Your POV
We were sitting down on the floor watching our favorite show Duck-tective while eating popcorn.
Constable: I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. More men have examined the evidence and this is obviously and accidental.
Ducktextive: *in quacks* Accident, Constable? Or is it... murder?!?!?
Constable: What?!?
Tv: Duck-tective will return after these messages.
Mabel: That duck is a genius...!!!!
Dipper: Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.
You: Agreed.
Mabel: Are you saying you can outwit Duck-tective?
Dipper: Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath I can tell that you've been eating... *sniffs* an entire tube of toothpaste?
Mabel: It was so sparkly...
Dipper: And as for you (y/n), I can see that from your messy hair, you had a long night.
You: It was eternal.
Soos: Hey dudes!!! You'll never guess what I found!!!
Dipper: Buried treasure!!!
Mabel: Buried- hey, I was gonna say that!!! *punches Dipper slightly*
Soos leads us to a dark hallway. I've passed through there a couple of times but I usually try and avoid it, it gives me a creepy vibe.
Soos: So I was cleaning up when I found this secret door hidden behind the wall paper. It's crazy bonkers creepy...!!!
Inside were wax sculptures of many people throughout history! Soos was right, it was very creepy!
Dipper: Woah...!!! It's a secret wax museum...!!!
Mabel: They're so lifelike...!!!
Dipper: *points his flashlight at one* Except for that one.
Stan: Hello!
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos: AHH!!!
Stan: Hehe, it's just me, your Grunkle Stan!
Dipper, Mabel, and Soos scream some more and leave the room. I just quietly stood there. They then came back.
Stan: Behold, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of my most popular attractions! Before I forgot all about it. I got them all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes! *looks at Larry King* Some kinda... I don't know, goblin man?
You: *hold in a laugh*
Dipper: *makes a disgusted sound* Is anyone else getting the creeps here?
Stan: And now for my personal favorite, wax Abraham Lincoln right over- *notices the statue is now a blob of melted wax* Oh oh! Oh no! C'mon! Who left the blinds open?!? Wax John Wilkes Booth I'm looking in your direction! How do you fix a wax figure?
Mabel: Cheer up, Grunkle Stan! Where's that smile~?
Stan: Meh.
Mabel: *pokes Stan various times* Beep, bap, boop!
Stan: Ow.
Mabel: Don't worry Grunkle Stan, I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax.
Stan: You really think you can make one of this puppies?
Mabel: Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts'n'crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm? *shows the glue gun on her arm as she tries to shake it off*
Stan: I like your gumption kid.
Mabel: I don't know what that word means but thank you.
Later on, Dipper and I were walking into the room Mabel was in to see how she was doing in. She seemed to be sketching down her ideas.
Mabel: Hey guys!!! What do you think of my wax figure idea?!? *shows you and Dipper her drawing* She's part fairy princess and part horse fairy princess!
You: I think that's what nightmares are made of...!
Dipper: *elbows you slightly* ...maybe you should carve something from real life.
Mabel: *draws* Like a waffle, with big arms!!! *shows you her drawing*
You: *stare at it a little freaked out*
Dipper: Y'ok, or you know, something else.
You: Like someone in your family.
Stan: *comes in* Kids, have you seen my pants? *does a "heroic" pose without realizing it*
Mabel: *turns around and looks at the roof* Oh muse, you work in mysterious ways.
Stan: Why is your sister talking to the ceiling?
Hours passed and Mabel had finished. The next day Stan announced the grand reopening of the wax museum and everyone in Gravity Falls came, don't ask me why. When everyone was sitting down, Stan started talking.
Stan: *clears throat* You all know me, folks. Town darling, Mr. Mystery. Please, ladies!!! Control yourselves!!! As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlement. The likes of which the world has never known. But enough about me. Behold... *takes the blanket of the wax statue* Me!!!!
Soos: *plays a note on his keyboard, then switches to another (which is just an expression) which he repeats*
Stan: And now a word from our own, Mableangelo! *gives Mabel the microphone*
Mabel: *takes the microphone* It's Mabel. Thank you for coming!!! I made this sculpture with my own two hands!!! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!
Audience: *make disgusted noises*
Mabel: Hehe, yeah, I will now take questions! *points at someone* You there!
Old Man: Old man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive, and follow up question, can I survive the wax man uprising?
Mabel: Uh... yes! Next question!
Toby: Toby Determined, Gravity Falls gossiper. Do you really think this constitutional wonder of the world?
Stan: Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.
Toby: It certainly is-
Stan: Next question.
Shandra: Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter. Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event, *shows the flyer* is this true?
Audience: *starts to complain*
Stan: ...that was a typo. Goodnight, everyone! *throws a smoke bomb and leaves the stage*
And so everyone left angrily. When night came, the twins and I were brushing our teeth in the bathroom.
Mabel: Guys, wanna do a toothbrush race?
You: *shrug*
Dipper: Ok.
Stan: *from downstairs* No, no, NOOO!!!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *run downstairs*
You: Stan, what happened?!?
Stan: Wax Stan, he's been m- m- murdered!!!!
Wax Stan was laying on the floor without his head! Later on, the police came.
Stan: I get up to use the jot, right? And when I come back, blammo!!! He's headless!!!
Mabel: *kneeling down next to wax Stan* My expert handcrafting, besmirched. Besmirched!!!!!!
Dipper: *puts an arm on Mabel's shoulder* Who would do something like this...?!?
Durland: What's your opinion, sheriff Blubs?
Blubs: Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts, this case is unsolvable.
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Stan: WHAT?!?
Stan: You take that back, you take that back sheriff Blubs!!!
Dipper: You're kidding right? There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want.
Mabel: He's really good! He figured out who was eating our tin cans!
Dipper: All signs pointed to the goat.
Stan: Yeah yeah, let the boy help! He's got a little brain up in his head!
Blubs: Ooh, will you look at what we've got here! City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!
Durland: City boyyyy, city boyyyyy!!!!
Blubs: You are adorable!
Dipper: Adorable?
Blubs and Durland: *laugh*
Dipper: *glares at them*
Blubs: Look PJs, how 'bout you lave the investigating to the grownups, ok? *high fives Durland*
You: Oh, cut the crap!!! Everyone knows that you guys don't do anything!
Blubs: You know nothing, little girl.
You: *growl*
Policeman: *from the walkie talkie* Attention all units, Steve is gonna fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat: an entire cantaloupe.
Durland: It's a 23:16!!!
Blubs: Let's move!!!
Blubs and Durland: *leave*
Dipper: That's it!!! Girls, we're gonna find the jerk who did this and get back that head!!! Then we'll see who's adorable. *does the most adorable sneeze ever😍*
You and Mabel: Aww!!!!!
Mabel: You sneeze like a kitten!!!
Dipper: *glares at you and Mabel*
The next day, the day we were going to find the culprit!
Dipper: Wax Stan has lost his head, and it's up to us to find it.
You: *takes pictures of wax Stan*
Dipper: There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling, so the murderer could have be anyone.
Mabel: Yeah, even us!
Dipper: In this town, anything's possible. *takes out his journal and turns pages* Ghost, zombies, could be months before we find our first clue.
You: Hey look, a clue!
Dipper: Footprints in the shag carpet!
Mabel: That's weird, they've got a hole in them.
Dipper: And they're leading to... *looks behind the couch to see an axe*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *gasp*
We pick it up and bring it to Soos for checking.
Dipper: So what do you think?
Soos: *holding the axe* In my opinion, this is an axe.
Mabel: Wait minute, the lumberjack!
Dipper and Mabel: Of course!
Dipper: He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza!
Mabel: Furious enough for murder!!!
Soos: Oh you mean Manly Dan. Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown.
You: Then that's where we're going.
Soos: Dude this is awesome, you guys are like the Mystery Trio.
Dipper: Don't call us that.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *get prepared and go outside*
Stan: *trying to get a coffin out of the trunk of his car* Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya? I'm doing a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small but classy.
Dipper: Sorry Grunkle Stan, but we've got a big break in the case.
Mabel: Break in the case!!!
You: We're heading into town to interrogate a suspect.
Mabel: *takes the axe from Dipper's book bag* We have an axe! Wrek, wrek, wrek!!!
Stan: Seems like the kind of thing a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing. Good thing I'm an uncle. Avenge me kids, AVENGE ME!!!!
And so we go to the biker hangout. To be honest, I was NOT looking forward to this. We were hiding in the garbage area.
You: This is the place.
Dipper: Got the fake IDs?
Mabel: *gives the IDs to Dipper*
Dipper: *checks them* Here goes nothing.
Guard: Sorry, but we don't serve minors.
Minor: Dang nammit!!! *spits on the ground before leaving*
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *walks to the guardsman*
Mabel: We're here to interrogate Manly Dan the lumberjack for murder of wax Stan.
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *show your IDs*
Mabel: *shakes her ID making the googly eyes move around* Deedle-leedle-lee!!!
Guard: Works for me. *opens the door for you three*
We go inside to see many "manly" guys doing "manly" things. There was even a guy on the floor unconscious. Yeesh...
Mabel: ...he's resting.
Dipper: Alright, let's just try to blend in.
You: *nod*
Mabel: You got it, Dipping sauce!
Dipper: *nods for you to follow him*
You and Dipper: *go to Manly Dan who's playing some "manly" game*
Dipper: Manly Dan, just the guy we wanted to see. Where were you last night?
Dan: Punching the clock!!!
You: You were at work?
Dan: No, I was punching that clock!!! *points at a broken clock outside*
Dipper: Ten o'clock, the time of the murder... So I guess you've never seen this before?!? *takes out the axe*
Dan: Listen little girls!!!
Dipper: Hey actually I-
Dan: I wouldn't pick my teeth with that axe! It's left handed. I only use my right hand, my manly hand!!!!! *rips out the arm of the game which he was playing before punching the game's face*
Tyler: Get'm, get'm!!!
You: Left handed, huh?
We went over to Mabel who was playing that little origami paper faith game with a guy.
Mabel and Guy: Three, four, five, six.
Mabel: *gasp* You're wife is gonna be beautiful!
Guy: Yes!!!
Dipper: Mabel, big break in the case!
You: Let's go!
Mabel: *follows you and Dipper*
Guy: But will she love me?!?
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *go outside*
Dipper: *makes a list* It's a left handed axe, these are all our suspects, Manly Dan is right handed. That means all we gotta do is find our left hand suspect, and we've got our killer.
Mabel: Oh man, we are on fire toda!!! *pretends her hands are guns and points them at the sky* Pu-pow, pu-pow, pu-pow!!!
Dipper: Let's find that murder!
You and Mabel: Yeah!!!
We went through many houses, but everyone we went to was right handed! I was starting to get frustrated, we inky had one more suspect.
Dipper: Girls, there's only one person left on this list!
Mabel: Of course, it all adds up!
You: I dunno guys. Maybe we should look for more clues. I don't want us jumping into the wrong place.
Dipper: Then what else do you have in mind?
You: I uh...
Dipper: We've got our killer!
Mabel: Woo!!!
An hour later, we were outside our culprit's house with the cops. I was worried, I felt as if something was missing, but I ignored it for now.
Blubs: You kids better be right about this or you'll never hear the end of it.
Dipper: The evidence is irrefutable.
Mabel: It's so irrefutable.
You: *gulp* ...
Durland: I'm gonna have to use my mouth stick!
Blubs: You ready little fella?
Blubs and Durland: *poke each other with the sticks*
Dipper: On three. One, two,-
Durlaid: *kicks open the door*
Blubs: Nobody move, this is a raid!
Toby: *falls of his chair* Huh?!? What is this, some kind of raid?!?
Dipper: Toby Determined, you're under arrest for the murder of the wax body of Grunkle Stan!
Mabel: You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work.
Dipper and Mabel: *high five each other, then look at you expectingly*
You: *look away worriedly*
Toby: Gobbling goose feathers, I don't understand!
Dipper: Then allow me to explain. You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline. But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoe reporter who was caught left handed.
Mabel: Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news. *throws away the newspaper*
Toby: Boy, you're little knees must be sore. For jumping to conclusions! Ha-cha-cha! I had nothing to do with that murder.
Dipper: I knew it!!! Wait-
Dipper and Mabel: *in murmurs* Wha- what, what?
Mabel: Could you repeat?
Blubs: Then where were you the night of the break in?
Toby: *hesitates, but shows you all a video of him taking out a cardboard Shandra Jimenez and starts to kiss it*
All but Toby: *make disgusted noises*
Blubs: Time stamp confirms: Toby you're off the hook you freak of nature.
Toby: Hurray!
Dipper: But... but it has to be him!!! Check the axe for fingerprints!
Blubs: *checks for fingerprints* No prints at all.
Dipper: No prints?!?
Durland: Hey I got a headline for ya. City kids waste everyone's time.
Blubs, Durland, and Toby: *laugh*
Dipper and Mabel: *look away in embarrassment*
You: *place your hands on their shoulders*
Toby: Boy, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was you three!
You: *glare at Toby*
We returned home just in time for wax Stan's memorial. I felt bad for the twins and I wanted to cheer them up. I had decided to to it after the memorial, but then...
Stan: Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures. Thank you all for coming. Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself.
Soos: They're wrong!!!
Stan: Easy, Soos. Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven! *a tear falls down his cheek* I'm sorry I've got glitter on my eyes!!! *runs away*
Soos: *runs after Stan while crying*
Dipper: *sigh* Those cops were right about me...
Mabel: Dipper, we've come so far. We can't give up now!
Dipper: *walks to stands next to wax Stan's coffin* But I considered everything! The weapon, the motive, the clues! *sighs, then notices something in wax Stan's shoe* Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it.
You: All the wax statues have it. It's where the pole's attached to their stand areas.
Dipper: Wait a minute, what has holes in its shoes and no fingerprints?!? Girls, the murderers are-!!!
???: Standing right behind you.
We turn around to see all of the wax statues moving!!! They were all alive!!!
Dipper: Wax Sherlock Holmes! Wax Shakespeare! Wax Coolio?!?
Coolio: W'sup Holmes.
The axe was taken away from Mabel from wax Lizzie Borden and she hide behind Dipper, I do the same.
Mabel: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh...!
Holmes: Congratulations my three amateur sleuths, you've unburied the truth, and now we're going to bury you.
Wax Figures: *walks closer to you, Dipper and Mabel*
Holmes: Bravo Dipper Pines, you've discovered our little secret. *pulls out wax Stan's head* Applaud everyone, applaud sarcastically!
Wax Figures: *clap*
Holmes: No, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap.
Wax Figures: *clap slower*
Holmes: Nice and condescending.
Dipper: But... how is this possible?!? You're made of wax!
Mabel: Are you... magic?!?
Holmes: *laughing* Are we magic? She wants to know if we're magic! *punches the area next to you as you move* We're cursed!!!
Wax Figures: Cursed!!!
You: *whisper at Mabel* That's technically magic.
Holmes: Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.
Coolio: A haunted garage sale, son!
~flashback~
Seller: I must warn you, these statues come at a terrible price.
Stan: *looks at the price tag* Twenty dollars?!? I'll just take'm when you're not looking.
Seller: What?
Stan: I said I was gonna rob ya.
~end of flashback~
Holmes: And so the Mystery Shack wax collection was born. By day we would be the playthings of men.
Coolio: But when you're uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night.
Holmes: It was a charmed life for us cursed beings. That is, until you're uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away. But we got the wrong guy.
Dipper: So you were trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real?!?
Mabel: You were right all along Dipper, wax people are creepy!
Holmes: Enough!!! Now that you know our secret, you must die.
They all start to make growls and grunting noises as their eyes turn to the back of their heads. We back away, eventually bumping into the table. We started to throw stuff, but nothing would work. Until Dipper threw coffee at Genghis Khan and his face melted a little.
Mabel: That's it! We can melt them with hottie melty things!!!
You, Dipper, and Mabel: *grab an electric candle each*
Wax Figures: *back away*
You: Anyone moves and we'll melt you into candles!!!
Mabel: Decorative candles!!!
Holmes: You really think you can defeat us?
Mabel: It's worth the shot, I guess.
Dipper: Eh, I don't- I'm not sure.
You: *shrug*
Holmes: So be it! Attack!!!
We try and avoid all the wax figures, getting whatever chance we could to attack ourselves. It wasn't easy...
Dipper: *cuts Groucho Marx in half* Joke's on you Groucho!
Groucho: I've heard about a cutting remark but this is ridiculous. Hey, why's there nothing in my hand?
Genghis: *runs towards Dipper*
You: *push Dipper out of the way*
Genghis: *jumps into the fireplace and burns*
Dipper: Thanks (y/n).
You: Don't mention it.
Mabel: Look out!!!
Holmes: *puts Stan's head on a rhino's horn and takes a sword* Alright, let's get this taken care of.
He knocks the candles off our hands and we back away slightly before Mabel threw two pokers that were slightly burned at the tips. We try to fight him off, but he was too good of a figher. We ended up on the roof on top of the signs. I was behind Dipper so he was fighting Holmes who hit the S of Shack, causing it to fall.
Holmes: You really think you can outwit me?!? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes!!! Have you seen my magnifying glass?!? It's enormous!!!
You: Dipper!!! *point up and start to climb with Dipper behind you*
We climb to the other side almost falling, then hide behind the chimney. Just as we thought we were save, Holmes appeared beside us and kicked me in my gut (man it hurt!!!!!) causing me to push Dipper as we both landed on the edge of the small roof ledge.
You: *grunt in pain*
Dipper: !!!
Holmes: Any last words? *raises his sword to strike*
Dipper: Um... you got any sunscreen?
Holmes: Got any...? What?!? *notices his hands now melting from the rising sun* ...no.
Dipper: You know, letting us lead you outside? Probably not your sharpest decision. *stands up*
Holmes: Outsmarted by a child in short pants?!? NOOO!!!! *starts to melt away completely* Fiddlesticks!!! Humbug!!! It's a total kerfuffle!!! What a hullabaloo!!!
Dipper: Case closed!!! *cleans his hands causing the dust to make him sneeze*
Holmes: Hahaha!!! You sneeze like a kitten, those cops were right, you're adorable! *falls* Adorable!!! *falls flat on the ground dying*
Dipper: ...ew.
You: *try to stand up* Ow, it hurts... Everything hurts...
Dipper: *helps you stand up* You ok?
You: Well, I mean, my rib cage has been completely shattered, my heart's where my liver should be and my other internal organs have now been liquified. But besides from that, I'm good.
Dipper: *chuckles*
You: *chuckle* Ow, it even hurts to laugh...
We go back down to see that Mabel had taken care of all the other wax statues.
Mabel: *picks up wax Shakespeare's head* Do you know any limericks?
Shakespeare: Uh, there once was a dude in Kentucky.
Mabel: Nope! *throws his head in the fireplace* Dipper, (y/n)!!! You're both ok!!! You solved the mystery after all!!!
Dipper: *grabs wax Stan's head* Well, I couldn't have done it without my sidekick.
Mabel: No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick.
Dipper: What? Says who? Are people saying that? Have you heard that?
You: *chuckle*
Stan: *enters* Hot Belgian waffles!!! What happened to my parlor?!?
Mabel: Your waxed figures turned out to be evil so we fought them to the death!
Dipper: I decapitated Larry King.
Stan: Haha, you kids and you're imaginations!
You: On the bright side, look what we found.
Dipper: *shows Stan wax Stan's head*
Stan: My head, haha!!! I missed this guy!!! You done good kids!!! Alright, lime up for some affectionate noogying!
Mabel: Uh...
Dipper: I'm not so sure about that...
Stan: *hugs them and noogies their heads*
You: *back away slowly*
Stan: Where do you think you're going? *grabs your wrist and pulls you into the hug, noogying you*
You: I should mention that all of my insides are broken...
You, Dipper, Mabel, and Stan: *laugh*
A police car pulls up in front of the window. Sheriff Blubs rolled down the window, coffee in hand, with Deputy Durland on the passenger seat.
Blubs: Solved the case yet boy? I'm so confident you're gonna say no that I'm gonna take a long slow sip from my cup of coffee. *starts to take his sip*
Dipper: Actually the answer's yes. *shows them wax Stan's head*
He spits his coffee on Durland's face making him scream. Durland did the same to Blubs which he returned. This went on for a while before they left and we laughed some more.
You: So did you get rid of all the wax figures?
Mabel: I am ninety nine percent sure that I did!!!
You: Good enough! *high five Mabel*
Later we were in the living room, Dipper reading his journal and me writing in my own journal.
Mabel: Hey guys, what do you think is better? Sequence or llama hair?
You: W-
Voice: The llama hair. Llamas are natures greatest warriors.
Mabel: Thanks guys! *runs off*
You: Uh... *look at Dipper expectedly*
Dipper: *shrugs*
Thanks for reading!!! 'Till next time!!!
❤️❤️❤️