In the last chapter, Sasuke tells Itachi that he works for the Kuro ie and takes Itachi there (on an unrelated note, Itachi Uchiha is a closet pervert). Kakashi couldn't care less that one of his students is a murderer. Naruto gets Konohamaru as a student and reconnects with Ebisu, an old friend. They meet Eriko, Mizuki's twin sister, who looks exactly like him. Meanwhile, Mizuki is burning in hell and Mikoto wants grandbabies. What is in store next for our protagonists?
-/_\-
Chapter Three:
How to Write Random Stuff!
The meeting went smoothly enough (though Itachi kept eyeing Eriko suspiciously), and all was well. Then the meeting was over and the questions started.
"So...you're Mizuki's twin sister?" Sasuke asked.
"Yep. Didn't see him much. I was planning on meeting him in a few weeks but, you know, he died. Haven't actually seen him in three years..."
There was an awkward silence while Eriko reminisced. How were they supposed to comfort her about her brother's death when they had all had a hand in his death. He was a traitor, too.
Eriko was broken out of her trance when Sakura cleared her throat.
"Huh...Oh, sorry about that," Eriko said sheepishly. "Anyway, I think that's it- WAIT!"
The seven of them (Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, Itachi, Kari, Fujiko, and Ren), who were about to leave, froze.
"What happened?" Naruto asked frantically.
"I, uh, need a favor."
"What is this favor?" Itachi asked.
"Mizuki had a fiance," Eriko said. "Her name is Tsubaki. When we were younger, Mizuki and I fought over her." Eriko sighed. "Tsubaki chose Mizuki over me, but now that he's dead, I have a chance with her!" A fire burned in Eriko's eyes.
"...uh, Eriko?" Naruto asked. "What do you want us to do?"
"Find her! Please! Mizuki said he his her in one of the fields outside of Konoha's walls until things were 'safe'. I didn't understand what he meant back then, but now I do. He probably wanted to marry her after he killed you," she gestured at Naruto, "and left the village."
"You want us to find her and bring her to you so that you can date her?" Itachi asked skeptically. "And you're sure this Tsubaki isn't Straight?"
"She's Bi," Eriko said.
"...Bi?"
"Sasuke, I'm going on a trip to Konoha's outer fields."
Sasuke looked up, startled. Then he smirked. "You really are a pervert."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm not sure if Eriko and Tsubaki are into that kind of relationship."
"We'll deal with that when it comes."
"Are you admitting that you're a pervert?"
"No."
"I see."
-/_\-
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were all at Training Ground Seven. It was quiet, but that was understandable. Naruto was shuffling a deck of cards, muttering something under his breath.
Sakura, sunglasses covering her eyes, was sitting, leaning against a tree, not making a single move. She was probably sleeping, but it was hard to tell because, again, sunglasses were covering her eyes. She was clutching a kunai, though, so there was that.
Sasuke was eating a tomato. He had a picnic basket next to him, also presumably filled with tomatoes.
For some reason, Kakashi found it fascinating to just sit there in his tree and watch them.
Finally, deciding that he had probably kept them waiting long enough, he made himself known.
Jumping out of his tree and landing in front of them, he said, "Hello my cute little students! Shall we get started?"
None of them moved an inch. Naruto kept shuffling his cards, Sasuke kept eating (except he now had an onigiri in his hands), and Sakura was just sort of...there.
Kakashi's smile didn't move an inch, either. "I know this isn't a genjutsu," he said cheerfully, "so I'm going to continue with my normal speech! You have until noon to get these bells!" He held up two bells. "Whoever doesn't have a bell by noon will be sent back to the Academy. Now, let's get started, shall we?" He got no response. "Begin!"
Again, no one did anything. For a solid ten minutes, the only sounds made were of Naruto's cards and muttering, Sasuke's chewing, and Kakashi's occasional comment on whether or not they would do anything. Eventually, Kakashi just lets out a sigh and sat on the ground. Now he really regretted leaving him I have I have at home.
He poked Sasuke. "Hey, Ducky? Can I have an onigiri?"
Sasuke, still staring straight ahead, handed Kakashi an onigiri.
There was once again a silence. Then, so suddenly that Kakashi was almost surprised, Naruto asked, "How old are you?"
Kakashi was about to answer when Sasuke said, "I'm three months older than you."
Naruto snorted. "You're old."
"Sakura's older than I am."
"She's not the one who drinks milk every day."
"Babies drink milk, not old people."
"That's not exactly much better," Naruto pointed out.
Kakashi only half-listened to the conversation, as he was enjoying his onigiri way too much (what? It tasted homemade! He couldn't remember the last time he had something home cooked!).
Finally, Sasuke let out an irritated sigh. "Are you done yet, Sakura?"
"I've been done for the last fifteen minutes," Sakura said, sitting up and stretching.
"Why didn't you say anything?!"
"Because I didn't want to~"
Sasuke growled.
All was fine for a second. Then Sakura, quicker than Kakashi thought was possible for a not-even-Genin, ran up to him and slashed at his neck with a kunai.
Kakashi was faster, though. He was already ten feet away, ready in a defensive stance, Sakura's kunai in his hands, still chewing his onigiri.
The bells hanging from his hips rang softly in the breeze.
Sakura scowled slightly. "Ugh. I had hoped that I could catch you unaware."
"Not for a while," Kakashi said, still smiling. "That was pretty good, though."
"'Good' isn't good enough. Now, Naruto!"
Naruto was now also on his feet. He threw three playing cards at Kakashi like they were shuriken. At first, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Then, he saw something.
All cards have a design on their backs. Something was hidden on the backs of these cards, though. Seals. Explosion seals.
Quickly doing a Kawarimi (somewhere, a tree fell as it was suddenly missing a portion of its bottom), Kakashi was gone.
Kakashi watched from the trees as the log was engulfed in an explosion, it's ashes seemingly raining from the sky. Naruto burst out of the smoke and paused. His eyes turned red and Kakashi raised his eyebrow again.
Kyuubi.
Naruto sniffed the air, his eyes darting around. Then they landed on where Kakashi was hidden.
"Sasuke," Naruto growled.
Sasuke came out next to Naruto, holding his picnic basket. He reached in and pulled out a kunai, throwing it as Kakashi. He easily dodged and smiled slightly at the satisfying Thud! it made when it hit the tree trunk. Then he noticed something
There was a wire connected to the kunai. A flammable wire. Sasuke held the other end.
Without doing a single handshake, Sasuke breathed a small amount of fire onto the string. The fire climbed up towards Kakashi at an alarmingly fast rate, growing larger the closer it came.
Kakashi jumped out of the trees, sweat-dropping at the large explosion.
Well, there goes that part of the forest...
He barely had any time to recover before Sakura came falling from the sky. In her hands was a large staff with a blade on it, and it was aimed straight at his head. Kakashi flipped backward and Sakura hit the ground, the impact making a crater.
When the dust cleared, he saw Sakura standing in the middle, perfectly fine.
"...where did you get that stuff?"
"Sasuke's picnic basket," Sakura said, getting into a stance.
"How the hell did that fit in a picnic basket?"
"Now Sensei," Sakura said, winking. "That would be telling."
Kakashi leaned backward as an arrow went whizzing past. Kakashi grabbed it as it was still in front of his face.
He glanced at where it came from. He could sense Sasuke in the trees. Probably with more arrows.
"...I'm assuming that the bow was also in the picnic basket?"
Sakura nodded brightly and Kakashi had to dodge ten more arrows that Sasuke had fired rapidly.
Sakura advanced on him and the two engaged in some high-speed taijutsu, Sakura with her staff and Kakashi with Sakura's kunai, which he still held in his hand. He also had to constantly dodge Sasuke's arrows.
Too late realized that one of them had Naruto's cards attached to it. Kakashi managed to escape the explosion but not the smoke that followed.
Feeling a vibration in the air, Kakashi dropped to the ground and watched as Naruto, his claw-like hand extended in a way that would have seriously injured Kakashi if he hadn't dodged, sailed over him.
When the dust cleared, Naruto was standing next to Sakura, a snarl on his face. Sasuke dropped down from the trees, joining his teammates. His quiver was empty and he discarded it. Sasuke then unstrung one half of the bow. The curved wood straightened so that he could get a better grip on it and the string, from what Kakashi could tell, was coated in something. Sasuke had transformed his bow into a whip. A poisoned one.
Naruto put his fingers into a cross and fifty Kage Bunshins sprung up behind them, each one with red, Kyuubi-powered eyes.
Kakashi suddenly realized something.
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THREE TRYING TO KILL ME?!"
Sakura shrugged. "Taking the bells from you would be easier if you were dead, wouldn't it?"
Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to use this..."
Kakashi Hatake lifted up his forehead protector, revealing his three-tomoe Sharingan.
Sasuke suddenly at the corner of the clearing, depression lines hanging over his head.
Kakashi sweat-dropped. "You okay, Ducky?"
"I still don't have the Sharingan," Sasuke muttered, "and my psychologist says that I may never awaken it because I'm incapable of feeling the severe emotional trauma necessary..."
"You have a psychologist?"
"I make all my friends see one. You know, just to make sure they're insane," Sakura said.
"Make sure they're insane?"
"Well, I can't associate with anyone sane, now can I?"
"...I see."
As you can probably tell, the following fight was odd yet epic (and full of nightmare-inducing chickens).
-/_\-
"WHY AM I TIED TO A STUMP?!"
"Because," Kakashi said brightly to his angry blond student, "Ducky's my favorite and Pinky impressed me."
"I have explosive cards! I can make thousands of Shadow Clones! I'm the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki!"
"...well, I had to tie someone to the stump."
"OH COME ON!"
-/_\-
"Looks like you three can't follow orders," Kakashi said darkly. He would have scared any other Genin, but Naruto was used to hiding emotions (and Kakashi definitely wasn't the scariest person Naruto had confronted), Sasuke was incapable of feeling anything over mild panic, and Sakura (in many people's professional opinion) was fear.
So, they stood their ground.
"Naruto needs to eat," Sasuke said. "He goes Gory when he's really hungry."
"...goes Gory?"
"He draws on a large amount of Kyuubi chakra and growls at people until they give him food," Sakura explained.
"Oh. Anyway, by the power vested in me as a Jonin or Konohagakure, I hereby declare that you all...PASS!"
"Finally!" Sakura said. "I'm officially a Genin!"
Sasuke nodded along. "Though I still think all of that fanfare was unnecessary."
"I don't particularly care!" Kakashi said cheerfully. "Meet me here tomorrow at six in the morning."
"9:00 it is," Sakura nodded.
Kakashi shrugged. "Fair enough."
And with that, he pooped out of existence. It was only then that the three of them realized that Kakashi didn't have a single scratch on him.
Sakura let out an irritated sigh. "Whatever. I should probably head back and make sure someone didn't murder the new chef or anything."
"And I need to go brag to my cousins," Sasuke said.
The two left the training ground.
"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!" Naruto yelled. No one heard him.
Ten minutes later, a Genin stumbled into the abandoned training ground.
Naruto turned to him, his eyes red.
"Hello little boy," Naruto said, his voice a deep, guttural growl, "are you going to untie me so that I can go eat some ramen, or should I fear out of these ropes and eat you myself?"
The Genin promptly fainted.
"I probably went overboard..."
-/_\-
"Stupid little..." Naruto muttered angrily. It took fifteen Genin before a Jonin came by to investigate the large amount of malicious chakra.
Hayate Gekko had stared at him for twelve minutes before devolving into a coughing fit and eventually untying him. It was honestly kind of weird.
Shaking his head, Naruto entered Ichiraku Ramen. His eye twitched as he spotted his Jounin-sensei there, happily eating some ramen.
Naruto sat next to him, not saying a word. Finally, he said, "How the hell are you eating that with your mask on?"
Kakashi eye-smiled. "Trade secret! My turn! Where did you get the exploding cards?"
Naruto paused. "Well..."
-/_\-
"Sasuke?" Naruto asked.
"Yes, Naruto?"
"Why do you think Kanamoto was so protective of these cards?"
"Protective? I got them in less than three seconds."
"That doesn't count. You're, well, you."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"Whatever. Do you think these cards are poisoned or something?"
"You're still alive and well," Sasuke pointed out.
"Yeah, but I'm a Jinchuuriki and immune to all poisons, so I'm probably not the best person to judge whether something is poisoned or not."
"Good point. Well, I touched the cards and I'm not dead!"
"Okay, so they're not poisoned."
"Maybe they just have sentimental value or something?"
"Yeah- WAIT!"
"What is it?"
"The backs of these cards...they have-"
"Explosion seals," Sasuke said, eyes wide. "I wonder how we activate them-"
Naruto shoved a large amount of chakra into a card and threw it in the air. For a second, nothing happened.
Then it exploded. It was far enough away that it didn't harm them, but close enough to startle them.
When the smoke cleared, Sasuke linked. The card was still in one piece, not even singed. "Kami, these must have cost a fortune!"
Naruto, however, stood stock-still, his face blank. "My whole life just flashed before my eyes." He frowned. "Huh. My life sucks."
Sasuke snorted. "Even I could tell you that."
"HEY!"
-/_\-
"...I found them in this out-of-the-way antique shop in a backwater alley in the Red Light district."
"Oh, okay then!" Kakashi chirped.
-/_\-
Sakura Haruno walked into the kitchen.
She paused.
She saw Goryu making out with the new chef, Mikaso.
Sakura Haruno walked out of the kitchen.
"I'll just get dinner at the Kuro ie's bar..."
-/_\-
"You're really a Genin now?!" Six-year-old Suiren Uchiha asked, stars in his eyes.
"Yep!" Sasuke said proudly.
"SO COOL!"
"I know! Now, how about-"
"Sasuke!" a voice yelled frantically.
Sasuke sighed. "Nevermind," he muttered. He turned around. "Is everything alright, Father?"
Fugaku spotted his second son and let out a breath of relief. "There you are! I need you to take care of this baby for the rest of the day!"
Sasuke blinked down at the infant that was suddenly in his arms. "Uh...why can't Mother or Itachi take care of the baby?"
"Your mother is filling in for her sick sister on a mission and Itachi...well, I think he said something about Konoha's outer fields...I didn't have enough time to go search for him. Anyway, just take care of the baby for today."
Fugaku then ran off, followed by many people dressed in police uniforms, and he barked out orders.
Sasuke blinked. "HEY! WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS BABY FROM?!" Fugaku didn't hear him.
Suiren poke the baby, who giggled slightly.
Sasuke sighed and looked at the child in his arms. "Okay...you don't look like an Uchiha..."
"Well," Suiren said, "maybe she's your illegitimate sister?"
Sasuke thought about it. "Nah, Father couldn't have kept her a secret for so long. Besides, Father doesn't have the guts, he knows Mother would castrate him."
"Er..." Suiren said, "what does 'castrate' mean?"
Sasuke gave him an unimpressed look. "You know what 'illegitimate' means but not 'castrate'?"
Suiren huffed.
"Whatever," Sasuke said. "First things first, do you know how to change diapers?"
Suiren paled.
-/_\-
Outside the walls of Konohagakure, in one of its many rice fields, there was a wooden house. Inside the living room of said house, there was a silence.
Two people sat across from each other, drinking tea.
Finally, the woman said, "Mizuki is dead?"
The man, Itachi Uchiha, nodded. "Yes. He was caught planning to kill a not-even-Genin and leave the Village."
The woman, Tsubaki, sighed. "He lost his way."
"You were still going to marry him? Even though he was a traitor?"
"I loved him."
"I see."
Tsubaki set down her cup. "How did you know I was here? I was never a citizen in the Village and I bought this house and field on my cousins' name."
Itachi also put down his cup. "Someone asked me to find you, Ms. Tsubaki."
"...who?"
"Eriko Saito, Mizuki's twin."
"Eriko..."
"She wants to meet you."
Tsubaki took in a deep breath. "I also wish to see her."
Itachi nodded.
"...so, you're Bi?"
Tsubaki raised an eyebrow. Until now, the young man had been the definition of polite. Even now, his face showed no sign of the incredibly personal question he had just asked.
"Yes."
"...would you be willing to go out with me?"
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
"I'm twenty-nine. I think that answers my question."
"I'm okay with older women."
"Shut up or I'm throwing you out of my house."
"Right, sorry."
-/_\-
There was a knock on the Hokage's door.
"Come in," the Third said absentmindedly.
In walked Sasuke Uchiha, a panicked look on his face. And he was carrying a child.
"L-Lord Hokage, I-I have a problem..."
"Why are you carrying a baby?"
Sasuke slumped. "I honestly don't know. Father just handed her to me and ran off."
The Hokage shook his head. "Of course he did. Give her here."
"Er, no offense Lord Hokage, but do you know how to handle children?"
"I raised two children and am currently raising my grandchild. I am more than capable of caring for her."
"R-Right, forgot about that."
The Hokage put the little girl on his lap, pulled a teddy bear for him drawer (which she happily glomped) and then proceeded to continue working on his paperwork as the baby giggled excitedly.
Sasuke blinked. "Yeah...I'll go now..."
The baby yelled, "Bye-bye Dada!"
Sasuke's eye twitched. "I'm not your father!"
The baby ignored him in favor of hugging the Hokage. "Gampa!"
Sasuke shook his head. She was the Sandaime's problem now.
"Ca' I hawe a unicorn?"
"Here you go."
"Thi' i' a pen, Gampa!"
"No, it's a unicorn Henged into a pen."
"FO' WEAL?! COOL!"
-/_\-
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Itachi, why are we just standing randomly in the middle of the Village?"
"..."
"You don't know how to find Eriko, do you?"
"..."
Tsubaki sighed. Itachi suddenly brightened up.
"Wait, I have an idea."
"Joy."
Ten minutes later found them in the Kuro ie, Itachi under a Henge as he frantically looked around for someone.
"He should be here...there he is!"
"Who's there?" Tsubaki demanded, a little out of her depth.
"Ebisu!" Itachi yelled.
Ebisu, who was chatting with someone, glanced up at him. His eyes narrowed.
"Excuse me for a moment," Ebisu said to whoever he was talking to.
Ebisu walked up to Itachi. "Itachi Uchiha, what do you want?"
Ebisu's curt words failed to dampen the Uchiha's spirits.
"Ebisu, I need your- wait, can you see through me Henge?"
"I'm not a Special Jounin for nothing."
"True. Anyway, do you know if there's any way to contact the Yumuru family?"
Ebisu choked. "Why the hell would you want to do that?!"
"There's someone I need to talk to."
Ebisu sighed. "I thought you were allied with the Akai Kawa."
"I'm not allied with anyone."
"Oh. I see. Anyway, I do have a way to contact them."
"That's great!"
"Just go down that hall," he pointed to the hall next to them. "There are many doors. Go into the one that is labeled 'Yumuru'. There'll be a representative from the Yumuru family in there."
"Oh...that's surprisingly simple."
"I know."
The representative ended up being Eriko. There was a tense silence, followed by yelling, followed by a lot of crying, until Tsubaki finally just grabbed Eriko and full-on kissed her.
Itachi, who was in the corner of the room, couldn't help but giggle slightly. Now if only they would give him some attention.
Tsubaki and Eriko then proceeded to ignore Itachi.
Dang it!
-/_\-
Naruto walked into the Hokage's office.
"You suwe thi' i' a unicorn?" A young voice asked.
"Yes. This is a unicorn Henged into a pen. His name is Koko and he is from the magical and mysterious world of La La Land."
"Uh, Old Man?" Naruto asked, chuckling nervously. Said man looked up.
"What?"
"You're not experimenting with some more, uh...exotic blends, are you?"
"...I'm not high if that's what you're asking."
"Oh, good."
"Yes."
"Next question, why is there a little girl here?"
"Sasuke said that his father just handed her to him. He came to me for help."
"Oh...she's not Sasuke's illegitimate little sister, is she?"
"I don't think so. However, she did call Sasuke 'Dada' before he left."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"'Ko the unicorn to the wescue!"
Naruto cleared his throat. "I will purge myself of those thoughts later. What's her name, anyway?"
The Sandaime blinked. "I never asked." He looked down at the little girl. "What's your name?"
"You a stwanga!"
"I'm the Hokage."
The girl pouted. "Name is Naya."
"Well Naya, where are your parents?"
"Mama wa' sleeping in the blood and someone took Dada away. The man said he wou' keep me safe. Then he gave me to new Dada!"
Naruto and the Hokage both froze. They made eye contact.
The dad killed the mom and Sasuke's dad arrested him and put Naya in police custody? Naruto seemed to ask.
Probably, Hiruzen nodded.
There was a silence broken only by Naya's exclamations about how Koko the unicorn was the 'awesomest!'.
Finally-
"This seems like something that's a little too serious to be in a crack-fic."
"Don't break the Fourth Wall, Naruto."
"Oh, right, sorry."
-/_\-
Kakashi flipped a page in Icha Icha Paradise. He let out a perverted giggle. The woman who was sitting across from him said, "You do realize that this is why you're single, right?"
Kakashi shrugged. "I know, I just don't particularly care."
"Ah, but don't you want all of this?" she said, gesturing to herself.
"Anko, I'm quite sure that I'm fine."
Anko Mitarashi pouted.
-/_\-
Sasuke Uchiha walked into his house.
He paused.
He saw Suiren standing on his table, declaring to his siblings that he was the leader of the new world order and that slowly, one by one, every nation would fall to his greatness!
Sasuke Uchiha walked out of his house.
"I'll wait until Father gets here..."
-/_\-
Sakura sat down at the bar. She was about to call someone over to take her order when a man in his late twenties sat next to her.
"What's a little girl like you doing in a place like this?"
Sakura barely glanced at him. "Eating."
"What do you want? My treat!"
Sakura pressed her lips together. "I can pay for my own food."
"Okay," the man said slowly, "but at least let me get you a drink!"
"I can pay for my own drink as well."
"Come on! At least let me feel better about myself!"
"No thank you."
"Please?"
Sakura looked him over. "Fine." The man smiled brightly.
"Barman!" the guy called.
The bartender came over. "'Barman'?"
The guy sitting next to her shrugged. "Anyway, she wants-"
"A grilled cheese sandwich and a water," Sakura said.
"A grilled cheese sandwich and fruit punch it is!" the man said.
The bartender rolled his eyes and walked away to get her order. Sakura sighed.
All of the attempts by the man to initiate a conversation were quickly shot down by Sakura. He was so obviously under a Henge that is was kind of startling. He didn't give off any good vibes, either.
Eventually, her food and drink arrived.
The man picked up the glass to give to her, saying some nonsense about a sea snake.
That's when Sakura saw it. The man had discreetly poured some powder into her drink.
"...and each and every one of them dies fifty years later. Sometimes sixty!" the man finished, handing her the fruit punch.
"Fascinating," she said. She brought the cup to her lips as if she were going to drink, then paused.
"I don't know," she said, not even looking at him, "if you're a murderer, a pedophile, or both..." She suddenly gave him a terrifying grin. "But I can assure you, whatever you are...I am a hundred times worse."
She poured the drink onto his pants then smashed the glass into his face.
The man let out a scream and tumbled backward, right into Kanamoto. Kanamoto turned and growled. "You pathetic little..."
He pulled his fist back to hit the man, but only ended up elbowing the person next to him.
The woman in a little black dress scowled, her eyes flashing. She retrieved a dagger from...somewhere. Sakura honestly didn't know where (she made a mental note to ask her for pointers).
There was a large chain of events that eventually ended in an all-out bar fight.
The bartender groaned. Now he had to disturb the bar's owner on his day off.
-/_\-
Shisui Uchiha was sharpening his weapons at his dining room table when Itachi just walked in, sat down, and let his face hit the wood with a thud!
Shisui raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you?"
"I was rejected by not one, but two girls."
"Ooh, that's got to hurt."
"And then they ended up dating each other!"
"Double whammy!"
"And they wouldn't even let me get in on it!"
"Three strikes and you're out!"
"Shisui..."
"Alright," he sighed. Shisui walked into the kitchen and came back with a glass of ice cold water. "Her you go."
"Thanks," Itachi muttered, taking a large gulp. His eyes widened and he spit it out. "W-What was that?"
Shisui gave him a bright, albeit confused, grin. "Vodka made in the heart of Lightning Country." Itachi stared at him. "What? You looked like you could use it!"
"I...I don't like it...it tasted weird..."
Shisui blinked. "Don't tell me this is your first taste of alcohol!" Itachi stayed silent. "Why?! You're within the restrictions of 'be Genin or eighteen'!"
"Father said-"
"Screw your father! We both know he has poor decision-making skills!"
"While that is true, my father didn't have his first drink until the age of twenty-one. He expects me to do the same and, even then, he drinks sparingly. My grandfather never touched a drop of alcohol in his whole life, so my father considers his rules a lot less restrictive."
"I don't care! My little cousin has yet to taste the wonders of sake!"
"Shisui-"
"Shh, young grasshopper, Master Shisui will guide you!"
"Shisui-"
"Itachi-"
"BOSS!" a voice interrupted them. A man in an apron ran in. When he spotted Shisui, he let out a sigh of relief. "There you are! Boss, there's-"
"Hiroko," Shisui was through grit teeth, "this isn't a good time..." He tilted his head ever so slightly towards Itachi, who was staring at Hiroko with narrowed eyes.
"But Boss-"
"Shisui," Itachi said quietly, "why is the bartender from the Kuro ie calling you 'Boss'?"
Shisui's eyes widened. "You-"
"Boss, there's been a bar fight! A bad one!"
Shisui's head snapped up. "Who started it?"
"Uh...Sakura Haruno, I think."
"Oh no," Shisui and Itachi synced.
-/_\-
"Sasuke, where's the baby?"
Sasuke, who was sitting in their backyard for some reason, looked up at Fugaku.
"I gave her to Lord Hokage."
The blood drained from Fugaku's face.
"What's wrong, Father?"
Fugaku coughed. "She may or may not be the product of the unholy union between a now-deceased kunoichi and a nuke-nin from Iwa that he was just apprehended."
"...why was there an Iwa nuke-nin in Konoha?"
"That's exactly what the Hokage's going to ask."
Yes, Fugaku was oh-so-very screwed.
- End of Chapter Three -
-/_\-
Omake:
"Suiren?"
"Yes?"
"Your brother's name is Karen, right?"
"Yes."
"And your other brother is named Furen?"
"Yes."
"And your other other brother is named Doren?"
"Yes..."
"And your one and only sister is named Rairen?"
"What's your point?"
"Why are you all named after the ninjutsu types?"
"Eh?"
"You know, Suiton, Katon, Futon, Doton, and Raiton."
"Huh, I never thought about that!"
"Your mother did, apparently."
-/_\-
Sorry about the wait, I actually had the whole thing written out for a while, but I had to summon the willpower to write it. I already have the next chapter written, I've just got to type it, so you can look forward to that.
As for Naya's situation, I'm not playing it for comedy. What happened to her is serious. However, it is also part of the plot, so stay tuned.
Hope you all liked the latest installment! Now, this was kind of all over the place, and so will the next chapter, but trust me, it will all be tied together soon. There is, after all, a plot to this.
Anyway, remember to Vote and Comment! Until next time, this is SSSRHA2, signing out!