Hanggang ngayon ay patuloy pa ring gumugulo sa akin ang pinag usapan namin kanina. Mabilis lumipas ang oras at nabalitaan ko nalang na pabalik na pala sila Dustine ngunit ako'y wala pa rin sa sarili. Hindi ako makapaniwala… no, ayokong paniwalaan. Hindi pwedeng magkagusto sa'kin si Stanley dahil… hindi ko alam kung masusuklian ko iyon.
Mali. Dahil hindi ko iyon masusuklian.
Syempre, sana'y una pa lang ay nasuklian ko na, 'di ba? Pero hindi eh. I only treat him as my older brother— the brother who'll take care his own sister, wala ng mas hihigit pa. Sa lahat ng pagsasama namin ay inakala ko na talagang gan'on lang sya sa'kin dahil nga ‘little sister’ nya ako. Hindi ko naman ineexpect na may malalim na feeling pala.
I know him as a casanova, a womaniser, but it doesn't lessen the fact that he's a good guy. Alam kong darating rin iyong taong mamahalin si Stan katulad ng pagmamahal na ibibigay nya dito, nakakalungkot lang dahil hindi ako iyon, at dahil hindi ko kayang suklian ang nararamdaman nya ngayon.
Hindi ko parin alam kung totoo ang mga sinabi nila kanina, na may gusto sa akin si Stanley pero kung tutuusin, kung magbabaliktanaw ako sa lahat ng mga ginagawa nya sa akin, kahit pilit ko iyong itanggi, pati sarili ko'y napapa-oo— na may gusto nga sa'kin si Stanley. Those gestures, I thought he's just like that because he's a womaniser, but I never thought that there was deeper meaning from his actions he's treating me.
Akala ko din kasi noon ay mas protective lang si Stanley sa akin, hindi ko namalayang… may gusto pala ito.
Now, I can't remove that thought in my mind. It was like my innocent was tainted and now, all I could ever think was something like that. Pakiramdam ko'y may magbabago. Pakiramdam ko'y maaawkward ako. Huwag naman sana.
I really need to talk to Dustine laters.
Hindi naman ako nagtagal sa paghihintay. Dumating rin sila na syang pinangungunahan ni Alpha at ni Dustine. Tulad ng dati ay malalakas pa rin ang kanilang dating. I even saw Stanley looking at me— in which, I unconsciously averted my gaze which… I don't know why. But my eyes travelled to the guy beside Alpha. Kumunot ang noo ko nang mamukhaan ito.
Valord?
It was the familiar gray and white armor— his armors are much different from both Dustine and Alpha who only wear light armor. Si Valord ay medyo may pagkabulk ang armor nito lalo na sa bandang dibdib. You know the typical Knight's armor? Gan'on ang sa kanya. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay lancer ang hawak nito at may isang espada na nakasabit sa kanyang likuran.
“We saw them on the way and we thought why not a joint party?” Dustine explained when he saw confusions on our face. I sighed. Dagdag nanaman.
“Mind if we join you?” Valord said. He's even smirking— his signature smirk. Iyong ngisi na para bang laging may pinaplano. Isa pa 'tong hindi mapagkakatiwalaan, eh.
But we, being professionals, we shook our head.
Ngayon ko lang napansin ang ibang taong nasa likod nila. They are nine players, plus Valord who's at the front, it makes them ten. My eyes travelled to the beautiful girl just at Alpha's back.
She has a very long brown hair, pale skins, almon shaped hazel eyes, proud nose and thin lips. She has a very innocent face like a fragile glass that you shouldn't be holding or else, it'll easily break. Her height even suits her. Bakas rin ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha at masasabi kong mabait naman sya at magkakasundo kami.
“Hello!” She cheerfully said and waved. “Nice to meet you all! I'm so excited to have a quest with all of you again.” She said with her angelic voice. Bakit ba mukhang anghel itong babaeng ito? Nakakainggit lang kasi parang perpekto na sya, eh.
But then, kumapit ito sa braso ni Alpha na busy sa pakikipag usap kay Dustine at Valord. My forehead creased when she even gently pulled Alpha's arm like she's getting his attention. Hindi ko alam pero biglaang nawala ako sa mood dahil sa aking nakita?
“Babe, are we going to eat na? I'm really hungry.” She even pout. Ang inosente at gandang-ganda ako sa mukha nya kanina'y napalitan ng witch na sobrang pangit sa aking paningin. Her voice even sounded irritating in my ears.
Unconsciously rolled my eyes at tumama iyon kay Yvonne at Archangel na may ngisi sa labi.
“Uh-oh. There will be a war.”
“I know it.”
Hindi ko na lamang pinansin ang sinasabi nila at nagmartsa pabalik muli sa tent ko. Bahala sila, tawagin nalang nila ako kapag kakain na! O kung pwede'y lalabas nalang ako kapag yari na silang lahat. Psh.
Sa aking paglalakad ay nakasalubong ko si Stanley. Hindi ito nakatingin sa akin at paderetso naman sya sa tent nya habang nagpupunas ng kanyang noo. Dahan-dahang bumagal ang paglalakad ko na nakakuha ng atensyon nya. Tumingin sya sa akin at ngumiti. I don't know but I noticed his stares lingers on my ring finger at my left hand before he quickly brought it back to my face.
“Hey, Princess.” Naglakad ito palapit sa akin. I tried my best to smile. Hindi ko alam, para bang hirap na hirap akong ngumiti sa kanya at naguguilty ako? Ewan! Nakakainis.
“Hey, Stan…” Mahina kong pagkakasabi at yumuko. Pinaglaruan ko ang kamay ko habang nakatingin sa aking paa. Mabilis ang pagtibok ko at hindi ko alam pero nasasaktan ako.
Nagtagal bago ito nagsalita. “M—May problema ba?” Nabakasan ko ng takot ang kanyang boses. I bit my lower lip as I shook my head. Kahit ang paglunok ay nahihirapan ako.
“Look at me…” He said. Nang hindi ako gumalaw ay lumapit ito at sya na mismo ang nag angat ng aking pisngi. He was taken aback when he finally saw my face. Ang malambot nitong ekspresyon ay biglang tumalim. “Why are you crying?” Mariin ang kanyang pagkakasabi. Nanlaki ang mata ko at mabilis na napahawak sa aking pisngi.
I'm crying?
Humikbi ako ng hindi ko namamalayan. Nakita kong nag igting ang panga nya na mas nakapagpaiyak sa akin. Oh, Stan. I'm sorry… I really am.
Naramdaman ko nalang ang pagyakap nya sa akin. Dahil sa ginawa nya'y mas napahagulgol ako. Naramdaman ko ang paghagod nya sa aking likod habang pilit akong pinapatahan.
“Shh… don't cry, Princess. I'm here, I'm always be. I will always catch you.” He whispered, but only triggered my tears to fall continuously.
I know… I know the reason why I'm crying. It's because of you, Kuya Stanley, with the thought that I can't even give back your feelings for me.
***
“Totoo ba? Totoo bang may feelings sya sa'kin?”
His silence only confirmed it.
I shred my tears from my cheeks. “K—Kailan pa, Dustine? Kailan pa sya nagsimulang magkadevelop ng feelings sa'kin?” Pag uulit ko sa tanong habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng aking luha.
Hindi ito makatingin sa akin at patuloy ang pagbuntong hininga. I felt so bad for him but also for myself.
“Answer it, Dustine, p—please.” Humikbi ako at muling pinunasan ang aking pisngi. “You're h—his best pal, you must know it. Please, k—kuya? H—Hindi ko na kasi. A—Ang sakit para sa k—kanya eh.” Pumiyok ang aking boses at mas napahagulgol. “H—Habang tumatagal, mas naguguilty a—ako. Because I k—know I can't return h—his feelings for me.” Napatakip ako sa aking mukha at mas napaiyak. Shit. Sobrang sama ko!
I felt him sighed before he stood up. Inalis nya ang kamay ko sa aking mukha at sinimulang punasan iyon gamit ang kanyang panyo. “Grade 10, first day, he admitted that he has his eyes on you. Binalaan ko na sya dahil kilala kita. You have no interest in boys, especially in guys like him. But he is Stanley, he kept his feelings for you until he got a change to express it, and I think you mistook it for something else.” I mistook it for sibling's love. “But don't worry, he'll move on, just give him time.”
“Pero… nasasaktan sya kuya,” Muli ay tumulo ang aking luha na pinunasan nyang muli.
He chuckled without humor. “No one can stop him, until he decides to stop.” Inayos nya ang mga buhok na nakadikit sa aking mukha. “Pain is one of the natures of love, and it will make him stronger.” He gave me smile. “Alam ko namang nakakahalata na rin 'yon, but can I have a request, Princess?” Tumango ako habang patuloy sa pagsinghot. Muli ay pinunasan nya ang aking pisngi.
“Let him realize that he has no chance to get you.” Napasinghap ako sa kanyang narinig at sabay-sabay na umiling.
“I—I can't do it. That's c—cruel,” Nanluha ang mata ko— ulit. “I can't hurt him,” more…
“Trust me, you're already hurting him,” Ouch! Mas lalo akong napaiyak na ikinatawa nito. “Sorry, but Princess, that's the only way we can do for him to stop and you know that.” Humalik ito sa aking noo bago tumayo. “I'll just get you some water, okay?” Tumango lamang ako habang nakayuko pa rin at muling umaagos ang luha.
Shit. Stanley… “Bakit ako pa?” Bulong ko sa aking sarili at muling napahagulgol.
I can't… I can't bear to see him hurting because of me!
“Because you're unique and pure. You aren't scared of letting other to hear your thoughts. You're brave, and your beauty is regal. I just lost it.” Mabilis akong napabaling sa pintuan ng unit— err, tent ni Dustine nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses na iyon.
There, standing him with his hands on both of his pants' pockets. He looks so strong because of his lean body. Para bang ang lakas-lakas nya, huwag ka lang titingin sa kanyang asul na mata na parang isang tulak na lang ay iiyak na.
I hitch my breath, and before I know it, I'm already crying. “Stan…”
Tumingala ito. He heaved a deep sign before he started walking to where I am. “D—mn, I made you cry again.” Tumingin sya sa akin at nakita ko ang pagtulo ng kanyang luha. “Don't cry please?”
Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at mabilis na napatakbo sa kanyang gawi. I hug him like my life depends on him. “Stan… Stanley… I'm sorry! I really am!” Patuloy ang pag iyak kong sabi. Hindi ito nagsalita ngunit naramdaman ko ang pagganti nya ng yakap sa akin, mas mahigpit na para bang iyon na ang huling yakap nyang gagawin.
He buried his face on my neck as I felt those hot waters from his eyes. “F—ck, Alam ko namang una palang, walang wala na 'ko, pero pagdating sayo, napapasugal ako eh.” He tightened his hug on me. “I'm not asking you to love me back, ang hindi ko lang maintindihan, bakit sya na kakikilala mo palang? Nandito naman ako, oh. Handa naman kitang saluhin.” Mas lalo akong napahagulgol at paulit-ulit na nagsorry sa kanya.
He sighed deeply again. “Lingon ka rin paminsan-minsan, nandito lang ako at hindi lilisan.” He sang. “I love you, Levina. But I know you can't love me the way I'm loving you. T*ngina, ang sakit pala.” He chuckled without humor. Naramdaman kong kakalas sya sa kanyang pagkakayakap kaya't umiling ako at mas hinigpitan iyon.
Why do I felt like it is the last time I can hug him?
“Bitaw na, aking prinsesa. Baka ako'y umasa pa.” Ngunit hindi ako nakinig sa kanyang sinasabi. Sinimulan nyang haplusin ang aking buhok.
“Pakakawalan kita kasi mahal kita, pero sa oras na saktan ka nya, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na agawin ka sa kanya.” Bulong nya sa akin. Mas lalo akong napaiyak at yumakap lamang sa kanya.
Natatakot akong baka kapag binitawan ko sya, tuluyan na syang mawala sa akin. I can't lose a brother, please!
“Y—You're still my kuya, 'di ba?” Himihikbi kong sabi.
He chuckled before he kissed my forehead. “Iyon lang naman ang role ko, 'di ba?” Hindi ako sumagot. He chuckled again at ginulo ang aking buhok. “Of course I am. I love you, Princess.”
“I—I love you, kuya.” I whispered, and I mean it.
“You just said you love me… pero ang sakit-sakit.”
I don't know but… that'll be the last time I'm going to hear his voice.
--
AaAhHh!! I'm sad! Pero kailangang dumaan dito para sa lovelife ni Stan ko. Huhuhu joke. Pero nalulungkot talaga me : (