Mabel's Guide To Dating
-Camera's POV
*sitting down in a table surrounded by plushes*
Mabel: As we all know, I am a dating expert. In fact, I can't get the boys to leave me alone!
*static, then shows Mabel out the window holding a cardboard cutout of a boy*
Mabel: "Mabel, I love you so much, baby!!! Why won't you let me into your life?!?"
*static, then shows Mabel back at the table*
Mabel: You know what you did, Zac!!! *focuses on the camera* Today we're gonna test the date-ability of three of Gravity Falls's swingin-est bachelors!!!
*shows Soos, Dipper, and Stan each sitting in a cheer*
Mabel: Soos!!!
Soos: *facing the side* Get ready to fall in love, America!!! Am I- am I looking at the right camera?
Mabel: Dipper!!!
Dipper: Who are you even making this for?
Mabel: Grunkle Stan!!!
Stan: I'm only here because you promised bacon!
Mabel: Eh! *throws bacon at Stan*
Stan: *catches the bacon in his mouth and eats it* I'm pacified.
Mabel: And now for a simple nine-thousand question dating quiz!!!
You: *enter* What the heck is going on here...?!?
Mabel: (y/n), you're just in time!!!
You: Is that my camera?!?
Mabel: Uh... cut to later!!!
You: MABEL-!!!
*static, then shows each guy answering a long paper (you're recording)*
Stan: "Should men always pay for dinner?" What is this, Russia?
Soos: "How many kids would you like to have?" Seven, preferably! That's one to love every day of the week!
Dipper: "How do you treat a gal?" Hm, well hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says, obviously! *writes on the quiz* Nailing this.
You: M, I'm not sure this is a good idea.
Mabel: It's an amazing idea!!! And why do you get to record?!?
You: Ahem, it's my camera?
Mabel: Hmph! Anyways, while they're busy working, we give you: animal dating!!!!
*show three clips of Mabel forcing animals to get together as she gets hurt in the process, then a cardboard cutout square with the word Results and shows the three bachelors each in their chairs*
Mabel: *holding a list* Grunkle Stan, on a scale of one to five, you scored a three.
Stan: Yes!!! Yes!!!
Mabel: This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers, and convicts.
Stan: I still consider this a victory!
Mabel: *walks over to Dipper* Dipper, your score is-... eesh!!!! You know, scores don't really matter, you should just focus on being you...!
You: *snicker and try to hold in your laughter*
Mabel: *walks to Soos* Soos, on a scale of one five, you scored-... a twelve?!?
You: What? Seriously?!?
Soos: My grandma was right all along!!! I am the world's most perfect man!!! *raises his arms as pigeons land on him*
*a cardboard cutout square that says Final Thoughts and shows Mabel on the table again*
Mabel: Love is all around us, and if it seems that you two aren't the perfect fit, force it!!!
You: *from another room* MABEL, GIMME BACK MY CAMERA!!!
Mabel: Uh oh-!!! Uh, that's it for today!!!
You: MABEL!!!!!!
*static*
Mabel's Guide To Stickers
*Mabel is sitting on a chair as Dipper laid in his bed reading a book*
Mabel: Throughout history, stickers have been the backbone of many great civilizations!
Dipper: No, they haven't.
Mabel: *opens a history book* The ancient Greece used leaches for stickers!!! The more stickers you had the cooler you were!!!
Dipper: Nope, not true!!! (y/n), why are you helping Mabel?
You: 'Cause if I leave her alone with my camera, I guarantee it will end up in pieces.
Dipper: Fair.
Mabel: The ancient Aztecs chest skull was the modern equivalent to today's *shows a Jamaican orange sticker* Orange You Happy, mon?
Dipper: Yes, Aztec war paint was exactly like a rasta orange. Mabel, have you ever read a history book?!?
Mabel: Edited out!!!
*static, making Dipper disappear, then she edits many stickers on her face*
Mabel: Cut away!!!
*static, then shows Mabel holding a journal titled Sticktionary*
Mabel: Let's take a look at my personal Sticktionary!!! *opens the journal* Stickers fall into several distinct categories* Puffy stickers,
Soos: *touching the stickers* So soft!
You: Soos, you're blocking the camera!
Soos: *pulls his hand away* Sorry, dude.
Mabel: *turns the page* Goofily-eyed stickers, *shakes the journal*
Soos: Ah, it's like they're watching me!!!
Mabel: *turns the page* Bumper stickers, *turns the page* scratch and sniff, *turns the page* sniff and touch, *turns the page* listen and taste, *turns the page* and price stickers!!! You can get these ones free at the store!!!
You: Don't they need those?!?
*static, then shows Mabel at a store taking the price stickers off the TVs*
Mabel: Sticker sticker sticker. *leaves*
Man: Free TVs everybody!!!!
People: *start stealing the TVs*
*static, then back to Mabel and her journal*
Mabel: Listen, (y/n), you shouldn't doubt my authority! In the sticker world, I'm the girl who can get you things!
*static, then shows Mabel eating ice cream and leaning against the counter with Stan behind the counter*
Stan: I need a sticker to put on my car that will, you know, get the cops off my back.
Mabel: *gives Stan a Baby-On-Board sticker*
Stan: Oh! *reaches for the sticker*
Mabel: Uh-uh! My price!
Stan: *sighs before giving Mabel a ginormous box of sprinkles*
Mabel: I'm gonna get so sick~!!!
*static, then Mabel eating sprinkles and Dipper reading in his bed*
Mabel: *eats more sprinkles*
Dipper: Mabel, don't you think those are hazardous to your health?!?
You: I tried to tell her, but you know how she is.
Mabel: Edit!!!
*she edits off Dipper and the sprinkles on her face, then she adds sunglasses, a boombox, and Soos holding a burger and soda*
Soos: What?!? How'd I get here?!?
Mabel: Thanks for watching Mabel's Guide to Stickers!!! And now a riddle: what kind of sticker can save your life?!?
*static, then Mabel standing a few feet apart from Waddles*
You: Are you sure this is safe?!?
Mabel: Of course it is!!! Waddles, if you please!
Waddles: *shoots the grappling hook hitting Mabel's chest and shoots her back*
Mabel: *sits up and unbuttons her sweater* Puffy stickers!!! *laughs* Still really hurt, though.
*static*
Mabel's Guide To Fashion
You: *take pictures of Mabel modeling*
*in the gift shop*
Mabel: *leans back against the counter talking to the phone*
Grenda: The attitude!
*in your bedroom as Dipper sits in his bed wearing sunglasses*
Mabel: *models by*
Grenda: The boys love it.
Dipper: So wait, what do you want me to do?
Grenda: *whispers* Flip up your glasses.
Dipper: Like this? *flips up his glasses*
You: *zoom in with the camera as you hin a laugh*
*static, the shows Mabel in between hers and Dipper's bed*
Mabel: Guesswhatit'sMabel!!! Everyone wants to look as amazing as me, but most people don't have time for fashion in their busy day-to-day life-!
You: Or they just don't care-
Mabel: I'm the one speaking here. *back at the camera* And that's why I've created....!!!!
Candy and Grenda: *jump into frame*
Mabel, Candy, and Grenda: FLASH MAKEOVERS!!!!!
Mabel: (y/n), you're our first customer!!!
You: Touch me and it'll be the last thing you ever do.
Mabel: Never mind!!! Let's go downstairs!!!
*static, then shows Soos drinking coffee in the couch*
Soos: Hey guys, what are you a-
Mabel: Grenda, hold him down!!!
Grenda: *tackles Soos to the ground and Mabel took out the makeup kit*
Soos: AHHHH!!!
You: ...oh boy.
*static, then shows Soos with some rock and roll vampire look*
Soos: These pants are so tight!!! I can't move!!!
Mabel: You can thank us later!!! *runs out with Grenda*
Soos: If you're watching this, call for help!!! *falls* I'm down!!! Soos is down!!!
You: Sorry Soos!!! *follow the girls*
*static, then shows Stan in the bathroom in front of the mirror*
Stan: I'm Stan and I was wrong, I'm singing-
Grenda: *tackles down Stan and starts to paint Stan's face*
Stan: What's happening?!?
Mabel: Beauty is happening!!!!!!
*static, then shows Mabel and Grenda standing beside Stan who looks like a tiger*
Grenda: *gives him a mirror*
Stan: I'd be pretty mad at you girls, if I didn't look so fantastic!!! *grabs the mirror*
Mabel: SUCCESS!!! Take it to the streets, girls!!! *runs off*
Grenda: *takes a bottle* I'm taking your aftershave. *follows Mabel*
*static, then shows Mabel and Grenda staring at Old Man McGucket*
Mabel: Ok, gals, we need a real challenge.
McGucket: Old Man McGucket!!! *spits in a bucket* Spittin' in a bucket!!!
You: Eesh...!!!
Grenda: This one is a toughy.
Mabel: Let's try something bold!!!
*static, then shows Mabel drawing a cartoon face of the back of McGucket's head*
Mabel: *finishes* Am I good or am I good, girls?!?
You: Eh...
Grenda: Absolutely stunning!!!
Mabel: *goes to face McGucket's face* Now we cover up that... problem area... *uses his beard to cover his face and as the cartoon's face's hair, then combs it* Now you just have to walk backwards everywhere you go and bingo!!! You're fabulous!!!
McGucket: That's the way my body naturally wants to move anyways!!! *leaves making a woman in the background scream*
Mabel's Guide To Color
*in your room with the lights off so Mabel could show the pictures on the wall*
Mabel: Ah color, it's all around us!!! From the green of a nauseous twin brother, to the weird orange of an old man's noise, to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water, to the shiny (h/c) of (y/n)'s hair!!! *shows a picture of you sleeping in an uncomfortable position*
You: I appreciate the compliment about my hair, but when and why did you take that picture?!?
Mabel: That's not important. It wasn't always this way!!! According to history, the world was black and white until color was invented by a magic wizard named Grandolf The Fabulous!!! What's your favorite, Gravity Falls?!? *snatches the camera and points at you*
You: Mabel, give me my camera.
Mabel: Tell me your favorite color first.
You: (f/c), now gimme!
*static, then clips of many people saying their favorite colors, then you all go to Stan*
Stan: None.
Mabel: What?!?
Stan: I don't have a favorite color, I don't even like colors.
Mabel: No even... rainbows?!?!?!?
Stan: Beats me, I've never even seen a rainbow.
You and Mabel: WHAT?!?
*back at your room with Dipper, Mabel, Candy, and Grenda*
Mabel: Alright, guys, how can we get Grunkle Stan to see a rainbow, I need ideas, people!!!
Grenda: Sometimes if I drink expired milk, I see rainbows!!! I'm gonna try it right now!!! *takes out a bottle of expired milk and starts to drink it*
You: Hm... *put your camera in Dipper's lap* Dip, hold me camera. *stand up*
Dipper: !!! *holds it tight a little startled*
You: *take your journal and do a quick sketch* What if we reflect the rainbow from the falls into Stan's window?!?
You and Dipper: *as you high five* Yeah!!!
Grenda: Yeah!!! *faints*
You and Dipper: ...
Candy: It's fine, she does this.
*static, it took a lot of convincing but you let Mabel take the camera inside with her so you could help Dipper with the reflection*
Mabel: Alright, we're about to unleash the power of the Roy-G-Biv-A-Tron into Stan's office!!! *hides when she hears the door open*
Stan: Nothing brightens a dark room like a light from a window!!! Time to open the windo- OH!!! NO!!! WHY!!! *falls to the ground covering his eyes in pain* WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?
Mabel: *appears wearing special sunglasses* Ta-da, surprise!!!!
Stan: MY EYES ARE ON FIRE!!!! AHHH!!!! AHHHHHH!!! AHHH!!!!
Mabel: Maybe we overdid it a little bit...
Stan: IT'S SO HOT, IT HURTS!!!!!
*static, then shows Dipper, and Soos tying bandages over his eyes and Mabel talking to the camera that you were now holding*
Stan: Get those bandages good and tight, I'm not not giving my life savings to some quack doctor!!!
Mabel: That's it for today, join us next week where we'll be doing Mabel's Guide to Apologizing to your Great Uncle!
Stan: I hate color more than ever!!!!!
Mabel: *laughs awkwardly* He's just saying that!!! *whispers* Cut, cut it!!!
*static*
Mabel's Guide To Art
*Mabel at the end of the stairs in from of the door*
Mabel: Ah, art, it's all around us!!! From the big triangles of the desert, to the pens that go like *moves the pen in front of the camera* Boop~! Broop~!
*static, then shows an elephant painting on a canvas*
Mabel: Even old Jumbo is getting in on the act! *laughing* Don't quit your day job, Jumbo!!! That's... that'll really bad...
*static, back to Mabel*
Mabel: No one knows what art means or where it comes from, but one thing is for sure: I'm great at it!!! At age two I was naturally gifted, by age five I was a master of portrait, age seven was a time of free exploration, but everything changed when I saw this amazing caricature!!! *shows a drawing she made of (a really creepy) Dipper*
You: What. Is. That.
Dipper: *grabs the drawing* Gimme that, gimme that!!!!! *hides it*
You: Well, I'm not sleeping tonight.
Mabel: What can be an even better, you ask? I give you: the cat-icatures!!!!! *takes out a drawing of a car with the pine tree hat* Just compare this amazing likeness to Dipper!
You: It's a cat with Dipper's hat, besides that it looks nothing like-
Mabel: You're right, it does look exactly like you!!!!!
*static, then shows Mabel showing Stan many of her cat-icatures*
Stan: Uh, it's just the same crumby cat face with a different hat each time!
Mabel: Exactly, and I sell them for ten dollars each!
Stan: ...you need an agent? I am now your agent.
*static, then Mabel in Toby's office holding a cat-icature with Toby in his desk*
Mabel: *gives Toby the drawing*
Toby: It looks exactly like me, right down to my actual cat whiskers that the doctors can't explain!!! *hugs the drawing* Meow meow meow!!!
Mabel: You're always weirder than I remember...
*static, then Stan selling many cat-icatures to people*
Stan: Mabel, these cat-icatures are selling like hotcakes!!!
Mabel: Cat-icatures are good, but I've moved on to the next level! Behold: Humanicaticatures!!!
Customers: ... *start to fight to buy the humanicaticaters*
Stan: Somebody get this girl more cats!!!!
*static*
Thanks for reading!!! I really wanted to write the shorts since they always make me laugh and I really wanted to add (y/n) into the mix! Next ep will probably be Dipper's Guide To the Unexplained!!! 'Till next time!!!
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