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Chapter 21
It was hard to be sure how I felt at that moment. Derek was getting way to personal lately. I didn't appreciate how he was always so nosy about everything, but I also felt like he had a right to know about Bryce. Who was I kidding? He needed to know about Bryce. Not telling him about Bryce would be like not telling him about Cassie. It just wouldn't work.
I ran a nervous hand through my hair, digging through my brain for the words to tell him that Bryce was in trouble. I couldn't find them.
Derek stared at me expectantly.
I cleared my throat.
"Tuesday...." I trailed off. That was as far as I could think.
"Tuesday." Derek repeated, which made it worse.
"Right." I said. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and got everything together. This shouldn't have been so hard for me. It was just that... if I lost Bryce... I'd also be losing all I had left of...Brandon. I finally decided to come clean. "Do you know who," I stopped talking.
My head flung around to look at the door.
So did Derek's.
Something was outside.
Derek signaled for me to stay there and noiselessly stood up. He crept quietly to the door of the tree house and I watched almost terrified. Were there tigers and jaguars in this part of the world? I gulped.
Sitting there, I wondered how much longer, exactly, that I was going to be alive. I doubted it was a very happy number. I heard a rustling down in the brush and felt myself panic. Derek didn't really look that concerned after he glanced down to see who or what was outside.
"What in the Sam hell, Derek?! What are you two doing up here?!" It was his sorta-kinda sister. And she did not look very happy.
Personally, I thought Derek looking pretty pissed off, too. "I'm gonna tell your mother that you just said what you said." Derek threatened.
"I don't think she'll care." The next thing I knew, she was in the tree house looking down at me with her hands on her hips. "She sent me out here to look for you two. What were you doing anyways?" She raised an eyebrow and I wasn't sure which way she was going with her implication.
"It's none of your damn business!" Derek yelled. God, he was scary when he yelled.... I could tell he was about to throw a few more bucks in the jar so I butted in.
"I'm sorry. We, um, forgot. We were just playing...cards." I didn't want to admit to playing GoFish. It was weird. Amanda raised an eyebrow.
"Right." She said, eyeing Derek with a suspicious expression. "You guys better get back to the house right now. Mom and Dad are pissed off." When she said 'pissed' she held out the s's. Without saying anything Derek followed her back down the ladder and I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I did too.
Derek wound up taking the snowmobile back to the house because we couldn't just leave it there. I awkwardly wound up walking back to the house with Amanda and I spent the whole entire walk wishing that I was somewhere else. Anywhere else.
"What were you guys doing there anyways, eh?" Amanda broke the silence after what seemed like eons.
"I...um....don't really know." Amanda eyed me with a strange look.
"How did you even find out about that place?" She whispered. I wondered if she was talking to me or herself.
"He brought me there." I informed her quietly.
"Really?"
Amanda sounded absolutely amazed. I nodded and she picked up the pace, making me trudge faster through the wintery snow. I could barely hear myself talk over our crunchy footsteps in the snow.
"Why is that a big deal?" I asked loudly over the crunching. I didn't want to come on as nosy, but I needed to know what was going on. Why was taking me to a tree house such a big deal? It was just a tree house....
All of a sudden Amanda stopped and faced me in the middle of the forest. "Didn't he tell you?" I shook my head. Her face turned somber and she met my gaze drearily. "He doesn't let anyone up there." She sighed. "He built that place all by himself, you know. It's where he goes when he's sad or mad. And when he needs to think..." She paused before she cleared her throat. "I think it has something to do with his mom, though, eh, but don't tell him I told you that. From what I know, she used to have a tree house at the old farm where she grew up with my mom. I guess she went there because being up in the trees made her feel like she was somehow closer to God. Maybe it even makes sense, eh. The higher you are up, the closer to heaven you are....at least that's what I get out of it." I held her gaze for a while before she looked down and started walking again. It seemed so surreal that Derek would share that kind of thing with me when I was just, well, me.
Right before we got into the house Amanda touched my shoulder to get my attention. "Derek's a great guy, you know."
I spent a few seconds interpreting what she meant, but either way, I would've answered the same way.
"Yeah." I said. "I know."
Eating with the Clemens and my family combined turned out to be a little less chaotic than I'd originally thought. Somehow Lexie managed to keep all of her kids under control, but I had no idea how. If I had six kids I think I'd go insane.
My mom and dad sat across from Derek's Aunt and uncle while Cassie and Amanda sat across from each other. Annie sat next to her mom and one of Amanda's brothers sat next to Annie. Jacob sat on the end. On one side of me was Amanda's other sister and on the other was Derek. Developing that order, however, was a very complex process which mostly consisted of a fight between the two younger Clemens boys over who got to sit by Daddy.
Over our meal we prayed the meal prayer and then dug in and stuffed our faces with a turkey that was sent from heaven above. Actually, Lexie made it, but it tasted like it was from heaven. Something, unfortunately, that my mother would never be capable of creating.
After supper was officially over, we played cards and groaned at how saturatedly full we were. If my stomach would've expanded any more, I would've floated away.
Lexie had to leave to go put Annie to bed and tuck in the other three younger kids. I was still a smidge confused on their names cause there were so many of them... Rob and my dad talked over beers and eventually my mom decided they should go home before he got drunk enough to be embarrassing.
"Well, it was nice seeing you, Lexie," She shook her hand, "Rob." They shook hands, too. "But we're going to have to get going. It's getting late and we don't want to be an invasion when you're trying to get every one to bed."
"Oh, honey, you're no invasion, eh." Lexie insisted. "But you're right. It is kind of late, you know." Lexie got out our family's jackets from the coat closet and handed them to us. "It's been wonderful having you over." She told my parents solemnly. I looked up at Derek and he smiled back down.
I was still looking up at Derek when my mom touched my shoulder lightly with her hand.
"Sam. We're going now." She told me softly.
I wasn't sure what had just happened to me. I shook myself out of my daze and took a step towards the door.
"Actually Mrs. Thomas, if it's okay with you and Sam, I could walk her home." I swung my head around to see my mom's reaction. There was a faint smile on her face as she gave him his answer.
"Go right ahead."
That was all she said and then my mom, my dad, and Cassie were all out the door. I stood staring at Derek, wondering why he'd just done what he'd just done. I didn't realize it, but while I was staring, Lexie had left the room.
"Are we going to go?" Derek's voice echoed through my mind. I cleared my throat.
"Yup. I'm all ready."
The whole walk to my house was basically silent with our hands in our pockets. It was like Antarctica and the snow was up past my knees, but I still felt happy, even in the 2 degree weather. That's right-A cold front went through. Apparently, according to Derek anyways, this was a very usually warm winter for this place. I refused to believe that.
"Hey Sam?" Derek said once we were our of his driveway.
"What?" I asked. I couldn't really see him, but I'd heard where his voice had come from.
"You never did tell me what happened on Tuesday."
I felt myself pannic, but I knew that I had to tell him the truth. After I told him Brandon's full story I'd felt a lot better, and I knew he'd find the words to make me feel better yet again. The only thing was that I didn't feel like dealing with it tonight.
"I know, Derek. And I'm sorry about that." I told him. "But I'm really tired." I said as I yawned. "And I promise you I will tell you on Monday, okay?"
"Promise?" He double-checked.
"Promise."
After about half the walk was over I began to wonder why I'd ever agreed to walking instead of taking to two minute ride back up the hill to my house. Especially when Derek wasn't even saying anything to me.
The truth was, though, he didn't have to say anything for me to understand anymore. I'd learned so much about him just in the day that I was beginning to feel like I really knew him.
The only thing I didn't know, I asked him.
"What are you thinking?"
Derek looked at me and probably didn't realize that his hair was messed up and all over the place. "Me?" He breathed a laugh. "I was just..." He paused and I could tell he was trying to find words, "thinking about my mom."
"Oh." I said.
"And you know what I think?" His brown eyes pierced into my blue ones. We turned to walk up my driveway before I answered.
"What?" I murmured into the night.
"I think that she'd really love you."
I stood there, shocked, not knowing what to say. Did he just say what I thought he said? "Derek...I," I tried to force out the words that I didn't have in me.
"Sh." He held a finger to his lips.
What he'd just said...it meant so much to me. For him to think that somebody so special to him would've liked me-much less loved me-there just wasn't a word for it. Nothing could possibly cover it.
I read somewhere that actions speak louder than words. I'm not positive if that's true, but there wasn't anything I could say. My hand brushed against Derek's on accident before I deliberately took his hand in mine. Without a word, we walked up my porch stairs and softly held hands.
Standing on my welcome mat, I let go of his hand and embraced him in a hug. My hands were on his back and he gently hugged me back. For a second I just let him hold on to me, wondering again what he was thinking. I could imagine that looking at those pictures of his mom had brought back memories and I was guessing that the day had been hard on him. I felt his jaw rest on my head before he pulled away with a half-smile on his face, but sadness in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" I whispered.
"I have to leave now."
I laughed a little, but it was mostly to me.
"Don't worry, Derek. I'll see you on Monday."
Derek opened the door for me and I took a step into my house. There was a bigger trace of a smile on his face when he said, "I know," and shut the door as he turned to walk away.
Up in my room that night I thought mostly about Derek. Most of what I was thinking was far too complicated for me to register because of how tired I was, but I managed to realize that I was starting to rely more on Derek than the pathetic picture of Brandon that still remained on my dresser. Brandon didn't get me through life anymore; Derek did.
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