We walked downstairs as Sky and Xavier set the table. I think Lily was in the kitchen helping Bethany cook. Zoey and David sat in the living room reading.
I decided to go help Sky and Xavier set the table while Will grabbed a magazine in the living room.
“Hey.” They both said in unison. Both scanned my expression.
“Hey.” I said, grabbing napkins to put at each plate.
“Fight with Will?” Sky asked.
“Something like that.” I muttered.
We finished quickly and we went into the living room. I sat next to Will and he just smiled and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Any idea what’s for dinner?” Will asked the others.
“I think spaghetti.” Zoey answered.
He nodded and grabbed a random magazine. It was some mens fitness thing, really uninteresting but I didn’t feel like picking up anything. I just leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
“Wake up, beauty. Dinner’s ready.” Will whispered in my ear. his lips touched right below my ear and I shuddered slightly. It felt nice.
“I am awake.” I mumbled.
“Then why are your eyes closed?” he asked. I could feel his smile against my skin.
“Could you two do that some other time?” Xavier asked, raising an eyebrow at us.
“No.” Will said, muttering something about his stupid jealous brother.
I chuckled and stood up, stretching. I walked into the dining room followed by Xavier and Will.
I sat between the two of them and gave myself a small serving of pasta. I wasn’t that hungry and pasta had a lot of carbs. I grabbed some salad as well.
People talked and I was glad no one brought up my mother. I knew Xavier would ask me later. The girls had thought we just went to meet a lawyer.
It was difficult to eat everything and I knew it wasn’t that much food. Was it my mothers comment earlier?
All of her insults still swirled around my mind. It was easy to push aside gold digger and slut because I knew I was neither of those things, but murderer and fat still bounced around my head.
I tried not to focus on it during a meal. I needed to eat or people would be angry.
“Rainah, dear, are you alright?” Bethany asked me halfway through the meal.
“Yeah, I’m just not very hungry.” I said, quietly. I noticed everyone staring at me.
“Try to finish what you have.” She said.
I had finished a bit more then half of my portion. I took a deep breath and forced myself to keep eating. I wasn’t going to start something on my first night here and in front of the girls.
Will put a hand on my knee, squeezing gently. I tried to smile at him.
Once I had finished, I felt accomplished but there was a sense of guilt telling me I shouldn’t have eaten all of that, I pushed that away.
“Xavier and Sky, you two get to do the dishes tonight.” Bethany told them.
They both agreed and started taking the dishes and the silverware.
Everyone got up and went to do their own thing. Lily told me she wanted to show me something up in her room so I followed her up. Will stayed downstairs with Zoey.
“Will showed me how to make a dream catcher.” She gestured to the decoration on the wall above her bed. It was a rope woven circle with strings and beads hanging off of it.
“That’s really cool, how long did it take you to make?” I asked, smiling at Will’s thoughtfulness.
“Just half an hour. I finished before he did.” She said, proudly. She then went and grabbed something from a drawer of her dresser.
She pulled out some small pale pink brand new fancy dance shoes. There was a little note attached to it.
I quickly read Bethany’s neatly printed note telling Lily that she was signed up for dance classes starting this week.
“That’s great, Lily!” I grinned at her.
“I know! It’s exciting.” She said, practically jumping up and down.
I knew Lily had always wanted to become a dancer. She had wanted dance lessons but I could never scrap up enough money. When Ash was around, we would try to send her to dance camps. Since Ash died, we never had money.
This was perfect for her.
After that, Will and I hung out in his room. I sat on the bed, leaning against the pillows and he lied down with his head in my lap.
I ran my fingers through his silky, messy hair.
“How bad do you think tonight will be?” he asked me, he was watching my face.
“I’ll manage.” I said trying to avoid the question.
“I want you to call me if it gets bad. I don’t care if you cant talk about it.” He looked at me seriously.
I knew I wouldn’t call him, that was weak. In a way, this was good because I needed to be more independent again. I needed to grow up and get over these stupid night mares.
“I made you something and I know it’s stupid but Lily and I made dream catchers today so that I could keep busy.” He said. He got up and went over to his desk.
He handed me one that looked like Lily’s but much more intricate. The woven ring of rope had fake roses tied in and was tied tighter. the strings hanging of where white, there were six of them. Three beads were on each with a knot between each one.
“Wow, this is really beautiful.” I said, taking it and feeling the roses and beads. I could tell he had but a lot of thought and effort into it. I loved it. “It’s perfect.”
“I’m glad you liked it, I had never made one of those before.”
I kissed him deeply for a minute before pulling away.
“Sorry I was a mess earlier.” I said.
“I’m glad I was here for it, you needed to let that out.” He said, tucking some of my hair behind my ear.
“You’re right.” I nodded. With my luck I would’ve snapped at Sky or Lily.
Will left at 10. He was worried and I tried my best to reassure him.
I said goodnight to the girls but I decided to go talk to Xavier before I tried to sleep. He was in his room, sketching on his bed. I shut the door behind me.
“Hey.” He said, looking up when I came in.
“Hi.” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Care to tell me about why you had been crying before you came down for dinner?” he asked, putting the sketch book down and turning his full attention to me.
“I had a bit of a mental breakdown.” I started. I told him everything, my thought process, Will’s reactions, the shower. Everything. “I almost told him I loved him.”
“Why didn’t you?” he was curious.
“I couldn’t get out the words.”
“It’s three simple words.”
“Nothing about love is simple.” I replied. “What if he thinks its too early? It could be really creepy to him if he doesn’t feel the same way. I would feel like a little girl with a huge crush.”
“I see what you mean.” He nodded. “But I am pretty sure he feels the same way, he would want you to say it first. I know he loves you, I can see it in his eyes.”
“I don’t know, I just need to get some courage.” I replied.
“You’ll find it when you’re ready.” He smiled but then turned serious. “Are you going to be okay tonight?”
“Yeah, I’ll manage.” I replied.
“I stay up until like 3 so come find me if you need to.”
I thanked him and said goodnight. I went into my room and shut the door.
My dream catcher hung on the wall above my bed. I felt the strong rope before I changed into pajamas. I quickly unpacked what I had brought and hung up my clothes from the bathroom floor.
I turned off the light and crawled into bed. It felt so huge and so cold. I shivered under the large comforter.
I closed my eyes and buried my face into a pillow in case I woke up crying, I drifted into a restless sleep.
DREAM
“You know you deserve this.”
My father held me against the wall as he unbuckled his belt. My heart was pounding, my hands were sweaty and I was trembling. I stood in my bra and panties.
I didn’t scream, there was no point. I was powerless about what he was going to do. Nothing I tried would stop him.
He roughly unclasped my bra and ripped down my panties. I was now naked with no protection.
Where was Will? I needed him to save me, to take me away.
In a last act of defense, I kneed my father in the groin and shoved him away. Then I was running.
I didn’t care that I was naked, I didn’t care that it was freezing. I just ran to the one place that came to mind.
I knew my father was behind me without looking back, I heard his pounding footsteps coming after me. I would not stop, I would not look behind me.
I flung open his door and saw him sitting on the couch, reading. He looked up when he heard me come in.
“Raina-?” he didn’t even get out my name before I heard the gunshot. I saw the red dot between his eyes. Blood trickled from it steadily.
His eyes glazed over before he went limp. My father had shot Will and now he was dead.
“Now another person you love has died because of you.” My father whispered in my ear.
END OF DREAM
I woke up screaming. It was muffled by pillows.
I got up and ran to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. I was hyperventilating. My breathing came in gasps, my heart pounded in my chest. I sobbed breathless sobs.
I got up and desperately searched for the razor. When I found it, I dug it into my side. I felt some relief and I started to calm down when I saw the thick stream of blood.
It was just a dream, I told myself, trying to calm down. Even though I knew it wasn’t real, my head still spun. Tears poured from my eyes.
I debated calling Will but I talked myself out of it. He was probably asleep and I didn’t want him to freak out.
I looked at the cut on my side and saw it gushing blood. I pressed a wash clothe to it, trying to stop the heavy bleeding. Too deep, I thought to myself.
When it finally stopped, I bandaged it up and went back out to the bedroom. The stereo said it was 3:24, there was no way I could go back to sleep now.
I grabbed some random book from the shelf and started reading. I read until 7 before I went downstairs.
I made myself a giant cup of coffee, no one else had woken up yet.
I sat on one of the barstools in the kitchen just drinking. I was so tired and I probably looked a mess too.
At this point, if Will got mad about me not calling him I would snap at him. I know it was only because he cared but I just didn’t want to hear it.
“You look exhausted.” I was surprised to hear Zoey as she made herself coffee.
“Thanks.” I said, sarcastically.
“Couldn’t sleep?” she guessed, sitting next to me.
“Nightmares.” I replied.
“That sucks, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing you can do about it.” I shrugged it off.
We sat in silence, just thinking. I listened to the rhythmic ticking of the clock.
“I’m going to go try to clean up a bit.” I said, getting up and stretching. I didn’t want the others to see how horrible I looked.
“Go back to sleep.” She called after me. I debated it but decided against it because if I had another nightmare, people would be awake to hear it.
My phone buzzed the second I got back in my room with a text from Will.
Morning, beauty. Coming over soon bc I couldn’t sleep last night, if ur awake let me know. <3
I texted back.
Im awake, sorry u couldn’t sleep, not a great night here either.
I washed my face, but that didn’t help the red eyes or the bags under my eyes. That would be hard to hide.
I wore sweatpants and a t shirt because I didn’t feel like looking amazing today. I brushed through my long hair, getting out the knots and tangles.
In that case, comin over now.
I sighed at that, knowing that meant he’d want to know what happened. I’d tell him about it because I didn’t feel like arguing.
A few minutes later, I went downstairs and waited for Will.
When he came in, I saw he looked almost as bad as me. He had bags under his eyes as well and his hair was messier then normal.
I relaxed a bit just with him being here. It was comforting just to see him alive and uninjured.
I traced the bags under his eyes with my finger. He looked at me and frowned at my red eyes.
“Care to tell me about it?” he asked, leading my out to the front porch.
“He was going to rape me, I shoved him and took off running to your apartment and when I got there, he shot you between the eyes.” I shuddered, thinking about the blank haunted look on his face when he died. I walked to stand behind the railing so that I wouldn’t have to face him. “My dad said now I had gotten two people killed.”
I refused to cry about this stupid dream anymore. It was just a dream. Sure, the idea of my dad killing Will is easily one of the most terrifying things to me, but it didn’t actually happen.
“I’m sorry, you should’ve called me.” He wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I can handle it.” I said, it irritated me that everyone was sorry and everyone had some idea of how to help me.
“How bad was it when you woke up?” he asked, choosing not to say anything about my previous comment.
“It was fine.” I said, I didn’t want to get into the screaming, the throwing up or the cutting.
“Liar.” He whispered in my ear.
“Will, I need to grow up and handle these nightmares on my own. I’m not some little girl.” I snapped.
“You think I don’t know that? You have never been a child to me. You are someone who has been through hell and could use someone to lean on.” He replied.
I sighed. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“I think we both need some sleep.”
I nodded and turned around, hugging him.
“Come on.” He said after a minute. I followed him up to his room.
He shut the door and we lied on the bed. i almost instantly fell asleep in his arms.
We woke up at 1 to Zoey banging on the door to tell us to come down for lunch. I got up and stretched, I felt a lot better now that I had gotten some sleep.
Will groaned and looked up at me. “I don’t want to get up.”
“Sucks for you.” I chuckled, offering him a hand.
He took it and instead of getting up, he pulled me on top of him.
“Can’t we stay here?” he pouted, putting his hands on my back so I couldn’t move.
I had an idea to mess with him. I kissed him and let him slip his tongue to meet mine.
I pulled away and grinned at him.
“Not nice.” He said, trying to look mad.
“Get up.” I grabbed a pillow and hit him in the face.
“You’re asking for it.” He said, turning over so that I was on my back and he was on top of me. He was careful not to put all of his weight on me.
He started tickling me and I laughed, trying to swat his hands away.
“Say you’re sorry and I’ll stop.” He grinned at me.
“I-I’m s-s-sorry-y.” I got out between giggles.
He stopped and kissed me deeply. I didn’t pull away this time.
There was a bang on the door.
“Rainah, Will! Stop making out and come downstairs!” Xavier called.
We both smiled at each other before walking downstairs together.
trying to get uploads out quicker. what did you think?
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Tori