Attached song above, suits this one really well I promise
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
"It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go."
The night, unlike he'd expected it, went by all too fast. Jeongguk and Yerim were talking, laughing at the lame jokes they'd make to the point where they began to cry. He pointed out something about the way the bride smiles like "someone always on the look out for someone to snatch her wig" to which Yerim snorts on her champagne.
Sure, they caused a huge mess that probably embarrassed them, judging by the looks the other guests sent them from their table and the other tables surrounding them. But none of them seemed to care.
All he can see is her smile, all he can hear is her beautiful laughter. He wishes that he could prolong this moment. Just the both of them dressed in pretty clothes and drinking expensive champagne. A once in a lifetime chance he'd wish for everyday.
Right now, Jeongguk is wiping a tear slipping out at the tips of his eyes after Yerim has given him an entire paragraph rant about how Pluto should be considered a planet. And no, neither of them have idea how they even skipped from dissing the newlyweds and guests to discussing about outer space.
"Just because it's small doesn't mean it's not a planet. That's just discrimination," She prompts. "I mean Jimin is small but he's still a man right?"
At this, Jeongguk cracks up and Yerim clicks her tongue in disappointment. "I'm losing my faith in humanity," He says through uncontrolled laughter.
"Come on, let's get some more drinks," She smacks his thigh lightly and reaches for her empty glass.
"But shouldn't we greet the couple first?"
"We have priorities."
Jeongguk chuckles and after rubbing his eyes for the nth time, he looks up to see that she isn't laughing anymore. Instead, she clears her throat as she stares at something at her side. He follows her gaze to see Kim Taehyung approaching them with a pleasant smile on his face.
"Yerim," he says good-naturedly. "You came."
Yerim shrugs and smiles. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you so much," Taehyung says. He turns to Jeongguk and smiles. "Jeongguk, right?"
Said boy nods.
"Thank you for bringing her here. I'm grateful," the groom says genuinely with a tilt of his head. And then he bends down to take Yerim's hand in his before giving it a brief peck. She visibly freezes on contact and when Taehyung looks back at her with a smile, she awkwardly takes her hand back and averts her eyes.
As soon as he's gone, Jeongguk sputters out a confused "Uh..." and she snaps her head back at him.
"What?" She says.
"Now that was awkward."
"Oh shut up," she huffs and glances at her champagne glass. "I'm thirsty. Can we get a refill?"
Just as the both of them stand, the lights go dimmer and all of a sudden there's a spotlight on the dance floor in the centre of the room. The room erupts with cheer when the bride and groom move towards it, hand in hand.
"How romantic," Yerim sighs, all motives of refilling her glass gone as she sees the man she used to love dancing graciously to the tune of Flightless Bird with his bride.
Jeongguk tears his eyes away from the scene to stare at Yerim. He sees her clutching the glass in her hand tightly, but her focus is trained on the dance floor just like everyone else. He takes her hand again and she finally casts him a glance. He smiles at her, a sign of comfort and reassurance.
When the song finally comes to an end, the guests are free to move to the dance floor to dance. Couples begin to sway to the music with smiling faces and eyes filled with love. Yerim still hasn't moved from her spot. That is, until Jeongguk clears his throat from beside her.
"Oh, I almost forgot," she snaps out of her daze and tilts her empty glass towards him. Before she can run off, Jeongguk pulls her back by the arm.
"Nuh-uh, we're dancing like everyone else."
She stares at him with wide eyes but he doesn't give her a chance to response before he's dragging her to the centre of the room, blending in immediately in the centre of the crowd of moving bodies.
Yerim shifts awkwardly in her spot and mumbles a quiet "I can't dance."
Jeongguk merely chuckles and places her hands on his shoulders. "Funny story, I can't either. We'll just do what the other people are doing."
She rolls her eyes and laughs. "You're impossible."
The slow music of Lord Huron's The Night We Met twirls like thread around them. Yerim can't count how many times she had squished his foot under her own. Still he smiles brightly as their heels click over the ballroom floor. He watches as her hair spins out and bounce more with each move and beat. This is perfect. This is dancing and art coming to life, strong pointed moves didn't matter here. All that matters is the person in front of you; All that matters is Park Yerim.
"For the record, you smell amazing. I need some more of that," he says into her ear as he leans down close.
She smiles and shakes her head, attempting to stifle her shy giggles. "Stop that. You're making me embarrassed."
"You're making me embarrassed. I don't think I'm worthy enough to be dancing next to a goddess like you."
"For heaven's sake, have you looked at yourself in the mirror before you got here?" Yerim steps on his foot, this time on purpose and Jeongguk lets out a soft whine.
And then he pulls his face away from her and the music changed. Their paces quicken, and it is hard to keep up with these quick flowing steps. Yerim could relate; her dress is getting in the way and her flats were somehow making her steps clumsy.
Or maybe she's just clumsy because she's with him.
Jeongguk notices her discomfort and chances his stance to make it easier for her to follow. His grip on her hand tightens and he gives it a comforting squeeze. It makes her heart skip a beat.
Suddenly, the music changes its pace again, this time another slow and relaxing song. He smirks at her slightly, the sudden confidence rushing in, and pulls her body closer to his. Yerim could practically feel her cheeks burning, and that only seems to make Jeongguk's teasing smile broaden.
Everything and everyone around them seems to disappear, they all fade away with the music. The spotlight is suddenly shining right above them and it's like the world had stopped spinning on its axis. Like they have all the time in the world.
"How long are we going to do this, though?" She asks with a laugh. Neither of them have any idea how many songs they've danced through, too caught up in each other to even notice.
"For as long as you want," he hums softly.
She rests her head on his chest, and let him away her body round and round again. And then when the music changes again, she looks up into his soft brown eyes, and cries.
Instead of saying anything, Jeongguk thumbs at her wet cheeks, wiping them dry with so much gentle and care. As if she's made of porcelain and glass. As if she's the most important thing in the world to him.
Yerim tries to cover it up with a sheepish laugh and shifts her eyes to stare at their feet. "You're not asking why."
Jeongguk gives her a reassuring smile and massages the small of her back gently with a hand. "I don't have to."
Despite how strong she always comes off to be, she's a broken and lonely girl hiding under a thick mask of happiness and joy. She's a girl who craves to find some place in this world, someone who's afraid of the future uncertain. Someone who's afraid of herself.
"You don't have to pretend anymore," he says. "Cry me a river."
And she buries her head into the warmth of his chest again. They stay that way for a long time, until the next song, and the next, and the next.
All he can focus on is their clumsy steps, Yerim's scent, Yerim's presence, Yerim's smile, Yerim's voice. And he can finally make sure of one thing: Park Yerim is everything he had ever wanted.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
"Isn't it cold out here?" Jeongguk asks as he steps out into the balcony to join Yerim at the railings. He's holding a glass of wine in his hand (he thinks that he should probably be experimenting with as many drinks as he can while he has the chance).
Yerim glances over her shoulder as he approaches, a smile playing on her lips. "It's perfect."
Sighing, Jeongguk places his glass back down onto a table and proceeds to remove his coat before tossing it over her shoulders. "Keep it there. I don't want you catching a cold," He says before she can begin an argument. Yerim stares at him unsurely, blinking her eyes multiple times before looking back out at the scenery before them.
The restaurant, apparently is located on a hilltop providing a beautiful view overlooking the city of Seoul. Jeongguk can see it clearly now, unlike the view he gets from the rooftop of the hospital. Seoul is such a beauty at night. There's lights everywhere, shining as bright as stars.
No wonder Yerim prefers to stand out here in the cold. It's starting to get hard to breathe back inside because apparently (he quotes according to Yerim) "too many humans are taking up my oxygen supply".
"Can I tell you a secret?" her voice cuts through the brief silence between them and Jeongguk glances at her in acknowledgement. He notices her lips quiver, doesn't know whether or not it's because of the cold.
"There was this one time when we went to a bowling alley. I remember, I got a strike back then. But I was just fooling around because who even cares about the rules of the game right?" She chuckles and shifts her eyes to her glass. "I turned around expecting him to be happy but... he wasn't. He was disappointed. Said that the rules were there for a reason, for a fair game. But you see, rules aren't exactly my thing."
"Who needs rules anyway?" Jeongguk speaks up. "You had fun, that's all that matters."
Yerim smiles, as if she's already been expecting him to say just that. "My point is, Taehyung and I never really got along. No matter how hard we tried to. We never did from the start. He was too serious, I was too carefree. He expected more from a future wife but I was just... Me. He never found that certain trait of an independent woman in me. You get what I mean?"
Jeongguk nods, coming closer. "Do you regret it though?" He asks. "Leaving him."
"I don't," she replies without hesitation. "I'm happy. He and Seoyeon get along really well. She used to be my friend so I know."
And then she turns around to face him, an arm leaning on the railings, the other hand carrying her glass half filled with expensive champagne. She's not wearing any perfume at all but Jeongguk could get drunk on her natural scent alone. She was just so beautiful and unreal under the light of the moon and stars.
"I guess finding true love isn't meant for me," she says bitterly, but there's still that smile on her face.
"What if you still had a chance?"
"At love?"
"At love."
Yerim laughs. "I wish," and then she sucks in a deep breath. "I mean, who would love someone as messed up as I am? You tell me, Jeongguk."
He wants to tell her. He wants to throw his arms around her and wrap her in his embrace until they grow grey and old. Wants to sing her songs every night, wants to hear her reading to him before he sleeps. Wants to laugh and play with her like 10 year olds stuck in an older body. Wants to be able to love her with his entire heart and soul, dragging on for infinities and beyond.
"Then can I tell you a secret?" He says, mists coming out of his lips along with his gentle whispers. He takes the glass from her hand and places it down on a table before holding both of her hands in his.
"What is it?" She breathes out.
This is it, this is his chance. He sees it in her eyes first. That hunger, that fire. And then he finds it in himself. He's a flame, Yerim is too, and fire can be shared. When he's out here, when he's with her, he burns. It's wonderful.
"What are you thinking about?" She asks softly when he doesn't answer.
Jeongguk smiles gently and brings a hand behind her head to pull at the clip fastening her hair into place. It's loose strands fall over her shoulders and Jeongguk locks their gazes.
Yerim sucks in a deep breath, hitching. She parts her lips to whisper a quiet "Jeongguk—" but he cuts her off immediately.
"It's killing me, Yerim. It's killing me because I don't want you to go another day without knowing how I feel about you. And I'm not ready to tell you I'm in love with you, because I'm not. Not yet," he finds himself pouring out his heart's contents.
"I'm confused, Gukki—"
"But whatever this is I'm feeling," he interrupts, squeezing her hand. "It's so much more than just like. It's so much more. And for the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out. I've been trying to figure out why there isn't some other word to describe it. I want to tell you exactly how I feel but there isn't a single goddamned word in the entire dictionary that can describe this point between liking you and loving you, but I need that word. I need it because I need you to hear me say it."
He's staring into her eyes, memorising her dark orbs and the thousand galaxies beyond. It takes him awhile to realise that they're glassy and tear stained. But he doesn't stop. He can't stop. Not now. Not until he's poured out everything to his heart's content. Not until Yerim finally feels the appreciation and love she really deserves. Even if it doesn't come from a certain Kim Taehyung.
Yerim is looking at him with her eyes wavering, but they never leave his gaze. Just like their dance, everything around them seems to stop moving.
"I love you," he finally says wretchedly. "And if I were well, no power on earth could keep me away from you. If I were well, I would've run miles and swam oceans just to get to you. If I were well I'd break down every single wall between us. You want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down." His heart is beating so hard against his chest but he doesn't stop.
He takes her hand up and pushes it against his heart. "You have no idea what you do to me," he breathes out. Yerim looks down to the hand on his chest and blinks multiple times, lips parted slightly as if she's going to say something but she doesn't. "The only reason you can still feel this," Jeongguk continues boldly, never leaving her eyes. "Is because you own it. You own my heart, Park Yerim. You always have."
Yerim's smiling, grinning like a fool as he begins to blabber all the thoughts that's stacking up inside his head. He seems to ramble on and on, and all she can do is stare at him in so much love and adoration.
She sees a flash of something that might've been panic crossing his expression, but then he steadies himself again.
"My point is," Jeongguk says, catching his breath. "I'm in love with you. There, I've said it. I'm in love with you, Park Yerim. I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you again."
For a moment she doesn't answer. She just stands there, staring at him in silence. Jeongguk suddenly gets hit with the realisation of what he's just done and said. He gave himself away. He's done for.
What if she rejects me? What if I was wrong and she doesn't feel the same at all? What if? What if? What if—
One moment he's frozen in his place, she's yanking him forwards and then suddenly her lips are on his. Sealed together like a promise. They're just as soft as he'd always imagined them to be. Fireworks explode. He isn't sure if it's really happening up there in the sky or if it's all just in his imagination. His weak heart is already pounding like crazy.
Their kiss is sloppy, neither one of them very experienced. He brings a hand up to gently cup at her cheek, tilting his head slightly to take more of her lips into his. He ends up taking her bottom lip between his teeth, grazing it lightly and she hums between a smile.
In that moment, all he can think of is that he wants this moment to last. He wants time to stop here for real.
But that's the worst part. No matter how much he wants for things to go slowly, time never stops. It's exhilarating.
When they finally pull away to catch their breaths, their eyelashes flutter open. And she's still smiling at him.
"I know," is all she says, voice raspy and out of breath.
It's so sudden—it's too fast. One moment, Yerim is looking at him with so much love, so tenderly and healthy and beautiful. Then there is blood dripping from her nose. And then one moment later, she's vomiting, her hands clutching onto her stomach as her knees hit the ground with a sickening thud to Jeongguk's ears.
It's like watching a person combust, consumed by her own sickness, and the sight of Yerim like this is destroying Jeongguk, too. The realisation of what's happening rushes over him like a hurricane as he rushes to catch her before she can fully collapse.
"Yerim! Y-Yah, Park Yerim!" He calls out as he puts an arm around her, his other hand cupping her cheek. Yerim's gaze on him is unfocused and for a moment he fears that he's losing her.
"Yerim, Yerim please stay with me. I'll call the nurses and we'll head back to the hospital alright? J-Just stay with me, stay..." He chokes up on his own sobs until he's almost a whimpering mess from the panic and fear.
She blinks at him hard, as if trying to fight for her own consciousness. He can see her lips moving, knows that she's whispering his name in silence. In desperation.
"Don't say anything, just hang on for me. C-can you do that for me?" He stutters, reaching for his phone and dialing quickly. His fingers are trembling and he nearly drops the device onto the ground.
"I-I'm sorry," Yerim chokes out, blood seeping out from a corner of her mouth. Jeongguk's heart clenches at the sight of her pain. He never wanted to see her in pain. He would much rather die right then and there. "Jeongguk, I'm sorry..."
"Yerim, please don't say that."
"It's all my fault," she says, tears escaping her eyes. She clutches onto his shirt, holding it so desperately as if she's being swallowed by the waves and she's clinging onto an anchor, hoping not to get lost at the sea. "I ruined everything."
"What do you mean you've ruin everything?" Jeongguk whispers. "We haven't even started," he adds faintly. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. Believe me, Yerim, o-okay?"
"Really?" She whispers, eyes filled with hope.
Jeongguk nods frantically, breath coming out in rags. "We're going to head back to the hospital now okay? Stay with me."
When Nurse Hoseok answers his phone, Jeongguk can't control how panicked he sounds. And it seems like the two nurses were already prepared in advance in case something like this were to happen because they were rushing immediately.
"Hey," Jeongguk calls when he finally turns back to her again. He cups her cheeks and tilts her head up slightly to look at him. "Stay with me. Don't close your eyes, Yerim. Just look at me," he encourages as he lets a thumb rub over the blood spill seeping out from a corner of her lips. It makes his heart ache in a way it never has before.
She smiles bitterly and he knows that he's losing her slowly. Can feel her slipping out of his grasps little by little. Like water between his fingers.
"Stay, Yerim, stay. Stay..."
And then she shuts her eyes and her breathing calms.
«»
AN
That was such a rollercoaster ride of emotions why did I even write this I feel so bad ㅠㅠㅠ
Hoped you all did not cry tears at the shitty ending, just know that the story's not over yet and Park Yerim is still alive don't worry ssjfbnd
My days have been a little mean to me this week but I'm really thankful for all the love and encouragement I've gotten from all of you here. I cherish each and everyone of you, I hope you remember that ❤
The attached song to this chapter is MAX X GNASH — Lights Down Low
A total masterpiece that you should check out if you haven't already