Chapter 25
Inaamin ko, simula nang naging kami ni Ahmed kahit minsan ay hindi lilipas ang araw na hindi ko maiisip si Triton.
What will happen if I pushed them both? What will happen if I didn't choose? Magiging masaya pa rin ba kami katulad ng dati? Hindi na ba ako makakaranas ng ganito? Hindi ko na ba masasaktan si Triton at Ahmed? Hindi na ba ako matatawag na bad ni Troy?
But the wisest thing was to decide as fast as I could, the longer I give the decision, the longer the agony of the both parties, na siyang ayaw kong mangyari.
I never expected that I'll be facing a situation like this. Yes, I am always in the middle of my two childhood friends but this wasn't part of the thing that I used to.
Hindi ko alam na ang tawanan namin tatlo na magkakasama ay bigla na lamang mapupunta sa aking pag-iyak at sa pag-aaway nilang dalawa.
I missed the old us, I missed everything about us three. Bagay na hindi na kayang ibalik.
I talked to Patricia about this, for the first time I shared it with someone else. But she told me that I made a good decision. I've been careful, trying to make good decisions to lessen the heartaches, pero ito at nauuwi lamang lagi sa ganito.
The pain between choosing and leaving someone behind.
"T-Triton, I already chose Ahmed." I almost said in whisper. Kung maaari lang ay hindi ko na ito gusto pa na pag-usapan.
And I'm nervous that someone might caught us. Ano na lang ang iisipin nila? But I am thankful that my room's terrace is dark now. I can't stand the pain in Triton's eyes, lagi ko na lamang siyang sinasaktan.
"Do you think you're in love with him? Can you still breathe with him, Euphie? You are not being you when you're with him." Lumingon ako sa kanya.
What is he talking about?
Kahit madilim sa terrace, bahagya ko pa rin siyang nakikita.
"Euphie, I gave you space. Binigyan ko kayo ni Ahmed ng distansya, I gave you months. Nanahimik ako, I didn't make a move, hinayaan ko kayo. I respected your decision, I respected Ahmed and I respected your relationship with him." I remembered the months that he never spoke to me. Ito ang tinutukoy niya.
"I accepted the fact that you're in love with him but I noticed something, you're not being you Euphie and it's not love." Ramdam kong ipinatong na niya ang kanyang noo sa aking balikat.
"My sweetheart was not being her and Triton didn't like that. Triton hates it when Euphie force herself to do something." Malumanay na sabi nito.
"W-What do you mean, Triton?" I don't understand. I heard him sigh.
"You are forcing yourself to act maturely with Ahmed, pinipilit mo ang bagay na hindi ikaw. That you want to mature in an instant, it's a process Euphie and forcing you about something that you weren't used to was not good." Kusa nang yumakap ang mga braso sa akin ni Triton.
I almost complained but his arms tightened. Hindi ako makakilos nang maayos dahil natatakot akong gumawa ng ingay.
We're just merely whispering with each other right now.
"Nahihirapan si Euphie, ayaw ni Triton na nahihirapan si Euphie." He again, whispered.
"Triton, umuwi ka na. Baka magising si mommy, she will not like this and I-I have a boyfriend. This is not good." Nahihirapang sabi ko.
I felt Triton stiffened, but he immediately composed himself. Hanggang sa maramdaman kong humigpit ulit ang yakap niya sa akin.
"But your mom wants me more than Ahmed, fat cheeks." Muling bulong niya sa akin. "Walang makakakita sa atin dito, I have my look out. We talk now, hindi mo ba ako na-miss fat cheeks? Miss na miss ka na ni Triton. Miss na miss na kita. Kausapin mo na na naman ako."
Why a sudden turned of events? Hindi ba at siya naman talaga ang hindi pumapansin sa akin?
"Triton, I-I miss you too but we can talk at daylight. Not now," pilit kong inaalis ang mga braso niya sa akin.
He chuckled. "Miss daw ako ni fat cheeks,"
"I miss you too, I miss you too." Ilang beses na ulit niya. He played the tip of his nose on my cheeks.
"Triton!"
"Hey, lower your voice. Mahuhuli tayo, but hey I like your dancing with your angelic costume. Mas maganda ka pa kay Nancy."
"Who is Nancy?"
"You're cute than her, don't worry."
"Uwi ka na Triton, gabi na."
"Umuwi na ako fatcheeks, sa'yo." What?
"Buong akala ko ay talo na ako, Euphie. You were just confused, you chose Ahmed dahil hindi ka niya iniinis? Not like me? Just like that? You used that basis?" sunod-sunod na tanong niya sa akin.
"I-I am not forcing myself to act maturely, Triton. Ahmed is helping me." Katwiran ko.
But I am starting to doubt my own words. How did Triton notice it? Was that really it?
"He is not helping you, when you're with me you don't need to force yourself. I can always adjust for you, Euphie. Hindi kita hahayaang mahirapan, you'll be my free fat cheeks. Hindi ka na mahihirapan mag-isip ng gusto mong sabihin, you're free to act as my innocent sweetheart. Hindi na hirap si Euphie kapag kasama ni Triton."
"Triton.." I almost cried calling his name.
He's at it again, Triton and the way he talks to me.
Totoo ba ang mga sinasabi niya? Am I forcing myself to act mature with Ahmed? Totoo ba na nakikita ni Triton na nahihirapan ako?
"Love love ka ni Triton, fat cheeks. Kahit lagi mo akong tinatalikuran." Halos humikbi na ako sa mga sinasabi ni Triton.
"That's it Triton! You are not helping me, you are always talking to me like that. Lagi mo na lang akong ni-bi-baby talk. I want to be mature, but you're tolerating me."
"Because it's a process, you should take it slow Euphie and uh—your boyfriend uh whatever Ahmed, he is not doing it good. Nahihirapan ka." He keeps insisting.
"Triton, no. Let's stop this." Hindi niya pa rin ako pinakakawalan.
"Then ask your mother, Euphie. Hindi niya nagugustuhan ang ginagawa mo, you can't just change yourself in an instant. It will not give you a good result."
"And your baby talks with me is good, Triton?"
"Yes, because just what I have told you I'll make it slow. You are still my innocent little sweetheart and I'll talk to you like a baby until you're ready enough." Ilang beses akong umiling sa kanya.
Hindi na nakapatong ang baba niya sa balikat ko at ngayon ay lumingon na ako sa kanya.
I can see that he's pouting his lips.
"Come on, break him up. Triton can wait."
"Are you not ashamed talking to me like this, Triton? Hindi ka ba nahihiya na makipag-usap sa akin sa paraan na hindi naman dapat? I used to behave and talk which is quite late for my age and you're not being bothered."
"It wasn't like that Euphie, I told you, your case needs a slow adjustment. Hindi pwedeng bigla, why? Did Ahmed made you feel like that? Didn't he try to adjust for you? He knew your case." Bahagya akong natahimik sa sinabi ni Triton.
Ahmed never tried talking to me in a babylike conversation, just like Triton. Kung paano siya makipag-usap sa ibang tao ay ganito rin siya sa akin.
Hindi ako nakasagot sa kanya.
"See? Fat cheeks, you've been making yourself difficult for months."
"Do you think it will be easy if I'm with you? Hindi ka ba napapagod sa pagkilos ko Triton? No one wants a childlike behavior girl like me."
"But I like you, with or without your case. I won't get tired talking to you like a baby, I knew that it will be temporary Euphie. You'll develop, pansamantala lang 'yan."
"Triton," naiiyak na ako sa pinag-uusapan namin.
H-He's right, I hate to admit it. But he's right, I've been trying myself, nag-iisip pa ako kung anong sasabihin ko, I can't act like I used to a-and-- how did Triton notice this?
Hindi ba at iniiwasan niya ako noon?
"Come on fat cheeks," muling yumakap sa akin ang isa niyang braso at marahan niyang hinawi ang maiksi kong buhok.
"You'll be my baby sweetheart for now, pero sa sandaling mag-mature ka na Euphie, you need to pay me of course."
"What? Payment?"
"Of course, kahit love love ka ni Triton. You should always pay for your debt, I am still a businessman. Remember?"
"Oh,"
"But I have to go, my sweetheart should sleep, think about my proposal, okay? Triton is good when it comes to deals." I gasped when I felt his lips on my right cheek.
"Bye bye, Euphie."
Tuluyan nang humiwalay sa akin si Triton at nagsisimula na siyang humakbang sa baluster ng terrace.
Uuwi na siya.
"What payment Triton?" I asked him curiously.
Tumayo na rin ako at sinundan siya habang nagsisimula na siyang bumaba sa may puno. Sana hindi siya mahulog.
He grinned, then he stuck his tongue out.
"When you're matured enough, ako naman ang i-bi-baby mo."
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VentreCanard