just to clear up - dan's not alive or anything
he's like the voice in vic's head now
like vic's thoughts are just being narrated by him
also 2 in one day???? 2 in one MONTH? what a blessing my friends
also yikes this is confusing our boy is FUCKED up lol
-
I didn't know how long it was until I woke up again. Maybe a day or two? Maybe a whole week?
My head felt incredibly woozy - everything swimming in front of my eyes. I had to shut my eyes just to stop myself from throwing up because of how everything was just spinning.
God it felt like somebody had jabbed a knife between my eyes and had let it sit buried halfway into my skull. I could feel the throb in my head, feel the shocking emptiness coursing through my veins.
Why couldn't I feel the familiar twinge of magic? Why was everything so... cold?
I couldn't sit up, my body was too heavy for that. My limbs felt like they were being tied down with weights and my spine felt as if somebody had ripped it out and reattached it upside down.
I felt awful.
I had never been in this much pain or discomfort before and it was scaring me. I couldn't sit up, couldn't move, couldn't think. What if somebody came and attacked me? I'd be completely helpless to them.
What if the council tracked me down and in my barely conscious state just ended all the conflict I had caused for them?
Oh god. Was I going to die like this?
I would have cried in fear if I wasn't so incapacitated. I felt empty.
Shame, poor Vic. Alone again and BROKEN.
No. No not him. I couldn't handle him right now. Not in this state.
You can't even think coherently, can you? No worries. I'm always going to be right here for you.
Please go away. Please. Not while I'm like this. I don't know what's happening to me.
Why do you feel so sore, Vicky? Where ARE YOU?
Where am I? Where am I? I don't know. Please go away. Please leave me alone.
Come on, darling. Open your eyes. You're vulnerable like this. Anybody could kill you and you've pissed off SO many people.
I can't open my eyes. Everything... looks funny. I can't see.
What have you done? What have you done to yourself?
I don't know. What's happened to me? What's wrong with my body? Why can't I move? Why can't I see?
What's happened to you? You used to be so strong and intimidating. Now look at you. What have you done to yourself?
Why can't I move Dan? What's happened to me? What's wrong with me? Please help me. Please I don't want to die like this. I have to find Kellin and fix him.
So let me get this straight... If you find Kellin and fix him... you'll be happy to die right after?
Yes. I'll die after I know I've righted my mistake. Let me fix him and I'll die immediately. Don't let him die because of me. Let me fix it.
You're scared. I can feel it. It's like you're back in the dungeons. Remember? When you had detention there that one time? They locked you up in that small cell and you couldn't breathe. Remember the panic attack you had? It's made you scared of small spaces, that place.
Is that where I am? Am I back in that horrible place? Is that why it's so cold? It's so cold, Dan. Please help me...
I can't help you. But I pity you. I can feel how terrified you are. What if they placed you back in that stoned room? You cut your hands on the rocks trying to escape. Do you remember how you screamed? You couldn't handle being inside that place. It drove you mad.
Kellin helped though. He used to visit me.
Oh, you're right. I remember that. He used to come at nighttime and risk his own safety to see you. Whenever he came, things seemed a little warmer didn't they?
I almost died in that cell. I was almost blue when they let me out. The cold seemed to seep into my bones and my skin had a chill to it for a week. Am I there again? Where am I?
Wake up and find out! Maybe you're back in that dungeon after all. Maybe you died.
Will Kellin visit me this time? If I'm back in that hole?
Visit you? He can't... remember? He's dead.
Dead? What happened? Did you hurt him? I told you not to-
Me? Oh darling, I didn't hurt him. You did.
I'd never hurt him. You're lying.
He's dead! HE'S DEAD! GUESS WHO KILLED HIM.
You're lying! I'd never do anything like that.
You did! You killed him! Open your eyes and see! You'll see his lifeless body right next to you! You'll see him dead.
I didn't kill him.
Oh honey but you did. You killed them all. This is another one to strike off the list.
I didn't do that! I loved him! I loved all of them! They were my best friends.
Wake up! Open your eyes and you'll see.
See what? Why am I so cold? Why can't I feel anything?
You're empty.
Why? What happened to me. Empty of what?
Magic. You used it all up.
That's impossible. There's no such thing as using it up. It replenishes itself. As long as I'm alive - so is my magic.
And are you sure?
Sure of what?
That you're alive?
-
"You're awake," the voice said soothingly. "I was sure for a moment that you weren't ever going to wake up again."
I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't see, could barely understand the words.
"It's okay to open them," the voice replied as if they could heard my thoughts. "I injected you with magic so you should be somewhat level now."
Magic? Injected? I had my own magic, I didn't need to be-
"Vic, just relax," the voice demanded, "you're spiking. Don't be agitated, really everything's going to be alright."
"Is he up?" another voice asked, entering the room.
"He is, but he's not conscious," the original voice answered. "He can hear us though. I'm fairly certain."
"Tell him to wake the fuck up then," the other voice snapped. "He's scaring me half to fucking death."
"Being worried and angry won't help this," the first voice chastised. "You'll make him feel more restless and upset. I'm going for a calm vibe here."
"Not that I'm going against your judgement or anything but have you ever met this idiot?" the voice sounded mad. "He's never really been one to associate with calm. Let me show you how to wake him up."
The first voice started protesting, shushing the second and pleading with him to not do whatever the hell he planned to. But the second voice just inhaled deeply, silence settling over the room for a few seconds in anticipation for what might come.
"VICTOR FUCKING FUENTES YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING SLEEZEBUCKET DON'T FUCKING THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU SHIT WIELDING ASSHOLE BUT I DO AND YOU BETTER OPEN YOUR EYES AND FACE ME LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH THAT YOU ARE OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CUT OFF YOUR FACE AND WAVE IT LIKE A FLAG IN THE STREETS TO LET EVERYONE KNOW WHO THE DUMBEST BITCH IN THE WORLD IS-"
"That is enough!" The first voice screamed. "Don't you see you're just making everything worse?"
"How could that make it worse?" the voice was almost laughing but I could pick up the worried undertones. "He for sure heard that and is now biding his time making a reply."
"If anybody's a dumb bitch..." I wheezed hoarsely, "it's you, Jaime."
It felt like a hundred knives had chopped up my throat as I spoke and I still couldn't open my eyes, but I felt my best friend fall onto the bed in sickening relief.
"Oh God," he whined, "I thought you were fucking dead!"
"You gave us quite a scare, Vic," the first voice said. "We honestly thought we'd never be able to get you to recover."
"Open your eyes! Let me know you're somewhat stable, you ass!" Jaime begged.
"No," my voice felt foreign, as if I was listening rather than actually speaking.
"Why not, Vic?" the first voice cooed gently. "What are you so afraid of - oh."
"What?" Jaime demanded. "What, Alex? What?"
Alex's voice was trembling. "He-he doesn't know where he is. He's scared to see..." Alex's voice lowered into a whisper, thinking I wouldn't be able to hear. "...the body."
"There's nothing here," Jaime answered. "It's just us three, big guy. We're at your home. You're in bed, you're safe."
"Where is he?" I croaked, the apprehension still tight in my chest.
"Vic, a lot has happened," Jaime choked uneasily. "You should focus on just waking up properly and then... then we'll talk okay?"
"What happened?" I groaned, my body starting to hurt again. "Where am I?"
"You're home, Vic," Jaime repeated himself. "Why can't be remember what I'm saying?"
Alex muttered something incomprehensible. "I don't know. He's hard to read at the moment."
"Well read better!" Jaime snapped. "That's the one thing you're good at, isn't it?"
"I know you're worried, but don't snap at me," Alex replied irritably. "I'm doing the fucking best I can, considering the delicate circumstances."
"Where is he?" I asked again, wanting to roll over, to alleviate some of the tension in my back. I still couldn't move, couldn't even open my eyes if I wanted to. Every word I spoke seemed to deteriorate more and more of my strength.
"Vic, I don't think it's-" Jaime began.
"Stop, that answer is making it worse," Alex said, his voice was becoming panicked. "Hurry! Hurry call Hayley! I think we're losing him again."
"We're WHAT?"
"I don't know what's happening," Alex's voice was strained. "I-I-I can't read this... I... I don't know what this means."
"What's happening to him?" Jaime was near shouting, going near crazy with panic. I could hear him dialing a number in the background, speaking frantically.
I wanted to speak, to tell them they were calling the wrong number. I wanted to say that I didn't want Hayley or Alex or Jaime or anybody.
I wanted Kellin.
I wanted him to come here - wherever the fuck I was.
"Jaime! Jaime! Where's Hayley?" Alex's voice was so full of panic it almost hurt to listen to him. His next words were barely a whisper, barely anything. I almost wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been sitting so close to me. "Jaime, I think he's dying."
Good. If I had killed Kellin, then I'd rather die.
I'd rather just be wherever he is.
-
A hand.
I could feel it running through my hair. Running down my back, over my spine.
Suddenly my body didn't feel so tight and heavy. I didn't feel so restricted in my own skin - didn't feel so empty.
My body felt lighter, as if I were floating.
Who's hand?
Jaime?
Alex?
Hayley?
I didn't want any of them to be here. I wanted to disappear and pay for everything that I had done. It was time I face all my old friends, tell them how sorry I was.
Where am I? It's not so cold here.
"Are you awake?" the voice was soft, gentle.
I liked this voice. Much better than I liked the others. This voice wasn't worried, wasn't agitated. I felt much calmer with this voice.
Was I dead?
"It's weird now," the voice whispered, "everything's so weird now. It's like I don't exist solely as one person anymore... it's like there's another whole person inside my head."
Oh no no no. I did not like this voice anymore. This voice was high as fuck and I did not want that. Go away go away, I don't want you either.
"That's you," the voice continued, the hands stilling. "I know it's weird but... I know it's you. It's all your emotions, your thoughts. I can feel them now."
What the fuck? Jaime! Jaime please come back and take this junkie away from me.
"See? For example, I know you're feeling uncomfortable now," the voice was steady, soothing. "I know you're agitated and sad and so so confused. I know you're awake and can hear me."
Was I sitting with a reader? Hello? Alex is that you? Bitch what the FUCK are you doing - why are you talking like that?
"It's me, love. It's me. I'm right here. You're alive and that's all that matters right now. I thought you were dead. I thought I killed you."
Oh no. Oh no. Kells? Kells, is that you?
"Yeah, love. Can you feel me? I can feel your confusion. Everything's weird now isn't it? Why can I suddenly feel all of this? Like you're a part of me or something? It's strange."
What happened to me? Why can't I move?
"You're scared, I can feel that. I'm here though. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."
I said that too. Now look at you. Look what I did.
"Why are you suddenly feeling guilty? Was it something I said?"
Go away. Go away before I hurt you again.
"I'm never leaving you. Not again. Not after everything. I can't anyway... we're... we're connected somehow. I don't know how or what you did but it's... it's done something to us."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I cause so much pain. I'm so sorry.
"It's wonderful, honey," he praised instead, picking up at the guilt. "I love it. Honestly I do. Being a part of you like this? It's good. You know why? Because I love you and I never want to be without you again."
You ... what? You-
"Yeah," his voice wavered a little. "I love you. So wake up, please? Wake up and say it back."