The next few weeks were an emotional blur. Robin's funeral was a week after he passed away. Anne mostly planned everything, despite Gemma and Harry's offers for help. I knew it was hard on her, but she was stubborn like Harry and didn't want any assistance from anyone.
I tried to be there for Harry as best as I could, but he kept to himself mostly. I tiptoed around him, not wanting to upset him further. He mainly spent his time writing a eulogy for Robin. I couldn't imagine having to consolidate an entire relationship with someone into a single speech.
"Harry," I said quietly on the day of Robin's funeral.
"Hm?" he replied.
"Can you zip me up?" I asked. It was getting harder to find clothes that I could put on myself; Matthew was going to be born in about two months and I was growing every day.
Harry nodded silently and walked out of the bathroom to zip my dress up. Once he did, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his hands on my bump. I sighed at his embrace.
"I'm sorry I've been so detached," Harry whispered.
"You have no reason to be sorry, my love," I replied, turning my head to look at him.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Gemma knocked on the door gently before opening it.
"It's time to get going," she said. Harry and I nodded and I went to Elizabeth's room to get her. She was asleep in her crib in her black dress and black shoes. I picked her up gently and grabbed the baby bag before meeting Harry and Gemma at the car.
The car ride was mostly silent, minus Elizabeth's interspersed babbling. I smiled softly at her and silently thanked her for being a little beacon of humor and joy in the midst of all of this. I looked at Harry through the rearview mirror and saw him cracking a fraction of a smile at our daughter's babbling.
The funeral went by quickly and tearfully. Elizabeth slept through most of it, which I was thankful for. Afterwards, Harry, Gemma, Anne and I gathered back at the house to eat one final meal before we all returned back home. I felt awful for leaving Anne by herself, but Harry, Gemma and I had lives, and Harry and I had a dog being watched by one of our neighbors that we needed to care for.
"We'll call you as soon as we get to London," Harry promised Anne. He gave her a tight hug and she kissed her son's cheek. I hugged her as well and handed her Elizabeth for a bit so she could say goodbye to her.
"I'll talk to you both soon," Anne said as we left her house.
"We love you," Harry replied.
"I love you both very much."
The ride home was fairly quiet. It was a more comfortable silence than the ride to the funeral. Harry rested one of his hands on my baby bump while keeping the other one on the steering wheel.
"Do you want to stop and get something to eat before we get home?" I asked. "I'm not sure what we have in the fridge."
"Then we should probably go grocery shopping," Harry said quietly. He parked the car in the lot of a grocery store and helped me out of the car. We got Elizabeth strapped into her stroller before entering the store. We bought our groceries and managed to avoid any fans asking questions. One fan, however, didn't ask for any pictures; all she asked was if Harry and I were doing alright and if she could have a hug from Harry. I could tell he appreciated not having to smile for pictures at that time.
Harry and I tried to get on with our lives as best as we could without Robin. We returned to our schedule with Harry recording and writing all day while I stayed home with Elizabeth and worked on orders for my online shop. He began to open up more and more as the weeks went on and before I knew it, he was as close to his old self as he was ever going to be. I knew that without Robin a piece of Harry's heart was missing; that's how it was for all of us. But he was cracking jokes and spending time with Elizabeth again. He was also helping me prepare for Matthew.
Matthew was due in late September, but we had to keep a bag prepared just in case something were to happen a little earlier. We also started on his nursery, which I insisted on being more involved with this time around. Harry begrudgingly allowed me to help with the decorating but insisted on doing the heavy lifting himself.
"I think for Matthew's nursery, we should do something similar to Elizabeth's back in L.A.," I said, walking around the room. "Plain walls with the dark wood furniture, but with blue blankets instead of pink."
Harry wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my cheek before replying, "That sounds lovely, Sara."
"We can keep the wall color the same, and maybe put a rug in the middle of the room. What color do you think would be good for a rug?" I asked Harry.
"Gray maybe?" he suggested.
I thought about it for a second and said, "I think that will look great. We can have a gray, blue, and black color scheme for this room." I continued mumbling design ideas to myself as I walked around what would soon be my son's nursery. I saw Harry smiling to himself and shaking his head.
"What?" I asked.
"You're really good at this," he replied simply.
"At what? Walking and talking to myself?"
"No, at interior design. You've got this mental picture of how you want it to be and it sounds like it's going to be beautiful."
"Thank you," I said. "I just want everything to be perfect."
"It will be, love," Harry cooed, wrapping me in a hug from behind. He kissed my temple and I smiled. We stood like that for a few minutes until Elizabeth began to cry from her room. I waddled across the hall and picked her up, trying to soothe her. Once I realized she needed a diaper change, I quickly took her to the changing table in her room and got her out of her soiled diaper and into a clean one.
Harry and I spent the night in with Elizabeth and Honey, watching movies on Netflix. We ordered Chinese takeout since I was craving it and ate on the couch. Honey was very persistent in his efforts to steal some of Harry's orange chicken, which Elizabeth found hilarious. She laughed every time Honey hopped up onto the couch and Harry shooed him away.
A few weeks later, Harry was preparing for the red carpet premier of Dunkirk. I still hadn't decided if I was going to attend the London premier with Harry or not due to the fact that we had Elizabeth to take care of and that I was very pregnant. I still went along to Harry's suit fittings at Gucci.
"Are you sure you don't want to come, Sara?" Harry asked me, standing in front of a mirror.
"It's not that I don't want to, Harry, because I do," I sighed, "I just don't think it's realistic at this point. I mean, I'm seven months pregnant and we have a ten-month-old to take care of."
"My mum can watch Elizabeth."
"I'm not asking her to drive three hours to babysit for us."
"What about Gemma? She's watching Elizabeth right now, and she'd definitely do it again."
"Maybe. I really don't want to get your hopes up only to not go with you."
Harry ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He turned in a circle and let the employees tailor his suit to fit him perfectly. It was a classic black suit that he paired with a white button-down shirt underneath.
"That suit looks good, babe," I commented from my chair. Harry smirked and thanked me.
"Are you sure you don't want to get something just in case?" he asked.
"You're very persistent, aren't you, Styles?"
"Just humor me, love."
I rolled my eyes and let an employee show me dress options for the premier. She picked out a beautiful black gown. It had straps and didn't show too much cleavage, which I appreciated. It had very few details, just a simple thigh-high slit lined with crystals.
"Do you think I could have this tailored to accommodate my stomach?" I asked the employee.
"Of course, Mrs. Styles," she replied with a smile. I showed Harry the gown and we bought it and left the store.
"So this means you're coming to the premier?" Harry asked hopefully once we made it to the car.
I groaned, "Babe, I told you I'm not making any permanent decisions. It really depends on how I feel the day of."
Harry nodded in understanding and I sighed. I really wanted to tell him that I'd accompany him to the premier, but I didn't want to let him down if I felt sick that day. My pregnancy with Matthew had been much different from my pregnancy with Elizabeth. I was either sick, tired, or both with Matthew. I didn't want to disappoint Harry by being sick or exhausted on the day he'd worked so hard to reach.
Once we got home, Harry took the bags into our bedroom and I got Elizabeth from Gemma.
"How was she?" I asked.
"Elizabeth was an angel as always," Gemma replied, handing my daughter to me. I kissed her chubby cheeks and smiled at her.
"If I happened to be up for going to Harry's premier, would you be able to watch Elizabeth that night?"
"Possibly," Gemma said, picking up her purse off the ground. "What day is the premier?"
"I think it's the twenty-first, but I'll have to double check with Harry."
"I think I'd be able to, but are you sure you'd be able to go?"
"I'm not, but I know how important this is for Harry and I want to support him," I sighed. "I've already told him not to get his hopes up."
"You know," Gemma said, "I think he should take our mum to the premier. I think she needs to get out of the house and she'd love to be there supporting Harry."
"I'll definitely run it by him," I said. "That's a much better idea than taking me."
I walked Gemma out of the house and shut the door behind her. Harry walked out of our bedroom and I handed Elizabeth to him, who lit up as soon as she saw him.
"I was talking with Gem," I started, sitting down on the couch and putting my feet up.
"About what?" Harry asked.
"Gemma and I think you should take your mom to the London premier," I said. "She'd love it and we think it would be good for her to get out of the house."
Harry thought for a moment before replying, "I'll ask her."
"You know I'd go with you in a heartbeat if I weren't as pregnant as I am, right?"
"I know, baby."
Harry placed a kiss on my forehead and set Elizabeth on the couch with me. She was almost a year old and the time had just flown by. She had a tooth growing in on the bottom and was crawling everywhere. Sometimes I wondered how Harry and I were going to be able to manage with a newborn and a toddler.
Anne accepted Harry's invitation to the London premier of Dunkirk. I offered to return the dress he'd bought me for the premier, but Harry told me to keep it for after Matthew was born. The next week, Anne and Harry were dressed to perfection, ready to leave for the premier.
"You look stunning, babe," I told Harry, placing a kiss on his lips.
"Thank you," he said, cracking a smile. I handed Elizabeth to him and he proceeded to pepper her cheeks with kisses. Elizabeth laughed, causing my heart to swell. Harry was an amazing father.
"Let me hold my granddaughter," Anne said, taking Elizabeth from Harry.
"You look beautiful, Mum," Harry said to her. She really did look beautiful in her simple black dress and black heels. But her smile was the most beautiful part, because I hadn't seen her smile like that in months.
"Thank you, love," Anne replied.
After a few minutes of chatting and obsessing over Elizabeth, Harry and Anne set off for the premier. I promised I'd call them if I needed anything, even though I knew I'd be fine. A few hours after they'd left, Twitter was obsessing over Harry's suit and the fact that he'd brought Anne as his date. I was more obsessed with the fact that Prince Harry was at the premier.
I looked at the pictures of the two Harry's meeting and laughed, because I knew how much Harry probably loved saying, "Hi, Harry" to Prince Harry.
Harry arrived home around 10:00 that night. Elizabeth was sound asleep in her crib and I was dozing on the couch when the front door opened.
"Hi, Sara," Harry said quietly, giving me a kiss.
"How was it?" I asked, sitting up and making room for him on the couch.
"It was incredible," he replied. "My mum had an amazing time too, and the fans were incredible. I wish you could've been there."
I ran my fingers through his hair and said, "I know, baby. I wish I could've been there, too. I'm so proud of you."
Harry tenderly placed his lips on mine and said, "Thank you. I love you."
"I love you more."
"It's pretty late. Let's go to bed, yeah?"
I nodded and waddled into our bedroom with Harry. We both got into our pajamas and I laid down in bed on my back. Harry crawled in next to me and placed a hand on my protruding stomach.
"He's gonna be here so soon," I whispered, running my fingers through Harry's hair.
"I can't wait," Harry whispered back. "I'm going to have a son."
"I know, baby."
I kissed Harry one last time before falling asleep, completely content with the way things were and the way things were going to be.
A/N: Hello, I'm so sorry it took me this long to update!! I just had really bad writer's block and it took me forever to get past it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!