I texted Gerard 40 minutes ago but he hasn't responded yet. I know this isn't the first time he's taken a while to get back to me. Sure, things come up and life happens. He can't always answer his phone. But my god, the circumstances could be better.
Is he actually just busy or whatnot? It's 6:45. He should be awake by now. He definitely should be awake now. Cody comes to get us at 7. Unless he's running late? No, he's always awake because his parents would be up and he's a light sleeper and he wakes up.
After we left the other's house, Patrick drove Gerard and I home. He left like it was normal. Perhaps Amelia called him again afterward when he got home and told him. Maybe that's why he isn't texting me because he knows and he's uncomfortable or mad or grossed. No, he can't be. It's not like the concept of the two of us is completely alien to him. We've kissed. I'll never let myself forget about that ancient history. But those two kisses were his initiation. Yeah, Gerard's full of great ideas. A little dangerous because it causes massive amounts of feeling that I honestly didn't ask for.
The rose is starting to wilt. It's resting in a vase that's on my dresser. The petals are drooping and it's making me sad. I gave it water and I put it by the window. By it's because the flower is picked so it's slowly dying. It was pretty though while everything lasted.
I check my phone again. Still, nothing and my last text was at 6:03. I mean, I first texted him at 5:36 but I figured he was maybe still sleeping then. Now it's not really something he can do. I swipe out of my messaging app and go back to YouTube to play "Sad Song" again. It's so beautiful and cute. I'm still trying to figure out why Gerard was shocked. He wasn't angry or upset, just like surprised. I know he and I have some of the same music taste but he listens to more bands than I do. So I didn't know he liked his band or this song but why was he like that? Okay, hypothetically, Gerard is sending me these to me. Why would he act that way? Wouldn't that give away anything? He's a pretender and he would've pretended to not know it. Unless he's thinking that I'm thinking he's sending it to me so he purposely acts the wrong way. But that wouldn't give any reason. That just makes him look suspicious. Okay, so that is out the window. Gerard wouldn't be sending these to me. I mean, I did ask him at point blank the other day and he said no. He could've lied, maybe.
Okay, so in the realm of Gerard did NOT send those little notes, why would he act that way? He definitely knows the song but-
My phone starts buzzing, snapping my thoughts out of my head. It's Gerard. -Hey, sorry about that, you can stop by now- Okay then.
I grab my backpack and pocket my phone, heading out. It's still really cold and dreary out. I ring the bell and the door opens shortly after. It's Mikey. "Um, hi," I say surprised. I didn't expect to see him.
"Hey, what's up, my man?" he says, stepping to the side as I walk in. He's wearing runner's pants and that same black jacket he was wearing last time I saw him. He also has a bandanna over his head. "Yo, Gerard was just t-"
"You stop right there," Gerard says, coming down the stairs. A nervousness settles inside me as he walks over. "Did you finish eating?" he asks Mikey.
"Did you?" Mikey snaps back. Gerard looks at him and they have a stare off for a few seconds. "I'll take that as a no." Mikey starts moonwalking backward to the kitchen.
Gerard just shakes his head at him while laughing. He turns back to face me. "My brother is an internet child filled with Vine and Tumblr."
I cross my arms, glaring at Gee. "Hmm, I wonder where he got that from. I truly wonder."
Gerard rolls his eyes, whacking my arm. "Oh, stop." I take my shoes off and we go sit down in the living room.
"Hey, Gerard!" Mikey hollers from the kitchen. Gerard spins on the heels of his socks and looks at his bother. "Yeet!" Mikey chucks a banana at Gerard and it ricochets off his face. Somehow, Gerard still manages to catch it while Mikey bursts out laughing, the bandanna on his head flopping around.
"You...you sir need to stop that," Gerard says, peeling it back and taking a bite.
"Micheal James," he mother scolds from behind him. Fear strikes him in the eyes and he scurries back to the table.
It's a little awkward with Gerard, not really sure what to talk about. Cody drives over to pick us up. Gerard gets in the front and I get in the back as usual. When I open the door, I see Amelia in the seat. "Hey, Melia," Gerard says buckling up.
"Hey, how's it going?" she asks with a smile. I look at her petrified as we start pulling forward.
"Tired," Gerard says.
Without looking up, Jenna and Cody both go "Same," in the exact same tone as each other.
We start driving to school, the others talking about Marvel characters still. While I usually would be up in arms about my man Loki, I don't really want to talk. No, that's a lie. I need to talk. I need to talk to Amelia. But not right now with the others. I just need to talk to her without the others. I wish I could pause time and have the conversation with her right now and the others staying inanimate. Granted, if I'm going to be wishing for things, I might as well wish for no one to know about my feels. Better yet, wish for these stupid feelings away. That would just solve everything all together.
We park the car and get out, grabbing out backpacks. "It's really cold!" Jenna cries out, starting to jog inside. Gerard glances back and sees her heading in already. He shuts the door and runs after her. The rest of us just walk in together because running is the worst.
We get inside, Jenna still trying to warm up her hands. "I'm getting you a pair of gloves," Amelia says.
"No, that's the thing," Cody says, "she has gloves, just never wears them."
"Where'd Gee go?" I ask, glancing around.
"Oh, Lynn was heading up to her locker so he went with her," Jenna says.
"Speaking of lockers, I need to get my English homework out of there and finish that before it's due," Amelia says, heading toward the staircase.
"Hey, I got to head up there anyway so I'll walk with you." I start following her toward the second floor. "Bye, guys!" Jenna and Cody start heading down to art together. Walking up the stairs, I look at Amelia and she's already smirking at me. "I need to talk to you," I whisper.
She adjusts her bag on her shoulder. "Sure, what's up?" she asks teasingly.
"You know what," I mutter. "Did you...tell anyone?"
Her eyes soften. "What? Of course not. What, you think I'm just going to go around spilling that to everyone?" she asks.
"You didn't tell Cody or Jenna?" She shakes her head as I say their names. "You didn't tell...him?"
"No, especially not him. Why would you think I would? I'm your friend, Frank. This isn't 6th grade."
We start walking through the rows of lockers, taking a left to stop by Amelia's. "When you called Gerard, what did you ask?"
"Jenna called me but I missed it so I called her back but she never answered and then I called Cody. Same thing. So I called Gee. And I probably would've called you next if he didn't answer."
"But did you say anything else?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Are you sure?"
"Frank, you really don't believe me," she says.
"It's, no, it's not that I don't believe you. He's just acting really weird lately and I don't know why he is." Amelia looks at me intrigued. "Like he's suddenly not being himself and none of it make sense."
She spins the dial on her locker, muttering the numbers to herself under her breath. "3-22-13." Her locker clicks open and she sighs. "Well, what do you mean?"
I lean again the locker bank. "Just he's acting really sketchy. Like when the notes are brought up?"
Her eyes widen and a smile plays on her face. "Wait, do you think he's the one sending-"
"I already thought about that," I say. "I mean, it crossed my mind but he's acting kind of guilty and kind of jealous?"
"Why do you think that?"
I shrug. "I have no idea. It doesn't make any sense. If he wanted to keep this a secret, then he wouldn't be acting so obvious about it."
"You know, I think-" Warning bell rings and everyone starts shutting their lockers. "We can talk about this at lunch," she says, turning to leave.
I snag her arm and she pauses, glancing back. "No, we can't. He's there."
"Oh, right, right," she says. "Math?"
"Yeah, that'll work better," I say. I look at her sincerely. "Please, promise me you won't tell him or anyone or even talk about it to me unless no one else is around. Please, I can't-I just-"
"Hey," she says, gently, "I promise and I wouldn't have told anyone even if you didn't tell me."
I check into study hall. Brendon and Hayley are playing some patty cake high five game. In the corner of my eye, while signing out, I see Hayley accidentally slap Brendon in the face and he cries out like a velociraptor. The teacher glances up and then looks back down at his papers, pretending he didn't see.
I walk out of the room heading to art. Jenna and Cody are painting their collages and Lynn and Gerard are in the back getting more paint.
"Hey," I say, sitting down. "How far are you on the Lord of the Flies English?" I ask Jenna, taking out mine. I hate this damn thing. I've had it for like a week and it bulges up my folder.
"I started it but I didn't finish the first page," she mutters.
I look at her concerned. "You're so behind. It's due Friday, you know," I tell her.
She sets her brush down. "What? No, it's not, next week," she says. She leans over and starts shuffling through her backpack.
"Um, no. It's due this Friday," I say again.
She whips out her English binder and starts flipping through the pages. "Next Friday, yeah, right here!" She points to the packet, taking it out. At the top in messy pencil, it says DUE FRIDAY FEB 20TH. "See, I wrote it down."
I grab my agenda and go through the calendar. "I wrote it was due this Friday, the 13th."
The two of us stare at each other, glancing at our packets. "Dun dun dun!" Cody sings. Jenna looks at him and he starts chuckling. "Don't you have English with Lynn?" he says. "Maybe ask her, see what she thinks."
Lynn is still with Gerard in the back of the room talking. "Hey, Lynn!" Jenna calls out.
"Lynn!" Cody screams. Lynn glances at us but Gerard's still talking to her and she holds up a finger.
"Here, I'll go ask," I say, getting out of the stool and walking over.
Cody starts chuckling in his seat. "Watch her say a different date that it's due," he mutters.
I walk over to her and she glances at me in the corner of her eyes. Gerard glances back and freezes. "Hey, Frankie, what's up?" he says with a big smile. He folds his hands together but then crosses his arms. Half a second later, he uncrosses them and rests his hands on his hips. He's still got the smile plastered on his face.
"Um, hey?" I say before focusing back on her. "Lynn, when's the packet due?"
"Next Friday," she says.
"So the 20th?" I ask.
She nods her head, moving a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, we got like over a week left."
"Told you!" Jenna cries from the table. Lynn smiles at her softly as I wave Jenna off.
"Okay then," I say, shuffling backward. The two of them stay where they are. "Um, you still getting paint?" I ask.
"Yeah," Gerard says, glancing down. "We'll be over in a bit but you can go sit down." I stare at him but put a smile on. Back to this again, are we? It's been over a month with the two of them acting shady. I thought whatever was going on was over.
"So we have another week to work on this then," I say, packing up my assignment.
"Don't want to keep working on it?" Jenna asks while swirling magenta and cyan together.
"Well, I'm 3/4 done already so I'll procrastinate on this later," I say. I flip through the pages. "Actually, I only have the last 2 pages left. I can work on this the day before it's due and finish."
"I'll probably work on it next week," Jenna says. "I really hate the book. But it is funny hearing Jay and Zoe muttering 'savage' every two minutes." I chuckle at her comment, taking out my vocab for English. Jenna glances back as Lynn and Gerard take a seat next to me.
"How's everythi-Oh my god!" Cody cries out, smacking his hands against his forehead. Everyone glances up at him, part of the room gets silent, as he frantically sets down his brushes and starts sifting through his bag.
"You good, dude?" Lynn asks.
His head pops back up from under the table. "Gee!" Gerard snaps his head up with wide eyes. "Did you get your thingy signed?"
"Very specific," Jenna mutters.
Fear drops in Gerard's face. "Oh no, no, I didn't!" Gerard sets his pallet down and starts rummaging through his bag. He yanks out a slip of paper and a blue ballpoint pen. "Hey...you want to be my mom?" Gerard asks.
"If you can be my mom," Cody says. They trade papers and Gee hands him the pen. "Here, I'll get you something." Cody haphazardly grabs a pen out of his bag and tosses it to Gerard.
Gerard catches it. "Dude, what is this?" he asks. The pen is completely silver and very reflective. Cody glances up, realizing what he gave Gerard. Gerard uncaps it and the tip is fine pointed. "This looks really expensive."
Cody glances down then back up. "I dunno, that was just in there. Looked like a black pen inside my bag."
"Looks like a black pen with the ink," Jenna says. She slides a piece of paper over to Gerard. "Here, test it out."
Gerard starts writing in cursive Ella McDougall out. The black ink smoothly glides over the paper and looks very calligraphic. Gerard stops, looking at it. "This is like an art pen," he says. "But it works." He takes Cody's piece of paper, which looks like a confirmation that they watched some YouTube video for homework, and signs Cody's mom's name.
"It's so stupid we need to sign these things," Cody mutters, trading back with Gerard. "Like I'm freaking 17 now. I don't need my mom to prove that I did my homework so I don't fail."
"Well, did you watch the video?" Lynn asks. Cody doesn't say anything and he puts his paper back in his physics folder. "Ya-huh, case and point," Lynn says, going back to painting.
The day goes by painfully slow as I wait for math to roll back around so I can talk to Amelia. At lunch, the school was selling carnations today and today only to deliver on Friday for a Valentine's Day event. Jenna and Cody went up to give them to Lynn and Amelia. Gerard and I awkwardly sat at the table not really saying anything. That's also when I found the note for the day. The note was on grey construction paper with a very large heart sticker. It was larger than usual, red and sparkling when the light reflected. You are a thief who stole my heart. You are a star that lights up my world. You are a candle burning brightly in my soul. ~Secret Admirer Above the words in a silver pen were twinkling stars. After a minute, I noticed the note had a scent to it. Traces of a sweet smell lingered on the paper. It smelled like summertime, strawberry ice cream. I really like this note and the way it looked with the stars surrounding the flourished handwriting.
In math class, I finally see Amelia. She sits down and sets her bag on the floor. "Okay, so we can...talk?" she whispers to me.
"Yeah, just don't make a scene like you did on Friday," I mutter.
She giggles to herself. "I'm sorry about that, I just freaked out because I ship you guys and I freaking was hoping for something like this." I smile to myself. "So how long have you liked him-wait, before we continue, we need a code name."
I glance at her confused. "Um, why?"
"Ugh, I guess this is just a girl thing then," she sighs. "You need a code name so others around can't figure anything out and per say someone overhears us that's our friend, they don't have any idea."
"Okay, so like what?" I ask.
Amelia stares at me. "You're supposed to come up with this."
"Oh, oh, okay."
"Yeah, something that the others won't be able to connect."
I pause for a minute. I could call him Giana and through people off. But if our friends overheard, it would be really easy to connect it together. Maybe not something art related or something that Gerard would know in case he overhears. Probably shouldn't associate with Gerard at all in fact. Or I'm being too paranoid. I glance around the room. There's a bunch of posters around the room with math-related themes. The one that always catches my eye is the pi symbol. However, the symbol has a pineapple pattern over it with the little green top above it. "Pineapple?" I say. Okay, that was stupid of me.
Amelia smiles warmly. "Okay, cool," she says. Really? Okay then. "So like when did you start liking Pineapple?"
I can't help but smile with her, hearing how ridiculous this probably is. But it's really nice finally getting to talk to someone about this. Maybe her finding out wasn't such a bad idea after all. "Honestly, I don't really know."
"Right when you first met?" she asks.
I smile and shake my head. "No, I barely knew him then or any of you guys. I think we were hanging out at Lynn's house or something the first time." I try thinking back. "Honestly, I think I was in denial for a bit. Maybe like a month or something. But I definitely liked him before my birthday." I pause, cutting myself off. Amelia looks at me curiously. I might as well tell her. "So like back in late October, we were playing truth or dare. He, um..." Her eyes widen. "Kissed me?" She covers her mouth with her hands, leaning back in her head. I nervously laugh, feeling my cheeks blush. "And that's kind of when I knew I liked him for sure."
"Because you kissed?" she whispers.
"Well, not exactly. Before it happened, when the dare popped up, I realized I wanted it to happen, which is when."
"Oh my god, how did I not know this?" she mumbles. "So you have kissed once and-" she notices the twitch in my face. "Was there another time?" I smile to myself, thinking about Christmas.