December 16 came five days after Tony, Pepper, and Happy left to go to Malibu. It didn't sneak up on me. Of course not. I could probably forget my own birthday, but I would never ever forget December 16. It was forever engrained in my memories. As soon as Tony left, the day wrapped itself around me. It held me in its embrace and it wouldn't let me go until a few days after December 16. That's how it's always been for the last twenty-one years.
On days of tragedy, it seems like everyone knows where they were when it happened. On December 16, 1991, I was four years old. I had only been in the care of Howard and Maria Stark for a year before they got ripped away from me. They had left me with Tony just for a couple of days. Mom said they would be back in for Christmas. Her red lipstick stained my forehead. Tony said that we had danced around to Christmas tunes for a good part of the day. He told me that since I was missing Mom and Dad so much that day, he let me sleep in their bed. He got the news while I was sleeping. Tony told me in the morning when I woke up.
I had my most modest black dress on. One that I had made to look like one of mom's old dresses. I was even wearing one of her pearl necklaces. My hair was carefully pinned back and I fixed it so it was completely perfect once I landed. I had flown from the tower to the cemetery. There was no fucking way I was going to get into a car today.
My black heels sank into the ground a little as I maneuvered around the graves of people I didn't know. I clutched the bouquet of of roses closer to my chest as I walked. I walked past crumbling, forgotten graves until I was standing in front of one I will always remember. The white marble headstone stood out from all the rest.
"Hi Mom and Dad." I say with a smile as I kneeled in front of the headstone. I laid the flowers down. I was forever in debt to Howard and Maria Stark. Without them, God knows where I would be. Definitely wouldn't be here.
-
I spent most of the day with them until it got dark. I didn't want to go back to the tower so I flew to Hell's Kitchen. I would have gone back to the tower if Tony and Pepper were there, but it was only Bruce. And it's not like I don't like hanging out with Bruce, I do. It's just that I do not think that he could exactly console me on a day like today. Once I landed in an alley, I wrapped my covered arms around myself. It had already began snowing in the city a week or two ago and it was snowing tonight. I walked out of the alley and started walking to Matt's apartment.
The thick coat I wore helped me keep warm, but my legs were still bare. I reached up and pulled the pins out of my hair as I walked, letting my blonde hair fall. My toes were cold and my feet were starting to hurt. It had been a long day. My eyes hurt and I knew they were puffy, but the man I was going to wouldn't be able to see them, so it wasn't a problem.
I had told him about today. About what had happened on this date. Matt understood how I felt. He had lost his parents too, he knew what it felt like. Clint had known too. It seemed like everyone around me knew how it was to lose their parents. Matt had told me that if I wanted to, I could come by. I didn't think I was actually going to come by until I was sitting at the cemetery. Usually Tony comes with me so I'm never alone, but it was different this time. I had sat there by myself with them as I informed them what had happened that year: The fact that Tony almost died, Clint, the baby, and even Matt. I spoke to my adopted parents of one year like we were having dinner. I've always informed them on my year ever since I was little. Tony took me then too, but then he stopped when Obadiah told him to distance himself from me. When that happened, Aunt Peggy took me. When she moved away, I would drag Coulson or Happy here. Then, Tony was taken. When he came back, he started taking me again.
I had let my legs carry myself to Matt's apartment and now I was standing in front of his door. I was about to raise my hand to knock when the door swung open. Matt was standing there before me, still dressed in his suit from work. His little red glasses were still on as well. He must've just have gotten home. His nose was still red from being out in the cold.
"Hey." Matt spoke softly, holding the door open for me. I smiled the tiniest of smiles and walked inside, stepping out of my heels and leaving them next to his shoes.
"Hi." My voice was hoarse, thick with emotion I suppose. I carefully took off my coat and hung it up. His floor was cold under my feet as we walked out his little entryway.
"Have you eaten?" Matt asks as he unbuttons his suit jacket, taking it off and folding it over a chair. I stood almost awkwardly by the kitchen, looking out towards the windows.
"I'm okay." I responded. I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't feel hungry.
"You sure? I can order something or there's leftovers in the fridge." Matt takes off his glasses and walks towards me. He stops right in front of me, his head turned down towards me.
"I'm good. You should eat." I tell him, leaning against the counter. He undid his tie, leaving hanging around his neck.
"Do you want to go change? I'm guessing you're dressed up since you were wearing heels." He offers.
"Yeah. Thanks, Matt." I walk to his bedroom, my hand moving to my mother's pearls that were around my neck. I really didn't want to take them off, but she'd come down here and kill me if I'd slept in them. I carefully take off them off once I'm in his room, setting them momentarily on the bed. I take off the stiff black dress, quickly picking it up and folding it, also setting it on the bed. I pull on a pair of his sweatpants and one of his T-shirt's. I put the pearls on top of the dress and set it onto of his dresser. I take off my earring and set those on top of the dress as well. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around me.
"I honestly didn't think you were going to come by." Matt murmurs and I nod. I leaned against him and he pulled me closer. I looked down at the pearls and the earrings.
"I didn't think I was going to." My throat hurts and my hands leave the jewelry alone to rest on his hands, "Please tell me you don't have to go out tonight."
"Unless Hell's Kitchen absolutely cannot do without me." He responds as I turn in his arms. Matt looks concerned, which I suppose makes sense with what happens next. My emotions finally get the best of me and tears start to roll down my cheeks. I sniffle and wiping my tears away. Immediately, his arms wrap around me once more.
"I don't know why I am so emotional. I only knew them for a year. I was a fucking child." I mutter bitterly. It's true. I was four when they died, three when they adopted me. My memories of Maria and Howard Stark were blurry. Most of the things I knew of them came from the mouths of other people. I wasn't connected to them like Tony was. I wasn't their daughter by blood-
"You're emotional because you loved them. It doesn't matter that you only knew them a year." Matt tells me, his hand moving to wipe away my tears. I press my red painted lips together, shutting my eyes. He pressed his lips against my forehead. When he does that, more tears come out. My knees go weak and he has to hold me up. It's almost like the events of entire year had completely hit me all of a sudden. Tony was in space for a moment, he almost fell to his death. The earth was almost destroyed. Clint had completely broken me. My baby died inside of me. Clint hit me. My siblings kidnapped me so I would continue our linage. I killed my siblings. My birth mother specifically made me to kill her, to take over her role.
Its too much.
It's all too much.
So I sobbed. I sobbed into Matt's crisp white shirt, holding onto him tightly as sadness and grief wrapped around me and pulled me into the dark depths.