One Month Later.
"I can't look at it, Sophia! You look." Fiona begs me as she shoves the little white stick in my face.
I'm nervous too as I take it from her, my whole body tingling with anticipation.
"I'm scared too!" I cry out, not able to check if there's one line or two.
"I'm more scared, now look dammit!" She yells with blood shot eyes.
"Okay okay!" I say defensively as I bring Fiona's gross pee stick in a sandwich baggie into my line of sight.
Two little pink lines stare me in the face and my jaw instantly drops.
"Holy crap, Fiona! You're pregnant!" I almost scream, and drop the pregnancy test on the ground like its made of hot lava.
"Are you fucking serious?!" Fiona matches my pitch and scrambles to pick the test up off of the ground.
"Holy fuck I'm going to be a mom? I don't know how to be a mom! My pet fish died after three days, Sophia help me oh my fuck!" Fiona has a panic attack on my bathroom floor, and I instantly kneel down and wrap my arms around her.
"This is great news Fiona! You'll be a great mom, and I'll be here to help you through everything! We graduate next semester and Isaac loves you. This is awesome!" I cheer happily for Fiona's sake, but deep inside I feel a twinge of subtle jealousy.
Every morning I walk into Professor Crane's classroom. Every morning our eyes lock in agony and I have to pretend I'm okay. Every morning I see him almost break down and cry, and every morning I wipe away tears on the sleeve of my over sized sweater.
"You really think so?" Fiona asks me, the occasional tear streaming down her face and messing up her make up.
"I know so, Fi. This baby is going to have the best life ever."
Fiona scoffs and stands back on her feet, wiping her eyes delicately with her porcelains fingers.
"It's probably going to have issues because two weekends ago we got shit faced and binged project runway."
"We will make you an appointment to make sure everything is all good, but I'm pretty sure it's okay. What you really need to focus on is how your going to tell Isaac." As soon as I say those words there's a knock on my door and then the sound of it opening.
"Hey it's me, I'm back with the Chinese food." Isaac says as the sound of crinkling bags fill my stagnant apartment.
Fiona's face goes even more pale than usual and her eyes look up at me frantically.
"Uh, we'll be there in a sec." I call out to Isaac, my use of the word sec indicating that I've been spending way too much time with Gabbie.
It's been hard to mend my broken heart when my two best friends are always making out, so instead I've latched onto Gabbie for emotional support.
"You want to just tell him right now?" I ask Fiona who looks frantic.
"What? No! Maybe? I don't know Sophia! What do I do?" Fiona looks like she's about to fall apart, so I grab her shoulders to steady her.
"Just follow my lead, okay?" I say in a comforting manner. Fiona nods and I grab her hand, pulling her into the living room where Isaac is waiting.
"There's my two favorite ladies. Fiona are you okay?" Isaac asks as he notices how red and puffy his girlfriends eyes are.
"Uhm, no, actually she's sick." I say as I improvise.
"Sick? Do you need me to run and get something? Medicine? Something easier to digest than Chinese food?" Isaacs helpfulness kicks in almost instantly and he's on his feet comforting Fiona. It's so cute I could die.
Fiona suddenly starts smiling and laughing. It goes on for several seconds and she can't seem to make it stop.
"I can't," She wheezes "I cant believe I was even worried, baby, you'll be a great dad." Fiona says between giggles as she wraps her arms around Isaacs neck.
"Thank you bab- wait. What?!" Isaac looks like he's been slapped across the face as he pulls Fiona away and holds her at arms length.
"Are you pregnant?" He asks with a loud booming voice, his mouth already contorting into a handsome smile.
"Yes!" Fiona shrieks back and they pull each other into a long loving hug.
"Oh my god, Fiona I'm so happy. This is amazing." Isaac says, and I notice a few happy tears springing from his eyes.
"It must have been from the first time, we've been careful ever since." Fiona says and Isaac laughs. "Well I guess we really are stuck with each other, aren't we?"
I love that my friends are so happy, but the mood is really starting to get to me.
"I'm going to go for a walk and let you guys talk about things. I'll be back in a while." I say to them, and they instantly start trying to conceal their enthusiasm for my sake.
"No, stay! The food will get cold if you leave, besides there's not much to talk about yet." Fiona insists but I shake my head. This is very important and I don't want to bring them down.
"I'll be right back, Fi, gosh you're smothering me." I play it off as a joke and walk towards my door.
"And don't you dare think about having sex on my couch while I'm gone."
Once I'm outside I can take a deep breath. This last month had been nothing but hell as I sort through these feelings that don't seem to want to give me any rest.
I naturally start walking to the school because that's where my feet always seem to take me. The air is warm now and spring is in full bloom. The smell of blossoming trees and fresh rain hangs heavy in the air.
I've thought of forgiving Thomas more times than I could ever admit. Every night while I'm crying myself to sleep I think of what it would be like just to feel his arms around me one last time. I know I have to be strong, but that's so hard when I feel so weak all of the time.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I was Literarylane21, messaging Thomas secretly every night.
I would give anything to have those days back again.
Now I just spend my nights in my apartment, finishing my senior assignments and working on my novel that is no longer a cutesy romance novel by the way. I was too far along in the plot to change what the character looked like, but I was just far enough along to add an amazing twist.
Clara's likeness will forever be represented in my first ever novel, The Dead Dame, an erotic murder mystery, and you guessed it. She dies.
Gabbie even thinks my book has a good shot of being published, so when I've finished it she will take it to her dad for review.
I watch the campus come into view as I draw ever closer to the school that's housed me for nearly four years. My birthday is coming up soon, and I'm honestly excited to leave twenty-one behind. This year has been so hard, I'm just ready to be done with it.
I walk into the English building to see if anyone is in the computer labs working on an assignment. I've been doing some tutoring in my free time for the sake of spreading my knowledge.
I walk down the empty corridors, most classes having ended an hour ago. There are cliche posters of Shakespeare and Jane Austen on the walls along with poetry club fliers. I stare down at my feet for a while, and doing so causes me to accidentally walk right to Thomas's office.
My throat goes dry as I look up and see his name plate written in silver beside the door. I turn to walk away, but before I've created much of a distance I hear the door creak open.
"Sophia?" Thomas voice is barely above a whisper as he calls my name, the soft vibrato echoing off of the stone walls.
I turn to face him alone for the first time in a month. He looks Terrible. He hasn't shaved in weeks, his dress shirt is wrinkly, and his hair is down almost in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come this far." I offer as an excuse for my presence. I turn to keep walking away, but Thomas's desperate voice wills me back.
"Can we just talk for a moment, please."
My heart almost breaks even further as the desperation in his voice hits it like a jack hammer.
I bite my lip, trying to keep strong and just leave, but I can't.
I turn back around to face Thomas and nod my head, vocal confirmation impossible right now.
I walk into Thomas's office and look around at the small well decorated room. There are book shelves along almost every wall, and they're all full. If I were here on different circumstances I would be admiring them all.
"I'm so sorry." Thomas says, his hand coming up to cover his mouth almost as if his apology was an involuntary outburst.
"I'm trying to better myself. I've stayed sober, and I'm trying to get through this, but god it's so hard." He admits, his body starting to shake.
My lips tremble as I look on at the man I'm still so desperately in love with.
"It's hard for me too." I whisper, my voice frail and soft.
Thomas nods in understanding, I don't want him to think that I can just get over him. I don't want him to think what we had wasn't real.
"There's something... something I want you to have." Thomas says as as he walks over to his briefcase.
My heart thumps rapidly in my chest as I watch him undo the latches and pull a small black box out of his case.
I start shaking my head and stepping backwards towards his office door.
He better not. I don't think I can handle it.
Thomas walks up to me, his face full of pain.
"I bought this for you a while back, and it's only right that you have it Sophia. I can't return it, and I don't want to. Please take it." Thomas begs me.
Tears fall down my face like a waterfall as I keep shaking my head no. There's no way I could except my engagement ring as a parting gift. It's too cruel.
"Thomas... please stop." I beg, but he just takes a firm step towards me and opens the little velvet box.
Trough blurry eyes I stare down at the most beautiful piece of jewelry I've ever seen. It's rose gold and peppered with diamonds. There's a large diamond in the center that's surrounded by smaller diamonds that weave a beautiful but simple pattern along the band.
"Please just keep it. I can't. I just can't hold on to it anymore Sophia. It's like a damn horcrux." Thomas pushes the box towards me, and after several seconds of hesitation I grab it with shaking hands.
I don't want it either, but there's something about the way the pain is etched on his face that makes me take it.
We stand for several seconds in silence as I marvel at the beautiful ring hand picked for me. Thomas watches me for a while before clearing his throat and turning towards his desk.
"You should probably go." He says with a sadness looming over his words. I nod my head and grab for his door handle before a sense of bravery takes hold of my the likes of which I haven't felt in a while.
"Kiss me." I tell him firmly. Thomas turns to look at me so quickly that I'm afraid he has whiplash.
"What did you just say?" He asks me in disbelief.
"Kiss me. One last time." I reply, and not even a second later Thomas's familiar taste is against my lips. His hands are cupping my face and his mouth is desperately clinging to mine as we knowingly say our silent goodbyes.
This semester is over in a few days, and there's no way I could handle taking another one of his classes next semester.
When Thomas pulls away it feels like my glass heart falls to the hard floor. We both swallow and compose ourselves before I put my hand back on the door knob.
"Goodbye, Thomas." I say through soft sobs.
"Goodbye, Sophia." He replies, matching my solemn tone.
I open the office door and walk out, not daring to look back at Thomas. My hand tightens around the box in my fingers, it's presence making my skin burn.
I turn a corner in the hallway, and as soon as I'm sure that Thomas can't see me I fall to my knees in painful sobs.
In a moment of weakness I open the fragile box and take the ring out.
I stare at it for several seconds with blurry eyes before standing back up. I rub my eyes and try to get the tears to stop falling. Once they do, I grab the beautiful ring and slip it slowly on to my left ring finger.
***
A/N: So I'm fucking crying RN. No the story isn't over, I promise.
Ps: I'm on track to finish this whole book in one month. That's freaking insane.