"LEAH!" Leo yelled at the top of his lungs.
"I'm coming!" I yelled back as I wiped the bead of sweat that started to trickle from my forehead.
"He's hungry, hurry up!" He shouted, over Luca's crying.
"The bottle is taking ages to sterilise!" I yelled back, glaring at the stupid sterilising machine that was used to sterilise Luca's baby bottles.
A few days ago, Leo, Luca and I had gone back to Baby's R Us to get everything we needed to start bottle feeding Luca. We had even got a breast pumping machine, much to my dismay.
Today was the first day that we had decided to give bottle feeding a go. To say I was worried was an understatement, I was bloody anxious and scared, what if Luca liked being bottle fed more than breastfed? I was worried that I would lose that special connection with my baby.
"He won't stop crying!" Leo said out of breath, as he walked into the kitchen holding a red-faced Luca. The poor baby's fists were clenched tightly as he squirmed and screamed in Leo's arms.
"He has to wait a few more minutes... why didn't we sterilise the bottles earlier when he was sleeping!?" I exclaimed frowning.
"Probably because we had to try and milk you like a cow," Leo replied rolling his eyes.
I tried to hide back the smile that wanted to form on my lips. Let's just say expressing milk for the first time had to be the hardest and funny thing I had ever done. In fact I never thought that I would ever do something like that, with Leo.
I had no idea how to express milk and neither did Leo. We had waited until Luca was asleep so we could give it a try. For some reason, it wasn't as comfortable as I expected, in fact expressing milk felt painful to me.
In fact, the whole experience was just like the woman in Bad Neighbours when she drank too much alcohol and needed her husband to help 'milk' her.
"Oh god, Leo this is hurting me!" I whined as the pump started to express milk. My breast felt really sore and it honestly felt that I had something clamped on my breast.
"Is it too tight?" Leo asked as he skim read the instruction leaflet.
"I don't know, it just feels really uncomfortable, maybe we should just stick to breastfeeding?"
"Just give it a try Leah! Now let me try and loosen this thing," he said coming over to help me.
Believe me, Leo had the wrong idea. As soon as he loosened the pump, breast milk started spraying out.
"Oh what the fuck!" Leo cursed as breast milk somehow ended up on his face.
"What is it with you and any type of milk that always get on my fucking face!" He yelled, I tried so hard to contain my laughter but it was pointless. I almost had deja vu from when I spat milk at Leo when he announced that we were going to Italy.
"Let's not use the pump then, maybe try manually?" I suggested, giving Leo a questioning look.
"By manually, do you mean you want me to milk you like a cow?" The look on Leo's face was priceless, it was as if he had just seen me set fire to one or his cars.
"That's exactly what I mean."
A beeping noise pulled me out of my thoughts. Luca's bottles were now sterilised and I quickly grabbed one and poured some breast milk into it, and then placed the bottle in the specialised bottle warm so that the milk wouldn't be freezing cold.
I still had no idea what I was doing and every method we used was just trial and error. The baby books I had read, hadn't helped me at all as I just wasn't as prepared to bottled feed as I thought I was.
Once the bottle was warm enough, Leo followed me upstairs to Luca's nursery and I sat down on the rocking chair.
Luca was still screaming his head off, even when Leo passed him to me. Slowly but in a soothing way I gently rocked the chair back and forth, trying to settle my hungry baby.
"Okay honey, open wide," I coaxed as I put the teat or the bottle near his mouth, but he moved his head away. Almost as if he knew that he wasn't going to be drinking from me.
Luca continued to scream, pulling his head away from the bottle, as I tried again for a second time.
"I told you, he doesn't want to be bottle-fed, he prefers me-"
"The milk is the same though Leah! He just needs to get used to it!"
The screaming was giving me a headache and I literally felt like just taking my breast out and letting Luca drink from there, but I knew that we had to try to bottle feed him.
I sighed heavily, rocking Luca from side to side, but this wasn't a good thing because he could smell the milk coming from me, which didn't settle him down.
"What if I just try without you Leah, maybe he'll calm down," Leo suggested as he took Luca from me and cradled him in his arms, slowly rocking him from side to side.
I nodded my head and left Luca's nursery, closing the door behind me.
I sank to the floor, my back pressed against the door and sighed heavily. I knew that it was a good thing to try and get Luca used to bottle feeding but at the same time I didn't want to do it so early. He was only a month old and still needed me to feed him but what would Leo do if I had to go out and he was left with him? The only thing that was making me less worried about bottle feeding was the fact that Luca wouldn't be drinking formula milk but still my milk.
I listened to Leo's soothing words as he fed Luca.
"There's a good boy," I heard him say softly.
"Now daddy can feed you when mummy is too tired," Leo said. I should've felt relieved but in actual fact, I felt jealous.
I stood up slowly and opened the door to enter the room. It warmed my heart to see Luca and Leo bonding. They needed a strong bond, the type that only father and son could have.
"He's drinking," Leo whispered, locking his eyes with mine.
Nodding my head and sat myself down on the small couch near where Leo was seated on the rocking chair. I didn't say anything and neither did Leo. We both knew what the other was thinking so there was no need to say a word.
I watched as Luca's eyes slowly shut but he continued to drink from the bottle, for once I felt a sense of relief. Like a weight had been taken off my shoulders, and it warmed my heart to know that Leo was being supportive and was willing to finally stand up and be a father.
It didn't take long for Luca to drink the remaining milk of the bottle, once he was finished; Leo had burped him effortlessly. I had no words except that Leo was right, it was helpful now that he was able to feed Luca at times.
"He's asleep, I'll put him down and meet you downstairs."
Many emotions were running through my head. I felt content and happy but at the same time I felt anxious and worried. Luca was only three weeks old and it felt way too early to have him bottle fed.
Leo's arms snakes around my waist as I stared out of the window of the kitchen.
"Everything is going to be fine Leah," Leo whispered losing his head to the crook of my neck. He held me tightly, pushing my back to the front of his body. I felt him place a soft kiss on my neck, causing me to shudder.
"I know," I whispered back.
***
Over a week had passed and Leo and I had fallen into a routine. During the day he would go off to work and I would stay at home with Luca, caring for him. As soon as Leo got back home he would spend time with Luca, changing his nappy, giving him a bottle. I had found that I wasn't producing enough milk to feed Luca, he was hungry all the time and Leo and I had decided to give him one bottle of formula milk a day, just so that I could try to conserve my milk. At first I did find it unusual as to why I was running out of milk, but I just had to accept that perhaps I wouldn't be able to breast feed. H child for as long as I expected.
Placing Luca down in his swing chair, I fastened him in and let the soft music play. I had made a lasagna for dinner in advance, as it was only 11 in the morning. I had found it easier to prepare meals earlier and then they just needed to be reheated when it was time for dinner.
It was a Saturday and usually Leo wouldn't have gone to work but he had. He was expected to be home late in the evening, as he had told me. I didn't mind, in fact I was glad we had some sort of stability and routine in our lives.
As I checked the lasagna, which smelt amazingly delicious, I heard the front door open. Frowning I quickly made my way to the hallway and saw Leo.
I watched as he hung his jacket up on the coat stand and took his shoes off, before placing his keys in the little bowl we had on the side.
The frown didn't leave my face, Leo had left early at 7 in the morning and nearly 4 hours later he was back.
"You're home?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow in shock. I didn't want to seem as if I didn't want Leo home, I was just confused.
Leo walked over to me, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. He looked the same as he did this morning, crisp suit, perfectly styled hair, handsome face.
He leaned into me and placed a soft peck on my lips.
"Nice to see you too Bella," he chuckled placing his large hands on my hips. He softly squeezed my hips and pulled me closer to his chest so that we were now touching.
"I didn't mean it like that, I'm just shocked that you're home... so early?"
Before Leo could reply there was a loud knock on the door.
"Who's that?" I questioned Leo, looking up at him.
He didn't say anything but pulled away and went to open the door. I would've stayed to see who it was but Luca started fussing. I could hear him making agitated sounds, so I took that as my cue to see to him.
I unclasped him from his swing chair and held him close to my chest so that he was facing behind me.
"Hey sweetie what's all that noise for?" I asked, rubbing circles into his back Incase he needed to release a burp.
I heard the voices of three men, including my husband, conversing in Italian. I didn't have to check to know that Don and Angelo were here.
"Hey you two, I didn't think I'd be seeing you today," I said entering the hallway with my baby.
Angelo still looked the same and Don still wore a serious look that he had been wearing ever since I met him.
The two of them froze when they saw me. Possibly because they had seen me look so run down in such a long time. I had to admit I didn't look great. I had on a baggy T-shirt that had multiple spit up stains, I couldn't be bothered to keep changing my shirt because I knew Luca would always spit up excess milk. My hair was pulled into a loose brain and my face was just tired.
"Leah, hey! How are you?" Angelo was the first to speak.
My body turned to Leo, who didn't meet my gaze.
"I'm good. What are you doing here? I don't mean to be rude by the way, if I knew you were coming I would've-"
Luca started crying before I could carry on what I was saying.
I rocked him side to side, and started humming to him. He settled slightly but that was only due to the fact that he started sucking on his tiny fist.
I watched as Angelo suddenly elbowed Don, who stumbled slightly before coming up to me.
"Here let me take him," he said out stretching his arms.
I frowned at him and stared in horror.
"Excuse me?" I asked, clutching it baby tighter to me.
"Let me take him, you need to get ready," he said in his gruff voice.
"Leo what the hell?" I questioned staring at my husband who wouldn't meet my eyes. I looked at Angelo who also looked confused.
"Rosalia and April are waiting for you at the mall-"
The puzzled look on my face said it all, Angelo quickly stopped speaking and Luca carried on whining.
"The mall... I can't take Luca shopping yet he's too young!"
"We'll look after him, he's bottle fed, yes?" Don asked, looking like he was ready to snatch my son from me.
I let out a heavy sigh and glared at Leo.
"Is this why you wanted to try and bottle feed Luca so soon?"
"You could've told me, that you planned a shopping trip. Wait why did you even plan this Leo? Do April and Lia know about this?"
I must've sounded ungrateful, I wasn't but it was just all a shock for me.
"What you didn't tell her?" Angelo asked with raised eyebrows.
"Leah there's no point in getting angry-"
"I'm not angry I just don't understand why you can't be straight and honest with me. I wouldn't have minded if you had just told me the truth-"
"I'm trying to do something nice for you Leah, you need some time with the girls. Go shopping, have a meal out. Don, Angelo and I can handle Luca," Leo said in a serious voice.
I burst out laughing, causing Luca to whine even more. He was getting even more hungry by the minute.
"Well you can forget the shopping trip because I have a hungry baby to feed," I said turning towards the stairs.
Leo quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me back carefully. I would have screamed at him if he had used more force, sometimes he didn't know his strength and it really did worry me.
"Just get ready, we can handle Luca." I didn't miss the pleading in his eyes. It was as if he wanted to prove to me that he could look after our baby without me.
I breathed in heavily and nodded my head.
Feeling like I was passing my life away, I handed Luca to his father before turning away to the stairs.
As soon as I reached our bedroom I heard Luca's screams, he couldn't wait he was starving... or did he sense that I would be leaving him for a few hours.
**
It didn't take me long to get dressed. After having a quick shower, I pulled on some dark skinny jeans that I had waited months to wear and a simple grey that had a tie knot at the bottom. Due to breastfeeding, I had found that I had lost some weight, and I was slowly going back to my original figure, I just needed to tone up. I had applied light makeup and combed through my curly hair lightly. I looked myself over in the mirror, I did look slightly like my usual self before I was pregnant, my figure hadn't changed that much, only my curves had just enhanced but overall I was still the same. Once I was ready I bounded down the stairs and slipped on a pair of casual black wedges. It was the middle of summer but the weather could be unpredictable which was why I decided to wear jeans instead of a dress or skirt.
Luca was no longer crying and I had guessed that he had a satisfied tummy. Grabbing my handbag, I made my way to the lounge to see three men in suits sprawled out on the floor with Luca. Leo was holding Luca, whilst Angelo waved a toy around in front of him and Don looked like he was recovering from smelling something bad.
"Well don't you guys look happy, reminds me of the film three men and a baby," I chuckled.
My eyes found Luca's and smiled down at him, not sure if I should have gone over to him and said bye properly, but if I did he would probably never stop crying.
"Bye baby, mummy will be back soon."
I settled for blowing a kiss in the air in his direction, and smiling brightly.
I glanced up at Leo who had a straight face but deep down I knew he was probably scared of what would happen.
"Don't think twice about calling me, if you can't settle him I'll come straight home-"
"We'll be fine Leah! Now go April and Lia are waiting for you!"
I nodded my head and stepped out of the room feeling nervous. I just hoped everything would be okay, after all how hard could it be to care for Luca, I did it on a daily basis with no help.
**
Hey all,
A shorter chapter than usual but I'm slowly getting back into writing.
I hope this chapter is alright, and I will hopefully try and update this book weekly!
Please vote and comment, it means so much to me!
Thank you!
HaveFaith101 xx