Jane walked up to Xiao Yan and looked at him. Xiao's eyes were unshakable, a far cry from the rookie researcher of just a couple days ago. He now held the gun with a steady stance and a determined energy.
"Are you really going to shoot me?" Jane took another step, his large form closing in on Xiao Yan.
The two special forces behind Xiao make a move to step up but Jane waves his hand, gesturing they should stop.
"I will."
"You like this guy that much?" Jane laughs, his lips curved in a smile but his eyes gleam with menace. The power behind them threatens to obliterate Xiao Yan.
"i do not have many friends. Maya is one. I will not hesitate to shoot on his behalf. It won't be the first time I have done so." Xiao is holding a new condensing gun that he designed while at base.
The liquid of Jane's eyes begins to freeze and crack, but he eventually releases Maya.
He takes one more step and presses his chest to the gun, reaching to relieve Xiao's grip on it. He places it back in its holster and leans down, he mouth pressed against his ear.
He breathes his words with bursts of hot humidity chilling Xiao's spine. "Don't let me find out that he is more than a friend to you. If so, I will ensure he suffers so much that he begs me to kill him."
His tone was almost a growl and he paced his words slowly, with a disturbing intensity. Xiao stood paralyzed as he spoke.
After Jane's back rounds the corner, Maya pulled Xiao Yan to him. "Hey, you made it back."
"I'm okay but what about you? Did you get bored of living? Decided you wanted to end it all while fighting that madman?" Xiao punched Maya repeatedly, releasing his anxiety.
"Madman...please. That guy is a straight up pervert. He was trying to get on you."
Maya twisted out of Xiao's assaults and strode fiercely to the soldiers behind him. "Is this how you protect him? Let Colonel Wallace drag him into his bed? Pay attention!"
The expression on their faces is unchanged, but their eyes shake slightly at the reprimand.
"You were almost killed by him!" Xiao continued to scold Maya, all he can see at the moment is Maya falling into a pool of his own blood. The memory shreds at his nerves, he cannot bear to see Maya like that again.
"I cannot tolerate him touching you. I made a promise to..."
"What did you promise?" Xiao Yan squinted at Maya. Maya's face fell into complicated lines and then settled.
"I promised to watch over you."
"Promised who?"
"Shouldn't matter to you. " Maya turned away angrily and strode forward.
Xiao Yan rushed up to Maya and slung his arm around his shoulders. "How can it not be my business? Ah, I am sorry. You were so gracious and handsome protecting me. Don't be offended. Let's get a drink."
"Can you even get a beer? You are so heavily monitored I don't know if you can even leave the headquarters."
"If that is the case, I can just give you the money. Then you go and get the beer and we will have a refreshing drink and a good time."
"More like you will spout nonsense, vomit everywhere and then fall over."
"What else...want to eat in the restaurant?"
"Alright, but just eating." Maya's voice was quiet. "I will get in trouble again if you get drunk."
"What?"
"Nothing! I just said I want to eat steak!"
The two sit at a table and order a steak plate. The restaurant is simple and cold, there is no ornamental beauty, it matches the rest of the Special Mission Headquarters. The taste of the steak complimented the place perfectly... bland.
"Hey did you have any fantasies about Liv?" Maya randomly asked him. Xiao nearly fainted at the question.
Where had that come from, he wondered.
"What? What do mean...Liv..." Xiao Yan then recalled that when he had discussed his issue with the hallucinations with Maya before, he had mistakenly thought he meant Liv.
Maya rested his chin on his hand and leaned forward. "Well, Liv is quite the beauty. Not to mentions she is always protecting you. You seem to like her as well."
Xiao Yan is silent.
He doesn't want to see a psychiatrist or a brain specialist, nor can he talk it over with Casey without being endlessly interrogated.
Maya is different though. No matter how roguish he might appear, he is quite kind and considerate. Otherwise he wouldn't have taken his duties on the battlefield so seriously , Xiao still remembers his desperate attempts to protect him. Yes. Maya was definitely trustworthy and loyal.
"Actually it wasn't about Liv."
"Ah, then Sharon. You liked Shar--Oh god, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up." Maya's expression instantly creased in worry and apology.
"I respected Sharon, but my fantasies did not involve her either."
"Well who else is there. They are the only women in the special forces that you know." Maya's brows drew together in contemplation.
" The person is not a woman."
May stiffened in shock. "What? Who then?"
Xiao opened and closed his mouth like a gasping fish. He has to tell someone or else his brain is going to short circuit...still....
"Colonel Burton."
As the words dropped it was as though they formed a small black hole and all of reality stilled for a moment.
Then Maya's hand went limp and his fork clattered onto his plate. The sharp grating sound sliced through the dining area. It was a good thing they had come to the restaurant at off hours, the place was nearly empty.
Xiao thought that Maya was about to display quite the reaction, but instead he just picked up his fork and placed it beside his plate. His other hand went to his forehead as he asked in a low tone, "How far do these fantasies go?"
Xiao is not quite comfortable answering this question.
"I can't even imagine the Colonel hugging someone. Do you imagine he holds you?"
"Yeah." Xiao Yan lowered his head.
"Kisses you?"
"Um..." Ah! He just wants to sink into the floor.
Xiao started to feel like a teenager being interrogated by their parents after a date.
Maya went silent for a few beats and then bluntly cut through his curiosity to ask the ultimate question.
"Fucking?"
"..." Xiao Yan answers with reddened ears.
Maya curt summary really makes Xiao want to disintegrate into nothing. "It is worth noting that your brain speed is way above normal people. With such a rate odd even your fantasies are different from ordinary people."
"Maya..." Xiao Yan wanted to beat Maya. "I told you that because I wanted to know if there was a solution! It not just anyone! It's Colonel Burton!"
Maya's smile is very easy, even a bit gloating.
"Xiao Yan, have you ever thought that you have these illusions because the Boss desires you?"
"Ha... Maya, are you mad? Did Jane Wallace break your brain?" This was the most outrageous sentence that Xiao Yan had heard.
"A commando's 'gun' is several times the size of the average person. Their desire is too. The more suppressed the desire, the more uncontrollable it is. I'm sure that, although the Boss makes every effort to hold back, there are some things that are beyond him. He may be able to control himself from fucking you, but it doesn't mean he can control wanting to. That feeling manifests in a very potent hormonal release. That is probably the reason for your illusions. They are coming from him. He really wants to be with you."
Xiao wanted to convince himself that Maya was just fabricating a story to mess with him, but his brother's expression was serious. Gravely serious. More serious than he had ever seen or knew he was capable of.
"No way, Colonel Burton...If he felt that way, he would--"
"What? What can he do? How would he treat such a person? Perhaps put you in the safest place he can think of, look over you, take care of you, treat you with the greatest regard but he dares not touch you. Because he loves you, he knows and fears that one tiny impulse could destroy everything."
"Listen to you, like you know what Colonel Burton thinks." Xiao doesn't believe a word Maya is saying.
"I know what he thinks because I have something in common with him. I am a special forces. I know that the ones we most desire and the ones that we are most afraid of are the same".
Xiao looks deeply into Maya's crisp, yet pained eyes. Everyone assumes that the task force have the ability to live a reckless and carefree life, enjoying every minute of their short time. However, their pain is always tightly wrapped beneath their combat uniforms.
"Well your main point would mean that the Colonel must be near me when I have these hallucinations, correct?'
" Of course, how else would you be exposed to his hormones?"
"These illusions are not limited to just when he is around me. " Xiao Yan mouth twisted into a complicated smile.
He took the last bite of his steak. Then he got up and stared at Maya. "If you breathe a word of this to anybody, I swear I will cut off your hair. Don't doubt me."
"What? When did you have the illusion?" Maya asked.
Xiao just lightly laughed, not answering his question.
"It is a secret." Xiao Yan did not want to tell Maya about the times on the terminal. Once when chatting with Casey and another in the lab as he slept.
After drinking the beer, Maya sent Xiao Yan back to the room and two special forces walked behind them.
"You realize that you are now a target of the Surge, right?" Maya's fingers lightly brushed Xiao's forehead.
"Ugh! I don't want to think about that!" Xiao batted at Maya's hand in irritation. He knew that Maya was deliberately reminding him of this.
Maya smiled and walked past the guards at his door. His gaze slid over them, his glance was brief but his eyes flashed a heavy warning, the meaning obvious-- protect him.
After Maya left, Xiao's head fell into his hands.
Maya! You are too much! I have told you more of my secrets than anyone, couldn't you let me keep a buzz going?! Ugh! Was it necessary to scare me so much? What a waste of alcohol.
Maya's words haunted him and Xiao could not sleep. Nightmare's crept into the spaces of his dreams and restlessness vibrated under his skin. As he went into the bathroom to shower, the alarm blared. He slipped and fell at the sudden sound. Xiao looked over as the special forces barged in without a word. They saw that Xiao was sitting naked on the bathroom floor, the shower raining atop him.
Ignoring his current state , Xiao stood up and asked, "what happened?"
"The special task force is assembling. There was a small team attacked outside of the city, they are preparing to head out and offer support."
"..Have the Surge made it into the Shire?"
"Currently there is no report that such a thing has happened."
Xiao Yan exhaled but he is far from relieved. His anxiety was still rattling and straining his system,. The two guards leave his room and Xiao Yan closes his eyes as the water continues to pour onto his head. His palms are pressed against the wall and slowly tighten into fists.
Flashes of everything in the Surge base began to play behind his eyes. The soldier that was torn apart, the monsters...Sharon.
That night, Xiao is too restless to sleep.
What about Casey? Wouldn't a genius like him be a target as well?
Did Jane already leave the Shire?
Is he really safe with the special forces outside the door? Or could they be infiltrates like Cole? Will the Surge suddenly and stealthily infiltrate the Shire? Would he then have his brain stolen in his sleep, his body left cold and empty the next morning...
Xiao was inherently a lazy person and such worry is strenuous. Thy sky slips into darkness, but something deeper than anxiety is gripping and twisting inside him. Everything that he had held true, every foundational pillar of his life, seems to have disintegrated-- all crushed to dust under reality
He thought he was no longer afraid, that death was the end and he could accept that.
Except the stakes were different now. Fear is tangling around him and contracting his heart and lungs. What he is afraid of now is that he will not have control over his own brain. That he will be forced to think what another wants him to; that those thoughts will be used as a weapon to hurt everyone he cares about.
When the door of the room was pushed open, Xiao Yan's nerves tightened and his spine stiffened.
who is it?
The light sound of steps fall upon the floor and Xiao squeezes his eyes shut and pretends to sleep.
Did the guards come inside again...is it people from the Surge?
His heart starts to pound and he cannot control its wild beat.
The person sat at his bedside and a gentle touch wisped across his brow, an inexplicable sense of security welled within Xiao Yan.
He slowly opened his eyes, even in the thick darkness of the room, he can readily identify the outline of the person beside him.
He really thought that no one could rattle or stop this man. Even if he the whole world were to set their burdens on him he would not be overwhelmed. At the moment his powerful presence is at the other end of Xiao's gaze, the indifference stripped from his expression.
"Colonel Burton!"
Xiao attempted to prop his upper body against the headboard.
How could it be Heine Burton? How did he get inside?
Heine leans in, as the distance between them shortens, Xiao's thoughts increasingly tangle until they are chaos.
His palms cupped his cheeks and his warm breath wafted over his lips. He silently invaded Xiao's space. He felt, for the first time, that the man in front of him was not so unattainable.... That the sky he occupied, atop that tall cliff, had sent him falling right into Xiao's eyes.
"I will give you three minutes. If you can't sleep, I will make you."
His tone was steady, not wavering in the slightest. His order was imperative and left no room for rejection. Other than Heine Burton, no one has such a powerful voice.
Xiao narrowed his eyes slightly, there was something else in his tone though. A intimate lightness that Heine never bestowed on anyone.
He moved his palm and covered Xiao's eyes, pressing them closed.
Such a cold and emotionless man, how many people knew that he has such warm hands?
Xiao thought of the night in the storm cellar. Heine had sat close when he was fevered, now he watched over him as though he were someone he must carefully guard.
His mind turned and twisted with questions and conflict, he lingered on Maya's words. The memory of them knocking against his heart.
Do you want to embrace me?
Have you ever wanted to kiss me?
Or.....
Something more difficult to control?
He couldn't bring himself to ask such questions.
He knew that once he asked, there could only be two possibilities. Heine would draw his sword and slice him for such an overactive imagination or fuck him. No matter which result, Xiao's survival rate wasn't looking too good.
He wasn't certain when he finally fell asleep. Heine's steady breath, in the quiet room, diffused into his mind, soothing his frayed nerves. He swiftly began to occupy a space between reality and slumber. In this dreamlike stupor he felt something soft pass touch his lips. Such a gentle gesture that his drowsy senses couldn't make it out entirely. Then he sank into a deep sleep.
When he opens his eyes again it is already morning. Xiao Yan thoughts are still running in a dazedly wayward direction after showering. He is at a loss.
Opening the door he sees the special forces standing outside.
"Excuse me, did someone enter my room last night?"
Xiao didn't know what his expectations were when he asked the question. Once the soldier opened his mouth to answer, his heart tightened in anticipation.
"Only Colonel Burton came in."
The thoughts, that have been clamoring in his head since waking, are now sliding out of control.
It wasn't a dream or an illusion. Heine had really sat beside his bed and watched him last night.
____________________
Right when his day started, he received notification that, starting today, all researchers will have to participate in military training.
He clicked on the notification link and the holographic schedule popped up from the display. The training is set to begin at basic combat training lasting three months. After that they will return to their respective research positions after undergoing an assessment. Technical soldiers, who have not previously had their skills monitored, will have to undergo monthly assessments. This also applies to political departments and interrogation forces. If anyone fails to pass they will have to return for basic training.
Xiao Yan sighed, the armed forces have always complained of the lack of combat ability in the techs, which burdens the mission in times of crisis. They have repeatedly demanded they be trained properly. In response to their protests, the Central Academy of Sciences has held the stance that their responsibilities lie in scientific research and the onus of battle is reserved solely for the armed forces. They believe that, if the energies of the techs are stretched too thin, their research abilities will be hindered. For this reason the demand for training has been rejected, until now. Now with the threat of the Surge, it is a necessity. Xiao thought on the last mission, if he had the ability to defend himself, then Sharon wouldn't have had to...
His com lights up and Marks boisterous face pops up.
"Xiao Yan, I'll send you a combat suit."
"Oh. Thank you."
Xiao opened the door and took the suit that Mark handed him. As his palm came in contact with the material, he was surprised. It was completely different than the army uniform. It was soft and fitted, but designed to maintain body temperature and prevent injuries. Other than the special forces blade, nothing could easily penetrate it.
Before he had a chance to talk to Mark, an announcement sounded through the building.
"All researchers are reminded to report to number three training field in five minutes.
"So fast?"
"Hurry to change the combat uniform, if you miss the set time, the instructor will take you to task!"
Mark smirked and then gestured for Xiao to hurry up.
He quickly put on his combat uniform, the lines of his body exaggerated in the tight suit.
Mark touched his chin thoughtfully and looked at Xiao Yan. He shook his head. "Wow. Your whole body needs work."
Xiao Yan walked over to the mirror and gave a crooked smile. If Mark was a fine steak than he would be a dried noodle
.
The two walked quickly through the passage.
Mark looked over at Xiao's determined expression and winked. "Looking good, rookie. You have the attitude. Several of the researchers found out about the training and asked for someone to just directly kill them."
"It is better to save yourself than wait for rescue to drop from the sky."
As a reserve tech, Xiao Yan has been disgusted with his weakness in face of the zombies. Not having the ability to defend himself means that, out in the field, he won't be able to leave the craft when he wants to . No matter how talented he may be at thinking, if he is weak he will only be a burden to others.
Once obtained, freedom is so very fragile.
Mark clapped a hand on Xiao's shoulder as though he were his younger brother. "So the rookies isn't mad? The training won't be easy! You couldn't even take a punch with that puny frame!"
Xiao Yan had no words.
No matter the amount of training provided, there was no way that he could reach Mark's level. He remembered Heine carrying him back to the base, and when Jane had broken his bones to protect him. Even Liv had exposed herself to enemy fire many times on his behalf, and Sharon...she had stopped breathing entirely. Now that he has faced his own incompetence, he yearns to stand a little closer to the field that Heine Burton occupies.
When they arrived at the training grounds, several researchers were gathered wearing combat uniforms. They stood in clumps and grumbled amongst themselves.
"What is this? If we have to learn to fight, what are the special forces for?"
"Isn't our job to research?"
"I'm almost 40 years old. Is it necessary for me to go out and fight?"
"Xiao Yan!" Xiao turned his head toward the shout and saw Casey.
"Casey!" He bounded over and Casey hugged him tightly. His strength was so great that Xiao's bone threatened to crack.
"Take it easy Casey... I can't breathe."