I woke up out of a deep sleep. I looked out the window and smiled. The sun was still rising, painting the sky a red, orange, yellow, and blue/green with the clouds. It was beautiful. I loved watching sunrises even though I'm not a morning person.
I wasn't in my room.
I looked at my surroundings and realized I was in someone else's room.
Then I remembered last night. Everything hit me.
My smile only widened and I realized I was in Joey's bed. I tried to move out of the bed, but something was holding me back. I looked down and realized his arms were wrapped around me. I sighed and slowly turned around to where I could face him.
He was still asleep.
He looked beautiful. I smiled and slowly lifted my hand to caress his face. As soon as the palm of my hand touched his cheek, his eyes flew wide open. I let out a startled sound and fell on my ass on the soft carpeted floor.
Joey was laughing loudly. He leaned over the bed and saw me on the floor and laughed only louder. "Good morning, Isaiah." he beamed smiling, trying to hold back more laughter.
I gave him a hard look but couldn't help but smile. "You ass." I mumbled loud enough to hear.
He patted the side of the bed I was sleeping on. "Come back and join me. I wasn't done holding you."
I couldn't help but smile. I rolled my eyes and got back into the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him.
He kissed the back of my head. "You know you're beautiful when you're asleep?" he inquired.
"Oh? I was thinking just the same thing about you." I replied.
"Technically I wasn't sleeping, I was pretending. I've been told I'm an ugly sleeper." he remarked.
"I doubt that." I said.
"But honestly, you were beautiful. You looked so calm. You looked so content and peaceful. It was like looking at a beautiful photograph or painting you can't take your eyes off of." He paused. He put his head on my shoulder to where he could look at me. "You are beautiful, Isaiah."
I felt my face grow warm and my face went red. I hid my face in my arm. "Shut up." I said.
Joey took his hand and turned my head to face him. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "But it's true."
I blushed even more.
"You know, when you were asleep, I thought about what you said to me. How you said you've never really felt loved before." Joey remarked.
"What about it?" I asked him.
"You've never felt loved before?"
I pondered on his question for a moment. "I mean, I've felt love from family and Jasmine, but that's love that you expect automatically you know? But this love...Joey, it's something that you have to start on your own. Something that grows day by day, not automatically. I know you love me, and I feel it more and more each time I'm with you. And last night, I felt it more than ever."
Joey looked at me for a long time. Then he smiled. "Did you really?"
"Yes."
He leaned down and kissed me. "You know I really do love you, right?"
I smiled. "I do now." I kissed him back.
He laid fully back down on the bed and held me closer to him. We laid there for at least five minutes, just enjoying each other in silence. But there was one question that wouldn't leave my mind.
"Hey, Joey." I said softly.
"Yeah?"
"How long have you known?"
He took awhile to respond. I almost regretted asking the question. "Know what?" He finally asked me.
"How long have you known you were gay?"
Joey was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. "I think I've known my whole life, Isaiah."
I turned around to face him. He wasn't smiling anymore and his face was serious. "Really?"
He sighed again. ''You ready for a story, Isaiah?"
I looked at him for a moment. "Only if you're wanting to tell it."
He only half smiled and sighed again. "I've honestly known all my life. I just never realized it until I was going into high school. It was summer. I was good friends with this guy that I went to Oakwood Middle School with. We were really close, we would go over each other's houses almost every weekend. We did things that normal guy friends did: play sports, wrestle, just kid around you know? He lives out of town, you know by those farms with the big houses. One day, he asked me to come over to help him out on his farm every day of the week." Joey sighed. "It was hot, mind you, it was summer. Even in the mornings, it was near at least 90 degrees. The work was very hard, pulling weeds, mowing the grass, planting, watering, it was hard labor. We would finish around noon and then mess around afterwards and talk. We would talk about a lot of things, things that were going on in our life and we had developed a closer bond." He slowly sat up and rested his head against the headboard of the bed and sighed again. "After we were done talking, it was late in the afternoon. When I was about to leave, he gave me a hug. And when he gave me a hug, I felt different. All of these weird feelings came over my body. It honestly made me scared. All the way home, I couldn't take my mind over what I felt. By the time I got home, I shook it off and thought I slept it off. I went back on Friday, and we did what we were doing the whole week. We finished early, and was hotter than ever. When we got into his room, he took his shirt off, and I couldn't stop staring at him. I took off mine and he ended up looking at me too. We seriously just looked at each other for God knows how many minutes. Then he walked over to me and he leaned in and tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away. I don't know why because all of these feelings were going through me again, but ten fold. He looked at me and he said, 'You want to kiss me, don't deny it.' And I didn't answer, and he leaned in again, and we started kissing. And then kissing led to making out. And then making out led to touching in...other areas. After we were finished, we just kind of realized then and there we liked more than girls. What we did officially confirmed it. Like I said, I've always looked at guys, but I always kind of pushed it to the side, you know? Like, ignored it, didn't want to think of it or face it. Well, that day, it was full front and center. And that's when I knew that I was gay."
I looked at Joey. He went quiet, almost ashamed of his story. I slowly sat up and rested my head against his shoulder. "What happened to you guys?" I asked him.
"He ended up moving the same summer. Different state too, Oklahoma. Bigger farms out there I guess." He chuckled. "We still keep in contact a little though, but we're just friends. Friends that helped each other discover themselves I guess."
I laughed with him. "You know, that story sounds vaguely familiar."
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"It kind of happened to us this summer, didn't it?" I asked him.
Joey paused for a moment, then his eyes widened. "Well, I'll be."
"I was you in our story though."
"Our story?"
"Yes, our story. I felt exactly like you, Joey. Being around you this summer, it made me feel different, something I never felt before. We probably would've ended up kissing or something, but I was too difficult."
Joey nudged me. "How many times do I have to tell you, you weren't being difficult?"
I laughed. "I'll keep saying it anyway."
Joey rolled his eyes. "Look, Isaiah, I want to ask you something."
He wasn't joking anymore. He was serious again. "Yeah?"
"What if...we decided to be in a relationship?"
I froze at the question. I looked at Joey. "Relationship?"
All Joey did was nod.
"Joey..." I sighed. "I don't know yet."
"I love you, Isaiah."
"Joey...I'm not sure." I was being difficult again.
"Isaiah, it's not like we're going to be out in public. No one has to know. Just us." He took my hand in his. "Isaiah, I really love you and I want us to be together."
"Joey...I can't. I'm not ready for it." I took my hand out of his and got up from the bed.
"You're running away from it again Isaiah." Joey said sternly.
"I'm not running from anything Joey."
"Then what are you doing?"
I was halfway through putting my pants on and froze. "Joey, just no."
"Isaiah, you're running again. I don't get it. Every time I try to take a step forward with you, I'm pushed back five. You've already accepted what you are and you love me. Why can't you just do this? For you. For me. For us?"
I put my hoodie on. "Joey, I need time to think this out. I'm not ready."
As I was heading out the door, I felt Joey's had grab mine. "Don't do this again, Isaiah." he said, in an almost begging tone. "Please, don't."
"Joey...I can't." I took my hand from his again and walked downstairs. He followed me all the way down to the front door. I turned around and looked at him. His eyes were sheepish. "Joey. I do love you, but right now, I'm still trying to adjust. You've known for at least two years already. I've known just this summer. I need more time."
All Joey did was nod. "I understand." was all he said.
I turned down the pathway and walked back to my house, my breath escaping into the frigid morning air. I reached my front door and slowly opened it. I immediately saw my dad with a suitcase in his hand. He was about to leave for work.
"Isaiah?" my dad said with a raised eyebrow. "Where are you coming from?"
"I-I...I was over Joey's house."
His raised eyebrow didn't go down. "Aren't Loretta and Lester out of town?"
"Yeah...Joey just wanted someone to hang out with is all." I said hurriedly.
"Oh, okay." was all my dad said. He walked past me. "Have a good day, son. I'll see you later." Before he could totally dissapear from my view, he turned back around. "Isaiah?"
"Yeah, dad?"
His eyes wondered down below my shirt. He chuckled. "XYZ." He said, and walked off to his car.
I felt myself flush red and quickly zipped my pants up. Fuck, he didn't suspect we actually did anything did he?