I grit my teeth, flinching slightly as the cold, metal, circular device on two rubber cords presses against my chest. I gather that it is some sort of tool to improve listening, and I do not appreciate it touching me. The intrusion upon my person lasts longer than I anticipated, but the human eventually pulls back.
"I'm getting an echo of some sort," he says, sounding confused.
"That's probably his second heart." I scowl at Shadow's unconcerned monotone, every instinct tensing at it, my very flesh wishing it could strike at him.
He is so...so insufferable! He could have mentioned that earlier, but he did not. It is like he is not even focusing on this. I do not know what is occupying his thoughts, but it sure manages to hold his attention enough! His infernal, distracted nature is only making this ordeal longer. I turn my head slightly to glare at him, but he is already staring down at the floor, gazing off glazedly.
"Second heart..." Mutters the human. "That'd have been nice to know about."
Tell me about it, I reply internally, disgruntled.
"Sure would be nice if I had someone to tell me these things before I ask about them," he continues, sending an obvious angle towards Shadow. I enthusiastically join him, also glaring at the dissatisfying hybrid. "I guess I just find the second one by myself?"
Left lower abdomen, I think, trying to convey the information. Shadow had told me while we were alone before this examination that I was forbidden from talking, but that hardly stops me from trying to speed this excruciating process.
"Maybe I should just x-ray you first," sighs the human. I nod, agreeing, wincing as my shoulder burns sharply. "What do you think?" I frown; I just responded. I nod again, but he doesn't seem to notice. It takes me a few moments, but I eventually realize he's just speaking in soliloquy, not strictly talking to me and certainly not looking for a reply.
Krr...! How annoying. I glare at the human now, too, also angry with him.
"No, Professor Ayers said she wanted to do that personally..." He sighs again, and I whack his tool lightly with my tail. "Hmm?" I put my tail where my lower heart is, knowing Shadow is not paying enough attention to notice.
"What are you doing there, bud?" The human asks condescendingly, and I bristle.
'Bud'? Like I am some inferior, less-intelligent creature than himself? I have to suppress a growl at the thought, thoroughly insulted. How degrading. He obviously has no idea who or what I am, which is very much the fault of a certain brother! I whack the metal thing again, harder this time, then put my tail on my heart for the second time.
"Your heart is there?" He asks, and I nod firmly. His eyes widen in surprise; I think to myself that he is rather slow on the uptake. "Oh. I didn't know you were intelligent. Man, that would have been useful information, right?" He sends a dirty look at Shadow, and I huff, sharing the look.
"Well, alright, then." Finally, with my helpful gestures, he starts making real progress in this preliminary examination.
It is about time this started speeding up, I think dryly, grateful that treatment for my injuries will now be sooner, rather than later. He is in the middle of rectally taking my temperature--an excruciatingly humiliating ordeal for me and one I will never relieve for the sake of dignity--when another human, this one female, comes in.
Of course she would come in when I am hunched over like a chastised dog, I groan, absolutely embarrassed beyond belief. Shadow starts slightly, but he goes right back to daydreaming before he notices my current position, something I am eternally grateful for. The thermometer is removed after a beep, and I immediately sit down, not wanting to ever experience anything like that ever again. The woman walks over, and I get an odd vibe from her; she does not have the usual repulsion, fear, or confusion humans usually get when first encountering me, nor the tired vapidness of the man who examined me. Instead, she seems excited, and I watch her warily.
"Well, aren't you incredible," she says breathlessly, and I, after a brief amount of surprise, accept the compliment. "Such craftsmanship! A bit of a mess with all of that blood on you, but that's fixable. You haven't been x-rayed yet? Well, let's remedy that!" I, following instructions, lay still as a machine scans me, resisting the urge to shove it away. Once it is done, the woman, who I can only assume is Professor Ayers, makes a tutting sound.
"Hmm. That would explain the remaining discomfort. I can't see past your red crests, but that's a rather unmistakable hunk of metal in your shoulder. There's a strange glow to it--I wonder why." I blink, surprised that she's talking to me and unnerved by the new information. "But, we'll get that out easily enough. How well do anesthetics work on you, do you know?" I shake my head, not knowing the answer to her question. "Well, it can't be helped. We'll use small increments and find out. Can you speak?"
I nod and, in response to her confused 'then why are you not?' face, gesture towards Shadow, exaggeratedly rolling my eyes. After a moment of comprehension, the Professor laughs, shaking her head.
"I should have known," she chortles. "You've got quite the personality. I suppose I can't ask your name, but I look forward to learning it." I beam at her, delighted to have finally met a human who treats me with appropriate respect. She carefully examines me all over, but she makes constant comments expressing her amazement at me, so I do not mind too much. Time passes without problems, but I do have a slight apprehension about her drawing my blood.
"It doesn't hurt," she promises, coaxing my arm towards her. "It just feels a like a big pinch." I shy away, avoiding the large, glass needle needed to take a sample of my extremely acidic blood. I am not afraid of the pain; I just do not want the sharp tip invading my flesh. "You're going to have to deal with it at some point," she points out, and I cross my arms, looking away with a huff as my shoulder twinges. She laughs again, holding the needle by her side.
"Ah, this is refreshing," she says, smiling. "Shadow's very cooperative, but he doesn't interact with people very much. He just sits there like a stone and accepts everything. You, on the other hand, seem quite obstinate. I like it!"
"He is very stubborn," Shadow comments, finally paying attention, and I glare at him.
Not as much as you, you hypocritical rockhead, I think, making sure he hears me through the connection he left open. It is very frustrating, but, without my powers, I cannot form one by myself, forcing me to rely on him remaining in contact, which he has so far. Though, when I think about it, he may not even realize that he has yet to sever our mindlink, the inexperienced ignoramus. Now, stop mussing up my affairs.
'Hypocritical rockhead'? He asks, sounding almost amused.
That was a nice term. I could use another one, if you would like.
I'm good.
That is debatable. I see you as quite villainous.
It's an expression. And, I am not. I--
Perspective, Shadow, I say, cutting him off before he can start ranting.You know how our kind feels about you. I withdraw from the contact before he can respond, putting out my arm for the needle in order to distract myself. If the silence before from him was light, it is now moody, and I can sense how he is wrestling between how he feels and how he knows I feel.
The interaction with Shadow, like every one I have had recently, awakens a plethora of confused feelings inside me. Beneath my deceptively calm exterior, repressed anger lurks, and a deeper pain lies beneath that. Deep within me is pure, heart-breaking hurt at Shadow's betrayal. It squeezes my chest and forms an empty pit in my core. With it comes bitterness and confusion, a melancholy turmoil swirling slowly through me.
I do not know how I feel about Shadow, how I should feel. He had been an idol, to me, one I was sure I could change for the better, one that, fundamentally, I trusted to not attack us. I had seen him as a lost soul, a tragic case. Now I, bitterly, have joined that category.
"Finally seen reason?" The professor teases, startling me out of my rather depressing thoughts. I smirk with amusement, deciding to pretend Shadow is not there for the meantime. It takes only a few moments to sweep the thoughts of him from my mind, during which she inserts the needle, and I grimace slightly at the uncomfortable feeling. I pull a face, looking down at the light-green blood that is exiting my body.
This is rather disconcerting... The needle is removed, and I rub my arm where it pierced my skin. I follow the woman with my gaze as she sends it for testing and sit still as she scrapes skin cells off of me and tests the hardness of my crests. I move my joints and stretch my muscles, contorting my body in positions as asked. It takes far too long for my tastes, but, eventually, the examination finishes. I give a half-wave of farewell to the interesting human woman, using the cultural behaviour for the first time, and follow Shadow out of the room.
"There's a few long-term holding cells down on Sublevel 11--that's where we're headed." I immediately, instinctively tense at the sound of Shadow's voice, feeling my annoyance with him rise.
Did he even listen to me earlier? I told him not to make conversation, yet he is doing exactly that! I could not care less where I am going--like 'Sublevel 11' means anything to me--and he very well knows that.
"Do I appear to care?" I snap, rolling my eyes at how surprised he seems by my response. Ridiculous. I know plants that are more attuned to the emotions of others.
"Oh, my mistake. So sorry I had the gall to inform you of something," Shadow replies sarcastically, his ornamental fur forming hackles. I glare pointedly at him, angry at having already been through this.
"You know, Shadow, I find you far less intolerable when you act only as a guard and not as someone familiar with me. We are not close, and I resent you acting like we are," I huff, ending my sentence with finality. Shadow scowls back, crossing his arms and coming to a halt in the hallway, forcing me to do the same.
"I don't get you, damn it! I try to be a decent person, and, yet, somehow, it's wrong! Fine! You don't want to talk to me. Should I abandon you to G.U.N.? Move on with my life? The only reason I'm even trying to treat you like anything more than a criminal is because I've been through very similar events to what you have and maintain some sympathy for you! I would be better off not showing any familiarity with you, let me assure you! It hurts my credibility to show even decency towards you, but I do, anyways, because I think it's the right thing to do!
"You were the one to first associate with me, or have you forgotten that? I haven't! You wanted us to be brothers, twin sons! Now, when I even talk to you, you tell me I shouldn't! So, what do you want, huh?" Shadow nearly bites off the end of his rant, and it takes me a moment to realize he has stopped for a reply. I growl in response, eyes flashing, angry words leaping to my lips.
"I wanted us to be brothers, back before you killed my father!" I snap, shoving down the rising emotions that accompany that thought.
"But!" Shadow interrupts, cutting me off. "But, you asked again, during our stand off on Angel Island, after I had defeated Black Death! So, do you want to be brothers or not?"
"Defeated? You murdered him!" I rage, barely able to keep myself from lashing out, knowing it will not do any good without my Chaos powers. "Stop tiptoeing around it!"
"Fine! I killed him. He would have lead to Mobius' complete consumption, but, by all means, let me be more specific about how I stopped him!"
For a long, long moment, we glare at each other, anger burning white hot. The same desire for vengeance as before fills me, and it is all I can do to not attack him. Then, slowly, we remember ourselves and our positions. Shadow turns away, unclenching his fists and crossing his arms, blood-red eyes smoldering under his narrowed eyelids. I find myself trembling with concentrated energy, intent, and resolve, all of which I cannot use right now. It infuriates me, to not be able to properly retaliate to an insult of this magnitude, but I have to let it go if I do not want to ruin my chance at a future here. Attacking Shadow, no matter if he deserves it or if I do no damage, will definitely not go over well with the Guardian Units of Nations.
Taking a very, very deep breath, I force myself to release the cloud of rage. It takes almost twenty seconds to unknot my muscles into a more relaxed state, and I find my words again. I will prove I am a civilized being, prove that I can contain myself, if only to spite those who would look down on me. So, despite how much I do not want to, I force myself to talk to the person I hold so much bitter emotion for.
"Once, I did," I utter in a raspy tone that makes my pain all too noticeable. I keep my eyes firmly downward, so I can continue to collect myself. "I did want to be your brother, but never if it meant giving up my family, my culture, and my freedom. Circumstances have since forced me away from those, but I cannot forget everything I once had just because it is gone. I cannot forget what you did." My anger starts to rekindle, and I try to suppress it, but it colors my words all the same. "How am I supposed to feel about you? You destroyed my kind, obliterated it! You all but drove us to extinction, and now I am all that is left!"
"I only did what I had to do when your father attacked my planet!" Shadow defends, clenching his fist and rising up on his toes to level with me; even with his shoes, he is still a good 5 centimeters shorter than me. "It was hell having to drive the Black Arms into the grave again, even knowing what would happen if I didn't! Slaughter like that? I never wanted to do it, especially knowing I was warring against my own kind! You think I don't already feel bad enough for abandoning the Black Arms to extinction?"
"I never said you did not!" I reply, growling. "But, you think that feeling bad about it changes how I feel about you? You betrayed our kind." I hold up a hand, forestalling his words as I point a taloned finger in his direction, glaring daggers. "And, most importantly, you betrayed me.
"I was the one who trusted you. I was the one who was supposed to destroy you, and I chose not to. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and you used that chance to rip away everything I had and everyone I loved."
"You call that love?" Shadow interjects, repulsed. "Serving under someone who can take absolute control of you at will? And does?"
"It was what I knew! Black Death was my father. He meant more to me than you ever did. You really think that I would not trade you for him, for my old life, in an instant?" I had not realized I had been closing the gap between us, but my pointed finger now jabs into Shadow's chest fur as I articulate my response. "And, regardless of whether or not my 'love' meets your standards, you still shattered it. My life, my future, and my family--all gone, because of you." I resist my instinctual urge to dig my claw into his chest, but it presses harder, involuntarily. Shadow does not flinch, bearing the pain, which only serves to make me feel more helpless in my anger.
"My world used to be clear," I continue, dragging my thoughts back to the argument. "I knew what I was, what I was supposed to be. You were the one to take that comfort from me. And did you want that? Does it make you feel better, knowing you inflicted your own pain on someone else?"
"...no."
"And that is all you have to say?" I demand, furious all over again.
"No! It made me feel awful! But I didn't have a choice!"
"Oh, really?" I ask, disgusted. I doubt there actually would have been any other outcome besides absolute victory of one side, but I want to see Shadow struggle with the answer.
"Like the Black Arms would have stopped if I asked politely? Sat down for diplomatic talks? Don't be ridiculous! We were at war!" Shadow protests, and I snort. "I chose the right side, and I don't regret it!"
"You just said you did! Or, is feeling 'awful' just normal for you, now that you have hurt so many?" I snarl.
"Well, let me rephrase! I don't feel bad for killing Black Doom, Black Death, or the Black Arms. They were monsters, who would have consumed everything I love. I feel bad for ruining your life--yours and only yours! You were young. You could have been something more than you were made to be, and I feel bad for taking that chance away from you. Not from them." Shadow gestures in a sweeping motion, referring to the rest of our kind. "I saw myself in you. I know exactly what pain you've gone through, and I knew then, too. I've wanted a family for years. But, you're the only person in all of the Black Arms' existence that isn't downright evil.
"That's what I regret, what gives me pause. I had to choose, and I chose correctly, but you paid the price. And I'm sorry. I never wanted that. But I can't change the past, and I never wanted this to happen."
For once, I feel speechless. If it is possible to feel even more betrayed, I do.
He, a traitor, the person who destroyed my entire reality, feels guilty for me? He tries to communicate because he wants a connection with me? And I, in essence, am the only reason he feels any guilt at all for the utter destruction of my entire species?
"You--you think that--that, just because you did not want to, that you are any better off in my eyes? That you can make up for it, act like it never happened?" I have never sounded so hurt, voice high, thin, and almost wonderous in my dismay, but this cuts right to my core. "You think you have the right?" I peer at him through watering eyes, my anguish indescribable.
"You have this notion that you can do anything but make my grief worse? That I would ever feel anything but pain that all of your regret is for me? Or, do you know how much torment that causes me and are determined to try anyways? To help me?" He does not reply, instead struggling to hold my gaze for the first time since I have met him. "This is why I have never been able to hate you," I say, voice weak with emotion. "Why I have wished so many times that you could just betray us heartlessly and be done with it. You actually care, regret what you have done."
Too late, I realize tears are flowing down my cheeks. Shadow stands, shell-shocked, as I, right in front of him, wrestle with the salty water stinging my eyes. It occurs to me that I am still touching him, and I step backwards, instinctively falling back like I have been burned.
"All I want is to be able to hate you. But, no matter how much pain you cause me, you still worm your way into my heart. I want you out of it!" I grit my teeth, balling my fists, tail lashing. "Stay away from me! Stop tearing me apart! All your presence does is hurt me!"
It sounds childish, but I do not care. Shadow is the source of all that has gone awry in my life, and I simply cannot deal with him on top of all of the stress this day has held. It would be fine if he was cold, withdrawn, cruel like a blood traitor should be. I could take shelter in a safe hatred for him, know exactly how to interact with him. But this? Him being forthcoming, honest, telling me that, for all the times he has not regretted his actions against our race, he regrets hurting me? Wishes he could have bonded with me, like I always dreamed about? It wraps up in my head, leaving me hopelessly lost in a world I thought I understood. And, it makes me feel like this is all my fault, even more than I thought. Maybe I am not just at fault for not fighting Shadow--maybe I could even have turned him, tried harder and prevented this all.
The thought is too much.
"Damn it!" I yell hoarsely, body wracking with energy. I want to claw indiscriminately, rip the floor apart, break a wall in my wrath. So much anger, at myself, at Shadow, and even at fate itself for laughing so cruelly in my face, fills me. It is so much, in fact, that it burns out in a matter of seconds. Only a breath after I could have torn the building itself in half, had I only had my abilities, I feel exhausted, swaying on my feet. "Damn it!" I almost fall to my knees, catching myself with a hand and landing in a crouch. I grit my teeth, standing when I want to lie down and cry.
I am stronger than that. I am not the helpless hatchling I once was. I am a formidable force, a contender for the most powerful soldier on this miserable planet. And I will uphold my position no matter what it costs me. Shadow does not deserve to see my vulnerability, for we never did bond, and any thinking otherwise is foolishly wishful.
"Let me make something clear," I growl, forcing myself to stand tall. "I do not care if you feel bad for the atrocities you have committed. What matters is that you did them, and you need to accept that I will never, ever let you hurt me like that again. You ever try to take anything I care about, no matter what or who, and I will kill you, regardless of the means or the consequences. Is that understood?"
"Yes." If Shadow is at all concerned about my threat, he does not show it. But, I know he will take it seriously. For better or worse, the hivemind still connects us. Through it, I can tell we are both dead serious, both entirely committing to what we have said.
"If you truly have my best interests at heart, then you should know I do not want to interact with you any more than necessary," I warn, planting my feet firmly as I regain my intimidating aura. "If you think I will treat you as anything more than a traitor to my kind, you are mistaken. I hold no trust or affection for you whatsoever, and that will take a very, very long time to change, assuming it ever does. I have a strong hatred of you, one you entirely deserve."
"I understand," Shadow replies quietly, gaze steady again.
"I do not want neither your pity nor your help, and I fully expect that you will leave me alone as much as feasible. Any interactions should be unavoidable, and they should include as little communication as possible."
"Why are you telling me this?" He asks softly, tilting his head slightly, ear unconsciously flicking. "I might be ordered otherwise, and then there would be no point. You're assuming I'll be allowed to stick to your conditions."
"I am telling you, not them," I reply, frustrated. "I am telling you, the villain of my story, what you should know if you ever want to understand or bond with me. I know I am not the only factor in your decisions--" The look I shoot him is so piercing that I almost feel some pity of my own, before I realize how happy it makes me that he flinches away from it. "--but these are my boundaries, the ones to be kept in mind when you are making your own. You say you care about me--" I turn away from him, only keeping eye contact over my shoulder, but, somehow, the posture is more fearsome than any of mine yet.
"--so let me see that you mean it, blood brother."
His face stays stoic, but he forgets the connection. Through it, I feel a brief flash of pain from him, but I cut it off. It tugs at my already sore heartstrings, the severing reminding me of when I ceased to feel the mind of my father, but I bear the ache, waiting for him to lead me to wherever we stopped going.
In a moment, he starts down the hallway, steps far more melancholy than usual, shoulders hunched just enough to be observable to someone who knows his body language well.
It almost annoys me that I notice it.
Regardless, I follow his back down three flights of human-sized stairs, keeping my eyes purposely unfocused so that they do not flit over his form. So that I do not try, once again, to reconcile his familiar image to his iniquitous, barbarous actions.
Thankfully, we soon arrive at another floor, on which Shadow opens a metal door. I walk inside and, minding my shoulder, carefully sit down on some padded bench. Shadow leaves without so much as a word, but I am glad for it, immediately letting out a sigh of relief I had not realized I was holding.
After some minutes of sitting, unsure of what to do, the lights dim, and I jump, standing up. They come back on, and I blink in surprise.
They react to my motion? Too tired to put more thought into the mechanics of them right now, I wish dearly that there was a place where I could curl up and get some sleep. Unfortunately, though, this room does seem to have any of the alcoves where I am used to sleeping...
...oh. The thought forms just as I am becoming discouraged, and I take a closer look at the item I mistook for a bench. Oh. Trying not to feel too foolish, I unfold a layer of the padding back, realizing I am supposed to sleep beneath it. Well, then.
I lie down, finding the experience both odd and surprisingly comfortable. I have some difficulty wriggling my spiky limbs in between the 'covers,' whatever they may be called.
Covers. That sounds about right. Then, lying still, I let the lights switch off again. My eyes start to close, despite themselves, and I eventually let them, knowing I will likely need the rest.
I hope tomorrow will be easier, I think, breathing coming more evenly now. Perhaps it is childish, but I think I deserve some luck, by this point. Maybe that is childish, too, wishful thinking and nothing more.
I hope not.
Author's Note: I hope this argument works well. I've rewritten it countless times, and I'm happiest with this version. The previous one, I felt, didn't give Eclipse the credit he deserves. He's been through a lot, and, while he can occasionally show his younger age, there was way too much of it before. So, here's to a more mature personality!
Eclipse is about Shadow's height in the comics, but I've had a headcanon for a while that he was hatched a bit early, to train for his battle with Shadow. Since Shadow is immortal and non-aging, he's stuck at somewhere around the age 16-18, as he's almost physically identical to Sonic. That makes sense, since humans peak in physical performance at that age, as well. But, who's to say the Black Arms aren't more powerful as full-grown adults? Eclipse, fully grown, is about 111-113 centimeters and much more muscular than Shadow, more resembling of the raw power of the normal Black Arms soldiers in appearance. You don't have to believe that, as it really doesn't have importance in the story, but there will be some references to it, so here's the explanation.
I hope you enjoyed! And Happy Creation Day to Shadow!