Chapter 24
Carina:
Everybody has that one day in their lives where they feel the ground metaphorically shift right?
No? None of your long lost Deatheater fathers come back out of nowhere and woo your mother again?
If not, you all lead boring lives.
Boring lives I want.
For the past 15 years of my life, I had always thought a father was something I didn't want or need, accepting the pseudo attention I got from Ed as a blessing, I knew a lot of kids didn't have. I had a family. A tight knit sort of family that I loved above everything.
How do you deal with things if everything you have ever known is obliterated within days?
I didn't.
After two days of reluctantly crying and fussing over how unfair it is that not only is the darkest wizard of all times back, but has also encouraged my father to be; I am moving on.
By ignoring it.
I'm coining it The Carina Hadley way.
Christmas was fast approaching and there was nothing I could do to stop it. So I did what anyone would do. I wrote to my mother saying I wasn't coming home, told Daphne I was going to spend my holidays with her. Wrote to Archer and Blair telling them that I wasn't going to make it home this winter. While Archer wrote me 4 more letters asking what's wrong, because he's the best brother I didn't ask for, I told him nothing. Maybe when I see them at New Years. At the moment, I was going to ignore it and enjoy my favourite time of the year and writing to Will to stay away from my Deatheater father and hoping against hope that my mother hasn't ousted the Scott family for being nothing but nice to us.
But of course, under all my schoolwork, astounding amount of father issues and the onslaught of letters arriving every day, I had completely forgotten about my previous problem.
Draco Malfoy.
"Look kid." His cold voice drawled across the Common Room as I poked my head out of my book turning to his direction. The infamous platinum bob greeted me as he stood facing a defiant second year. "I don't care what you think. But you have a cold and I'm your prefect, so you're staying here."
Oh right, the prefects were in charge of not letting the kids catch the cold that was spreading through Hogwarts like wildfire. There's how much I like not being one.
"I don't take orders from you, Malfoy." The kids nasally voice rang through and I stifled a giggle.
"No kid." Malfoy hissed, "You do. Do you have a hearing problem? Did you not here the words, ''I'm your prefect?'"
A sudden yelp, had me abandoning the book altogether and I looked up from the back of the sofa to see Malfoy dragging the kid back towards the boys dormitories, "I've been here longer and trust me when I say this, you cannot sneak an attack on me, I will have you snapped in two before you even think about it."
"Stop threatening kids, Malfoy." I called out, addressing him for the first time in days directly, without our usual group around and his head snapped to me quick enough to give him whiplash.
He blinked, breaking our locked gazes and seemed to recover from the initial shock of my voice in the next second. "We," he said walking towards me, slowly, "were not so cheeky in second year."
I rolled my eyes with a snort as he came to stand directly in front of me, the back of the sofa the only thing separating us.
"You conjured up a snake in our second year." I reminded him, wincing at the pathetic Duelling Club memory.
He smirked, smug at the reminder as he walked around to come settle down next to me, picking my legs up by the ankles and setting them down on his lap easily. "That was Snape." He offered, still smirking abashedly at his superiority. Gosh he didn't shut up about it for days! Doing magic that only upperclassman dreamed about.
I shook my head, looking back down ay the book in my hand, keenly aware of the way his long cold fingers wrapped around my ankles and traced spirals, silently cursing at my need to wear shorts today. The goose-bumps were inevitable, I knew that when I came down to the coldish room, but his perpetually cold hands just acted as a catalyst.
"Why don't you have a blanket?" he asked, after a few minutes of staring at the fire, and turned to me sternly, stilling his hands on my ankle.
His hair looked almost red in the amber light of the fire in front of us and I sighed, "You're the one with cold hands, Dray." I said, trying to yank my leg back from his grip when he just tightened it, not amused at my accusation.
"I'll go get you a throw." He said, lifting my legs to get up when I shook my head.
"No." I said, pinning him down with my feet, "I'll go up in a few."
"But you're cold." He argued, "Who wears shorts in the middle of winter, Hadley?"
A very saucy grin lifted my lips at the way his eyes surveyed my exposed legs, "You really didn't mind it a month ago." I sang, making his eyes widen and bore into mine. After making sure no one was within hearing distance, he shook his head at me, settling down with a huff as I push my body down on the various cushions I had racked up behind me.
"You just love to rile me up, don't you?" he asked, his head resting on the back of the sofa as he stared up at the stony ceiling.
I copied him, looking up at the dark green almost black ceiling, not answering him and that's how we stayed for a while, his hand back on my foot, only this time, rubbing my sole to generate warmth and our gazes locked above.
"How are you?" he asked, as I finally looked around to see the Common Room has cleared out fairly, only a bunch of seventh years remained at the opposite side of the room, I noticed, playing wizard's chess near the windows and I turned my head to see him peering at me with a genuinely curious expression.
I never told anyone what really happened to cause me to break down that day, feeding them a crap story on how the O.W.L pressure got too much. No one except Daphne knew at school. And telling Draco was a complete no-go. Not when I read multiple articles on how Lucius Malfoy was one of the people including my father who claimed that they were under the Imperious curse.
Maybe he's met my father? Deatheaters are close aren't they? And Draco grew up around the children of Deatheaters. Maybe Draco and I would've been friends if my father hadn't deserted us. I shrugged, "I'll manage."
I felt him straighten up and fix me with a severe look, "Cut the bullshit." He muttered lowly, "What was in that letter?"
Of course he figured it out. Draco Malfoy is a smart fucker who pokes his head into my business way too much.
"Nothing." I replied, returning to my ceiling scrutiny, he just flicked my foot.
"Hadley-"
Dizzying circles appeared in my vision as I stared up unblinkingly, "There's nothing that you can do about it-"
"Is it about your mother seeing someone new?" he asked, pulling me out of my self made kaleidoscope, my face paling and a visible gulp going down my throat.
How did he figure out that much?
I pulled my legs away then, taking in a short panicky breath and he let go of them, not pushing me more as I stood up and snatched up my things.
"Goodnight." He muttered as I fled the room, looking so oddly calm and unsurprised at my non answer that it had me stopping just as I reached the door. He gave me a tiny smile as he caught my eye again, "You know where to find me." He said, encouragingly like we were best fucking friends who traded life-long secrets.
I scoffed and left, slamming the door behind me as I went up the stairs with a heavy feeling in my heart that while we were not best friends, we did know each other's life-long secrets.
*
"Quick show of hands." Pansy said, as she pushed Daphne and me apart to make a seat for herself in front of the coffee table, "Who all are staying back for Christmas?"
We all looked up at each other, shaking our heads and ready to dive back into work when Nott's hand shot up and he smirked at Daphne.
"I thought you were vacationing with Zabini?" Draco asked, looking perplexed as he looked between Zabini and Nott. Nott just smirked, boringly nodding at Draco and resuming his stare contest with Daph.
"Um, Nott?" Daphne asked, after a few seconds of his just smirking at her, looking uneasy as she fiddled with her fingers. "Why are you staring?"
"Oh right." Nott muttered, snaking a hand thorough his dark hair, the realisation that none of us were in to his joke coming to him. "Daphne, I-"
"Oh!" Blaise echoed, slapping a hand on Nott's back roughly and waggling his eyebrows. Nott just smiled back at him good naturedly and I hurriedly met Draco's eyes, what is going on?
His answer was to shift his gaze back to Nott's who was now rubbing the back of his neck, his face guilty as he looked at all of us and then Draco's eyebrows shot up with comprehension, but Nott beat him to the explanation.
"Daphne." He said hesitantly, "I should've asked before, I'm sorry."
"Asked what?" Daphne quizzed, but my mind whirled, trying to link these two. What would Nott want to ask Daphne? And what's that got to do with Christmas? Why is Nott sorry- Oh!
"About Astoria." Nott said gently, gauging Daphne's reaction as he voiced my thoughts, "I should've asked if you were alright with all this before I went ahead-"
"That's fine." Daphne said, cutting him off and smiling a bit at Nott's pink cheeks, "I'm glad you both are happy."
"Really?" Nott asked, looking a tad bit constipated as Daphne laughed, nodding her head and throwing him a balled parchment piece.
"Get back to work you guys." She muttered, smiling as she looked down, but then stopped abruptly and looked up. "Hey Nott?"
"Hmm?"
"Break my sister's heart and I'll break your face."
I have never been prouder.
"So let me get this straight?" Pansy said, just as I had dipped my quill back in the ink pot, "You're here for holidays?"
"Uh, yes." Nott said, not looking up, "So is Astoria."
"And Zabini is going to Fiji." She said, holding up three fingers in her hand, "Draco is going to gobble down the entire Malfoy Christmas sweets stash," she was folding one finger in when a well-aimed parchment ball hit Pansy's forehead, "Daphne is going to canoodle with Milo, and I'm going to Ireland."
"Is there a reason, you're listing our plans?" Draco asked, narrowing his eyes at me as if trying to figure me out.
"Oh, Hadley," Pansy turned to me with an excited expression, "You're here too right?"
"No," I said slowly, "I'm going to Daphne's." Daphne shot me a bright smile at that.
"You're not going home?" Blaise asked and I shook my head, focusing back on my Herbology essay, "Why?"
"Why do you care?-"
"So Nott's the only one here?" Pansy cut hurriedly and I nodded, not meeting anyone's eyes, "Then I need a favour from you Theo."
"Um, Pans-", Nott said, trying to cut in when Pansy shut him up again and I reluctantly looked up only to meet Draco's hard gaze.
"It's nothing major," Pansy said conversationally, "I just need you to kiss Umbridge's arse from time to time-"
"WHAT?!"
"Calm down!" Pansy hissed, giving a hard glare at the shocked faces that greeted her, "I have a plan-"
"And that's supposed to be reassuring?" Draco scoffed, but Pansy silenced him with a severe look.
"You know how there were rumours, Potter had started a secret organisation against Umbridge?" she asked, and we all stared at her blankly. "Oh, right." Realisation dawned on her face, "I forgot to tell you guys, because of how absolutely ridiculous it was." That got her nods, "But I'm thinking about using that to our advantage." Her eyes shone with pride at her short explanation and I leaned in, seeing all of us doing the same as we let her go on with her new scheme.
"So, I have been subtly advising Umbridge into trying to combat the alleged Potter group" she said, her voice hurried and hushed, "And she's really close to being convinced, I just need to get her paranoid enough to actually give it a go."
"And how are you doing that?" I asked, looking at her sceptically, this did seem farfetched. "What do we gain?"
Pansy rolled her eyes, "Only immense control." She said, knowing that the boys were already sold, then she narrowed her eyes at me and Daphne and went on, "Care, you'll love this, and Daph try not to hit us."
"Why will I-"
"I'm talking about a task force," Pansy said, dismissing Daphne's concerns, "You know something that makes us equal to Prefects?"
"But you and Draco are prefects already." I pointed out, it went without saying that we did sometimes rely on them to abuse that privilege, mostly because classes were boring and lowerclassmen were just so cheeky now-a-days.
"Yeah," Pansy said, tsking, "But we aren't always around, are we?"
"No thanks, Pans." I said, turning back to work, "I don't have to be a Prefect to make people pay for things they do to me or us."
"Well, while that's true." Pansy said, "I think it'll be fun."
"Pans." Daphne said gently, grimacing as Parkinson's harsh glare fell on her face, "I don't think it's a great idea."
"Don't be a Daphne downer!" Pansy whined, throwing her hands up, "It'll be fun, we'll be able to do this as a group and no will ever cross us!"
"No one really does cross us." I reminded her, smirking a bit.
"Yeah well," she said, "We'll at least have a one up on those Gryffindorks."
And the boys excitedly pumped their fists, the Quidditch loss still fresh on their in minds while Daph and I sighed.
"I'm going to brush up on my healing spells." I mumbled later as the enthusiasm died down a bit, "I have a feeling a lot of kids are going to need them."
Draco and Pansy just threw me dashing grins at that.
*
"Are you sure about this?" Daphne asked as we strolled through an aisle in the library, keeping our eyes peeled for books on antidotes for our Potions essay.
"100%." I mumbled, "Besides, what other choice do I have?"
"Well you could talk to him-"
"Does now look like the kind of climate I want to talk to my father about his allegiance?" I hissed, turning around to face her, my face set in fury. It comes as no surprise that Daphne wants me to go home and try to smooth things over with mum. Of course she does. She adores mum.
"Look, all I'm saying is at least give him a chance to explain-"
"Carina!" a voice whisper-yelled from behind me then cuttingDaphne off and I whirled around to see Hermione making her way to us in quick strides, "Hey Daph!"
"You finally remembered I existed?" I scoffed, "How are you here today?"
Hermione shot me an annoyed look, which I just returned, I had barely seen her these past few days and I wasn't going to be happy about her ditching me left right and centre.
"Busy." She said curtly, then motioned for us to join her on one of the tables, "Can I talk to you?"
"Depends-"
"Of course." Daphne agreed, already dragging me to the table.
"Daph we don't have the book-"
"What did you do to Zacharias Smith?" Hermione asked as she took a seat on a nearby table and I shot her a flabbergasted look, my mind immediately shooting back to the Eloise incident.
Daphne snickered as I asked a cautious, "Why?"
Hermione's eyes narrowed at my defence, "Because he's been moaning about you being a top class bitch all the damn time."
"Interesting." I said lowly, "Spending a lot of time with Smith, are you?" I questioned seeing as her eyes widened at my accusation, but there was something that told me I didn't know the full story and that pissed me off. Hermione always told me everything. What was stopping her now?
"We have Herbology with Hufflepuffs." She said grudgingly, as if that explained everything.
"And we have Charms with them," I acknowledged, "Smith doesn't seem to be bemoaning my name then."
"Maybe because you're around." Hermione shot back, "And something about Malfoy threatening to break his legs?" she asked quizzically and I laughed.
"You know what?" I asked, standing up and grabbing Daphne's arm, "I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you anything. Especially since you've actively been avoiding me." Looking down at Daph, I mumble a quick, "Let's go." And we scurried out of the library, leaving Hermione behind.
It wasn't until we reached the Entrance Hall that Daphne spoke up, her face screwed up in deep thought, "You remember what Pansy said the other night?" she asked, and I looked back at her, enquiringly, "About Potter having a secret group against Dumbridge?"
I made a sour face, "What's that got to do with-"
"Think about it," Daphne urged as we neared the dungeon steps, "if Potter has a group, Hermione is obviously in it." She stopped as I did, giving her a look, "She's busy all the time and hurrying to make excuses in the next-"
"If they had a group against Dumbridge,"I cut her off, "She would ask us to be a part of it too, don't you think?"
"No." she answered immediately, "Potter wouldn't allow it-"
"But we hate Dumbdridge too!" I argued.
"And Potter and Weasley hate us!" Daphne finished, "Just because you think there isn't a discrimination, doesn't mean there isn't. Gryffindors would never ask Slytherins to be part of a secret group with them. It's like the law."
"But that's stupid." I said, staring down, "We all hate her equally."
"No." Daphne said, "They hate her more because she was a Slytherin."
That thought didn't leave my mind for the next two days.
*
"Why aren't you going home?" a cold voice drawled in my ear late that night as I lay curled up one of the many corner sofas in the Common Room, my eyes droopy and mind foggy as I barely concentrated on the words of my essay.
"Go away." I mumbled, shutting my eyes to avoid looking at Malfoy. "I have had enough of your company for this year, see you next year!"
A chuckle sounded as I felt him take a seat near my head, his hot breath rushing past my face as he peered in, I assume. "Carina." He said softly, almost invitingly and I sighed, opening my slightly red eyes at him.
"What?" I asked irritatingly, and his face brightened at my response, exhaling he sat down. "Can you give me a scalp massage?"
"Do I look like a masseuse to you?" I shot back, annoyed at how he positioned himself under me, turning and facing the window in front of us.
"We need to talk." Draco said, tilting his head up to the ceiling and consequently gazing up at me, crumpling the essay on my lap with his big head. I frowned.
"No, we don't." I said, looking around the Common Room to see that late nights and holidays brought on a lot more people around, apparently; it was pretty full for 12 AM.
"Hands." Draco demanded, narrowing his eyes at me and I saw his own coming up to grasp mine.
Fuck it.
"You infuriate me." I deadpanned, shoving my hand through his hair and earning myself a soft sigh of content as his head went back to stare out the window. "You're addicted to this aren't you?"
His head turned up again, making my hands slip to his forehead and a wicked smile answered me, "Only from you, darling."
My eyes narrowed at his sweet talk.
"You're not going to go until I tell you why I'm not going home, are you?" I asked, roughly rubbing my palm through his scalp but he still hummed.
"Is it because of your mother's new boyfriend?" he asked abruptly and my hands stilled, my body going numb upon the question as my mind painfully flashed back to the Mummy-Daddy-Me family picture I had kept hidden and locked in a black box in my head. Who knew Draco Malfoy and his questions were the key?
"No." I said, resuming my massage as my fingertips grazed his thick head, "I'm just spending time with Daph."
"Bullshit." He shot back, immediately and leaned forward, getting my hands off his head as he whirled around to face me an angry expression on his face, "You said you wanted to be friends again, right?"
An uneasy look crossed my face, "Uh, I don't like where this is going."
"Tough luck, Hadley." He countered, squaring up to me, as his eyes met mine, "As your friend, I think you need to go home and sort out your relationship with your mother."
Say what now?
I blinked, still unsure about what I've just heard and the unyielding expression on his face. But Merlin, he looks hot with his face all set.
"Hadley?" Draco said, again, scrunching up his face at my non reaction.
"Uh, yo-you," I stammered and then cleared my throat, "you want me to go sort out my issues with my mother?" he nodded slowly, and I gulped, "Don't you hate my mother?" I shot back, my face turning questioning, "For the whole Ed thing?"
His dismissed my concerns with a wave of his hand and an impatient tsk, "Like you said, I'm not my father, who am I to question someone's love?" he said his voice all high and mighty making me blanch.
"Hell to the fucking no!" I cried, "You're Draco Malfoy and you care very much if someone loves a squib, a muggle-born or blasphemously, a muggle!"
His face turned into a sneer at my reaction and he yanked my arm towards him hard, getting our faces closer, "You're wrong." He whispered lowly, his breath washing over the lower half of my face, "I don't care."
I pulled back an inch, narrowing my eye at him, "So you wouldn't care if, say, I went ahead and dated that muggle-born Ravenclaw who fell in Herbology yesterday?"
His face hardened, but he tried very hard to keep it clear of any strong emotions. After what seemed like minutes he shrugged, forcedly, "I don't care, go date Sloppy-Step-ston." But his slightly narrow left eye gave it away. I can't believe I know Draco Malfoy's tells.
I smirked, "Oh but you do." I answered, "You care very much." With the satisfying way his face fell I pulled back, settling back down against a cushion.
He took a deep, I think calming breath as he regarded my pleased expression, "Look." He said lowly, his shoulders slumping, "I've done a lot of thinking on this and I've come to the conclusion that maybe just maybe you're right."
"I'm always right." I confirmed, "But I like hearing about what."
He rolled his eyes, "About me not being my father." He said quietly and then looked way as my eyebrows shot up, all the way to my hairline.
"Are you serious?" I gasped, a slow smile taking over my face as I shook his shoulders to make sure he was indeed in front of me.
He let me manhandle him for a few seconds before he gave me a small smile, "Maybe not close to accepting purebloods and muggle-born relationships," he started, biting his lip, "but it never did make sense to me that they stole magic."
It was done, Draco Malfoy had managed to make me laugh from ear to ear and simultaneously got my heart beating double time with not only the urge to hug him, but to kiss him a thousand times over. Is this euphoria?
"You have no idea," I said quickly, as I pulled him to me in an awkward crouch hug, "How fucking happy you've made me right now-"
"Now don't go around getting any ideas!" he hissed, pulling back to give me a stern expression, "I still very much hate them-"
"I know." I said seriously. Draco's hatred for non-magic folk runs very deep in his blood, maybe it's even infused in his DNA. "But you don't believe in the ridiculous 'They stole our magic' notion and that's leaps and bounds ahead of what I had expected from you-"
"Expected from me?" he asked, looking a bit flabbergasted.
"I want to kiss you." I said in a rush, until my cheeks reddened at my admission and I slumped back into the cushion immediately, my eyes wide.
Draco answered me with a dazzling grin, "On one condition." He said, looking around us swiftly. I didn't even care if we had an audience right now. "You promise me you go home."
Well there's the dampener I needed.
"Hadley." He started, looking at my slowly falling expression, "I just admitted something that will get me disowned from my family." He said seriously, "Can't you at least try to patch up yours?"
Oh, Malfoy. If only you knew. While you can keep your mouth shut and opinions to yourself around your family, I will have to run away from my possibly death eater father?
"I'll kiss you." Draco said, smiling at me with a promise as his eyes flashed to my lips and he bit his. Damn his fantastic mouth. "Just try?" he tried, leaning closer, "Just once, you can be on the train back to Daphne's at the first fight."
Can I?
Will the woman who kept me hidden all these years go back to the man she ran from if she knew it was dangerous?
My mother is a smart person, she's a lawyer, everything has its pros and cons in her head.
Maybe, just maybe she is not wrong?
"Damn you, Malfoy." I muttered, pulling him to me by the collar and smashing our lips together. The least he could do was give me a toe-curling kiss.
*
"Will!" I hissed, pulling the beanie off my head and jabbing my finger into my bestfriend who was looking all around the lane, but not at me. "Scott!" I yelled, yanking his jacket back and pulling him to face me, "How did you miss me?"
Will's sharp face came into focus as he blinked heavily at me through the rain, smiling wide and clear as he enveloped me in a hug, "It's good to see you, blondie"
"I missed you so much." I murmured, hugging him tight as he lifted me off the ground a bit to twirl me around, "Put me down!"
He shook his head, spraying raindrops around as he slicked his now fully black hair back and picked up my trunk, pushing me towards a parked black sedan a few steps away from us.
"Michael?" I asked, eying the expensive car and he nodded.
"Perks of having a rich brother." He shrugged, rapping on a window to get the driver to help us unload my trunk and Arthur poked his head out, giving us a cheery smile as he took in our drenched looks.
"Arty!" I smiled, as he got out the car with a neat black umbrella, giving us disapproving looks as we stepped back to avoid getting under it, "We'll be in the back." I promised cheekily and pulled a cackling Will with me to the backseat.
"I missed you, sunshine." Will murmured as we slumped back into the seats, uncaring at the wet splotches that echoed in the empty space and he turned to give me an infectious grin. "So is there something you want to tell me?"
I sighed, knowing with Will and his super smart inquisitive mind I will have to spill the beans sooner or later, I did write to him, telling him to pick me up, "You have you buy me food first." I stated matter-of-factly and he laughed, "Someplace super unhealthy, I want chips and coffee and greasy noodles."
"One plate of diarrhoea coming right up." He said, leaning forwards to instruct Arthur about the detour.
"So tell me about Draco." He said falling back and giving me a knowing look, I deflected it by looking out the window, "Something's gotta give, Rin."
I sighed, turning halfway to give him a sheepish look, "I hated him and then I didn't?"
He rolled his eyes in answer, "Hate and mate?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows horribly and I shuddered.
"You're disgusting." I informed him, crossing my arms and looking out the window.
"Yeah, but you love me." He said, sweetly, resting his huge head on my shoulder. It was probably super uncomfortable for him, because he was taller than I am, but he always did it whenever he felt I was in need of human contact to make me feel better. I cannot even begin to fathom how much I love this human.
"You're leaving me aren't you?" he whispered after a few moments of silence as we zipped through traffic and a small lump formed in my throat. One I thought had dispelled on the train, but apparently I didn't.
"Remember what I told you about Deatheaters?" I asked him lowly, feeling an arm wrap around my waist. He nodded against my shoulder and I caught his right in mine tightly. "Remember when I told you, they hate muggles?"
His head immediately left my shoulder, and he turned to me with thunder on his face, "Your-" he faltered, looking at my barely held together face, "Your father?"
I nodded, feeling my face break and he stuffed it in the crook of his neck, holding me as I hiccupped, cried and told him how he had to maintain his distance from me if my father really was shacking up with my mother and he still supported the Dark Lord.
It wasn't baseless, the timing was too uncanny. Corban Yaxley was back and he was still under Voldemorts's thumb. That meant I was going to have to break contact with Will and the entire Scott family if I wanted to keep them out of this fucked up world I was a part of.
"I think that's why your mother fired Esmeralda-"
"Esme's gone?" I cut in, blanching at the thought of my plump old foreign housemaid, not bustling around the huge Hadley residence, fluffing pillows and cooking spicy Mexican dishes that had us breathing fire.
"Your mother cut contact with us a long time ago." He said sadly and for the first time since my mother wrote to me that she is back with my father, the rage that had slowly been building subsided a bit. She had kept them away and safe.
There was a chance my mother was using her head after all.
"I'm so sorry." I murmured, still hugging him and he rubbed a hand through my back, the wet fabric sticking to my skin, "I'm so sorry."
"I'll be fine." He said, almost like he was convincing himself, "You still have to tell me this entire thing in detail, alright?"
And I nodded against him, savouring the last day we would get to spend together for a long long time.
If Voldemort wins, I will most likely be dead in a few days or never see him again.
If Voldemort loses, I will most likely be dead anyway.
As much as people want to convince themselves, war was imminent, and people were going to die no matter where they stood.
For the first time, I wondered which side I wanted to be on.
*
I've always loved the way my home looked, yellow walls and dark brown roofs all coming together to make one of the most majestically modern mansion I had ever seen. Of course, I am biased, I did grow up here, it also helps that my best friend lives a stone's throw away, right next door actually. But today, it looked daunting, it didn't look like the one I would look up to, awed, as the sun came up from behind when I sneaked in after my night-outs. It looked gloomy, with the overcast hung low in the air and almost all the lights off.
Gulping I stole a quick glance to my right, eyeing the tall shadow that belonged to my bestfriend watching me from the backlit kitchen window. With a pang I realised that's what our life was going to be like from now on, him staying far far away from me.
Let's get this over with.
So I picked up my trunk and entered the security code next to the gate, making my way up the long driveway to the home I used to call relaxing once.
"Mum?" I called out, as I opened the front door, looking at the dim hallway that was always bright before, what with the pointy small centrepiece and windows on all sides. But today the blinds were drawn and only the small wall dim lights were on, how it usually is when we went to bed, or out or basically when no one was home.
Silence greeted me as I set my trunk near the front door, kicking off my wet boots next to them. I was just about to pad my way across to the living room like I habitually did, hoping and knowing that mum must've fallen asleep near the fireplace, curled up in her favourite, somewhat lumpy but comfy armchair, her new case file upside down on her torso as she softly snored away, but today, I jumped. The deafening crack of apparition ringing in my ears as I had just taken one step in.
An ugly little thing in a yellow shining cloth faced me, a house elf I deduced. Its large beady eyes, looking like bulbs as he/she peered up at me, the rest of his/her face a culmination of a long pointy nose and ears coupled with a thin mouth.
"Miss Yaxley!" a high pitched voice came out of its mouth, "Tully is so happy to see you!" with unknown energy the house elf snapped his fingers, my trunk levitating in air behind me as he bowed so low his nose touched the carpet.
I made a face at his greeting. "Who are you?" I asked, my eyes roaming from him to the empty, silent corridor behind him. We've never had a house elf. It would have been weird to explain to our muggle neighbours, but we had Esmeralda.
Who was now fired.
"MUM!" I shouted, making the tiny thing jump in fright and turn around, scurrying away with my trunk and I walked in faster, crossing to the living room to find it dark and empty.
"MUM WHERE ARE YOU-"
"You have a set of lungs, I'll give you that." A deep voice broke off my screeching and I whirled around to come face to face with the one man I was hoping to avoid this entire trip.
Piercing light blue eyes, stared at me as my really tall father stepped down from the staircase, slowly walking to me with his deeply wrinkled forehead and sagging cheeks a far cry from the handsome photos I had seen in the old Daily Prophets.
My thoughts evaporated, words seeming like a foreign concept to me as I struggled to form a single sentence in my head, a very lightheaded feeling slowly creeping into my veins.
"Are you alright, dear?" my father's voice came as he frowned and stepped closer to me, "You seem quite pale."
Mymouth moved on its own accord, "Mum-who-wha-" I stopped, snapping my mouth shut as I leaned back against the door pane leading to the cosy living room, trying to get the uncontrollable urge to pass out, ironically, under control.
"Who are you-"
"Is that how you want to greet your father, dear?" he cut me off again, smiling a bit as laugh lines appeared near his eyes, laugh lines I had.
Deep breaths, Hadley.
Wait, you're not even Hadley anymore.
I think I'm going to pass out, I could already feel the black blanket falling over my vision.
"You're not my father." I whispered brokenly, as I gripped the wall behind me, ready to fall to the ground any second.
"Cora?" he called, and I lifted my heavy head to wait for a Cora to walk out the shadows, "You look like you're fainting."
My eyes snapped back to his, blinking numerous times as I realised he had called me by the wrong name, "Who-"
"Carina?" my mother's strong voice pierced through the heavy fog in my mind and my body instantly lifted off the wall, I stumbled, walking towards my mother's tired face as she came closer and caught me just before I fell, holding me up, "Honey, I didn't know you were coming home."
"Right, sorry." My father's voice came as I clung to my mother, burying my face in her hair to inhale her soothing scent. Honeysuckles and just a hint of patchouli. "I had forgotten you named her Carina."
Warm hands ran up and down my back as my mother hugged me back, "Let's get you settled in, love." She said soothingly, "I assume Tully has already taken your luggage?"
I didn't respond as she pulled me up the stairs, I didn't stumble though, I knew the number of steps from here to my room. This was my home. And as I blindly climbed up after my mother, aware of my father just a few steps behind me. I realised I had not come home after all.
**