That Thing
*shows Dipper sitting on a chair with a bowl of chicken strips in his room*
Dipper: Well, that concludes Gravity Falls's anomaly number thirteen: the Möbius chicken strip. *eats the chicken strip* It's infinitely delicious.
You: *are about to stop recording when a strange creature rushes by* Woah, what the-?!? *knocks you over making you slam your head to the floor* OW!!!
Dipper: *helps you up as you take the camera, then goes to Mabel whom is sleeping* Mabel, did you see that?!? Wake up!!!
Mabel: Never, let me sleep forever.
You: Some creature just jumped out of nowhere!!! It's eating all our leftover Summerween candy!!!
Mabel: *sits up* What?!?
Dipper: Look!!!
You: *point the camera at the weird little creature who is eating the candy*
Mabel: Ew, it's like a... naked little man.
Dipper: Ok, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained number seventy six: Uh... that thing!!!
Creature: *yells some more before grabbing the Summerween basket*
Mabel: No, put it down!!! Put it down...!
Creature: *licks the basket*
Mabel: Oh, gross!!!
You: Ew!!!!!
*static, then shows Dipper covered in plush toys holding a golf club and a bucket*
Dipper: Ok, I'm ready. I've covered myself in armor. *pokes one of the plush toys making it squeak* I'm gonna capture him for science.
Mabel: And for candy!!!
Dipper: Get this on tape incase I die or whatever.
You: So heroic.
Dipper: *goes near the creature and starts to drag away the candy from it*
Creature: *gets the candy before Dipper captures him with the bucket, then climbs up*
You: He's in the ceiling!!!
Mabel: Ah, die, you, die!!!! *throws a plush toy to the creature but falls on her face*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *run downstairs following the creature, you with the camera, then stop at the living room*
Dipper: Where is it? Have you seen it?
Creature: *jumps on Dipper's face making Dipper bump into the wall and fall, then it runs off with the candy*
*static, then shows the creature in the kitchen on top of the refrigerator and Dipper going inside with you and Mabel by the doorway*
Creature: *eats candy*
Mabel: Ah, no!!!
You: Careful!!!
Dipper: *throws a can to the creature who throws back a lot of candy, the he hides behind a chair*
Mabel: He's wasting candy!!! Dipper, open your mouth, catch the candy in your mouth!!!
Dipper: What, no, why would I-?!? *accidentally catches one in his mouth, then eats it* Actually, that's pretty good-
Creature: *throws a giant candy bar knocking Dipper down, then it jumps off and runs off*
You: *follow the creature to the living room followed by the twins*
Creature: *steps on the tv remote which cause the tv that hypnotized it, then he sits down staring at the tv*
You: Look, he's hypnotized by the tv!!!
Dipper: *walks next to the couch* And he dropped the candy, what a little dummy! Glued to the-... to the... Oh, I love this movie.
*static, then shows from a far angle you, Dipper, and Mabel on the couch eating candy and the creature by the side eating a golf club*
Dipper: Shouldn't we do something about the monster?
Mabel: Candy now, monster later.
Creature: *whimpers*
You: *pass Dipper a golf club who passes it to the creature who eats it*
Soos: *passing by* Hey (y/n), hey Dipper, hey Mabel, ...hey Grunkle Stan.
Dipper: Well, I guess that's it for Dipper's Guide to the Supernatural. The next episode will probably be about getting rid of this candy-eating monster.
Soos: *whispers to the creature* Psst, Stan, what are they talking about?
*static*
Stan's Tattoo
*shows Dipper in his room with Mabel's fingers on the camera lens*
Dipper: Hello I'm Dipper Pines, the girl trying to crush my head is Mabel-
Mabel: I'm helping!
You: Mabel, get your fingers off my camera!
Mabel: *moves her hand off*
Dipper: Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, we investigate anomaly number twenty-three: Grunkle Stan's Secret Tattoo.
You: *point the camera at all of the tattoo pictures*
Dipper: What is he hiding? A college prank, a secret symbol, or something stranger? Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out!
Mabel: *snatches the camera and points it her knee* Right after another exciting episode of What's Under Mabel's Bandage!!! *starts to take off her bandage*
You: Ew, Mabel-!!!
*static, then shows Dipper and Soos standing in front of the thermostat*
Dipper: Ok, here's the plan. Stan never takes off his undershirt. *gets closer to the camera* Obviously to hide his tattoo. *goes back near the thermostat* But me and Soos are about to "turn up the heat" on this mystery. *raises the temperature of the thermostat*
Soos: *laughs* Literally!!! I love how you come up with stuff like that!
*static, then shows from a hidden camera angle Stan with a book and Soos entering the gift shop*
Soos: Hooh, hot in here today, huh, Mr. Pines? Probably be a lot cooler if we worked without our shirts on~! *takes off his shirt* Am I right?!?
Stan: Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
Soos: Ah, don't be shy, Mr. Pines. *climbs on the counter and lays down* Bodies are nothing to be ashamed off.
Stan: Watch the shop for a minute, Soos. I need to go find a melon baller and pull my eyeballs out. *leaves*
Soos: *sits up* ... *looks at his stomach and starts to move it in a rhythm* Do do do do do do, do do do do do-hey! Da da da da da-!
*static, then shows Dipper in front of the couch with Stan sitting on it*
Dipper: Ok, plan B. Heavens, is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you. *reaches to Stan's shoulder only to get his hand slapped away*
Stan: Kids, if you're trying to see my tattoo you're gonna have to try harder than that.
Dipper: Aha!!! I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!!!
Stan: I don't, but you do. *pulls out a red permanent marker*
You: *back away* Dipper, run.
Dipper: What, why?
You: No questions, run!!! *back away to the wall*
Stan: *reaches Dipper with the marker*
Dipper: AH-!!!
*static, then shows Dipper with the word Goober written on his forehead*
Dipper: Ok, plan C, Stan is in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science.
You: I believe in you, Goober.
Dipper: Dipper, just say Dipper. *goes inside the bathroom with you following behind and quickly opens the shower curtain revealing Stan in his work suit*
Stan: You're never gonna see it, kids. Never. Gonna. See it.
Dipper: How long have you been standing there?
Stan: Gimme that camera!!!!
You and Dipper: AH-!!!
*static, then shows Dipper and you holding the camera in selfie mode on the roof*
Dipper: So we just figured we'd chill in the roof for a while-!
Stan: *from inside the shack* I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KIDS!!!
You: Oh boy.
Dipper: Well, that's it for this episode. Stan's tattoo remains a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered.
You: *wave before reaching for the record button*
*static*
The Mailbox
*shows Dipper in a strange area of the forest*
Dipper: Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained anomaly number fifty-four: the mailbox.
You: *point the camera to a broken and dusty old mailbox*
Dipper: There it is, in the middle of the forest. No house, no address. Today, me and my team of experts-
Soos: *enters the frame wearing a coat and goggles, then waves* 'Sup.
You: Hello!
Dipper: Are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up.
Soos: My letter posits a salient question. *opens the letter and shows the camera* "'Sup, dawg?" *puts the letter in the mailbox*
Dipper: Now we're gonna hide behind a bush and wait for someone to come by.
You: *notice the mailbox shaking* Uh, guys...?!?
Soos: *backs away*
Dipper: What the-?!?
You, Dipper, and Soos: *see the mailbox's lever go up by itself*
Soos: Did you see that?!?
Dipper: *goes near the mailbox* Open it!
Soos: No, you open it, dude!!! I'm not touching a ghost mailbox!
You: Can someone just open it?!?
Dipper: Ok ok, here goes...! *cautiously opens the mailbox and takes out a letter* What?!? *shows the camera the letter*
Soos: That's not our letter, dude!!!
You: What does it say?!?
Dipper: It says... *opens the letter and gasps slightly*
Soos: *takes the letter and shows the camera* "Hello Dipper, (y/n), and Soos"!!!
Dipper: It knows our names!!!
Soos: What if this thing's all knowing?!?
You: We have to test it!!!
*static*
Soos: *showing his letter* "What did I shave into my head this morning?" *puts the letter inside the mailbox, then waits until the lever is up and takes it out* "A baby duck holding a paddleball" Dude, it knew!!! *shows the back of his head revealing what he shaved*
Dipper: What?!?
You: Ask it more questions!!!
*static*
You: "What color are the extra strands of hair that I have?" *put the letter inside the mailbox, wait for the lever to go up, and take out the new letter* "Bright yellowish gold" Yep!!! *shows your golden locks*
*static*
Dipper: *writing on paper* "When is the end of the world?" *places the letter inside the mailbox*
*static*
Dipper: *reading the new note* "3012" Huh, we got a while.
*static*
Soos: "Who's my dream woman?" *puts the letter in the mailbox*
*static*
Soos: *shows the picture of a very jacked-up woman* Hot tamales!!! Save that for the archives!!! *puts it in his pocket*
*static*
Dipper: Uh... when is the exact time and date of my death?!?
Soos: Did aliens build the pyramids?!?
Dipper: Or what is the meaning of life?!?
Soos: What are marshmallows made off?!?
You: Who wrote journal #3?!?!?
Soos: Who write the journal, who wrote the journal?!?
Dipper: We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!!!
Mabel: *comes into frame* Nifty, a mailbox!!! I've been wanting to mail mom this video of me sticking a hundred gummy worms up my nose!!! *goes to place the box inside the mailbox*
Dipper: Wait, no-!!!
You: Mabel, don't-!!!
Soos: Wait, dude-!!!
Mabel: *places the box and closes the mailbox* Blap!!!
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos: *see the mailbox's lever go up*
Dipper: *take the letter* "Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass"
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos: *see the mailbox glowing a bright blue*
You: What's that?!?
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos: AHHH-!!!
*static, then shows all four of you burnt with most of your surroundings destroyed*
Dipper: Well, uh, that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained where we learned that when dealing with the unknown do not mail videos of you shoving gummy worms up your nose!!!!
Mabel: There's more where that came from!!! *takes a ball of gummy worms snd takes one* Into my nose!!! Into my nose-!!!
Dipper: No, no, show over!!! SHOW OVER-!!!
*static*
Lefty
*shows Dipper in the middle of town*
Dipper: Alright uh, welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Today we investigate Gravity Falls's anomaly number eighty-two: this guy.
You: *point the camera at a man reading a newspaper and drinking coffee*
Dipper: Sure, he looks normal, but if he's so normal, explain why he's always facing left.
*static, then shows the man grocery shopping*
Dipper: Literally, we've been following him around for weeks.
*static, then shows the man jogging*
Dipper: And I've never once seen the right side of his face!
*static, then shows the man going up the escalator*
Dipper: And neither has anyone else! But why?
*static, then shows Mabel*
Dipper: Mabel, theories?
Mabel: *takes out a drawing* Theory one: he's hiding an embarrassing sunburn! *takes out another drawing* Theory two: half man, half lizard man! And theory three, my personal favorite: *takes out another drawing* he's normal, and Dipper's just crazy!!!
You: I like that one.
Dipper: *takes the last drawing* That's not a theory, that doesn't count as a theory!
You and Mabel: *laugh*
Dipper: We find out now.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *enter the bowling center where the man works*
Dipper: Hello, good sir!
Man: I'm sorry, cameras aren't aloud in here.
You: Oh, it's not on, it's not on!
Dipper: *whispers to the camera* He bought it! *goes to the counter* So would you mind grabbing those boiling shoes for me? The ones on your right side?
Man: *points at a pair of shoes* Those ones?
Dipper: *nods*
Man: *crouches to get the shoes and gives them to Dipper*
Dipper: ... whoops! *takes his wallet* Oh no, I dropped my wallet! *throws it to the other side* It's over to your right there, your right side. You could maybe turn around and-
Man: *sighs in annoyance before returning the wallet* There you are, sure.
Dipper: *taking back his wallet and his shoes* Fine, can you just get me my bowling ball...?
Man: I don't see why not. *goes over to the bowling balls*
Dipper: *nods for you to follow him*
Man: *mutters* Let's see, looks like maybe it's in here...
Dipper: Well, I was thinking it could the- AHA!!! *pushes the man around showing the inside of a human robot with tiny green creatures controlling it* What the-?!?
You: *zoom the camera at the creatures*
One of the Creatures: Guys!!!
All the Creatures: *gasp*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *gasp*
Creature 1: We're blown!!! Shut it down, shut it down!!!
Many Creatures: *eat little glowing cubes which make them disappear as they say "The time has come"*
Creature 1: *gives the other creature a cube* The time has come, brother!!!
Creature 2: I can't, I have a family!!!
Creature 1: You signed the oath!!!
Creatures 1 and 2: *eat the cubes and disintegrate making the robot fall apart and start a fire making the sprinklers turn on and people start complaining*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *start to run out*
Dipper: Well, that concludes anomaly number eighty two! *pants* I think we might want to burn this time!
*static*
The Tooth
*shows Dipper by the lake*
Dipper: Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained anomaly number forty-two: the tooth.
You: *point the camera at Mabel who's poking a ginormous tooth*
Mabel: I'm here for scale!!!
Dipper: I found it yesterday when I was uh... practicing.
You: Practicing what?
Dipper: That's not important. *walks over to the tooth* It's strangely human, but it's gigantic! It's bigger than any fish or lake monster I've ever seen! And we're gonna find out where it came from!
*static, then shows Tate behind his store's counter*
Tate: Tooth? No, don't know nothing about a tooth.
Dipper: We were thinking about paddling out on that like tonight.
Tate: Bit if friendly advice, boy. If you see bubbles on that lake, run.
You: What, why?
Tate: Enough questions, get that camera out of here!!!!
*static, then shows the lake at nighttime*
Dipper: I'm here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel and (y/n) for backup.
Mabel: And I brought Bare-O, my adorable childhood puppet!!! Heyo!!! Ain't that right, honey? *pretending Bear-O is speaking* Did somebody say honey?!? *laughs*
Dipper: Nope, creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O.
Mabel: But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?
Dipper: I can think of a few people.
*static, then shows Mabel and Bear-O on a stage*
Mabel: They're quite a pair, Mabel and Bear-O, her un-bear-lievable bear!!!
Kids: *cry a lot*
Kid: I hate Bear-O, mommy!!! *runs away bumping into you and causing you to drop your camera*
*static, back to present*
You: I had to work extra to repair the screen...
Mabel: Ah, c'mon, you'll see!!! You two, me, and Bear-O are the adventure team of a life time!!!
*static, then shows you, Dipper, and Mabel rowing the boat with Bear-O back at the shore*
Dipper: Ok, something out there left that tooth, and we're gonna find out what it is.
Mabel: *takes out a sign that says Do you want more Bear-O? Let your voice be heard! Write: Mabel Pines, %Mystery Shack, Gravity Falls*
You: *hold a laugh*
Dipper: No-no, c'mon!!!
*static*
You: *whisper* What exactly are we looking for here?
Dipper: *whispers* I don't know, just look out for bubbles in the water.
Mabel: *whispers* Guys, look!!!
Dipper: *whispers* They're over by that island. We have to see what happens!
You: *feel a rumbling noise, then whisper* What was that?!?
*static, then shows the island*
Mabel: AH!!!
Dipper: What's happening?!?
You: It doesn't matter, ROW!!!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *start to row as the island lifts up showing a face and a lot of skeletons underneath as it's starts to speak backwards*
*very bad static, then shows the sand from the shore*
You: Guys, I swear, if that camera gets lost, you're both dead!!!
Dipper: *looks around* There it is! *picks up the camera*
You: *snatch the camera from him* Oh thank god!!!
Dipper: *to the camera* Ok, after it attacked us, that giant head thing just sunk back into the lake and it lost another one of its teeth trying to eat our boat. But the important thing is: we survived. Barely.
Mabel: *sigh* Yeah. *picks up Bear-O* Did somebody say bear-ly?!?
You and Dipper: AHH-!!!!
*static*
The Hide-Behind
*shows Dipper writing something down*
You: *whisper* We're on!
Dipper: Oh. *clears his throat* Hello, and welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained-
Mabel: *shows a tiny UFO which makes a cool sci-fi noise*
Dipper: Thank you. Today, we investigate Gravity Falls's anomaly number one thirty-two: the hide-behind.
*static, then shows a page in his journal*
Dipper: Local lumberjacks tell of a mysterious creature always always just out of sight! *shows a picture of footprints* But these photos suggest it might actually be real!!! Either way, I intend to find out.
Mabel: *from behind Dipper* AHHHH, HIDE-BEHIND!!!!!
You and Mabel: *laugh*
Dipper: Mabel!!!
*static, then shows Manly Dan with his three boys behind him cutting down a tree*
Manly Dan: Hide-Behind? Oh, he's real, alright. Real as my beard!!!!! Was behind me once, made this sound! *makes a weird sound with his teeth* Mighty spooky.
Kid 1: Dad?!?!?
Kid 2: It's going down!!!
Kids: *run from the tree which collapses on a cabin*
Manly Dan: Daddy's doing a movie!!!! He's doing a movie now!
*static, then shows Lazy Susan pouring too much coffee into a mug and a man in the back*
Man: Can I get a refill, ma'am? Refill?
Lazy Susan: Oh, the Hide-Behind is definitely real. Might even be behind me right now!!! Let me see. *turns around and starts to twirl around without stopping* Woah woah woah woah woah-!!!
*static, then shoes Stan siting out on the porch*
Stan: Don't believe every legend you hear, kid. The people on this town are literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally.
*static, then shows Lazy Susan still twirling, static, then shows Stan again*
Stan: The Hide-Behind is just a rumor. You want a mystery, well how about the mystery of- *hear's a strange sound* What the-?
All: *see something dash behind Stan making strange noises*
Dipper: That's it!!! *runs into the forest with you following behind*
Stan: Hey, we're doing an interview!!!
Mabel: Guys!!!!!
Stan: Kids!!!!!
Dipper: I'm coming for ya, where is he, where is he?!?
*static, then shows a thin and tiny tree*
Dipper: Ok, after hours of searching, we've narrowed it down to this tree. I know what you're wondering. How do you catch a creature who's always right behind you? Well how about... *steps out to be completely seen* a mirror suit!!!
You: *notice Mabel on a tree making you snicker*
Dipper: Nothing's gonna sneak up on old Dipper P-AHHH!!! *gets hit in the head by Mabel's branch*
Mabel: BLIND SPOT!!!
You: *laugh*
Dipper: I'm down, Dipper down!!!
*static*
Dipper: This is it, get ready to finally be seen, Hide-Behind.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *go behind the thin tree revealing an owl with a maraca*
Dipper: Aha!!! What?!?
You: Aw!!!
Mabel: Wow, cool, maraca owl!!!
*static*
Dipper: *throws away his mirror suit away*
Mabel: *runs off with the owl*
Dipper: Well, based on the lack of evidence, I have to conclude anomy number one thirty two: the Hide-Behind, just a legend...
You: *place a hand on Dipper's shoulder with a smile* C'mon, I'm tired, let's go home.
*static*
Golden Hair
*shows you sitting on your bed*
Dipper: Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Today we're going to investigate anomaly number one fifty-nine: (y/n)'s golden hair.
You: *move all of your hair to the side revealing your golden strands*
Dipper: She had been trying to cut it off for years, and today we're gonna find out if her locks of hair are truly unbreakable!
You: I'm telling you, I've tried everything, nothing works.
*static, then shows Dipper with many tools with you sitting on a chair next to her*
Mabel: Let's get started!!!!!
Dipper: *picks up the safety scissors and tries to cut your golden locks, but fells* Hm. *gets a bigger pair of scissors and tries to cut your hair again using all of his strength but it ends up breaking the scissors* What the-?!?
Mabel: Woah!!!!
You: We're gonna be here a while...
*static, then shows you still on the chair with an annoyed face and Dipper on his knees exhausted*
You: I would hate say I told you so, but I told you so.
Mabel: *walks into frame* Dipper, we need to up our game. *pulls out a chainsaw*
You: *stare at the chainsaw in shock*
...you're kidding... right...?
Mabel: *turns it on* Nope!
You: *falls off the chair* AHHHHH-!!!
*static, then shows the bathroom door closed*
Dipper: (y/n), please come out!
You: No!!!!! Your sister's trying to decapitate me!!!!!!
Dipper: She's not here!!!
Mabel: *from another room* Oh,
(y/n)~!!!!
Dipper: *hears glass breaking from inside the bathroom*
Stan: *from outside* Where are you going, kid?!?
You: *from outside* FAR FAR AWAY!!!
Dipper: ...well, that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained anomaly number one fifty-nine: (y/n)'s golden hair, still a mystery. And now I'm off to try and find her. Which me luck.
*static*
Thanks for reading!!! I hope you liked the extra short I added at the end, I had a lot of fun writing it! 'Till next time!!!
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