jisoo.
all mistakes are mine.
ever since i could remember, i had always been a clumsy child (i always drop things and my hands shake whenever i hold onto for something for too long). but that never stopped me from holding a pen and writing on my diary.
my diary is my solace. as cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
no, i'm not lonely.
i have friends, but none listens as well as my diary. when i tell someone a secret, i expect them to keep it a secret. when i tell someone something, i don't need replies, i need them to listen.
that's what i want.
my friends are awesome people, they make me happy, but it's hard to tell them anything at all. i don't want to burden them with my own personal problems because they always seem to have none -- they're always too happy, too unproblematic, too liberated, and i'm always the opposite of them. i never felt that they'd understand me.
they're my friends, but i never felt myself click with them. they keep me company, make me temporarily happy, and once they're gone -- they leave me with the same emptiness that somehow i had gotten used to already. to make things short, i like my friends, but i can't bring myself to trust them. and so, whenever i need someone to tell my darkest secret to, i turn to my diary and i write.
i write everything.
sure, i sound like i'm a twelve-year-old for having a diary that knows more than my closest friends. sure, i look completely pathetic and somewhat pitiful but i don't care. i was born to not give a fuck about anyone and anything.
so what if i'm 17 years old and still have a diary? it won't hurt to have something, right? plus, diaries will never spill your most messed up secrets.
in short, i don't trust my friends enough to tell them my most fucked up thoughts and secrets.
dear diary,
i fucking hate jennie kim.
yes, you read that right. i hate jennie. i hate everything about her. i can't seem to understand how someone can be fond of her. i can't believe that someone can have the patient to tolerate her arrogance and narcissistic self.
i hate her more because no one seems to hate her -- but me. everybody likes her. to the jocks, to the cheerleaders, to the teacher -- even the principal is very much fond of her! i just don't understand.
some people might be curious as to why i despise jennie so much.
well --
"look who we got here!"
every muscle in my body tensed the second i heard jennie's voice. i couldn't help but mentally groan.
i'm sitting on our usual spot in the cafeteria, waiting for my other friends to come, but they're taking forever; now jennie's keeping me company.
"what do you want?" i raised my head to glare at her.
"easy, tiger," she meekly raised her hand.
"what do you want, jennie? just get it over with," i uttered before rolling my eyes.
"roll your eyes again. that was hot," she chuckled. "anyways, i came here to invite you to eat with us?" she asked with her infamous smirk.
my whole body stiffened. eat with them? hell no. thousands of horrible scenarios popped inside my head, and every single one of them resulted in me completely humiliated or hating jennie more than i already do.
"sorry, but i can't. i-i'm waiting for my friends," i stammered a little bit.
crap. why did i stutter? now, i look like i'm scared of her.
"come on, chu," she said. i didn't miss the hint of tease behind her sweet voice.
i hate it when she calls me that.
"no, seriously, it's fine. i don't want to interrupt your time with your friends," i faked a smile.
i was so, so, so ready for her to leave, but of course, jennie wouldn't let go that easily, right?
"come on," she urged and leaned down to whisper something right in my ear. "sit with us or i'll make a scene right here and right now."
make a scene? last time jennie said that. . . she ended up dumping orange juice on my head. lisa recorded it and posted my humiliation on the internet -- i became the laughing stock of YG High for a week.
to make things worse, i can actually hear the smirk in her voice and it's making my blood rage in anger. i gritted my teeth and closed my fist shut. i slowly nodded my head while holding back tears. i'll never show jennie how all her shit is slowly breaking me. she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing me crumble apart.
"that's a good girl," jennie retreat and flashed me a very fake smile.
before i could even say anything, she was already dragging me to their table which was in the middle of the cafeteria. i hear student's gossiping already, but i was too bothered to care.
"look who we got here," lisa said the moment i sat down on the infamous table owned by no other than THE three.
i didn't talk, i didn't dare say a damn word. i was mad, but at the same time, i was scared. nothing good happens whenever they invite me into something.
my most hated student in YG High sat beside me while rosè and lisa are seated in front of me. jennie is popular, but she always stuck with these two.
the one with the red hair, her name is rosè. she's cute. . . i guess? i mean, i don't have anything bad to say to her because believe it or not, she hasn't done anything to me yet. she has an angelic voice! i once heard her sing and my jaw literally slacked. if only she wasn't friends with jennie. . . i 100% would have a huge crush on her. plus, she's not a player unlike her friends.
i talked to rosè once, and it was for our science class. not only is her singing voice amazing, but her natural voice is too. her body is sexy and if combined with her honey voice is a SUPER deadly combo.
next is lisa. she's a bubbly girl, but she's mean sometimes. she hasn't done anything physical to me. the only thing she did that actually made me cry was when she recorded jennie dumping orange juice on top of my head and uploaded in on the internet for the students of YG high to laugh at.
lisa is a player unlike rosè, but she's nowhere close to jennie.
right, jennie. she's the one i dread the most. she's what you call the bad girl player. she gets whatever she wants. she gets whoever she wants. she never stays with someone for more than a week, but some people still fall head over heels for her.
ever since i transferred here in this school, jennie had been all over me (not in a good way). at first, it was just teases, but it gradually got worse and worse. teases turned into full blown insults, little shoves turned into powerful pushes.
to make things short, jennie is making my high school life a living hell.
everyone knows not to mess with them. not only don't they care about the rules and regulations, but they don't give a single fuck about your feelings either.
they're rich, popular, respected, feared, and drop dead gorgeous. these three are breathing clichés. but the only thing not clichéd about them is the fact that they like both girls and boys.
"hey, jisoo," i heard a soft voice greeted me. i slowly lifted my head up and was greeted by a smiling rosè. i had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smiling too widely.
calm down, jisoo!
calm down!
"he-hey," i replied and let my lips break into a small smile.
okay, maybe i DO like rose.
"aw. i don't get a reply, but rosè does?" lisa stated and pouted.
cute.
i mean NOT cute!
"hey, lisa," i monotonously uttered.
lisa pouted some more when she heard how uninterested i was, jennie scoffed, and rosè chuckled cutely.
i glanced at rosè and smiled secretly. she's just so beautiful, cute and sexy at the same time. what is there not to like about her?
"you like rosè?" jennie asked. i was confused for a moment because i didn't know who she was pertaining to -- i quickly realized that her question was for me.
"uh - no?" i answered and raised a brow to look more convincing.
"you totally have a crush on her," lisa teased and smirked slightly.
"i don't."
"jisoo," rosè called for me. i looked at her and cocked my head to the side. "you do realize that you're blushing, right?"
welp. there goes my act.
i covered my face with both my palms and looked away from rosè, completely and utterly embarrassed. now they totally know that i have a crush on rosè.
"too bad. rosè is currently dating ashley," jennie said.
ashley? the captain of the cheer squad? the girl whom every jock in this school wants? i can't possibly compete with that! my shoulders deflated, but i made no effort to unhide my flushed face.
"how's ashley, rosè?" jennie asked.
"she's beautiful," rosè replied. "plus she's really, really, really good in bed," i can hear the smirk in rosè's voice.
"you actually like her?" lisa squeled.
"nah. just up for the amazing fuck she provides," rosè said. "i'll leave her next week."
there was a tiny ache in my chest when i heard her answer. i thought rosè was different with the other two, but i was wrong. she's just like lisa and jennie. all three are horrible fuck girls who makes people fall in love with them. and most of the time, leave them hanging without nothing really left to hang on to.
i'm disappointed.
after all, i do have a crush on her.
i uncovered my face and immediately saw jennie smirking at me.
guess she knew all along that i had a crush on rosè, and now she's thinking she's the shit because she knows that hearing rosè talk like that would hurt me in some way.
this is why i hate jennie kim so much.