Chapter 26
Carina:
I woke up to warmth, like I was wrapped in a warm burrito and I instinctively smashed my face further into the chest I was sleeping against, hearing a muffled groan at my action.
I don't remember when we fell asleep, all I know is that I'm now sleeping on Draco's chest in just a singlet and underwear, while it is still dark outside.
A large hand wrapped around my head, wafting through my strands as Draco played with my hair, the muscles under my cheek moving at his upper body movement and I briefly wondered if he slept at all.
"Its 4:30 AM." His husky voice said, planting a kiss on the top of my head and I groaned.
"I don't even know where my room is." I muttered, the Manor was vast, simply put. And I have been resorting to calling Blinky for directions every time I have to go somewhere. Will he be up at this hour? Do house-elves sleep?
A deep throated chuckle sounded above me and I squinted, pulling up my head to look at Draco's, his eyes were still shut, "What?" I asked irritably, I was still very sleepy. It was not the time to mess with me.
"It's right next to mine." He said throatily and opened his clear grey eyes to peer up at me. "I don't think anyone will be up yet, so go knock yourself out next door."
"Uh." I murmured, detangling my legs from his as I tentatively took a step off the bed, yelping immediately, "Shit its cold!" I hissed, pulled my legs up and eyeing how far my shoes and socks lay.
Another low laugh came from the sleeping body next to me, "Yeah my carpet is being changed." He said, yawning, "Sorry about the tiles."
He didn't look sorry.
So I glanced down at the black and white swirling floor and cursed its existence. "I hate you, Malfoy." I muttered, steeling myself as I jumped down the warm bed and made my way to my socks, instantly falling onto the armchair it was lying next to.
"Shut the door on your way out, will you?" Draco's muffled voice came as he rolled over to other side, falling asleep the next second.
The room next to mine was exactly how I left it. With my old pair of clothes strewn across the armchair next to my open suitcase and the dark wood bed looking as inviting as ever.
While it wasn't as fancy as Draco's, I deduced, picking out a pair of shorts and a tee for bed, it did have its own rustic charm. With old dark wood furniture, which really just consisted of a wardrobe near the door leading to the bathroom, the bed near the window, an armchair facing the bed and a desk facing the window. But my favourite part about these rooms were the mini corridors. When you enter the room you are welcomed by a short narrow corridor, beyond which all you can see is the window wall. It isn't until you have walked through it that the proper room greets you. It gives you a sense of privacy at least.
Great, my bed doesn't smell like Draco. Just clean and lavender-y. Ugh.
"Rise and shine, darling!" a soft voice echoed around me as I blinked my heavy lids open. Didn't I just shut them? "Carina?" mum added and I slowly blinked her face into focus. It was glowing.
"What time is it?" I asked, my voice raspy from un-use and she sighed, setting something on the bed side table as she came to lightly part away whatever hair was still covering my face.
"It's 9, dear." She said, "Breakfast's in 15."
"What?" I asked, pushing her off and sitting up, frantically looking at the clock situated near the desk.
She laughed, picking up her wand and standing up, "Get up, sweetie. We don't want to leave our hosts waiting." With that and a small smile, she left. Leaving me to groan and fall back on the soft pillow, regretting not pulling the drapes last night.
You know? I think the universe just really wants me to suffer.
So I huffed out of bed and grabbed the first pair of pants and a top, cursing out every little thing as I made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth at least. That is all this morning is getting.
"You look chipper." Draco said as he met me just as I was exiting my room and I scoffed at him, throwing my hair into a bun as I made my way past him. "Do you know you're wearing green pants with a yellow top?"
I pursed my lips, still slightly sleepy, as I turned around, snapped my rubber band in place and said, "It's called fashion, Draco." Then looked at his boring, white shirt, black sweater and light jeans combo and added, "You wouldn't know."
There is no way I'm accepting that he looks nice, and no chance in hell am I giving him the satisfaction of knowing that I did not think even twice before deciding on this outfit.
"Yes sure." He said, steering me with my elbow in the opposite direction I was walking in, "The Dining room is this way."
I yanked my arm out of his grip, "If you can't appreciate my fashion sense, you can't manhandle me."
"Then find your own way to food-"
"Damn you to hell, Draco!" I hissed, shoving him with my hips, "Can't you see I'm still sleepy?"
"I know." he pressed, yanking me back forcefully to stop me, "Your brain can barely handle emotions and yesterday as a rollercoaster."
I scrunched my face, looking at his smug one, "Nah-uh."
"Yeah-uh." He said, running a hand down my arms as he guided my back to a wall, "So I know you're frustrated and angry and are finally catching up to the warp speed your life has gone through, but taking it out on innocent people isn't going to help."
"You're hardly innocent." I quipped, pouting as I looked away and he chuckled.
"True." He said, coaxing my face back to his, "But I do think you need to find healthier ways of handling this."
"Which are?" I asked, "You already said no to killing my father."
"Carina-"
"Fine." I muttered, crossing my arms and making sure my face did look put out, "I'll behave."
He laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around my waist to hug me, "Think about it this way, it's just for the holidays."
I groaned so loud someone actually called down the corridor.
"Draco?" Narcissa Malfoy's soft voice called as footsteps followed in its wake and we pulled away, "Darling, breakfast is ready."
"Coming, mother" he obediently called and I scoffed, following him down the hallway only to put on a fake smile just before we entered the room.
"Oh, good." Lucius said, as we took our seats, looking up from the Daily Prophet at our arrival, "Both of you are here."
"Yes, so" my father started, looking at me expectantly and I huffed reaching for the bread instead, "Lucius and I have some work to attend to, so we will see you at dinner directly-"
"Lucius!" Narcissa hissed, looking extremely put out and Draco rolled his eyes, "You told me you had some free time for Christmas."
"Narcissa-"
"It's fine." Draco interjected, looking at his parents blankly and reaching for my toast.
"No, Draco." Narcissa sighed, reaching forward to grab his hand as she said, "We can do something, I say let's go out for the day?"
"It's completely alright, mother." Draco replied, stealing a glance at everyone, "I'm sure you have lots to do what with it being Christmas eve-"
Wait, what?
"It's the 24th?" I asked, my mind going blank as I desperately flashbacked to the date.
Shit!
"Are you worried about your gifts?" Mum asked, looking very pleased at my panicked face and I nodded numbly, "Don't worry about it." She said, "I sent both sets off with Leo and Athena before coming here."
"You did?" I asked, still counting how many people were left for me to shop for. So that is Archer, Blair, Daphne and Milo taken care off but I still have Pansy left, and Blaise and Archer's grandma and-
"Yes." Mum confirmed, "It's a good thing the kids are in pairs this year." That's when I heard Draco sigh in relief that the conversation had changed and I realised with a drop in my stomach that I hadn't gotten him anything either.
Fuck.
"So it's settled then!" Narcissa chimed in with renowned energy, "Rachel, I and the kids will spend the day in Diagon Alley."
"Oh that's a wonderful." My mother nodded and I looked at Draco for help, who just looked back at me with a confused expression.
"Mum I don't-"
"Oh Carina, don't you want to get your roots done again?" mum cut me off, picking off some bread crust, "Your dark roots are showing again."
"Blonde's not your natural hair colour?" Narcissa asked, looking genuinely interested and I shook my head, my mind still confused and sleepy. This morning was going too fast for my liking.
"Oh no." my mother answered for me, looking at me with scrunched up eyebrows, "Carina has beautiful dark hair, but she insists everybody around has too and so wanted to go blonde back during her third year."
"Is that why you changed your hair?" Draco asked, looking amused and I sighed, rolling my eyes.
Yes, I was a 13 year old teenager once.
"Thanks mum." I added, then shook my head, "Actually, no I don't want to touch up my roots this year."
"You're going back to your original hair colour?" mum asked and I nodded, looking pointedly at my father's mop of blonde hair, deep in conversation with Lucius.
I might be a Yaxley by birth, but I was a Hadley by choice.
Draco threw me a tiny smile at the statement as our mothers went back to conversing about how many shops they should be hitting and I bit my lip, convincing my mind that Draco's opinion on whether I look good with dark hair was not a factor in this decision at all.
*
I spent most our time in Diagon Alley, drifting in and out of my mind. Like my mind was finally realising the past two days were going too fast for its neurons to catch up with and was now deliberately slowing down bodily processes to come to speed with it. It slowed me down majorly and I was always at the back of our party, zoning in and out of conversation. It wasn't like they needed me anyway.
Our mothers were going on and on about their days at Hogwarts and Witch Weekly and who their favourite Quidditch player was. So they kept up rapid fire conversation as we moved in and out of shops like the Apothecary, Flourish and Blotts and finally Twilfitt and Tattings.
It was only in there, where Draco and I made horrific faces at the absurdly puffy robes our mothers were looking at, that they finally noticed us to include into conversation.
"Carina." My mother called and I glanced up from the book Draco and I were immersed in. Only to see her carrying a puffy dress towards me and I recoiled in horror, just thinking about touching that monstrosity.
"Mum-"
"Look at this pretty thing!" she exclaimed, beckoning a shop assistant to help her show the dress and I shot Draco a panicked look, but he just smirked, looking at me cheekily.
"Mum?" I tried, scrunching up my face as the assistant flared out the bottom of the gown. It now hung like the top of a round topped hut and I sighed. It was pretty. In all its white and blue spirals and designs. I think the top half was even decent with a simple sweetheart neckline, but Merlin that skirt.
"It looks like a cloud!" my mother exclaimed and I sighed, standing up reluctantly and running my hand through the satin like fabric.
"Yes, mum." I agreed, "But where am I ever going to wear it?"
"Oh you know?" she said, looking down at the dress thoughtfully, "If the opportunity ever presents itself, it will be nice to have a dress waiting-
"No." I said, more forcefully. This was actually more of a common occurrence for us whenever we were off shopping. Mum was impulsive and sometimes if she falls in love with an object, she was really stubborn.
Not like I'm any different but there's no way I'm wearing this ballsy ballroom catastrophe.
"Why?" a third voice chimed in and I sighed, turning slightly to see Draco's smirking face, only to shoot him the finger behind my back, which just got him cracking up.
"Mum," I said, nodding at the assistant to gather this dress back, "This is a beautiful dress, but I'm afraid, I don't like it." Mum pouted, but I laughed, setting her eye on a dark green number, a delicate gold embroidery making it glint in the muted sunlight, "Go try that."
She narrowed her eyes at my selection and then gave me a once over, happy that I had changed out of the yellow shirt and was now sporting a spaghetti sleeved black satin top, "If you're going out, don't forget our coat."
I rolled my eyes, but still smiled, I have no idea how she always knows what I'm thinking about, but at this point I didn't care. I had a lot to get done.
"You're heading out?" Narcissa asked, coming to us in a classy black dress and I nodded.
"I have to get some books for ancient runes and some stationary supplies." I said, there's no need to tell them I just wanted some time alone to do my Christmas shopping, sort out my head and post some letters. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Malfoy-"
"Narcissa, dear." She amended, smiling a bit, "You do have a dress for Christmas eve don't you?"
I nodded, "I have my eye on one, I'll drop in and get it."
"Wait, she gets to leave?" Draco's peaked up and I smirked, turning around, before he could do anything to stop me from getting what I want.
"I'll see you at the Leaky Cauldron in a couple of hours!" I called, gathering my heavy brown coat and slipping out just in time to hear Malfoy whine.
*
I spent my two hours in solid silence. It was nice, my brain felt like it was on break and I loved it. I got quite a lot done too though, shopped and posted remaining Christmas gifts, apart from the ones I got for the Malfoy family. And decided my father didn't deserve any.
There is no way I'm making it easy for him.
But the more I thought about it the more I realised that there really is no way out, is there?
I can't leave without my mother and there is no hope in her leaving him. So I am stuck with him and his dark regime. As uncalled for as it is. Maybe I won't come back in Easter, or summer or any other time. This can very well be my last vacation with my parents and I was very okay with that apart from the fact that I loved my mother to death.
That, that last thought, kept me going, my feet hitting the pavement and my mind slowly coming to terms with the fact that the stakes were truly too high for me to comprehend in this game.
So maybe I could go the long way, slowly convince mum to see the light.
There is no way in hell I'm standing on the worst side in this war.
But, what else am I going to do?
Run away?
And stay hidden until when? This brewing war to get over?
Or till my father kills mum just like he did to Ed?
If I'm not there, who is going to stop him from harming her?
So I stay. And do what?
Wait till my father has the same ideas as Nott's and decides to turn me into a Deatheater?
How long will that take?
Weeks, months, years?
How long till he turns mum into one?
No. He won't turn my mother into a black murdering monster.
Who am I kidding?
I can't run.
My mother is here.
All my letters to Archer, Blair, Daphne and Milo were littered with excuses. Telling them how mum and I fancied a trip abroad just for a change in scenery and how I won't be seeing them until Easter.
I hope I have a more concrete plan than hiding in an alley and writing letters by then.
How am I supposed to deal with this?
How am I going to save my mother and me from a threat that I don't even know?
That's too many questions for one afternoon, Carina.
Right, let's focus on something else. Dress. Narcissa said I needed a dress.
So I set out to look for one. Mind set on the beautiful black corduroy one that dreams were made of. And it was a fantasy, the dress fit me fantastically, so what if it was taken from a muggle shop?
The delicate embroidery full of birds, trees, flowers and the sleeves transparent with just a sheen of blue.
Oh well, what they know won't hurt them, I thought, ripping off the label of the dress and stuffing it inside a small bag I had which contained all the other presents and books.
Now the only thing I needed to change would require a lot more money.
So I made my way across Charing Cross Road to the Leaky Cauldron, settling down with a soup just as Narcissa, Mum and a bored Draco entered.
It was only when my eyes met a stormy grey that the anxious knots forming in my stomach all day, on just the thought of my future finally, unravelled, the late night conversation I had with Draco coming back.
I wasn't alone, was I?
"There you are!" my mum exclaimed, claiming the seat next to me the next instant, "How was your day? Did you get everything done?"
I nodded, smiling at Narcissa and smirking at Draco, who just rolled his eyes at me, stashing the multiple shopping bags behind his chair. "Yes, pretty much."
"Did you find a dress?" Narcissa asked, looking at the only shopping bag I had seating next to my chair and I nodded again.
"Yes that's all done." I clarified, then looked at Draco with a winning expression, "The alone time was really the best though."
Instead of an angry huff, I was rewarded with smirk of his own though, pulling back his hair he sighed, "I agree."
"You do?" I asked, looking at the ladies for any indication of this and they just laughed, busying themselves with the menu.
"Yes," Draco said, "I do." Then simply dug into one of the shopping bags and pulled out a to-go ice cream cup, sliding it to me in one smooth move. "I brought you your favourite ice cream too, see? It's not a competition. I'll even be the nice guy."
I smiled tightly, holding up the cup to reveal the yellowy goodness of butterscotch, "Thanks, mum." I said, still looking at Draco. "You are never nice unless you want something from me, Malfoy."
He narrowed his eyes at me, "Not true, I was nice to you that one time with..." and then his eyes grew glassy as he started to think of all the times he was nice to me without wanting anything in return.
"Can't think of any?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, but I was already going to town on my ice cream. Knowing he wouldn't find an answer.
"Who eats ice cream in the middle of winter anyway?" he whined after two minutes and I stuck my tongue out at him, polishing off the last of it.
"Let's go home by the Floo." Narcissa said, snapping my attention and I turned to mum immediately, shaking my head at her so vehemently that she stopped mid-sentence.
"What?" she asked, waiting for me to finish my last bite and I swallowed roughly.
"I have one last stop." I said, then turned to the Malfoys, "You both head up, mum and I will follow soon."
"Oh, that's alright." Narcissa smiled, "We can wait-"
"No really." I insisted, throwing Draco a meaningful look but he just gave me a confused one back.
"You want to head to the salon?" mum said after they had left and we were gathering our things.
I smiled at her, running a hand through my blonde hair for the last time. I can't even bear to look at it anymore. And I used to love my hair.
"Darling." Mum said softly as we exited the pub, heading for one of the trendier beauty salons in the heart of London. Now that the Malfoy's weren't around we didn't have to pretend to not be well-versed with the muggle world. "I know rebelling is natural at your age, but don't you this is a hasty decision?"
"Rebelling?" I asked, staring wide eyed at my mother on the crowded pavement, "You think this is me going against what you're telling me to do-"
"No." she said firmly, putting her arm around my shoulders to start us, "I think it has something to do with the fact that even your father has blond hair."
I stared at the ugly burgundy beanie in front of me, I feel so tall around these 4 feet nothings.
"Mum-"
"I'm not saying I'm not thrilled my little daughter is going back to her roots." Mum said, stopping to catch a cab, "But are you absolutely sure?"
I pursed my lips at her kind expression. Why doesn't she see that this is all nuts?
When she had hailed a taxi and gotten in, she turned to see my stiff body, still standing on the pavement, "You can change your hair and curse your house, Carina." Mum said then, her voice uncharacteristically hard, "But you can't change the fact that he is your father.
*
The dim orange lighting in the room was beautiful but I did not have energy to keep my eyelids open for more than 2 seconds because I have never felt more tired. For someone who spent most of her day running from one shop to the next, it was the apparition back here that sapped me out of all my energy and made me uncharacteristically vomit over the Malfoy manor's grass hedge.
I'm super impressed by Narcissa though, she did not even blink before handing me a tall glass of lemonade and even complimented my new hair. How did she do that?
Even I did not recognise myself in the mirror after the dye job. Who would've thought dying back my already dyed blonde hair to my birth-given colour would cause me to look like a completely different person?
But this was nice, the bed was soft like a feather and so very warm, the lighting was on low and all I had to do was just shut my eyes and not think about showing up for Christmas Eve dinner in a few short hours even though not wearing the gorgeous dress I bought would be crime in itself.
Maybe I can just rest my eyes for a while, my mind can keep me up right?
Just for some, darkness is my old friend.
It's so soothing, everything feels so great, even my cheek is warm. I love this bed.
I'm in love with sleep too.
It's so refreshi-"Carina?"
No.
I kept my eyelids firmly shut, but what's the point, I'm not even facing the door, I'm facing the other side, staring down the dusk glow that was lighting up my room. Well, was.
But Draco didn't have to interrupt me so soon. I had a few hours right?
How long have I been in this state?
"Oh," his deep voice came again, sounding like he had stepped through my little corridor, "I'm sorry, I thought it was someone else-
"What?" I rasped, turning to my right to see Draco's eyes widen comically like dinner plates. "I'm someone else?-"
A sharp intake of breath cut me off and I groaned sitting up slowly.
I just wanted to sleep.
"What's wrong?" I asked, flinging off the duvet, "Why do you look like you ate bad shrimp?"
His awed face slowly neared, hands coming up to sift through my hair and I pulled back, but he still leaned forward and inspected my forehead, almost too mesmerized to notice my confused face.
"Draco?" I tried again, his fingers running down the back of my hair and instead of coming up to kiss me, his face continued to go around my head, at my...hair?
"You changed your hair." He said in awe after a second and my sleepy mind snapped into focus.
Of course.
Damn, I'm slow.
"Uh..." I saw him pull back slowly, eyes still trained on my head, "Yeah." I admitted, trying to judge his reaction.
A slow grin overtook his face and his stormy greys finally met mine, "You look divine." He said lowly and his eyes slipped to my lips, the tell-tale sign of the direction of his thoughts.
I bit my lip gently, almost giving permission for his lips to swoop down on mine and small groans of satisfaction to erupt from the back of his throat as he lowered me back into bed, the reason why he came to my room forgotten completely.
*
"This," my father's grating voice said, a long package levitating in his stead as he walked over to me near the tree, "is for you."
A quick look from my mother silenced any threats from me and I slowly reached up to hold it, its heavy feeling prompting another hand to the process.
"Thank you." I murmured, seeing Draco put down his newly gifted, handsome dark cloak embellished with the Malfoy family crest and look at me expectantly.
"Go on, dear." Mum urged from her place on the loveseat, "Open it."
So I gulped, looked down at the thick brown paper and started undoing it, but the 'Co', carved into dark wood immediately gave away its nature and Draco gasped as I finally shook off the wrapping from a Comet 290, in all its gleaming beauty, with my father's face staring back at me with genuine excitement for the first time ever and my mother's face freezing as soon as she met mine.
"That's the best broom right now-"
"Is it?" I cut off Draco at once, my voice flat as I met my father's falling expression and I gave him a tight smile.
"That is such a generous gift, Corban." Narcissa commented, smiling at me and my father turned to her, the smile coming back to its place.
"Well I have to make up for 14 Christmases!" He exclaimed and I pursed my lips, seeing my mother give me a headshake, one I disregarded.
"Here." I said loudly, handing the broom to Draco, who looked at me with confusion and I shrugged, "You're a seeker Draco, won't you want the best broom of the year?"
"Carina," my father called, leaning forward in his seat with a crinkled face, "that is for you-"
"I know." I said, forcefully dropping the broom in Draco's hand.
"So why are you giving it-"
"I don't fly." I cut him off, looking at him squarely, "I'm scared of heights."
Silence greeted me. So I shrugged, picking up the next gift with my name on it.
"That explains so much." Draco whistled and I gave him a sour expression, one he didn't even see because he was too busy checking out the new broom with amazement written across his face.
My second gift was the fantastic camera I had moaned most of the summer about and I grinned up at mum, who shrugged pompously, "Happy Christmas, Darling." Quelling the dark, ominous feeling anything my father did called for with just a simple gesture.
I would never want to admit it, but they did seem to be a weird team on their own. My father's overbearing, darkness and my carefree, full of light, mother. Of course she was far better off without him.
"Happy Christmas, Mum." I said, looking lovingly at the gleaming silver perfection in my hands and resisting the urge to open it and study it obsessively as I have done consistently with all my other cameras, but my senses thoroughly reminded me of the my surroundings and I hastily kept the camera away, along with the bag it had come in, certain the film was in there for me to play with later.
"Well, there's that then." Narcissa called, "I think breakfast is in order?"
And that's how we spent Christmas morning, for the first time in 2 days, smiling as we tucked into sweets and bread rolls, still proudly in my pyjamas and happily looking at the various gifts I had received.
But of course nothing good lasts in my life now, so as soon as I had inhaled another bread roll, the fork from Lucius' left hand fell and so did my father's face. But instead on delving on that I glanced at Draco, who had just stopped talking to Narcissa about something I didn't care about and said, "Want to see how well those quills that you got me can perform?"
He gave me a smirk, still smug about giving me a quill set that always returned to their case, no matter where I left them and what had he said? 'You lose quills way too much'
It almost made me regret the beautiful gold orrery I got him.
"Sure." He said, bumping shoulders with me as we both continued eating.
All until gasps and grunts were emitted from our fathers, and with stricken looks on their faces they stood up, Lucius looking at Narcissa pleadingly, her face going pale as she stood up too, urging Draco and I to follow.
"Draco." Lucius said, his voice stained, "Why don't you and Carina go for a walk?"
"What's going on?" mum asked and I watched Draco's face drain off all blood as he hastily got up.
"What's going on-" but his hand had grabbed me, cutting me off as he roughly pushed me to my feet and started yanking me away from the table a piece of toast still in my hand. "Draco-"
"Carina can stay here." My father said, his voice high pitched and that's when my mother started shaking her head vehemently. "Draco, let her go."
"No." Draco ground out and Lucius agreed with him, urging Narcissa and my mother to go upstairs at once and I stumbled behind Draco to the door, struggling in his wake until the whispers reached my ears.
"I don't care if the dark lord meets my daughter, Lucius!" my father hissed as I felt him close up on us and I froze at his statement, my legs turning to jelly as my mind sluggishly thought about the sudden Dark Lord's arrival, prompting Draco to turn back and glare daggers at my father.
"No." he growled out again as our mothers crowded around us, trying to push us out the door and towards the back door. "She's coming with me-"
"Draco, hurry." Lucius called, cutting him just as my father reached us, "Corban, we need to go to the study-"
"No." Yaxley cried, trying to pull me back from Draco, making my mind snap back into reality and I recoiled, stepping into Draco's arms as I threw my father a disgusted look over my shoulder letting Draco hurry us out of the room and down the corridor, stopping just to hand me my coat from yesterday still hanging on the coat rack, and slip the dark one he got just this morning around himself, shuffling us out into the white winter wonderland that was the Malfoy estate.
We didn't talk as we sped through the ankle deep snow and I realised with a sinking feeling that I'm dressed just in a thin onesie, loose home shoes which as we walk were going to be completely wet with ice, and a coat.
When we were far away from the manor, so far that only its turrets and tiled roofs were seen Draco stopped, pulled me to him and sat down on the ice, overlooking a small frozen lake.
How big is this estate?!
We didn't talk after we sat down, not until, Draco's hand intertwined with mine, pulled me closer to his side and I laid my head on his heavily padded coat.
"You're a different person at home" I commented, mostly because I didn't want to think.
His response was raising an eyebrow at my statement and I sighed, giving him a blank stare, "In school you are this..." I stopped, taking a breath before moving on, "This arrogant boy who has everything, knows he is better than anyone and does not miss a chance in letting people know-"
"Seriously, Hadley?" he asked, looked aghast at my observation and I fixed him with a sour look, daring him to disagree but he just shook his head and shifted away from me a bit, pouting like a baby.
So I continued, "But at home, you are this," I stopped deliberately this time, waiting for him to look at me, "lost boy, who can't catch a break."
"What?"
I shrugged, looking ahead at the sunny white land, stretching for kilometres.
"I'm not lost-"
"Aren't you?" I cut him off, looking at him critically as I gestured towards the house, "So you want to go back and-"
"No." he said more forcefully this time, his nostrils flaring, "I'm not a lost boy."
"Stop pretending." I ground out, taking his ice cold hand in mine before he snatched it away roughly, "Draco, it's okay to be scared."
"I'm not scared." He said hotly, glaring at me and I raised an eyebrow at his point blank indifference.
I'm not sure what he saw on my face, but his faltered, and he blinked hard, looking away before he sighed, took a hold of my hand and went back to staring at the horizon.
We settled into silence again and this time it was Draco who broke it.
"I don't want to be lost." He said, and my head snapped to his, his voice so rough and vulnerable that I would've expected tears to come leaking out his eyes, but his face was blank as ever. As if he just hadn't admitted a huge secret but instead pointed out that the sky is blue.
"But it'll get better right?" he continued, in the same, broken voice, squeezing my hand, "Father said after this is all said and done it will be a better time for wizards and that..." he stopped then, gulping. "We won't have to worry about magic being misused by half-breeds or muggle-borns."
"You don't believe that do you?" I asked, but he still refused to look at me. The conversation we had a few nights ago in the castle making its way to me. Did he forget it so soon?
"Of course I do!" He said indignantly, until his frustrated gaze met mine and all the fight in it disappeared, "So I might be a little..."
"Lost?" I supplied, looking at him patiently and he nodded huffing in annoyance.
"Do you believe that?" I asked again, needing to know he hadn't lied to me that night just to get me to go home. This time he took a long time to answer. "Dray-"
"No." he whispered, his voice almost fearful, "But I want to stay out of it. This is not my fight. Or my battle, I just don't really-"
"Care if muggle-borns are slaughtered?" I asked, looking disgusted and his face went red, shaking his head, he held up a hand.
"I don't want anyone slaughtered." He said firmly, glaring at me. "But if I open my mouth, we might be."
"No-"
"Yes." He said strongly, tilting his head at the manor, "You have no idea how dangerous this is, Hadley. The smart thing to do is stay out of it."
"No." I countered, "The smart thing to do is to find a way to the right side of this war!"
"And what is the right side?" he asked, getting angry now, "Which side do you want to be on? The one that will guarantee your family's slaughter or the one in which there is at least some chance you might make it?"
"Is that how you see it?" I voiced, an ache settling in my head at his answer, "That Dumbledore might lock our parents up in Azkaban?"
"No." he said, looking at me like I was mad, "I see it as the only way to stop my family from extinction in the hands of the darkest wizard I know."
And with that my stomach dropped, he shook his head at my face, "Didn't think of that did you?" he asked, laughing humourlessly, "Whether you want to believe it or not, Hadley. Our parents made the choice for us a long time ago and now we're stuck with it."
The ache intensified as his voice echoed in my head.
When I didn't respond, he sighed, pulling me close as he kissed my temple, "I know it's difficult for you to comprehend right now" He whispered lowly as my brain still processed the earlier outburst where he was very very right, "But you know you have me with you, right?"
I didn't respond.
*
Warm lips on my forehead woke me next and I reluctantly opened my eyes to peer at Draco's pale face gazing down at me, smiling softly, "Shift." He whispered, urging me with his hands to scoot to the side and I did, almost too tired to care why.
My head was still pounding and the warmth he bought was welcome.
"Rina?" he whispered again as he settled into bed with me and I made an impatient noise at the back of my throat, not responding as I buried my head in the crook on his neck and shoulder, ready to go back to sleep.
But his warms hands started travelling up my back now, and he pulled my hair to one side to rub the back of my neck and I groaned again. "Okay, now I'm sure you have fever."
"No." I mumbled, at last, my throat feeling like sandpaper, but I refused to move, "Just sleep."
He shifted though, jostling me with him and I was very close to just pushing him off the bed when he got off voluntarily, "I'm going to get mother, you're burning up-"
"What?" I asked, opening my eyes just in time to see Draco turn to the mini corridor and the door clicked shut before I could call out to him.
You know what? I'm too tired for this.
And why is someone hammering inside my head?
Screw Malfoy for waking me up!
"Carina?" a soft voice broke through my slumber again and I groaned, plastering a hand on my head to elevate some of the pain as I opened my eyes into slits to look at my mother, "Darling, you need to sit up to have this potion," she continued, "then you can go back to sleep."
I turned over to stuff my face into the pillow, but cold hands were on my back instantly and I heard Draco murmuring at me soothingly, coaxing me to a seated position.
How much ever it hurt to glare at him in the bright room right now, I still did and he gave me a soft smile, beckoning my mother close as she handed me a small bottle.
"This is it?" I croaked, I wasn't even sure I had fever a few minutes ago, but judging by how worried the other look, I just tipped the bottle up and drank it, belching at the sour taste of it a second later.
"Now get some rest." Narcissa's voice came, "You'll be all better by tomorrow morning."
All I want to do is sleep.
"I'm sorry for letting you go out in the snow in your pyjamas, darling." Mother murmured, as she planted a kiss on my forehead and left me to recuperate.
Only they forgot about the devil.
"Go away." I moaned and fell back to bed, covering my face with the sheets, it was only then that I was made aware of how warm my body really felt.
"As if." Draco mumbled and yanked the sheet off my head a little, tucking me in like I was little child, before he pursed his lips at my sleeping form and then shrugged, climbing into bed next to me and sighing like I was his own personal space heater. "You're so warm right now. You'll be better than my fireplace-"
"Suit yourself." I mumbled, too tired to care, "You'll be the one with fever in the morning."
"Worth it." He whispered in my ear, kissing my temple as we both fell asleep.
I found myself downstairs at 4AM that night, trying to locate the kitchen just to find a drink to soothe my now burning throat.
Draco has conveniently, sleepily, stated it was a side-effect of the potion his mother gave me for fever and fell back asleep, dead to the world, leaving me to figure out where the kitchen of this huge manor was.
How does he figure this out anyway?
I feel like they need signposts at each turning pointing towards the various rooms of this godforsaken house!
I'm so throwing Draco off the bed for this-
"Blinky!" I cried in relief, my mouth on fire as I neared the crouching house elf, who slowly turned at my fast approach, halting me altogether.
It wasn't Blinky.
Instead, an equally old, straggly looking house elf stood in front of me, white hair sprouting out of his weird bat-like ears, in mouldy clothes and sneering. I blinked, convinced my feverish haze was making me see things until he spoke in the nastiest, nasally voice possible, "The Yaxley girl is staring at me." He muttered, looking extremely cross and my eyebrows shot up.
"Who are you?" I asked, regretting saying anything, immediately because my tongue felt too huge for my mouth, suddenly.
"Kreacher is at your service Miss Yaxley-"
"Where's Blinky?" I whispered, leaning against the wall as I soothed my neck with my cold hands and fell off the next second as a deafening crack rang through the musty corridor and I was greeted with Blinky's baulby eyes.
"You called Blinky miss?" his rough voice asked and I blinked, looking between the two almost identical house elves staring at me expectantly.
Where did the second one come from?
What was in that potion?!
"Miss Yaxley?" Blinky asked again, his gaze fastened on my hands clutching my throat, but before I could even think about answering, never-mind the scratching pain in my oesophagus.
"KREACHER!" a voice bellowed in the next corridor and my legs gave out at the sudden interruption, my butt landing on the carpeted floor as the tall frame of Lucius Malfoy rounded the corridor.
I saw the body language of both the house-elves change in an instant, while Kreacher stood more proudly, bowing his head at the platinum man, Blinky cowered, his nose touching the ground as he visibly shook.
"Miss Hadley?" Lucius asked, his voice considerably lower and I blinked up at him, a wee bit disoriented by the events, "What are you doing on the floor?"
I blinked as he walked closer, the knuckles on his cane, white. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed-"
"Goodness!" a fourth voice whispered and four sets of eyes landed on Narcissa Malfoy, still in her evening dress, power walking to us, "I was just about to wake you." She said softly, as she neared, "Your throat must be on fire dear-"
"Yes." I finally croaked and snapped my eyes shut immediately as I felt something hot and burning, scalding down my gullet.
"You poor thing." She cooed, helping me up as the other three moved back, then she turned to Blinky, her voice hardening a bit, "Have milk ready for us in the kitchen, Blinky." She ordered, wrapping an arm around my shoulder to steady me.
"Yes." Lucius muttered slowly as Blinky vanished, "Kreacher, come." With that he turned around and left, a cheerful house elf following in his wake, leaving Narcissa and me alone in the corridor.
"Who-" I tried.
"Hush." She said gently, steering me to the other side, "Don't you talk, it'll hurt."
"But who was that?" I whispered, still looking behind at the now empty corridor.
"Just a house elf from my maternal side dear." She said, "He's here to help what with the extra people around for the holidays."
Then why am I only seeing him for the first time tonight? Hiding nonetheless?
I decided to not voice my questions though, the only Malfoy I got answers from was fast asleep in my bed after all.
**
A.N: I made a mood-board for Carina to! Check it out! :D