Chapter 8: Trying Again
Date: October 10th, 2009
POV: Bella
Author's Note:
•I am starting to dedicate random fans, if you want a dedication, comment, vote, and share my story so you can get picked!
My Bella (Edward)
I laid next to Edward, out of breath. I then look at the ceiling and I feel Edward get on top of me again and kiss me. I moaned and then he began how we started again and I become happy.
Date: October 24th, 2009
I sat down on the bed, crying. Edward had left to the grocery store, but that's not why I'm crying. I got my period today. Again. He also went to pick up a pregnancy test for me. So I waited. I let the tears fall down my cheeks and then I get a phone call. "Hello?"
"Bella?" Rosalie asked, confused. "What's wrong?"
"I got my period today. Again.." I tell her, sad. "I'm just never gonna have a baby, am I?"
"Don't give up, Bella. It will happen, just not now." She says, serious. "Do you want me to come over?"
"You don't have to.." I start crying again. "I'll be fine."
"I'll be right over." She ignores me and hangs up.
I throw my phone at the wall and hold my knees to my chest and cry. Why can't I just be given a baby? Was I doing something wrong? Was Edward doing something wrong? I continued crying and then the door opened and I knew it was Edward. I heard running up the stairs and Edward passed me a box. I take it to the bathroom and I wait.
I sat in the bathroom, impatiently waiting. After a while, Edward came in to check on me. It heard it make a sound and Edward took it. His face showed the reflection of the results. I start crying again and he holds me. Negative. It says.
"Why can't we just have a baby?" I ask, crying into his shoulders.
"It's alright, love. We will. It takes time." He squeezes me lightly and then the doorbell rings.
"It's Rose.." I tell him, pulling away. He gives me a confused look. "She called and I told her what happened.." He goes to answer the door. I wipe my tears and toss the test in the garbage. I heard walking up the stairs and talking. I was too sad to listen. I heard the door open and I looked at Rosalie who gave me a tight hug. I started crying again.
Date: December 13th, 2009
This was the fourth time Edward and I tried. I took a test two weeks after and it still said negative. So, I made an appointment with the doctor we had before. We went in to see her and she gave us awful news.
"Um, I don't think you're able to conceive." She says, standing up. "If you were, by now, it would have happened."
I gasp and Edward hold me so I wouldn't fall down crying. I felt tears in my eyes. "Is there anything we can do?" I ask, holding Edward.
"Well, there are two options. One, you can get a surrogate, or two, you can see Allistari. She knows more than most of us here in Washington state." She sighs. "I'm sorry."
Edward kisses my head and looks at her. "That's fine." After the nurse left, he hugged me and I started to cry.
"My one dream.." I tell him in my cries.
"I know, Bella.. I know.." He kisses my head and rocks me in his arms. I couldn't control it though.
We went home and everyone was there. Rosalie must have told everyone. Everyone looked at Edward and I, worried. I ran to my bedroom and went to bed, sobbing.
All I wanted was a little baby. I don't care for many anymore. Just one. I wanted a tiny baby I could hold in my arms. Boy or girl, I wouldn't care. A baby to hold when they have nightmares, one to feed when they're hungry. One to rock and read to sleep. A baby that was Edward's. I couldn't take it. All I can ask for now is help. What made me want kids more was Jonah.
When Jonah got home for the first time, he gave me a look that I would want from my son or daughter. A look that's happy that I'm there with them. I couldn't control myself anymore. I felt myself shaking and I heard some talking downstairs. I decided to finally listen.
"We can't conceive, which means we'll never have a baby." Edward sighs. "I feel awful. We've tried four times. This is all Bella wants and I hate not being able to give it to her." He says, upset.
"Impossible.." I heard Alice say. "It's not impossible. She can, it'll just be a miracle."
"And how long are we gonna wait for a miracle, Alice? I can't wait. Neither can she."
"Edward," Esme sighs. "It took years before your father and I had Rosalie and more years before we had you and even longer to have Jasper. It may take years."
"And things can happen in years." Edward says, angry. "And I don't want to see anything happen."
"Nothing will happen, Edward." Jacob says, reasoning with him, or trying to.
"I cannot take it!" Edward says, angrier than before. "Everyone says that it will take a while for this to happen. I don't think it will take a while to happen!"
"So then get a surrogate!" Alice says, yelling at him now.
"DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT BELLA WANTS?" He's right. It's not what I want. At All. He's only doing this to make me happy and himself happier. He has me, but I know I'm not enough. He's enough, but I want more.
"Edward," Carlisle says, upset. "We want you and Bella to be happy, but this might be the only thing that can be done."
"No, it's not. Today, after I can calm myself down, I'm taking Bella to see Allistari."
"And what's that gonna do? She's gonna give the same opinion!" Jacob says, hissing at him.
"And how would you know?" Edward asks, furious with everyone.
"Because, if it's taken years for me and Jasper to try and Jacob only once, don't you think Jasper has a hard time too? Rosalie can't conceive either! Maybe it just runs in the family." Alice says, trying to make a point.
Edward sighs and yells again. "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!"
I get scared by Edward's tone. I've never heard him so angry before. I heard the door open and I see Rosalie.
"Bella? Are you okay?" She closes the door and sits next to me.
"I'll never be okay.." I tell her. "If it's gonna take years, I don't even want to try. Alice and Jacob aren't even together and they have a baby on the first try!"
"But you can't base it off of them.." Rosalie sighs. "I understand what Edward's trying to say.." She whispers. "But.. Maybe you should wait a while."
I start crying again. I don't want to wait and Edward seems to be the only one to understand that.
After everyone leaves, Edward takes me to a house. It's really beautiful. I look at Edward and he pulls into the driveway and sighs. "I wish we didn't have to do this." He says, upset.
"I know.." I tell him. He pulls me towards him and kisses me. I hesitate but kiss back, feeling him rub my back calmed me down. After I pull away, I sigh. "Thanks.."
"For what?" He asks, confusion plain in his face.
"Standing up for me and understanding everything." I tell him, trying to force a smile.
"Oh, that.." He smiles and kisses me again. After he pulls away, he smiles. "It was nothing."
We walk to the door and ring the doorbell. Allistari answered it. She looks at us confused and raises her eyebrow.
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