“Do you think he will ever like me?” I questioned as I lay on my back with my arms under my head.
“Who, Fuzzy?” Amaryllis asked distracted as she placed more clothes than she would actually need inside her suitcase.
“No,” I rolled my eyes and poked the naked cat sleeping on the bed as far away from me as possible, “Your dad.”
“Probably not–“
“Thanks,” I responded sarcastically to her blunt reply.
“–but I am sure that my attal will learn to accept your presence without cringing away,” she finished and pointed at her overspilling clothes.
I huffed and got up frowning and sat on top of the suitcase so that Amaryllis would be able to close it. When she saw my expression, she laughed and kissed my nose.
“Are you sure taking me home with you to meet all the members of your family is a good idea?” I asked hoping I could find a way out of it.
“I'm positive. I know that you will charm every single one of my aunts and cousins as well as my great-grandfather. Even if you are white and clueless about why we are all gathering together,” she said confidently and I wished I could believe in an optimistic outcome to this.
“You are definitely not helping, it's like you thrive when you see me distressed. And for your information, a small heads-up would be greatly appreciated,” I retorted.
“We are celebrating Seollal, the Lunar New Year, but instead of heading back to Korea to do it at uncle Seok's house – my dad's younger brother, all of them are coming here to combine the New Year with some family holidays. It will be funny to see them adjust to life here in England, I'm like a hero among my cousins.”
“And am I really that important that I have to be there as well?” I wondered not wanting to admit that I was feeling a bit scared.
“When someone dies, his spirit stays on earth for many generations and are still considered part of the family, so it is important to honour them and perform the ancestral rites. Is it really that bad that I would like for you to witness one cherye?” Amaryllis refused to meet my eyes and fiddled with her fingers.
My gaze softened and I placed my hand over her cheek.
“Not in the least. I feel honoured that you want me to come with you for something that is so valuable and meaningful for you. Thank you,” I leaned down and kissed her forehead as she nodded and stayed quiet.
We separated from each other not entirely helping my anxiety levels but I still had the whole road trip to her father's house to relax and get myself together so that I could face my girlfriend's entire family. I carried our suitcases to the car but made Amaryllis carry Fuzzy in his cage before we dropped him off at Daniel's because he was extremely displeased with the fact that he couldn't be free and was attacking anything that passed in front of the gaps of his restrictions.
“Don't forget to take your hanbok with you. We did not go to so much trouble having you one made by our seamstress to leave it behind,” she reminded me.
I groaned at the memory of having to wait in Amaryllis' seamstress' living-room – without shoes, which I remembered to take off on my own, sitting on the sofa with Amaryllis trying to decide what colours I wanted my hanbok to be, while I had to ignore the wondering gaze of the small woman.
“Oh look at this pattern!” I pointed at the material with dragons printed on.
Amaryllis laughed like she knew something I didn't.
“The crane pattern is amazing! I want cranes – no wait the tigers are better, it's so beautiful,” I had cooed and raised my eyes to see that the two women were looking at me with amusement written on their faces.
“Harry, dragons and cranes as well as tigers and phoenixes are only meant for royalty. I know you have an angelic face and are one of the best human beings in the world but that still isn't enough to acclaim yourself as royal,” The girl next to me had said in my ear playing with my curls.
I had looked disappointed, but then settled for the material of green and grey because Amaryllis had said that it brought out the colour of my eyes and I would look very cute – a compliment that I was open to.
Exiting the building, she grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together as a bright smile was plastered over her face. I had been so glad that this simple act of me owning a hanbok had made Amaryllis so happy so I had decided to treat her to her favourite ice-cream parlour because seeing her smiling did horrible things to my heart.
“Well that visit was a success. She has finally warmed to you,” she laughed and took another bite of her coconut flavoured ice-cream.
I made a confused face, “You call that warming to someone? Because I swear to God she kept sticking the needles in my skin,” I replied rubbing some on the sore areas of my stomach, while Amaryllis just waved me off.
“She just doesn't know how to show it. Tough crowd.”
I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, going over that conversation and hoping that not everyone was a tough crowd. While Amaryllis was mindlessly humming to the songs playing on the radio and taking a notes about one of the projects she had for work, my mind was making up every possible scenario that could go wrong. I knew that there was no point in trying to make amends with Amaryllis' father since he had already decided how much he strongly disliked me, but I hoped to make a good first impression on the rest of her relatives. That is why I had packed only t-shirts that reached my neck and long-sleeved sweaters instead of revealing shirts.
“What has you thinking so hard?” Amaryllis interrupted my thoughts and I slowly snapped out my trance of nervousness as I released the bottom lip that I had been biting.
“Remember how freaked out you were when you were meeting my mothers? Well that is how I feel right now multiplied by five,” I confessed and I momentarily glanced over at her watching me with a sympathetic expression.
“Oh, baby that can't be true, it's only going to be fourteen of them,” she replied like that was supposed to calm me down.
“What?!”
“Yeah. The rest of them couldn't come,” Amaryllis patted my thigh and returned to her work as I stayed silent.
“What are you doing? You can turn left and take a shortcut,” she advised and I internally cursed because I'd hoped that she wouldn't notice me prolonging the unavoidable.
The thumping of my fingers got more prominent and caught Amaryllis' attention, so she huffed and turned towards me.
“Would it make you feel better if I gave you instructions on how to act?” she asked and I had never felt more thankful.
“Yes!”
“Okay, let's see. When you greet the men always bow first and then offer your right hand while placing your left hand on your forearm. With women you don't offer your hand, you just bow. Please avoid any kind of touching like patting on the back even if you need to catch someone's attention, but if you do just address them by our family name – literally everyone in there is Mr. or Mrs Deong, given names are only for relatives and close friends. Also, when we are going to sit down for dinner let my father – the host, lead you to your seat and make sure that your posture is straight, God know how great-grandmother Mi-Young loves her posture,” Amaryllis said and she looked like she was on a roll.
“Never pour your own drink while never deny a refill and don't forget to pass food the same way you greet a man – with your right hand and your left on your forearm. Warnings because first of all, everyone is going to bombard you with really personal questions and second of all after dinner you are required to sing a song because my grandfather loves his karaoke machine and takes it with him everywhere. Oh, my God!”
“What?” I asked panicked.
“You are going to have to drink soju!” she slapped her forehead.
“Is that bad?”
“It's like vodka, only much stronger. Please even if you don't like it – pretend you do. You would gain the males' trust like that. Now,” Amaryllis turned to me looking really serious and I eyed her with the corner of my eye.
“Remember the most important thing; You should never, ever, ever, under no circumstances mention Japan or North Korea. Never. And if you want to refer to the body of water between Korea and Japan you will call it the East Sea. Understood?” she said passionately emphasising each word that came out of her mouth.
“But I thought it was called the Sea of Japa–“ I stopped talking when I noticed the scary expression on her face. “I mean I don't know any seas like that. Where is Japan again?”
“Good boy.”
I felt my breath getting shallower as we drove along the last street before our destination and we came closer towards the last house on this street that Amaryllis had described to me so many times before as the house she had grown up in.
“Okay, it's time.”
Amaryllis grabbed my hand and kissed my palm, trying to ease my nerves.
“You will do amazing, I know and if you speak all that Korean I have taught you then you will blow their minds away. Now these are the last minutes we are going to get being this affectionate with each other for the rest of the evening and possibly every moment my family is in front,” she frowned but I just laughed and kissed the corner of her mouth.
There was that familiar glint in Amaryllis' eyes before she placed her hands on the sides of my face and pulled me to her, locking our lips together. I let her touch relax me as I relished this moment together because it was only a matter of minutes until we entered the house. I gasped as she left kisses on my jaw going down my neck but had to stop her before she climbed over the seat and onto my lap.
“Although it pains me to reject you, I have a feeling that with my luck the moment you do that, your dad will exit the house and catch us,” I breathed out heavily as Amaryllis laughed loudly.
“I love you,” she said in a small voice.
“I love you too.”
I closed my eyes soaking in her presence and her heavenly jasmine perfume, so when I opened them I felt a bit more prepared. As we were walking towards the house, I gave her hand one last squeeze before leaving a respectable distance.
“It is custom that the guest will bring some sort of gift for the house,” Amaryllis whispered as we were waiting for someone to answer the door.
“And you're telling me now?” I exclaimed a little too loudly.
A bottle of scotch was pushed into my arms.
“It's dad's favourite.”
The door opened to indeed reveal Amaryllis' father, who didn't look too thrilled to see me there but at least he tried to disguise it with a smile. He turned to his daughter to greet her first as she fell in his arms hugging him tightly in delight. He then turned to me and I bowed down slightly while offering my right hand. Mr. Deong looked surprised but took my hand somewhat pleased with me. I simply gave him the bottle, too nervous to speak and breathed out when he thanked me and beckoned us inside.
As soon as we entered, I was hit with all those different smells of spices and food carried through the house from the kitchen – most of which I had never encountered before, as a few vanilla-scented candles mixed with the smell. Even from the outside you could see that the house was huge – perfect to accommodate so many relatives. The walls were a warm olive green colour that held many picture frames and different paintings. A wooden staircase led to the second floor that was just the same as this one.
I was too busy staring at the decorations that I didn't even notice that we had reached the living-room where all the conversations being held had stopped and every pair of eyes landed on me. Amaryllis was standing next to me but wasn't close enough for me to feel comforted as I squirmed under the attention. I felt a shoulder bump into me as Amaryllis silently urged me forwards towards an old man sitting next to the window while his wife knitted opposite him.
“Har-abeoji, halmeoni! (Grandpa, grandma!).” Amaryllis exclaimed and hugged them the moment they raised their heads and immediately a look of adoration crossed their faces.
It didn't take long for them to notice me hanging in the back and both of them got up so that I could greet them properly. After the first introductions, Amaryllis and her grandmother engaged in conversation leaving me awkwardly waiting since I did not understand Korean.
“You are English?” Mr. Deong the older asked me in broken English but I found the gesture heart-whelming.
“Ne.” I answered in his language. “Mannasun bangapseumnida, (Happy to meet you).” I added, aiming to impress him and hoping that I had got the pronunciation correct.
Amaryllis' pinkie found my own and gave it a small tug as I saw her smile to herself proudly. With a few final words they ushered us away to go and greet the rest of the family. And that was how the next hour passed, with me meeting and talking to every single member – from aunts and uncles to cousins and the one and only great-grandfather. After a while it seemed like I had become the centre of attention and they were mentally lining up to come and be introduced to me. Amaryllis was my translator and I could see that she struggled to keep the conversation light and to avoid the personal questions being asked. As frequently as possible I tried to sneak in discreetly but it was hard since everyone kept glancing our way and whispering to each other.
Dinner though quickly rolled around and soon a very small-built lady with her hair tied back in a low bun came out of the kitchen to inform us and then everyone moved to the dining-room where I was a bit surprised to see a very low wooden table with big colourful pillows on the floor. Just as Amaryllis had instructed me, I waited for her father to show me my seat and was delighted that he didn't decide to separate us. My eyes slid across the table which was full of plates with different food.
“We don't really talk when we are eating, okay? So don't find it strange if everyone is quiet, further socialisation will be after dinner,” Amaryllis leaned over and whispered in my ear as her great-grandmother served.
Before I picked anything up, I looked over at her to approve of the plate so that I would be sure it did not have anything on it which was too spicy for me to handle. I played safe and filled my plate with rice, vegetables and some meat. However, soon after one of Amaryllis' uncles offered me the bowl with the kimchi sauce that I had to stop myself from crying at the sight of it. It was then that all eyes landed on me again to see if I accepted their favourite side-dish, but before I could put any, Amaryllis asked me something in Korean and raised her eyes to request the bowl which I gave to her perplexed – with my right hand. In return, she passed me a different bowl of kimchi which I could tell from the lack of burning smell wasn't spicy and I was immediately thankful. As I poured a generous amount, I could tell that everyone seemed pleased and returned to eating in silence.
*
After the more than fulfilling meal, every house guest had found a seat in the living-room and was waiting patiently for us to settle so that The Talk could start soon. It was the moment I was most fearing in case they did not approve of me after something I'd done or said, but at least Amaryllis sat on the medium-sized sofa next to me so that she could translate for me which offered some comfort. Her grandmother gave me a cup of herbal tea and as soon as she sat down, her husband spoke.
“They are asking you what job you do,” she whispered.
“I am a journalist so I write for one of the newspapers in London,” I answered.
“How much do you get paid?”
I scratched the back of my neck, “Enough to pay the rent of my apartment and live without too many worries,” I said and Amaryllis offered me a sympathetic look before translating, where everyone seemed impressed.
“What job does your father do?” she froze and looked over at me worriedly.
“He is a doctor – a heart surgeon to be exact.”
Everybody looked in awe at that, but I saw Amaryllis frowning even though what I said was true. I knew enough about her family to understand that they were traditional without any modern thinking – the older members at least and that was fine by me because I knew that I could not change the way they thought about certain things. I did not what to concern her any more by admitting to her whole family that I had been raised by two mums, so I had decided to ease that weight from her shoulders.
More questions about my weight, height, health, diet, sport preferences, along with my type of education followed and it actually felt like it would never stop since they never stopped to breathe or think as they still came up with things to question. I could tell Amaryllis did not translate everything exactly how I'd answered it as she added a few little comments that would make her family laugh.
Give my girl a prize for making me appear cooler than I actually was.
That was when the bomb question was dropped by one of her cousins. I realised something was wrong when Amaryllis hesitated to translate one of the questions.
She coughed, “Are you serious about me – relationship wise?”
I stopped to think and looked over at the side of her face because she refused to turn to meet my eyes. I stared at my beautiful girl with her short black hair and her brown eyes, who was always sassy and sarcastic, who I didn't think knew she held my whole heart in her palm, which I had so easily handed over because she was totally worth it. The girl with the pretty smile and intelligent mind that I wanted to get lost in. Someone that made me laugh and most importantly made me feel loved.
The answer was right in front of me, all I had to do was turn my head to the left and look at my jagiya's eyes. I urged her to look back at me as I grabbed her hand softly, my attention only at her, and simply whispered;
“Yes, I am,” No further explanation was needed and it made Amaryllis blush so hard that it made her try to hide behind her hair.
*
“Why the attic, though? Even I have seen enough horror films to know that nothing good happens in the attic.”
“It could have been worse, like the basement or with my aunt Chun-Hei,” Amaryllis said and shivered at the thought.
Now that would have been a nightmare.
“What is it with the two single beds anyway?” I questioned when I eyed the two different beds with the twenty feet gap between them.
“You are lucky we are even allowed in the same room to sleep,” she scoffed and started changing into her nightwear.
I smiled taking off my shirt and lay on the bed. Amaryllis joined me and fell right on top of me due to the restrictions of the small bed that wasn't big enough for two people.
“Today was a long day,” I commented wrapping my arm around her and playing with her hair.
“I'm still too energised, I don't think I can sleep.” She hummed.
“Maybe the fact that they all sent us to bed from ten o'clock has something to do with it.”
Amaryllis got up and started rummaging through a few boxes that were stacked in here.
“Hey, look! My old colouring-in set! I used to love drawing when I was a kid,” she said and took out two huge pencil-cases as well as sketch pads and colouring-in books.
“I've seen your current works of art and to be honest I wasn't that impressed,” I said which earned me a slap on the chest.
“Colour with me,” she demanded and turned to a page where there were two blank drawings.
“Why don't you just draw me instead and I could just lay here doing nothing?” I counter-offered feeling the day having taken its toll on me.
Amaryllis seemed to weigh her options up before breaking into a smile and agreeing to it. She took out a pad and a pencil and sat on the floor directly opposite me.
“Draw me like one of your French girls.”
She really seemed to be getting into the whole concept and kept staring at me intensely. She had a look of concentration and never took her eyes off me or the paper while I was tempted to reach over and kiss her bottom lip that she was biting.
“Okay, ready,” Amaryllis cheerfully said and got back on the bed.
“What? I swear only three minutes had passed,” I replied in disbelief as she passed me the drawing.
I stayed silent as I took in the details of it before staring back at Amaryllis.
“I'm just a pair of legs with some hair on the top,” I said.
“Your point?”
“Nothing.”
“Let me draw in your butterfly,” she said taking out of a pencil-case a few markers.
“What? No!”
“Please?” she begged pouting and looking at me with big eyes making me groan and agree to it.
Amaryllis squealed in delight and lay directly on top of me. Grabbing her markers she started drawing in the butterfly across my stomach while humming a song by The 1975. The colour was cold as it glided across my skin but the look on her face was totally priceless.
“Done?” I asked when she had finished with both wings and she nodded.
I placed my hands under her thighs and lifted her further up my body as I rose from the bed to connect our lips – an action I had been dying to do for the last couple of hours. She let out a gasp into my mouth at the suddenness of the situation, but reciprocated nevertheless as her fingers tangled in my hair and pulled me closer to her. Feverish kisses were exchanged in the dark of her father's attic that made me unwilling to part from her. Amaryllis' soft lips trailed down my jaw and neck before she rested her head in its crook as I pressed my palms on the warm skin of her back and made us both lay down on the small bed with her body on top of mine.
“Thank you for today.” She whispered quietly matching the atmosphere around us with only the light of a side-lamp and the moon coming through the window.
“Anything for you.” I said making her smile.
"I'm sorry if you found them too much."
"Nothing I couldn't handle, jagiya," I smiled at her.
"Can I ask you about something?" when I hummed, Amaryllis continued, "What you said about your dad, was it true?"
"Yes. I had to come from somewhere," I laughed, "He was the donor my mothers chose from the candidates of the sperm bank. Both of them always say that if they were into men, he would have been the perfect one - handsome, intelligent, both kidneys working and without previous family history of cholesterol."
"Aren't you curious about him? Don't you won't to meet him?"
"Not really," I answered without a moment's hesitation. "For me he is simply a med student that in order to pay his fees, he sold his sperm. I have two amazing parents that have never made me feel insufficient and have raised me with love,
"I have everything I need," I whispered in her hair, feeling her nod.
“I love you,” Her words were fanned across my skin before she fell asleep suddenly tired.
“I love you too.”
*
“Are you sure this is how a hanbok is supposed to look like on someone,” I asked for the thousandth time.
“Yes, I am one hundred percent positive that I know how my traditional costume is worn,” Amaryllis rolled her eyes as she fixed her dress for any wrinkles before starting to do her hair in a do-up.
I looked back in the small mirror we had managed to find inside a box. I frowned and eyed the grey full-legged pants with the light green wide-sleeved jacket that reached the middle of my thighs.
“Why does it seem to me like your seamstress simply wanted the clothes not to fit me so that I would look ridiculous?” I questioned.
“Because you are weird.”
I turned back at her offended as she smiled sweetly at me. Amaryllis was wearing a long pale pink skirt that billowed out and a simple white cropped jacket. She looked so beautiful and was so unaware of it.
The reason why everyone had come here in the first place was about to start so we joined the others who were waiting for us, dressed in the same clothes as us. We entered a large room that was dimly lit with scattered candles all over as well as two bigger ones on either side of the table. This was full of food that had previously been prepared by Amaryllis, her father with a bit of help from her grandmother. I was a bit nervous in case I did something wrong but the number of people inside this single room meant that Amaryllis was in closer proximity, making me feel a lot calmer. She had explained to me the whole process of the rite so I knew more or less what to expect.
Firstly, there were greetings so that the spirits would come down to us and a written prayer was read. Then the oldest male – Amaryllis' great-grandfather stepped forward with his wife and offered some rice wine followed by Mrs. Deong. After that he bowed twice while Amaryllis' great-grandmother bowed four times. It was time for the grandfather to take some steps towards the table and offer some liquor with his wife. This procedure was continued until every male had made an offering to the ancestors.
The five-course meal that lay on the table was served to them by Mr Deong the eldest sticking a spoon in the middle of the rice bowl. Amaryllis bumped my shoulder to follow everyone leaving the room so that their ancestors could receive the offering and take part in the meal.
As everyone waited in silence outside the closed door, I felt someone squeeze my hand and turned to see Amaryllis looking at me with a fond expression on her face. Mr. Deong cleared his throat as to signal that we could enter the room again and offer some tea. In the end, we all bowed twice and the written prayer from the beginning was set on fire.
“Now what?” I asked Amaryllis
“Now we feast,” she smiled widely.
*
After the more than filling dinner, we were all lounging in the living-room and talking to each other – except from me, I was observing the room or staring at Amaryllis as she was talking and laughing with her cousins. Then Mr. Deong the second coughed to get everyone's attention as he pointed to a machine with a microphone and a screen as he said excitedly with a huge toothy grin;
“Karaoke!”
And for some strange reason every head turned my way, surprising me.
“It is a tradition for the guest to sing a solo, doesn't matter if you can't sing – just make sure you are cheerful while doing so,” Amaryllis whispered in my ear urging me to get up as her grandfather got the system ready.
I chose from the set-list a song by The Beatles, my hands already sweaty as I searched this room's small crowd for my girl, who had raised her thumbs while approving of the song which seemed to be one of her family's favourites.
My voice was a bit shaky in the beginning but I grew more confident the more I got into it. As I was singing the last lines, everyone's full attention was on me enjoying my solo with smiles on their faces and when I finished, I bowed as they cheered me.
I reclaimed the spot next to Amaryllis, who was smiling proudly at me. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it hard, hiding them behind our backs – away from any prying eyes, and her attention fell to my lips and I understood what she needed.
“How was that?” I asked ignoring the people around us starting a heated karaoke battle.
“Simply beautiful.”
×
Here's some culture for you. I believe after deep research I got everything correct.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. xx
All the love,
-D