. And also lose your concentration in the acts of worship.
8) The heart starts to harden because of your sin. It becomes so hard that nothing you hear or see can soften it. You do not feel touched by any message, any experience because the sin you have been committing has hardened your heart.
9) Loss of happiness and contentment. You may recieve thousands of happiness and the reasons for contentment but you still feel like there is no happiness, no contentment or peace. Nothing you do can lighten up your heart because the sin has snatched away the ability to feel happiness. How can a heart be peaceful when you are sinning? You are going against the will of your Rabb and that is not something that can give you happiness, whatever graces is being bestowed upon you, you are still restless. Everyday, every minute you feel something is missing and that something is nothing but your touch with your Master.
10) Resolve to ask for forgiveness from Allah weakens. When you sin the first time or maybe the second time, you feel terrible and you start asking for forgiveness immediately. You cry and you feel guilty. You do everything that's required to erase the sin. But as you keep on sinning, your resolve to do istighfar weakens. You begin to procrastinate it and keep on saying you will do it, but you never do. And slowly the resolve to ask for forgiveness is lost. Do not say I will ask for tauba soon, instead you begin right now. Don't let the death knock your door before you knock the door of Tauba. Make sure you remember who your Rabb is. Your Rabb is the ever Forgiving one. He is Al Afoo'. So ask from him and he will give you. First accept your sin, then repent and ask for forgiveness and promise that you will never repeat it again.
11) Allah leaves you. Allah is always merciful and he never leave his slaves, but repeated sins will lead to this. He will forget about you like you have forgotten about him while you sin and he may grant you graces, but these graces that are being bestowed upon you is not a mark of his mercy. No. This will lead you to be so involved in your life that you forget to do istighfar and finally one fine day you will be snatched from the peaceful life into a major torment that will shake you to your core. So sometimes tests are not the mark of your punishment and sometimes graces are not a mark of you doing something right. But keep hope in your heart because even when he leaves you, one heartfelt word, perhaps just one word 'Allah' uttered by mistake, could bring you back to him. That's the mark of his mercy. He bestows you with it even amidst all your sins. He will lighten your load.
12) The sustenance or the rizq is held back and the barakah is withheld. The sins affects the Rizq that is going to be bestowed on you. Say Bismillah and ask for forgiveness and you will witness the effect on your Rizq. Try it with genuine trust.
13) The ilm is forgotten. Due to the sins committed, the ilm is forgotten. Ilm is basically noor and it cannot stay where there are sins and hence the ilm is snatched away because of your sins. You start forgetting things. Your memory weakens.
14) We lose our share in the duas of the angels and the prophets. Because our sins barr our entry amongst those people who were being prayed for by the prophets and the angels. This is one if the biggest losses a person could suffer because dua is a muslim's weapon and it's loss makes you completely defenseless in this shark like world.
Asweera had made her notes on this lecture and she had felt so distraught as she made the points. It was a position of shame in her life, because she was sinning and was heplessly trying to salvage some form of respite for herself and was finding none. She needed to stop sinning to stop these affects from touching her and for that, the first thing, was to let go off her regular texting that now felt like air to her. She wasn't ready yet, to let him go and the stage of their relationship had now progressed to bestowing of pet names, which was kind of uncomfortable for her but she sighed as she thought of him calling her 'sweetheart' in his deep voice sometimes, which rendered her speechless and addicted her to him more.
Asweera was torn. Her brain wanted her to heed the lecture she had heard and remember that this could lead her to a hopeless stage of her life and her heart whispered that without Farhan, there was no life now. She was forever his', her heart argued, and soon they would be in a nikah so how does some months matter? And afterall she wasn't doing anything wrong... Right?
She knew that how much ever she defended herself, the truth would remain that this was wrong. This was leading her to her ignorance of act of worships. Her concentration was going down the drain and her resolve for istighfar was dwindling. Yet, the very thought of letting him go, for however small the duration would be, was sending palpitations of fear through her heart. Her spine chilled when she thought of how he had become an essential part in her life. And nowadays he was behaving very sweetly. She loved him however he behaved though. She loved him when he was sarcastic and humorous. She loved him when he was sweet and so very romantic. She loved him, period! But something in her heart seemed amiss. Maybe the absence of peace and happiness, even after having what she wanted right where she wanted, everything seemed wrong and different.
Asweera sighed as she tied her scarf more tightly to protect herself from the cold winds. She had kept her niqab aside, as it was too dark there. She had loved the sea while growing up, but she had spent all of her childhood in a hill station. Even afterwards, her interaction with the sea had always been limited to school trips or family picnics. Now, she watched mermerised at the sea. The waves lapping up at the shore. The water reflecting the lights around. Zinneera was more of a mountains' fan between them. She had always loved the heights, whereas Asweera had loved the depth of the ocean and it's mysteries. She also loved the beaches. The soft and cold sand felt really amazing beneath her toes. She drew patterns on it with her toe and then erased it, to begin over all again, when her phone beeped.
'Hey my beautiful lady.' The message read. She smiled at it before typing.
'Kind sir.'
'Where are you? Since the morning? MIA.'
'Hmm. In Abu dhabi with Rahil bhaiyya.'
'What???! You are in Abu Dhabi? Why didn't you tell me? And what are you doing there?'
'Y? Wat wd u hv done if i wd hv told u am here? Haya and bhabhi wanted to visit this corniche. They said it was more peaceful here.'
'YOU ARE AT CORNICHE?'
'Why do i feel like u r freakin out?'
'No. I pressed the caps lock on by mistake. Sorry.'
'Thats ok.'
'So what do you think?'
'About?'
'Abu dhabi corniche.'
'More peaceful than Dubai.'
'Hehhe. I feel so too.'
'Can I ask you something?'
'You know you can ask me anything Nawal.'
'When i had spoken to ua mom the tym she had cm to visit, i had felt like she was quite religious u kno? Bt u do not seem that way to me.'
'I believe that the religion is your honesty and clear intentions towards your Master, rest all are secondary.'
'But wat bout d obligations prescribed to us?' She had typed with heavy hands, feeling a kind of hopelessness devour her soul. She had always seen her father Zubair Shams as one of the most beautiful human being, who fulfilled his Rabb's rights over him and that had been inherited by both of his sons. They loved their Master and tried, that they always fulfill those obligations. But the pinnacle of deen she had witnessed, was Umar, who had set her standards for her husband and they looked like they were too high, so as she fell for her fiancé, she had reduced those standards. Now it felt like Farhan wasn't even interested in the must do's of the deen. Not that she could complain. She herself was too much away from her deen right then. Even her obligatory salah was sometimes missed because she was busy in doing something or because she didn't wake up on time. But still it felt too sad to think that she might never have that peace and the level of companionship, her sister shared with Umar.
'I fulfill them sometimes.' The message made her blink back her tears, as she suddenly remembered one verse from the quran.
اَلۡخَبِيۡثٰتُ لِلۡخَبِيۡثِيۡنَ وَالۡخَبِيۡثُوۡنَ لِلۡخَبِيۡثٰتِۚ وَالطَّيِّبٰتُ لِلطَّيِّبِيۡنَ وَالطَّيِّبُوۡنَ لِلطَّيِّبٰتِۚ اُولٰٓـئِكَ مُبَرَّءُوۡنَ مِمَّا يَقُوۡلُوۡنَؕ لَهُمۡ مَّغۡفِرَةٌ وَّرِزۡقٌ كَرِيۡمٌ24:26﴾
(24:26) Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women. They are innocent of the calumnies people utter.22 There shall be forgiveness for them and a generous provision.
Asweera swiped her tears away and stopped texting on her phone. She was too emotional right now and didn't want to say something to upset him.
"Chutki?" She heard Rahil right beside her and looked up to see him watch her with concern. She smiled at him as she lightly sniffled.
"Bhai?" She enquired and laughed at him. He rolled his eyes and settled down beside her, offering her an open box of donuts. She looked at it and then shook her head sadly. Her appetite had gone missing with just a text from him.
"Kha le yaar (eat it)!" Rahil told her as he handed a donut forcefully in her hand and glared at her. She sighed and took a small bite of it, to appease her brother. Rahil smiled at her and turned away towards the sea. "Is there a problem?" He enquired softly, gently. She gulped and turned towards him in alarm.
"Nahi to bhai (not at all brother)!" She replied quickly. Rahil narrowed his eyes at her and she turned away, biting her tongue.
"Chutki? Am your brother. I have seen you grow up and faced your troubles for you at times. You and the other two of my sisters remain three of the most important people in my life. I can't see you hurt and I cannot bear your pain either. So I will request you to always tell me about your problems if you have any, so we could search a solution for it, instead of you bearing all the pain alone." Rahil told her. She watched him with eyes pricking badly.
"I know bhaiyya." She whispered guiltily. How could she even tell him that she wasn't facing any problem but creating one for herself instead! She couldn't tell him about chatting with her fiancé because he wouldn't like it. He would see her differently and that was something she couldn't bear the thought of. He would even put a stop to her texting and talking to her fiancé and she didn't want that at all.
'Do you really?" He asked her seriously. "Why do you stay so uninterested in the world? Why do you always be on your phone? Why do you stay so alone?" Rahil asked her unhappily. She gulped nervously.
"I- I- I am just worried about everything. Am worried about the studies and I keep messaging my friends so they could help me in studies. I am worried about my future life. Whether I would be a good wife and daughter in law or would I just falter?" She whispered. She had lied. She felt utterly bad for doing this, but she had no other way to get him off her back and her brother was truly in a one of a kind mood today. She was biting her lips. She knew to cover this lie many would follow and soon this whole thing would turn too chaotic. The first sin had led to the second after all. She wiped her tears away.
"You are a good daughter and a good sister and am sure in the future you would fulfill all your roles efficiently. I trust you." Rahil whispered and patted her head. She smiled at him.
The siblings talked for a long time. He wanted to know what was up and she wanted to lead him off her trial so he would leave her alone. Soon, Rahil sighed and let her escape his questions for sometime more. Speaking to him did lead to her lightened heart but added some more guilt to think about for later. She could breathe more freely and easily for once as he spoke to her. She had support and she had awesome brothers to hold her if she ever fell, she thanked Allah.
A while later, Rahil got up and turned towards the playground. He began walking towards it with sure steps but stopped when he realised she wasn't coming. He turned towards her in confusion.
"Asweera? Aren't you coming?" He asked loudly, attracting some attention from the people who were settled outside the cafe on the wooden podium.
"Just some more time Bhaiyya." She answered with a pout and was immediately smiled back at.
"Kay. As you wish." He replied to her and began to walk away from her. Asweera sighed in relief as he walked away and hereelf stood up to walk towards the sea. She wanted to feel the water beneath her feet.
*****
Ma'arij
'Nafrat thi mujhe tumse, tumhari har ada se,
Par jabse tujhe jaana hai qareeb ho kar,
Mere dil ne baghavat kardi hai...'
(I hated you and every action of yours,
But when I began to know you from near,
My heart have started a rebellion)
Ma'arij sat at the table outside, on the patio of the cafe, with an open laptop facing him. He sighed as he typed away on it. His phone lay silent beside the laptop. On the opposite chair Iqra sat with an open laptop too, doing her assignment . They were mostly silent, forgetting that there was someone else at the table too. Ma'arij watched her once and continued doing his own work.
His mother had forced them both to spend some time with each other, before their engagement. And Ma'arij had to bring her here, where he always came to do his work with peace outside the office, at the corniche. He usually chose any cafe at the corniche and bought some snacks to munch on while he finished his work. Today was no different either. Just that he had to share this peace with Iqra, who herself had a project to submit. So they were doing their work with silence and sometimes a word here and there.
Iqra had been his favorite cousin amongst the females since as long as he could remember. She was elegant, gentle, soft and always put together. The very way she seem to carry herself about screamed 'class'. She was hardworking and intelligent. She was also good looking and had always been around him, so he knew exactly how she was. He liked such girls. And he knew that if he did marry, it would be with her, because she was just like how he actually expected his life partner to be. Yet, his heart gave a violent 'thud' when another set of eyes filled his mind. A complete opposite of Iqra. He shook his head to dispel his thoughts and caught Iqra's attention. She didn't ask anything though, for which he was quite grateful.
"Asweera? Aren't you coming?" A sudden loud voice attracted their attention and Ma'arij stiffened. Asweera? Asweera Shams? He interestedly sat up and tried to locate the place. He heard her answer and turned towards the bench where she seemed to be sitting. Her brother walked away.
"So loud!" Iqra muttered as her eyes caught Ma'arij's sudden attention towards the new people. Ma'arij smiled awkwardly and tried to look uninterested. She rolled her eyes and turned back towards her assignment.
He had to see Asweera. Because his heart wasn't going to listen to him anymore. He bit his lips as he watched her move towards the sea and soon he began to search for ideas to get Iqra off his back.
"Iqra? I will just come back. I have to make a phone call okay?" He asked her. She nodded her head and turned towards her assignment again. He hastily stood up trying to not look as eager as he felt from within and picked up his cell phone before walking away. Iqra looked up as he was walking towards the shore and frowned. She could swear that something was going on with her soon to be fiancé. She shook this thought away and looked back towards her screen.
Ma'arij soon reached the shore and walked to where she stood with her raised face and lifted Abaya, as she submerged her feet in the ocean.
"Singer?" Ma'arij called out and bit his lips as she turned towards him hastily. His heart was beating a tune that he had never heard before. Asweera Nawal looked beautiful under the dim lights lighting up her uncovered face, which was gaping at him in shock and fear. There were hints of excitement too.
"What are you doing here?" Asweera whispered angrily.
"Do you own the beach?" Ma'arij fired back happily as his favorite spark lit up in her eyes. "You really like to be wherever I am! Don't you?" He enquired mischievously.
"I seriously am beginning to think that you are nothing but a stalker!" She said as she turned towards the playground. Ma'arij followed her gaze to see her brother and his family enjoying in it. He smiled.
"Hmmm! I could turn into a stalker for you." He replied. She huffed at him and began to walk away. He whistled from behind and she turned towards him indignantly. He chuckled at the fire he saw in her eyes and raised up both his hands in surrender as he smiled sweetly at her. "Sorry?"
"Huh!" Asweera huffed as she turned once again.
"Someday... I will hold you so tightly that you wouldn't be able to walk away!" He murmured behind her quietly and she faltered for a moment before she started walking away speedily towards her brother. The stranger's bizarre words were ringing in her ears and drowning her in an ocean of excitement and worry. There was also incomprehensible guilt in her heart at the excitement she felt at his words.
Behind her Ma'arij blinked and sagged in his place, as he watched her go. His emotions were haywire. He didn't know what happened to him when she was near. He behaved totally opposite of what he had decided. But it was for well and good. This thing he felt for her would be for his benefit itself. His eyes turned cold at the thought and he turned towards the patio steps, where a man was hastily putting away his camera, as he walked away. Ma'arij smirked.